LAST NIGHT WITH CORN MO

The tour has been going very great - the crowds have been amazing. It turns out kids love dirty folk songs! I've met some very nice and unique people, such as a freakish clown man traveling on the Barnum & Bailey Circus train (in Dallas), a couple in DC who fly to Atlantic City to gamble...on their "own" plane, Tina's parents (it was like she was immaculately conceived - I had no idea she had family!), a couple in Asheville, NC who are starting a cool tour bus with performances, another family art group, (parents wtih kids who put shows together), Mark from Negativland (!!!), and lots of friendly and generous strangers. I am having trouble getting pictures off my camera, but here is one that a nice couple Josh and Naina from DC sent to me.



The show tonight in Austin, TX was great. Sadly, it was Corn Mo's last night. He flies home tomorrow. The Trachtenburgs and I will continue up the west coast alone until we hit Seattle, then Baby Gramps and Ching Chong Song will join the tour and that is when I shall return home.

Back in NYC mid September. Mark your calendars! Who knows what might happen on that date what with Jessica Delfino back in town?

NOTES FROM THE ROAD (and out of Jessica Delfino's head)

I sit in a Starbucks in Baltimore (low end!) typing this on Corn Mo's laptop. The tour has been really excellent. It started in Philly with Ching Chong Song and Corn Mo. My first show was on Saturday night in Washington, DC, and it was a great show. I maimed the audience, then Corn Mo crippled the audience and Jason and the Tburgs came in to kick around the left overs, and that they did with aplomb, or perhaps many plombs, and not simply "a" plomb. Last night was equally as fun in Baltimore with Trixie Little and Evil Hate Monkey doing some very cool burlesque shit in between acts. Scott and Skizz was another opening act - they played many hits on ukelele and melodica. If you don't know what a melodica is, google that shit. It's pretty neat. It's like a mini recorder/piano blow thingy that makes noise. I think it's half toy, half instrument. But maybe the word, "toy" is a derrogatory name to an instrument or it's blower.

I am never sure if it's boring to read about what is going on during someone's tour or not, but it sure is fun to write it! And it makes me feel closer to the people in NYC who I miss and who miss me, of which I'm willing to bet there are at least a half a dozen of. You know who you are. Don't try to hide or pretend like you don't miss me. God knows. And there's no escaping that dude. He's everywhere.

In other news, I think I kind of screwed up. I had an audition the other day for an ESPN U commercial, a new channel for ESPN. I got it! The guy called and told me he'd let me know how much it paid, though I was told not to expect much money. It was a two day, 24 hour shoot, starting at 7 am Tue and Wed and going til 7 pm. I found out it paid $100 per day! That's McDonald's money! Who works for $12 per hour anymore? Even my two shitty part-time day jobs pay more than that! I make more than that collecting cans out of the garbage...what? I mean, doing what I actually do to make a living. When I found out that ESPN, a company worth many billions of bucks pays such peanuts for what is sure to be a long, exasperating two days of work, I backed out. I think that was a fair reaction. Especially since I am on tour, and my choices are: go on tour and continue to sell $100 per merchandise per show as I've been doing, plus getting paid to perform in every major city in the US to cheers and applause, or go home and shoot a two day commercial for ESPN, of which I also found out, I am only an extra in. Who auditions for extra roles? I've never had to do that before.

So, I think I made the right choice. Who's with me?

I'm actually sadder that I'm going to be missing Mo Pitkin's "Radical Vaudeville" show, featuring the O'Debras and Rosie Rebel as Mo's Ho's, the in-house sketch group. We had some really funny stuff planned. Now they will be doing the show without me, and I'm sad to miss it. So, please go and cheer them on if you ain't not doin' nothin' on Tuesday, August 29th at 10 PM.

Email me and say hi...I miss my friends. And come to see a show and see me and give me a warm hand shake or chocolate milk shake, which ever you prefer, this week if you are near any of these places on any of these dates:

Tues, 8/22 - Carrboro, NC - Cat's Cradle
Wed, 8/23 - Asheville, NC - Grey Eagle
Thurs, 8/24 - Athens, GA - 40 Watt Club
Fri, 8/25 - Atlanta, GA - The Earl
Sat, 8/26 - Little Rock, AR - Sticky Fingerz (that sounds like a comedy club!)
Mon, 8/28 - Dallas, TX - Gypsy Tea Room
Tue, 8/29 - Austin, TX - Cactus Cafe
Thurs, 9/31 - Santa Fe, NM - Brewing Company

Til the next time I'm near a Starbucks, which should be very soon...

PS - I didn't order anything! I swear! I'm just using the free wifi! I don't believe in supporting Starbucks. So take that, Mr. Bucks! Call me a hippy, or call me crazy, or call me whatever you call me. I don't like coffee anyway. It makes your breath smell like cow feet that have been dancing in cow shit. Try goji berries for energy, or try exercising, eating right and getting some sleep! Don't let the gov tell you what to drink! Coffee is everywhere, and it is free and cheap (except at Starbucks, where it's overpriced!) It's everywhere and cheap, because it boosts productivity. Don't let people trick you into working harder by giving you brown water. It's BROWN WATER! Don't be fooled!

Love and brown water,
Ms. Delfino

A THREE HOUR TOUR

I mean day. A three day tour. The Trachtenburgs are taking off on a multi-week tour and I am going them! For three days, anyway! We'll be hitting Philadelphia, Washington, DC and Baltimore, MD. So what if I'm only actually performing in Washington, DC? For all intents and purposes, I'M GOING ON TOUR!!!

If you want to see me perform LIVE and you live in the Washington, DC area, get your ass over to IOTA CAFE, 2832 Wilson Blvd., Arlington, VA. So, okay, it's not ACTUALLY Washington, DC, but it's damn close. The show starts at 9 PM, and consists of ME, CORN MO (a guy who reminds people of Meatloaf but plays the accordion and a foot cymbal and rocks the shit out of the world!) and then, of course, THE TRACHTENBURG FAMILY SLIDESHOW PLAYERS!!! (they're a real live family band featuring a dad on piano and keys, 12 year old adorable daughter Rachel on the drums, and mom on the slide projector, projecting vintage slides for all of your asses.

It is mandatory that you attend this show, and it will be the high light of your entire life. That's a promise in writing.

See you there!