MCCAIN DRINKS AT ARLENE'S, POOR TIPPER

I took this photo last night on my celephone at Arlene's Grocery, Jon McCain was there. As you can see, he had a $28 bar tab and left a $3 tip. What is this country coming to?

Radio City Music Hall Open Call For Little People

Do---do-do-do--do--do--do--do--do!!!

(Know anyone who fits this description? Pass it on!)

LITTLE PEOPLE PERFORMERS must be under 4'10" tall, agile, move well to music, and be able to project their voice and personality. Auditioning is preferred but LITTLE PEOPLE PERFORMERS ONLY may submit a video by mail. (Send to MSG Entertainment, 1260 Avenue of the Americas, New York NY 10020, Attn: CAA Production. No video or headshot/resume submissions will be accepted for any other performers.) In addition to the auditions listed below, MSGE will be holding auditions at the National LPA convention. For more information about the LPA Convention please visit http://www.lpaonline.org.

St. Lawrence Arts Center REVIEW in THE PORTLAND PHOENIX

My own personal review: the show was pretty great. Though the audience was smallish (at it's peak I think there were 40 in total) it was a really attentive and warm audience. I made a new friend / fan named James who is going to be the president of my universal fan club. He left me presents on the hood of my rented Ford Explorer. My friend Amelia opened the night with some stand-up and we ended the evening with cake and champers at her house and then an after shindig at White Heart. Sean Carroll was a great liason and Newbury Comics in Portland is really super cool. My CDs are now being sold there, which is pretty great-so.

They are also being sold at loudmouthrecords.com and will be on itunes soon.

If you weren't able to see the show, here is a review which was in the Portland Phoenix:

REVIEW HERE!!!

Or, you can just read it here if you want:

Jessica Delfino at the St. Lawrence Arts Center, June 28

A thin crowd can be a challenge in comedy, as was the case with local opener, Amelia Kutch. It was less her material and more her lack of timing that left the 20-person crowd at the St. Lawrence Arts Center appreciative when Jessica Delfino took the floor with a veteran presence.

The stage was set with Delfino’s props — a guitar, a flying-V ukulele, a change of shoes and hat, and a microphone encircled by a set of red rope lights in the shape of a heart. All of which were pleasant precursors to the attractive and ballsy female comedian who grabbed the audience’s attention from her entrance.

Delfino has a way of making you hang on her every word with her use of dead space, body language, audience participation, and absurdly hysterical content. Whether it's a song about defecating on her ex-boyfriend and kindly nicknaming him “Shit Chin,” or a song accompanied by a rape whistle with a list of outrageous made-up reasons for a perpetrator not to rape her, she turns the taboo into feminine and empowering subject matter.

I drove out to Damariscotta Lake and hung out with my folks on the lake. It was really beautiful. Here's a photo of my dad, the dog and a very cute boy I happen to know.



And here we are, feasting at the lake house...



Yummmmss!! My dad supplies lobster to most of the Red Lobster restaurants and calls himself "lobster hitler". Good one, dad!

Naughty Nautical Nite - 2012
*A World Under Water*
with your hosts Jessica Delfino and Dame Darcy
THIS THURSDAY, July 3rd
9 PM @ The Slipper Room
www.slipperroom.com

JOIN US AT OUR NEW MYSPACE PAGE:
myspace.com/naughtynauticalnite

Dress to impress in a nautical or end of the world themed costume and win a fabulous prize that will keep you preoccupied while the world is burning!

With The Fools, Adelaide Winsome and the Handsome Cabin Boy, 400 pounds of hilarity with Angry Bob and much, much more!

$5

WANNA HEAR SOME TUNES FROM MY NEW CD?

Well, now you can...free...HERE!

And if you live in the Portland, Maine area, be sure to check out the two shows I'm doing there this Saturday.

Newbury Comics
2-3 PM
220 Maine Mall Rd.
South Portland, Maine

and

St. Lawrence Arts Center
8:30 PM doors
9 PM show
76 Congress St.
Portland, Maine

The Portland Phoenix gave the show an editor's pick:

vhttp://thephoenix.com/Portland/Listings/Details.aspx?category=Listing&&listing=268343

See U There bitchez

CRAZY MOUSE IN THE HOUSE

I have to write about this for the sake of my humanity and well-being, and what better place to dump my emotional hand-baggage then in a public forum which is read by upwards of 30 people per day?

I'd like to apologize in advance for the graphicness of the post which you are about to read. You've been warned.

Last night after the Naughty Nautical Nite show, Darcy and I returned home with boyfriends and gear in tow. It'd been a long night in addition to being Darcy's birthday party, and we were all pretty pooped and a little bit drunk.

Darcy opened the apartment door to find a mouse on the floor, but not just any mouse -- a mouse doing flips, stunts and gymnastics which would have won him the gold medal in the mouse olympics. I've never seen any creature moving like that in my life. It was something so macabre and twisted, I couldn't even have dreamed it up.

It was lying on its' side, twirling around and around, as fast as it could. Just twirling and twirling, like it was rolling down a hill, but it wasn't really able to move anywhere else besides mostly in place. In addition to twirling really fast, it was hopping on its side, bouncing up into the air a good 6 inches or so, popping like a piece of pop corn.

When I saw the thing, my eyes did some popping of their own -- I was appalled like I've never been and that is saying a lot, as typically, I do the appalling.

Darcy was very calm but obviously upset, because her mid-western housewife Idaho accent came out a little bit. She very casually, if a bit irritatedly said, "Aw, jeez, one of you boys get this mouse out of here." The guys were standing behind us so they couldn't really see what was going on, but when we moved out of the way, they were as astounded as we were. We all kind of stood around the mouse like it was a little campfire, watching it snap and sizzle. None of us really knew what to do, because the thing was moving so fast and behaving so crazily I think we were all a bit startled and stunned.

As I said, it'd been a long day and I was pretty tired and a little drunk, and watching this mouse writhe and suffer before my eyes was just too much for me. I started tearing up and whimpering helplessly, beckoning to one of the guys to do something with it. It was beyond my ability to put it out of its misery or deal with it myself at that moment. I recommended someone pick it up and chuck it off the balcony. It seemed to me like a reasonable way to deal with a writhing mouse.

Then all of a sudden, something came over me. The absurdity of the way the mouse was behaving sent me into an uncontrollable fit of laughter paired with my tears. Darcy, in her Idaho-ian maternal manner, put her hand on my arm and said, "Aw, jeez, don't have a nervous breakdown, Delfino. Get that mouse out of here before Delfino has a nervous breakdown." I was laughing and crying at the same time and shaking so hard, I had to lean against the wall to keep from collapsing.

So here's a picture for you: 1 am, mouse convulsing and bouncing on the floor, four people gathered around it like they're having a seance, one of them (dressed like Alice In Wonderland) laughing hysterically and crying at the same time, one of them (also dressed like Alice In Wonderland) calmly giving orders, two of them (one dressed like a prince, the other dressed like a surfer) trying to catch a wiggling, dying mouse that is spinning cartwheels like it's on fire and is frantically stopping, dropping and rolling.

But the little critter still had some fight left in it, and it spun and popped its way deep beneath the couch and found someplace to hide. We had to move the couch and some things we had stored under there until we uncovered it, whence it began it's mouse-y gymnastics all over again.

Finally, my boyfriend grabbed a plastic bag, palmed the thing and tossed it off the patio, 8 stories down to its death.

I originally thought that it had been poisoned by the superintendent's mouse catching poison and was suffering, but we later deducted that when Darcy opened the apartment door, it was in the way and she'd hit it in the head or caught it under the door somehow, crippling it. I was pretty satisfied with that explanation until this morning when I spoke to my other roommate who said that he saw the mouse in the kitchen earlier in the night. He said that it had been doing the same thing, writing, spinning and popping, and that he was going to also pick it up and pitch it off the balcony but that when he saw the way it was moving, he froze because he, too was so unnerved by it's mannerisms. He said it'd rolled itself under the stove and that was the last he'd seen of it.

What would cause a mouse to move like that? Was it born without feet and had developed a special way of maneuvering around? Was it mouse-y-capped? Was it just extremely athletic? Whatever it was, I think we all learned a lesson last night, and that lesson is that things of any size that are different are scary and weird.

TONITE

Thurs, June 19th:

Naughty Nautical Nite #4
@
The Slipper Room
at Orchard and Stanton Sts.
doors at 8:30, show at 9

Alice In Wonderland Under The Sea
meets
Dame Darcy's Birthday Bash!

$5

Come in costume, win a fabulous prize!!

This is the lighthouse I grew up near, it's called Pemaquid Point Lighthouse and it is in Pemaquid, Maine, about a fifteen minute ride away from my family's house in Damariscotta, Maine. I spent many glorious summer afternoons running around on the rocks and picking up sea glass and shells near the light house, and many terrific summer evenings running around the parking lot with friends totally shit faced. I have a lot of sentimental love for that old light house.

My friend emailed the link below to me and I felt inspired to blog about it...it's for a light house contest (I know, I know, a light house contest?) and the prize is to restore the winning light house. So if you have a minute, please cast a vote for this national landmark, and what I think is one of the most beautiful places on earth.

And if that's not good enough, then maybe this will encourage you: Every summer a dozen or so people are wiped off the face of the earth by stupidly getting too close to the edge of the rocks (Wow! Look at the view, Harry! Let's just get a little closer! Harry, take my picture! Ahhhhhhh!!!!) and getting swished away by a big wave. Thank you Pemaquid Point for your natural selection assistance, and helping to clear oblivious dum-dums and poo-brains (and their genes) off the planet in one quick swoosh!

Click on the link below and vote for Pemaquid Lighthouse. It's in the middle row, all the way to the right.

http://www.jeld-wen.com/lighthouse/

JESSICA DELFINO HITS THE BIG TIMES

Woah...I don't even know who to thank for this one. It's the tiniest, smallest little mention and doesn't exactly rave (or reject) my talents, but that precious NY Times ink is like the blood of a unicorn orphan. It's practically priceless! Awwwwwesome!!

CHECK OUT MY FRIEND LOPI's PICTURE-FOLIO

http://www.artistswanted.org/lopilaroe

She takes lots of pretty pictures of garbage and people and stuff. Vote five stars for
her so she will win.

And don't forget to come to my CD release party tonite.

Cakeshop
154 Ludlow St.
8:30 PM - 11 PM
with Dame Darcy, Jonathon Roberts, John F. O'Donnell, Jordan Carlos
and other very special guests.

(I go on at 10 PM with Jessica Delfino & The Jessica Delfinos. The Jessica
Delfinos are Dave Treut on drums, Mike Iannantuonno on guitar and Rob Bose
on moog.)

JESSICA DELFINO in N.E.R.D. video?

Check me out at 52 seconds!

"I WANNA BE FAMOUS" featured in TIME OUT NY "Comedy" section

Time Out was the first publication to officially review / mention in print my new CD, "I Wanna Be Famous".

This is pretty exciting news for me. It is a landmark event in that the CD release party is the first show I've done in six or seven years in NYC that Time Out NY listed as a "pick" (with the red star beside it).

I guess that means they...uh..., like the CD, maybe.

I'm really proud of this ribald collection of some of my dirtiest gems and I can't wait to see and hear what others think of it.

It's in today's issue of Time Out, so pick up a copy and bring it to the CD release party and I'll autograph it for you so that when I actually AM famous, (after I 'kill someone...like...the guy who...runs...something...like the country or whatever' -- lyrics from "I Wanna Be Famous") you can sell that shit on Ebay, if they're still in operation, or whatever on-line selling website is popular then, that is, if the world doesn't end in 2012 (and I'm famous by then!!!)

And a PS -- John F. O'Donnell sings on my new CD on the track "I'm Going To Commit Suicide" (To The Song You Wrote About Me). He was listed in last week's Time Out NY in the comedy section, with the Joke Of The Week. He funny. He's scheduled to perform at the CD release party as well...

THE PROMISE OF NEW YORK

What were you doing in 2005? Do you even remember? I'll tell you what I was doing. I was managing Christopher X. Brodeur's mayoral campaign. It was a true American adventure. We were dating at the time and we decided to do the campaign together. It was a lot of work and it ran us both literally ragged. I got very sick and lost about 20 pounds. (For those of you who know me and my beloved posterior, you remember how skinny and gross I looked.) It tested every fiber of what we were made of and what we were capable of and it was an amazing learning experience. I strongly recommend that every single person either run for political office or work on a political campaign. Maybe they should even have that be a required class in high school, or maybe an elective instead of gym or something.

During the campaign, our friend Cassie Hohn's boyfriend Raul Alvarez decided that he was going to make a documentary about Christopher. He followed us all over the place with his camera and he captured footage of us doing just...about...everything. At some point he decided to expand the documentary and make it be about a few of the fringe NYC mayoral candidates instead of just about Christopher.

I got to see the finished product for the first time this past Sunday night and I cried.

It was so wild to see a year chunk of my life captured on video and then shown back to me, set to neat music. It was hard to watch in some parts. For example, there's a scene where detectives come to our apartment to arrest Christopher (for a misdemeanor harassment charge relating to Observer Journalist Ben Smith) and I lose my temper after hours of being holed up in my apartment, late for work, threatened with my own arrest for "obstruction of justice", and waiting for Christopher to surrender. Through the film you can see the bags under my eyes and how tired, exhausted and depressed I look. (God, I look hot now!) Christopher is a really interesting person. He's brilliant, funny and a terrific thinker. But I wouldn't date him again for all the pee in Chinatown.

I'm in a lot of the documentary. There are also appearances by Bob Powers, Liam McEneaney, Mike Amato, Village Voice journalist Jarret Murphy, The four "main" democratic candidates of the 2005 election (Gifford Miller, C.Virginia Fields, Anthony Weiner and Freddy Ferrer) The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players and others. It's a good film. It's well-done and I recommend it. It's funny, sad, enthralling and educational. Christopher is really great in it, too, and I say that even as a person who doesn't particularly like him.

If you'd like to see it, you have a chance this Friday, June 6th in the NJ International Film Festival. Here are the details:

http://www.njfilmfest.com/

And the documentary website:

http://www.thepromiseofnewyork.com

I LIVE IN A MAGIC CHINESE TOWER

Chinatown is so very much old New York. There is dingy art everywhere -- graffiti, paint splotches, weird tile art. The people seem stuck in 89. Being here is like going back in time. It's a yesteryear mentality. I live in a building that is actually labeled a tower. My window overlooks Canal Street and my kingdom and my direct view goes literally straight down Ludlow Street as far as the eye can see. I'm like Rapunzel with this long flowing mane of hair. I hang it out the window every day and look for my prince to come charging up on his horse, bike, what have you. My life is a fantasy fairy tale. I tailored it to be this way. It's a really amazing life I live. I write songs and make art and spend my days playing with friends, cooking, and walking around my kingdom. I don't know how life could possibly get any better than it is right now. It just simply couldn't. Sure, I'm below the poverty level, and I've had one of those classic crummy upbringings that could have rendered me a schizo or just simply manic depressed. But I somehow managed to climb out, perhaps up the ladder of my own hair into a fantasy world which I continue to create and manifest to this day.

Who knows if I'm even actually sitting here typing this at all?

My life is very simple, though busy, and every day is better and better. I've got my set backs -- it seems I have to move house about once a year which definitely sucks. My bike gets stolen about every six months from a nice gentleman who sells it back to me for a reasonable price. I'm surrounded by dicks who want shit that I don't have to give. But I just spent the last year of my life recording a CD in a studio with a team of committed, professional, brilliant weirdos and now that CD is done. Almost every day, I got to go into a recording studio and sing and play instruments, listen back and adjust, nip and tuck, boss around a sound guy (I did it playfully and lovingly) and eat delicious home cooked ghetto beans and rice.

It's pretty amazing for me to be able to be spending my life the way I get to spend it. It's not fancy, it's not elaborate, it's certainly not perfect, but I'm doing exactly what I wanted to do. I only wish I knew who to send the thank you card to.

My CD release party is Wed., June 18th at 9 PM at Cakeshop, 152 Ludlow St. at Rivington - on the very street which my tower window overlooks.

www.cake-shop.com

TO PURCHASE MY NEW CD:

You can purchase my new CD -- "I WANNA BE FAMOUS" which has 15 choice cuts including some of my newer super hits, such as "MY PUSSY IS MAGIC" (remixed and mastered and it sounds fucking AWESOME), "DON'T RAPE ME" (The Rape Whistle Song) and "I WANNA BE FAMOUS", the Youtube video song which was featured on Youtube and Myspace and viewed nearly a million times on Youtube by sending me $12 to jessdelfino@yahoo.com via paypal.com. Later you'll be able to buy it in stores, but for now, this is the way to do it.

NAUGHTY NAUTICAL NITE & THE KARAOKE BAR AFTER-PARTY ADVENTURE

or

I AM THE COURTNEY LOVE OF COMEDY

If you didn't come to NNN #3, I'm sorry for you. It was a wild blast as usual, with lots of lovelies and lots of flesh, fun wierdness and great costumes. I didn't get plastered, I actually stayed mostly sober -- until after the show.

The last thing I remember clearly is a sausage party at my apartment. Darcy, myself, and about seven very handsome hot men were drinking a bottle of champagne, and then we all left to meet up with some of my boyfriend's friends at a karaoke bar in the East Village.

It must have been quite a scene. I had on a shirt and no pants (I was later told), a red feather boa and a pair of silver high heels. Darcy was dressed like a mermaid and carrying her 86 year old doll, Isabel, and we were surrounded by a crowd of really sexy men -- one was my 6'3" boyfriend, one was a hot asian male model, one was dressed like a pirate, one was dressed like a sailor, one was in a suit. I think there were two or three others, as well. The audience cheered us when we walked in the door because we looked so nutso. College frat girls took photos of us with their overpriced digital cameras.

After that it gets a little fuzzy. I remember meeting up with my boyfriend's three young girlfriends who for some reason were hanging out with a humongous "lug" (as one of my boyfriend's other friends referred to him as). As soon as we got there, they decided to leave. I wonder why? (They had to "feed the lug", as one of my friend's so eloquently put it).

My boyfriend whispered into my ear, "Let's get kicked out of this shit hole."

Rule #1: When I'm drunk, don't instigate me.

I will tell you the secret to getting kicked out of any NYC bar in an instant without breaking any laws or hurting any body: stand on a bar stool. For some reason it freaks every body out really badly. The management will toss your ass out onto the street in a sweet half a heart beat.

I vagueley remember standing on a bar stool in my shirt and no pants, and possibly on the actual bar, to sing the national karaoke anthem, you know the one by Journey -- "Just a small town girl!" Not a huge deal, I was just standing out of respect for the national karaoke anthem. The music was shut off instantly. The entire audience sadly groaned together and I felt kind of stupid, even through the thick layer of drunken antic energy I was sporting. My boyfriend started screaming the words acapella and everyone sung along, so they turned the music back on. He saved the day! For a minute, anyway.

Cut in my foggy memory to seven micro-nesians (as my friend referred to the asians of uncertain descent) carrying me out of the bar while I screamed full blast, kicking and yelling, "I want to sing!"

As they got me to the patio and gracefully set me down, I cussed them out, swearing, "I didn't want to hang out in your shitty karaoke bar, anyway!" As I got to the "any" in "anyway", I fell face first down a flight of cement stairs as all of my and my boyfriend's friends watched in horror. Somehow, a lone shred of dignity was left intact, a sliver in my self-preservation was still alive, though my brain was possibly in black-out mode. As I felt myself falling, my hand reached out and grabbed the banister (thank god there was one or I'd be road relish) on it's own accord and saved me from certain nose and face breakage. I scratched my knee, twisted my ankle up a bit, and got a boo boo on my finger.

The finger boo boo was small but viscious, and I was profusely bleeding from it. The Spanish and micro-nesian bouncers refused to let my boyfriend in to get me napkins, so he insulted them with some probably untrue slight regarding how much more money he makes than them. The last thing I remember at the karaoke bar was my boyfriend screaming, "Three times your salary!" at them all, while four micro-nesians held back the Spanish guy from punching his beautiful face in.

All of our friends took off in separate directions.

We laughed like Mickey and Mallory all the way to the pizza joint, and all day long the next day, as my brain hiccup repeated "feed the lug" and "micronesian" non-stop.

My boyfriend's friends are still pissed at me.

It was truly a night to remember, which I mostly don't.

Next Naughty Nautical Nite June 19th!!

WEDNESDAY, MAY 21:

W.R.A.G.

Women Rocking Are Godly
@ The Tank
279 Church St., NYC
9 PM
with Adira Amram, Mindy Raf, Shayna Ferm, Wendy Ho, Jessica Delfino and others who rock. Attendance is mandatory.

and

THURSDAY, MAY 22nd:

Naughty Nautical Nite #3: The Fleet Week Edition
@ The Slipper Room
167 Orchard St. @ Stanton
F to 2nd Ave, LES, NYC
8:30 PM doors
9 PM show
$5
with your hosts Jessica Delfino & Dame Darcy and Ben Lerman, Bex Schwartz, Jen Dziuria, Soce, Diane O'Debra, The Naughty Nautical House Band Anchor Panky, DJ Kai, Circles for Hearts, Magin Schantz, and MORE. Nautical wear encouraged and insisted! Dress up the best and win a super duper prize, and I'm not talking about a free plate of fish and chips, though that would be a fairly decent prize, unless you don't eat fish, but then you could just eat the "chips" which are what the English call fries in case you don't know. Google that shit and come to this show!

Delfino on Fox News's Red Eye -- VIDEO CLIP!!

Here I am chatting about my main man Steve King and his recent comments about how if you can't read you can't do anything but join the army. We all know that's simply not true. There are plenty of grocery store jobs and gigs holding the slow signs at construction sites out there. Those of you who know and love me may recall I'm from Maine, so that only adds to the special kindred connection that I have with Mr. King. Interestingly, I am reading his book, "On Writing" right now, and it's so good it's real good.

Let's hear what other enthralling, enlightening tidbits I have to say on the Stephen King / CNN topic. Dish, dish, dish!

DELFINO ON KING

PS -- I got to play a segment of my rape whistle song on the show!!! Repeat: I GOT TO PLAY A SEGMENT OF MY RAPE WHISTLE SONG ON THE SHOW!!!

JESSICA DELFINO TO SING "DON'T RAPE ME" ON FOX NEWS!!!

Holy shit! You read right! Correctly? Right? Both!

I am going to be singing my celebrated rape whistle ditty entitled, "Don't Rape Me" tonight during a taping of Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld (jew?) and I cizzy can't wait!!

The show will air tomorrow, Thursday at 3 AM, hence the title, Red Eye. Your eyes will hopefully be red with laughter at my hilarious hi-jinx, if not from exhaustion, if I don't fuck it up, that is.

It seems kind of inappropriate that I, Jessica Delfino, will be appearing on a Fox broadcast considering I'm probably thought of as a total lib, but I'm ready for it. I hope they're ready for ME, Jessica Delfino, the Courtney Love of comedy. Oddly though, I'd say I'm actually more of a strange concoction of liberal with conservative icing in places you wouldn't expect.

So don't forget to tune your dials to Fox News at 3 AM so you can dance to my rockin' rape classic before hitting beddy bye.

Delfino Update, May 2008, Greetings from Planet Delfino!

Well, hello, world. While you are all sleeping (or perhaps, very sadly, just waking up or having been up for the better part of an hour getting ready to go to your jobby job -- dear god I hope you're getting paid what you're worth!!) I am sitting here at this lovely Florida-based countertop, type-ity type typing away for you to read later. Maybe from said job.

What's going on in my life, you ask? Well, dear reader, thank you for asking. A lot is going on.

I have a new CD which I've been toiling over for the better part of a year, and it is almost DONE. And I can't wait. One thing I've learned working in a studio recording a CD is that I kind of hate working in a studio recording a CD. I rather prefer performing live. I mean, don't get me wrong. I can't think of a better way to spend my days than making music all day every day. But it's been a real lot of work. Like, a whole big bag of it.

I was recording for awhile at Hotbed Studio in Greenpoint but I wasn't happy with the way the CD was sounding. So I then moved to a new studio in Bushwick and started working with producer Misha Volf, who has been a real ray of sunshine in my life, and I'm putting my sassy sarcastic wit and ways on hold to really seriously insist that last sentiment is true. I've whole-heartedly enjoyed working with Misha, though he does bust my balls a little, and I recommend him to anyone who wants their CD to sound like a bajillion bucks for a mere fraction of that price. I've gotta give a shout out to Ben Lerman for recommending Misha to me. He also did some recordings for Ben Lerman and he made Ben sound like Ella Fitzgerald with a sex change. In a good way.

I'm going to be having a CD release party on June 18th at Cakeshop at 9 PM with Dame Darcy playing her sea shanties and celebrating her birthday, as well as a few other guests who I will name later. I do hope you can make it. It's gonna be awesome, and I'm not just throwing that word around lightly. When I say awesome, I fucking god damn mean it.

In other news -- I am producing a new monthly show called Naughty Nautical Nite at The Slipper Room with a little help from my friends. Dame Darcy and I host the show together and provide a slew of amazing performers singing nautical themed songs, telling nautical themed jokes and doing nautical themed things. It's ocean-a-riffic! The next show is May 22nd at 8:30 PM. It's the Fleet Week episode, so don your sailor duds and dig out your old mermaid fin, slap it on and walk, run, swim, surf, skip or skate on over. It's the most fun you can have while listening to Carribean Queen by Billy Ocean. The last show had 120 or more people in attendance and the show ROCKED raucous. It was something ELSE, I tell you.

I've been working with Make Music NY as a coordinator and it's been keeping me really busy. It's a great idea -- the concept is that there are musicians performing all over NYC, literally "in the streets" and lots of various "non-traditional" performance spaces, such as sidewalks, parks, rooftops and any where else that is out of doors. May 1st was technically the deadline to sign up but if you visit the website www.timeoutnewyork.com/makemusicny, you might still be able to register. I'll be performing my MMNY live outdoor performance in the Marble Cemetery at 2nd and 2nd -- a high tea in the cemetery with my Naughty Nautical crew. Bring your dolls and picnic blanket. Bring grandma and the kids. It's gonna be a mighty fine time. 4 - 8 PM, June 21st. Here is a photo of my friend Michael Iannantuono (Michael I for short, aka Dr. Anchovy of "The Pizzas") and I hanging out with Suzanne Vega at the French Embassy for a Make Music NY fundraiser / party last week. I look like I just broke out of the hot women's hot ward. Where I had won an award. For being hot. Just kidding. I don't look THAT hot. But if you look very closely, you can see a little nip. True story!



What else, what else!?? My mom turned 50 today, well, technically yesterday, now, on May 1st. That's why I'm in Florida. Because that's where she lives, alongside weird birds, strange reptilian hind-brain creatures, bugs with human sized heads and eyes and more ex-cons per capita than a NAMBLA convention. Congratulations, mom. Thanks for being birthed and then for birthing me, too.

The sun is rising and that means I have to go back to bed for an hour or three. Happy Friday, world!

COME TO NAUGHTY NAUTICAL NIGHT # 2!!

TOMORROW, Thursday, April 3rd
NYC
8:30 PM doors



I heard we were supposed to have a Voice Choice in this week's Village Voice...did it happen?

Naughty Nautical Night #2
Thursday, April 3rd

An ocean-themed cabaret and dance party, hosted by the delectable
witch comic book illustrator Dame Darcy and America's first lady of dirty folk ditties, Ms. Jessica Delfino.

This show features a variety of weird performances by Dame Darcy,
Jessica Delfino, Magin Schantz, uke-ist of the high seas Ben Lerman, electronic beach jamzz by Adira Amram, hot sailors, a vast assortment of sexy mermaid babes including burlesque featuring Victoria Kuper and friends, Margot Leitman enlightens us with a tale of the briny sea, belly dancing babes, Diane O'Debra will jolly roger the place up, house band Anchor Panky rocks the boat, DJ Kai keeps the tide high, fun surprises and treats for best sea-themed costumes (so come all dolled up pirate / sailor / sea-theme style) a board walk carnival where wares shall be hocked, really strange ocean themed drinks, damn, even puppets by Jared Whitcomb. It's like a children's show on acid, and not that junky acid that hurts your back, the real good shit that is so fresh and clean and when you wake up the next morning, it's like it was all a dream.

On the last episode of NNN, Dame Darcy was being played by a very sexy male impostor who pretended to be her. Darcy was helpless to attend because she was under a spell cast on her by an evil demon known only as "the city of LA." But the sea witch hag broke the spell and now Darcy is back, for reals, to co-host NNN with zest and glee! We've got some real treats planned for ya, so don't be all, yeah! And then be all, whatever!

Slipper Room
167 Orchard Street, Manhattan
8p doors, 9p show, midnight dancing; $5
http://www.myspace.com/jessydelfino
http://www.damedarcy.com