My boyfriend and I broke up recently and I just want to get some stuff off my chest. First of all, I'd like to say, I'm glad. I mean, I'm SO glad. There are so many things I didn't like about him. Where do I even begin?

For starters, he'd never clean up after himself. Like, he'd never wash his dishes. He'd just throw them away. And he'd never sweep the floor. He'd just turn on the ceiling fan. And he'd never vaccum. He'd just leave crumbs on the carpet. Presumably for later. For me to clean up later, I mean.

I sure don't miss his messes. He made messes everywhere. In the bathroom. In the kitchen. On my stomach. He was so messy.

And he drank a lot. I guess that was his way of showing me how miserable and thirsty he was.

I do miss the little things about my ex, though. Like his pinky finger in my butt. He always could tell if I had a fever. No tricking that guy. He has a very sensitive pinky finger.

Even though my boyfriend and I had our problems, I guess if I had everything to do over again, I'd still do it the same. Except next time, I'd buy paper plates.

I saw a friend of mine recently. She was all messed up on weed and acid, and she'd been drinking all day, and was just out of her mind. I asked her what was going on? She said, "I'm celebrating. I just found out I'm pregnant."

I thought I might be pregnant, recently. I had been eating a lot. I'd get hungry about every half hour. So I took a pregnancy test - but I failed. I didn't expect to pass it, though. I didn't even study.

Generally I do have a big appetite, especially for a girl. I eat like a horse, or a person with low self esteem.

I am glad I am not pregnant. If I got pregnant right now, I don't know what I would do. I can't imagine the guy who was my partner would be too excited about having a baby. He'd probably try to talk me into terminating the pregnancy. I don't know if I could go through with that. I guess I probably could, but only if he was treating. It just doesn't seem like the kind of date where we should go dutch.

You know the youngest person to ever get pregnant is documented in the Guinness Book of World Records as being 5 years old. That really, really bothers me. The girl was only five when she won her first world record. I'm 26, and I haven't done shit yet. I don't have any world records. I sure as hell don't have any babies.

Well, I guess that about wraps it up on this edition of Jessy Delfino's blog. If you thought this was in bad taste, tune in next time where I'll talk about something really terrible.