Thursday, December 29, 2011

Where To See Me On Friday Night
(Hint: It's Bar Matchless, 557 Manhattan Ave, BK)

The show takes place at Bar Matchless in Brooklyn, 557 Manhattan Ave, in the Greenpoint area of Brooklyn. The burlesque dancers were awesome last time! Very creative and clever costume and song ideas.

Below are more details about Bar Matchless, see you tomorrow night at 8:45 pm, or go early and get dinner and a few games of foosball in. Don't be late, don't show up alone and don't forget to wear something cute.

Driving / Extensive Travel Directions HERE

  • 16 tap lines
  • Food served until 3am
  • Local Bands in the Back Room
  • DJs in the front room
  • Foosball, pool, and darts
  • Tuesday, December 27, 2011

    ** Wrap Up **
    A Night of Dirty Songs @ Joe's Pub
    Christmas Eve
    Sat 12/24/2011

    Last month, when I booked A Night of Dirty Songs for a Saturday Night at Joe's Pub I felt a little nervous. "How am I supposed to fill a 200 seat venue on the eve of the Lord's birth?" Not without some help -- thank you NY Times, Time Out NY, LoDownNY, NonsenseNYC, MurphGuide, Flavorpill and BoweryBoogie, which were just a few of the places I saw it listed. And thanks to Jena Friedman, Ben Lerman, Rob Paravonian, Myq Kaplan, Daniella Day, Lucas O'Bryen, Cavassa Nickens and the staff of Joe's Pub for their help and their all ass kicking-ness behind the scenes and on the stage.

    The night of the show I said a prayer to a God I don't believe in as he was probably busy preparing for his son's birthday - not too classy. But it must have worked, because I came out onto the stage at Joe's Pub to a room full of Jewish people, gay people, people from Minnesota, friends, strangers, people who hated the fact that they'd been dragged there, pervs, parents, grandparents, staff and more.

    Like this nice lady here who brought me a Christmas penis pop. What a surprise and a delight. Is that the cutest lady wearing the most adorable Christmas sweater...or what?

    For those of you who were there, thank you so much for being a part of the show. What a great way to close out the year - with a great, fun, funny, full show and a few new, nice pieces of press.

    “Jessica Delfino, a folk/comedienne/YouTube sensation” –The Lo-Down

    “Naughty but nice . . . Irreverent, off-kilter and sexy” –The New York Times

    Happy New Year and I'll see you in 2012.

    Thursday, December 22, 2011

    Night of Dirty Songs
    THIS SATURDAY (tomorrow) 12/24
    9:30 PM @
    Joe's Pub (425 Lafayette St.)

    Saturday is really close, it's like, tomorrow by my calculations. That's Christmas Eve for those of you who have been hiding in caves, much like the way our ancestors and most reasonable crowd fearing and holiday wary types have done for centuries around Christmas time.

    I'm excited and nervous about the show this Saturday. I'm feeling a tinge of the holiday blues but you guys will help me snap out of it on Saturday when I see your bright happy faces. Wait a minute, that's silly. You guys are probably as holiday blue as I am. What do I know, maybe you're super well adjusted. Ha! Right.

    Someone called my songs "vulgar" today when we were chatting about the show which prompted me to ask, "Would you call Louis C.K. vulgar?" Because he is. He is terrifically deliciously vulgar, and I love every word of it. But when people describe him, I never hear the world vulgar come up...

    Anyway - I have a new song I will be performing as well as 2 holiday songs from my Christmas CD. Plus, I have four amazing guests on the show, including Jena Friedman, Ben Lerman, Myq Kaplan and Rob Paravonian, plus a possible special guest or two. The show is going to be awesome, and I really appreciate that the NY Times plugged it, because they don't just plug any old show, and they plugged two shows in the Weekend Miser column, and one of them was mine. Either it was a slow week, or someone over there likes me, or there's some third option I haven't thought of, like the premise of Sirens of Titan, or something smart sounding like that.

    OK, see you tomorrow at Joe's Pub. That's at 425 Lafayette St. in NYC. You can get your tickets online at the above link, or call 212-967-7555. Or buy them at the door tomorrow at 9ish PM. Bye! And hey, if I don't see you before the holidays, Merry Christmas. And Happy New Year. And Happy Festivus. And Happy Winter Solstice. And Happy Hanukkah. And Happy Kwanza. And Happy whatever else you celebrate.

    ***Need a last minute holiday gift? I recommend my different and fun Christmas CD full of original holiday songs (and one parody of "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas"). Fun for the whole family, even the kids, depending on the kind of parent you are. You can get it on iTunes or pick an actual old-timey CD up at the show tomorrow.***

    Friday, December 9, 2011

    Rick Perry Is Gay

    What has history proven us about politicians who vehemently come out against being gay, gays getting married, gays in the military and otherwise criticizing gays? It has proven that naysaying politician is gay. When I saw the Rick Perry "Strong" video, it occurred to me that Rick Perry must be gay. To make a video like that and put it out there says it all.

    We need only look into the very recent past to be able to cite various examples of this. Mark Foley and Jim McGreevey are just two names that come to mind. There are so many others who have been more careful not to openly criticize gays because it's a no brainer - if a politician says that they hate gays, that person is gay, sure as day. This is a sociological phenomenon that occurs in other aspects of life, too. It's a pretty basic concept. If you actually secretly love something (say, men's penises) and you don't want anyone to know that (because, say you're a politician who is married to a woman), then don't say anything about not liking gays. As a matter of fact, maybe even go a little in the opposite direction. Try saying, "Hey, being gay is fine with me." Throw 'em a curve ball.

    Now I'm practically turning blue holding my breath with giddy delight waiting for Mr. Perry's scandal to come out. Has he been dating one of his male assistants? Has he been secretly listening to Hall and Oates? Did he do his own interior designing in his office? Come on, media, give us the goods. Stop reporting on Katy Perry and tell us all about Rick Perry. And how he's gay, gay, super gay.

    I'd like to reiterate, I love and can usually relate to the gays. They are typically pretty smart, and pretty funny. They usually like my sense of humor. I understand feeling out of place or unusual. Every once in awhile I'll run into the kind of gays I don't like. But I never don't like they because they are gay. I don't like them because they are uptight, they work in corporate America, they pretend to be straight, hide who they are and act snippy and terrible because they're miserable inside. Like the two gay men who live on my floor who have two tiny matching gay dogs. But you can't hide from your sexuality. And you can't help who you love. Anyone who hides from who they are and / or lies about it runs the risk of being simply unlikeable.

    And so, if Mr. Perry is gay, which at this point, it's pretty fair to say he probably is, I wish him the best. I hope he can someday come out like a man and admit it, because if it's true, it will eventually come out, and it's better to come out on your own than have it come out for you.

    And if he would rather stay in the closet, that's fine, too. But then his best course of action would be to not make any more anti-gay viral videos, to stop dressing like Heath Ledger in Brokeback Mountain, stop deep throating corn dogs on film, and leave the gays alone.

    Thursday, December 8, 2011

    Beetlejuice Museum
    NY, NY

    Bruce as Beetlejuice, mentioned in the Village Voice as "Best Costume of 2011"

    Last Sunday, I was invited to Bruce Christensen's house to perform on camera and see / sing a song about his...drum roll, please...wait for it...Beetlejuice Museum.

    Bruce has collected hundreds of "Beetlejuice" items and artifacts, that's right - toys, games, knick knacks, dolls, trinkets and more, all on the theme of Beetlejuice, starring Wynona Rider Alec Baldwin, Geena Davis and Michael Keaton as Beetlejuice. What ever happened to him?

    Maybe you've already heard about the Beetlejuice Museum. Perhaps you read about it in the New Yorker. It is really more of a vast collection taking up much of his 1/2 bedroom apartment, more than it is a museum, harkening back to visions of Reverend Jen's Troll Museum, which lives in part of Jen's apartment in a tenement walk up on the Lower East Side.

    Bruce has just written a book called "Backstage Pass: Crossing The Line" about his memoirs getting backstage to dozens of concerts and shows. He's a colorful, bizarre and interesting character - part of what makes NYC so fun and neat. The part, unfortunately, that is dying out as more Starbucks and corporatization move in.

    Go see the Beetlejuice Museum (by appointment only) over in it's midtown location before it's gone.

    Tuesday, December 6, 2011

    RIP Patrice O'Neal

    I got on the 5 train yesterday, something I almost never do, and took it uptown to pay respects to an old friend, Patrice O'Neal, who died at 41 of complications from a stroke just about a week ago. He died way too young for how strong he was.

    It was a beautiful and believe it or not, hilarious and touching service in a gorgeous church, fit for such a giant man. Patrice was a large man in stature, but he was even larger in personality. He was, simply put, just a really very special person.

    Patrice and I hadn't seen each other in several years. The last time I saw him was at an event at the Friar's Club, where he was wearing his classic scowl towards the environment. He interviewed me intensely about my life and softened now and again when I'd say something that pleased him. If I said something annoying to him, the scowl would return and he would stare up at me from where he sat with a clear message that I was on thin ice and could get a tongue lashing at any moment.

    Years ago, I met Patrice at the Comedy Cellar. For a while, he ignored me, but eventually, he started talking to me. Then, he began to pick on me. I was not used to a giant black man saying horrible yet hilarious things to me. I was put off and flattered at the same time. One time, he let into me in his way, and in that moment, it hit me wrong. I stood up and walked out of the bar in tears.

    He came after me and cornered me outside, where he lectured me for close to an hour. He told me to toughen up and take it. He said that he picked on me because he liked me, and that was more than he could say for most people, so I should feel lucky. He told me that comedy is a tough world and that I have to be ready for people to say anything to me and be able to hold my ground, because many more people would come after him who would make a strong effort to break me, and they wouldn't be messing around, like he had been.

    Then, he gave me a giant Patrice bear hug.

    He made me laugh and think, every time we spoke, and every time I heard him speak. I used to go to the Tough Crowd tapings all the time, where he'd verbally pummel his co-panelists hilariously into the ground. To see the outpouring of love for him yesterday was really touching and intense. I saw people I hadn't seen for a long time and they've all aged. And I've aged, too. I guess that'd be weird if none of us had aged.

    Not having him on the planet makes it a lonelier, colder, less funny, less honest place, and that sucks.

    Here's a clip from his special "Elephant In The Room". His honesty, hilariousness and blatant personality made him just the coolest person ever. Buy this DVD which will help his family, who are also really wonderful people.

    Friday, December 2, 2011

    with Special Guests + Dirty Ditties Galore!
    Tickets On Sale Now

    Dec. 2, 2011
    New York, NY

    A Night Of Dirty Songs To Defeat The “War On Christmas”

    “Twas the night before Christmas and in New York City, folks were enjoying raucous bawdy ditties”. OK, so maybe that’s not how the infamous Clement Clark Moore poem begins, but that’s how Christmas Eve 2011 will begin for some 200 laugh loving New Yorkers lucky enough to score a ticket to the most lewd and lascivious holiday show just off Broadway.

    Are you tired of sipping spiked eggnog to the same old holiday stand-bys? Then, Oh, Come All Ye Faithful to “A Night Of Dirty Songs” where you will “laugh, squirm and laugh again” as Time Out NY so eloquently put it, at a collection songs that would make your grandmother blush clap and dance with delight.

    “A Night Of Dirty Songs” - which is exactly what it sounds like - is the ribald brainchild of Jessica Delfino, the “Lower East Side’s Queen of Obscene” (Village Voice) and winner of Voice Choice’s “Best Of” award for being the “Best Potty Mouthed Guitar Slinging Comedian” in NYC, Emerging Comedians of NY “Best Musical Comedian” and Runner-Up for an Andy Kaufman Award. Jessica’s music was even condemned by the U.S. Catholic League’s very own resident crazy person William Donohue. Can anyone say ho ho ho-ly smokes?

    On December 24, 2011 at 9:30 PM, God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen (and Gentlewomen and Gentletranspeople) in the cozy seats and couches of Joe’s Pub, located at 425 Lafayette Street, as ye sip dirty martinis and listen to delightfully dirty songs.

    With special guests who you’ll recognize from The Late Show with David Letterman, Last Comic Standing, Late Night with Conan O’Brien, Comedy Central, this night will be anything but silent. So drop your dreidels (but not your drawers) and get over to Joe’s Pub on Christmas Eve where, with the help of sweet, sweet music, we will join together to win the War on Christmas – or at least do something more fun than just order Chinese food again.

    ONE NIGHT ONLY, ONE SHOW ONLY. Doors open at 9 PM. Get your tickets online now.

    TICKETS direct link:

    * No cats were harmed in the making of this holiday photo.