Sunday, March 4, 2007

DELFINO'S DIATRIBE - MARCH

NOTE: The Red Cross Benefit is on MARCH 14th, (same time and place) not March 15th as it said in the diatribe email. To sign up for my diatribe email, please email jessdelfino@yahoo.com. Diatribes usually come out about once a month, rarely more, usually less.

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Dear Good People of the world:

I have so much to write about I can hardly contain myself in this container I am in as I write this. That's what I call my apartment, because it is so small. Wow, and while I'm complaining, I should mention that it is hot in here, too.

Speaking of complaining, why does it cost $2000 to fly to Ireland? For that amount of money, I should be able to ride in a lounge chair on someone's back, while he doggy paddles me there.

And speaking of flying, it is now time for:

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DELFINO'S DIATRIBE

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NEWS:

MY FIRST COMIC BOOK!

I have terrific news! The first issue of my full-color comic book / "graphic" novel "TRUE STORIES BY JESSICA DELFINO" is now available for purchase by the comic book lover in you. They are large, beautiful, shiny, and full-color, as mentioned above, and are $25 each, which includes shipping and handling. Episode One: "The Mile High Club" is based on a true story of my own experience of love and lust in a bathroom on an airplane, 4000 feet up above in the blue skies of America.

BUY YOURS HERE!

at

www.e-junkie.com

TRIP TO IRELAND:

I've never been to this "Land of Ire" which I have heard tales told of, but I'm looking forward to my first international trip across the ocean. I will be performing in the Galway Comedy Festival, along with the awesome Rosie Rebel. Any suggestions, hints or tips regarding my trip to Galway? Please email me.

MARCH'S "L MAGAZINE" - THE SEX ISSUE:

Pick one up to read a story about the time I lost my virginity, along with the lost virginity tales of Jonathan Ames, Rachel Kramer Bussel, Molly Crabapple and more.

Or, read it on-line, RIGHT HERE.

THE RED PETERS SHOW - SIRIUS RADIO / HOWARD STERN CHANNEL 101:

Even though if Howard Stern ever saw me in person, he'd make fun of my tits and probably make me cry, I was featured on Howard Stern Channel 101 on The Red Peters Show #23, Feb. 27th, 2007. The radio won't play my songs, but who cares? Between my past life as a graphic designer to my current life as a dirty folk singer, if it weren't for the internet, I'd be starving to death.

www.redpeters.com

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SHOWS IN MARCH:

This is a list of the shows I have booked in March. Though I have love for all these shows (or I wouldn't be performing in them) I've red bolded ones that I think you should absolutely not miss under any circumstances.

Wednesday, March 14th: Please join me for a bloody good time at a RED CROSS BENEFIT show I am doing at Madame X, 94 W. Houston, 7 PM - Midnight.

Friday, March 16th: Crack up at my hi-jinx in close quarters at NO NAME & A BAG OF CHIPS, a long-running intimate comedy series featuring comedy, music, magic, home-baked goodies, and the cozy comforts of Mo Pitkin's Sadie's Lounge - 34 Ave. A, 7:00 PM. FREE! www.mopitkins.com

Sunday, March 18th: Party in style to my guitar stylings at hottie Margaret Dodge's show DODGE CITY, Parkside Lounge, on the corner of Houston Ave at Attorney St. 9 PM. FREE!

*Monday, March 19th: Watch me and my homies Carlen, Adam and Heather make merry with a variety of notable street performers at STREET MEAT, at Cake Shop on Ludlow btw. Rivington & Delancey, 8 PM. www.adamnewman.net

Wednesday, March 21st: Come dance around and have some jolly good fun at the RETRO TRASH BENEFIT SHOW at Porky's, 55 W. 21st St., 6 PM. Featuring myself, Rench, Lucy Buttons and More.

*Thursday, March 22nd: "F" Poland Springs, T-Top Trans-Am will make you know for friggin' real what it means to be from Maine. Come see the spectacle at JIMMY'S #43 EAST, 43 E. 7th St. 8 PM. $5

*Saturday, March 24th: THE SHARK SHOW boys will delight you, entertain you and tickle your favorite parts. Let them do that, won't you? Featuring me and others. More info: www.thesharkshow.com

Sunday, March 25th: T-Top Trans-Am will be making an appearance in ROSIE REBEL'S DANCE A THONG! Bowery Poetry Club, 308 Bowery. More info: www.bowerypoetry.com

*Monday, March 26th: CXB's NIGHT OF A SHITLOAD OF STARS will knock you on your ass with a fast-paced array of dazzling performers doing things that performers do. 8 PM, $5 sugg donation, Bowery Poetry Club, 308 Bowery

*Tuesday, March 27th: Surf Reality is alive and well at RADICAL VAUDEVILLE at Mo Pitkins, 34 Ave A, 10 PM. Featuring sketch comedy from Mo's Hos: Rosie Rebel, The O'Debra Twins, Steph Sabelli and me, Jessica Delfino. Plus gams and jams. $5 www.surfreality.com

Thursday, March 29th & Saturday, March 31st: FEMME-TASTIC is one of those shows that you might not expect much from, but get ready to feel like a retarded jerk for thinking that way. Featuring lots of funny and talented broads, such as me. The Gene Frankel Underground Theatre, 24 Bond st. (btwn. Bowery & Lafayette) RSVP: 212-252-2402 or info@groovemamaink.com

Damn...I sure do a lot of shows.

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SHOWS OF PALLIES OF MINE:

Monday, March 5th: My spooky metal band "Haunted Pussy" plays at LIT Lounge, (93 2nd Ave. bet. 5th / 6th Sts.) in the PRECIOUS METAL metal series. $6. VICE Magazine's new internet channel, VBS.TV, will be on hand to immortalize all the histrionic fear metal.

8:30 Haunted Pussy
9:30 Villains

www.hauntedpussy.com
www.myspace.com/hauntedpu55y (note the 5's as s's)

Wed, March 7th: Rev Jen's 11 year running ANTI-SLAM open mic will be welcomed with open mic arms at the east village performance house staple, Mo Pitkin's, 34 Ave. A. 9:30 PM, $4. With special surprises, a blessing of the mac & cheese, Rev Jen Jr., and tons of talented performers on the mic.

Thursday, March 8th: I've seen Chris and MISNOMER DANCE THEATER perform at PS122 several times and they do some pretty amazing things with their bodies. If you like dance, you will love this. Even if you don't like dance, you'll probably still like it. If you've been meaning to check out some dancey stuff and get some culture in your life, this will be a good place to start. Tickets are kind of expensive $35 and $25, but you can also get $15 tickets according to the site, and if you go to NYU or know someone who does, maybe you can get a student discount or something.

566 Laguardia Place
Skirball Center (Washington Square South, NYU)

6 PM: Reception
7 PM: Show
8 PM: Party

Chris Elam writes:

I hope you will celebrate with us at our Spring Soirée on March 8th to enjoy a festive evening of performance, partying, and socializing. Along with food, drinks, live music, action-painting, interactive art installations and surprises, we will give a brief description of our online initiatives and will perform an excerpt from "Throw People" which the NY Times named one of the Top Ten dance performances in NYC for 2006. Lady Rizo, a fabulous performance burlesque artist, will also perform and host the evening, and each of our dancers will present a short solo of their own work! General tickets are $35, and we are offering a limited amount for $25 with the code: MBCL. Student, working artists, and benefit rates are also available at our website. If you bring five people, your ticket is free (call 212-992-8474 for this offer). You can order tickets and view the fun invite video at misnomer.org/soiree.html

Tuesdays, March 13th and 20th: Jollyship The Whizbang's CRABQUISTADOR at Ars Nova! A rock-opera puppet pirate extravaganza not to be missed. Funny, smart, cute, great. More info: www.myspace.com/jollyshipthewhizbang

Wednesday, March 28th: Melissa Surach of Gynocult.com fame has a montly show at 58 Gallery on 58 Coles St., PATH train to Grove St. 8:30 PM. Free! There are funny performers, videos, music, booze, and you can smoke in there. My friend T-Top Trans-Am's funny video will be screened on this night.

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Things of note:

Sweet D's catchy, funny, awesome rap video:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRIY5H7pDuo

Great web site for cool, wierd band:
www.exegesis.com

Cool people doing cool things:
www.thehappycorp.com

More cool people doing cool things, Jersey style:
www.fifty8.com

Interview featuring me, with ugly pictures
www.mrskin.com/Skinterviews/index.htm

Pal of mine video/spoof of Madonna's Borderline:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=_HTQ33NMuSw

Bill Murray's Myspace page!
www.myspace.com/billmurray

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Until next time,
Ms. Delfino

www.myspace.com/jessydelfino
www.myspace.com/jessicadelfinotunes

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