5 Reasons You Should Take Me On Tour With You

1. I have friends in every major city
2. I'm not too good to carry gear
3. I can drive a stick, have valid license
4. I only bring two bags - one guitar, and one small suitcase
5. I give superb road head

Come see what you'd be getting yourself into - TONIGHT

8 PM - Bowery Poetry Club
I'll be singing jail themed songs I wrote on Christopher X. Brodeur's "Songs From Prison" show. (The concept of the show is, songs he wrote in prison on the taxpayer's dime, plus special guests, such as Ambrose Martos, myself and others.
$5

10 PM - Bowery Poetry Club
I'll be leading the spooky ghost-rock band, Haunted Pussy at 10 PM on
the lovely O'Debra Twins' "Show N Tell" show.
$3

THE KIDS ARE JUST SO CREATIVE THESE DAYS!

An adorable teenager from Massachusetts sent a letter to me, featuring this beautiful hand-decorated envelope. If I had my way, every piece of mail would look like this. Imagine if your phone bills looked like this? It would be a delight to open them!



The medium appears to be black, blue and red "pen", one of my preferred mediums, as well. Hopefully she drew this in class. Note the bleeding person has only one boot. What happened to the other boot? Perhaps it fell off as she ran to the ladies room. Perhaps it got covered in her oozing womanliness and she threw it in the trash en route. Perhaps it got stolen.

The words on the envelope are from a song I wrote called, "Sudden Change", which you can hear by clicking on the "SONGS" link above.

Polina, this envelope is so beautiful and I was so happy to receive it, I almost forgot that my broken life is unrepairable!

So thanks for that, and keep 'em coming.

FLAVORPILL KNOWS WHAT'S UP!

I've always thought Flavorpill had the best listings, and now those thoughts have been confirmed 100% as they listed the show I'm in tonight, Wednesday Oct. 25th. Little do they know, I'm the exact opposite of "oversexed" (which is, perhaps, why so many of my songs are about that very thing...)

Thanks for the plug, LT. Way to watch out for a gal, Misha V.

SEE THE FLAVORPILL LISTING (AND MORE FLAVORPILL) HERE

And here:

MC² presents Nucleogenesis feat. Jessica Delfino

when: Wed 10.25 (8pm)
where: Jimmy's No. 43 (43 E 7th St, 212.982.3006) map
price: $7
links: Event Info

Much to YouTube/Google's dismay and online audiences' delight, comic/musician/
wingnut Jessica Delfino one-ups Sarah Silverman's titular Jesus with "My Pussy Is Magic." Tonight the hilarious, oversexed, dirty-folk songstress is joined by standup gal Julie Perkins, and a special "spooky" sketch act from Stacy and Friends, who tackle New York's craziest characters with suggestions from the peanut gallery. Video mavericks/sketch duo the New Normal also perform, sharing lessons on wedgie-picking etiquette and other high-concept art. (LT)

Note: Manhattan Comedy Collective presents Nucleogenesis (with varying performers) every Wed (8pm) through 11.29.

TAMPON CRAFTS!!??

All I can say is "Wow" (no period - I'm stuck in eternal awe)



Click here to see the awesome for yourself.

YOUBOOB - good one!

The Villager had this to say about the Magical Pussy fiasco of 2006:



(You can click on it to make it bigger but it still looks like shit)

Here's the article online: VILLAGER'S OPINION on the MAGIC PUSSY FIASCO

See the Magical Pussy video HERE(it is now called, "Jessica Delfino Is Magic" to trick the porn bots. NOTE: not even slightly pornographic. NOTE: Do not watch this at work unless you work somewhere really laid back, like a dot com run by pot head art lovers or a phone sex shack.)

Visit The Villager, the Lower East Side's premier community newspaper:

www.thevillager.com

Read more about The Magical Pussy fiasco HERE

Everywhere you look around my NYC sized apartment, there are things

Things like a black book shelf (real wood, not that reinforced cardboard Ikea crap wood), stuffed with notebooks (full of hilarity) and papers (everything from CD inserts to clippings of shows I must go see!), CD cases and sleeves (for, you know), containers of various colored glitters (for when I perform, "My Pussy Is Magic" live), glue sticks, VHS tapes & DVDs (of documented Delfino sets!), colored pencils (fancy ones), ink replacement cartridges (it's like I live at a Staples), paper clips (see?), business cards (mine and other people's), rolls of tape and twine, spools of CDs (blank and not so blank), a softball glove, a stapler, a bunch of batteries (some are dead, but I somehow can't bring myself to throw out the dead ones, so now they're all mixed together, ready to wreak havoc on the next electronic thing I have that needs to work right), a hole puncher, a check book (the one thing that proves I'm almost like an adult), a box of slippery elm (maybe two things that prove I'm an adult) - (the pros use it), nail clippers (you need to manage your fingernails in order to play the guitar right), a small clip on fan (to keep me cool while I'm writing the hits), a huge stack of envelopes of all sizes (mostly for fan mail - sending it out, I mean, you know, to all the people I adore, Jessica Simpson, Randy Rhodes, etc.), and if I turn around and look at the cork board, well, that's a blog entry for another time.


My room on a good day (Oooh, too soon?)

photo by Gerry Visco

I Have My Own Line Of Maxi Pads

That's right, you read correctly. I have my own line of maxi pads. One of the times I was on tour with The Trachtenburgs, Tina suggested that I sell more "vagina" related merchandise, such as home-made maxi pads. I was tickled by the suggestion, but said, "Who'd wear a home-made maxi pad?" Tina said, "I wear them. I've been making my own for years." A few months later, Tina and I began our own little sweat-shop in her apartment. We'd crank up the Zeppelin or the ELO or the Cheap Trick (or the Nellie McKay or the Touching You) and set to work cutting out patters, sewing and chatting, while Rachel Trachtenburg scooped us bowls of ice cream, crocheted and made her dolls their own line of clothing.

Tina used vintage fabrics and bright florals, and I opted for soft and strange materials, such as velvets and shimmery sateens. We used towels as filler.

I suggested to Tina that we join together to come up with a good name for our pads. I came up with, "Aunt Florence's Old-Time Home-Made Poonani Rags", but we thought that might not be "commercial" enough for when "Always" brand offers us a billion bucks to buy us out. So, then Tina came up with "Planetary Napkins", and the catch phrase, "recycle your cycle". Awesome!

And I was using the catch phrase, "Treat your vagina like a princess".

I recently taught a little semintar at The Swap-O-Rama-Rama about making your own maxi pads. It was lots of fun! I made and gave away over 50 maxi pads. Lots of people timidly approached my menstruation station, somewhat bewildered by the idea of making their own maxi pads, yet left delighted, new home-made pad in hand and new attitude in head.

photo by Gerry Visco

I've learned lots about alternative methods of taking care of business "down there" since I began. I found out about "Glad Rags", a more elaborate, west-coast version of the mass-produced home-made maxi pad which pre-dates our Planetary Napkins. There is also "the keeper", which is like some kind of crotch cup that collects the blood. Then you dump it out. If you're super hard-core, you pour it into your plants.

If you have to have a crotch, which I do, at least I can put pretty things underneath it. And so can you!



Email me if you want to buy a custom, home-made maxi-pad. I can make them out of my pretty fabrics or out of yours. I sell them for $5 each...

FREEDOM ROCKS!

My Pussy Is Magic, Magic, Magic, Magical...!

Seen on Mikedaisey.com:

Boing Boing: China unblocks Wikipedia, even though it won't censor:

China has unblocked Wikipedia. Wikipedia refused to censor itself to appease totalitarian Beijing, but China unblocked it anyway. China needs Wikipedia and Chinese net-users would access it using circumvention tools -- the block on Wikipedia made Chinese Wikipedia users into automatic dissidents.

If only Google, Microsoft and Yahoo had the same courage as Wikipedia, the same confidence that their search-engines were valuable enough to be indispensible.

AND...

My video has been removed once more.

ha HA!

Damn the man!

My Pussy IS Magic. CLICK HERE TO SEE THE VIDEO

I wonder how long it will be before this one gets the ax? Interesting, I can google things much worse than magical pussies. Now that google owns youtube, prepare for youtube to start dumping all things funny and fun (relating to vaginas).

I'm going to be showing "My Pussy Is Magic" tonight at UCB on "The Rejection Show" at 8 PM. Come get me, youtube!

"MY PUSSY IS MAGIC" BANNED BY YOUTUBE!!!

This morning, "My Pussy Is Magic", the new dance hit video by me, Jessica Delfino, was removed from Youtube.com for being considered "inappropriate"! Inappropriate my ass! If anyone saw the video, they saw lots of vaginas. Since when are vaginas inappropriate? I came out of a vagina, and so did the makers of Youtube.

The video had reached 20,000 views, and then was removed this morning.

Youtube was bought by Google, and now my poor, rising video was crushed. Does Google censor art!? Write to them and ask!

I will find a place for "My Pussy Is Magic" to live - a place where facists can't touch it! Stay tuned.

And if I can't find a place for it, come and see it live in my show, "Jessica Delfino is Sorry To Disturb You" at Rififi / Cinema Classics, 332 E. 11th St. at 10 PM, every Tuesday in November. ($5)

Have you ever been to Williamsburg?

Well, I have. I ride my bike there over the Williamsburg Bridge, a bridge that leads directly into Williamsburg - a long, dangerous ride where someone could hold me up on my bike and be like, "Gimme your shit, bitch!" And I have no shit to give. So, then, maybe that special someone would take my tits. And I need those.

Every so often a kid rides up along side me on my bike and yells, "Yo! That's my bike!" But you know what? It's not his bike. I know it's not his bike. Because my dad stole it from a train station in Connecticut (the land where rich people don't lock their bikes) and gave it to me for my birthday.

Tonight, I brave that bridge again and ride like the wind to Williamsburg to perform in a show at 9 PM, which Ilana Manaster is putting together at a little spot called, "ROSE". "ROSE" is at 195 Grand St. near Havemeyer.



I must look a sight(!) or a fright(!) riding my bike across the bridge with a guitar strapped to my back. I probably look like a hump back who plays the guitar.

But I can joke like that, because I think that back humps are funny.