SONG OF THE MONTH CLUB - February - I Wanna Be A Unicorn
and 
The Week Magazine Is So The Bomb!

It's February, and I'm going to present to you February's SONG OF THE MONTH today! That's right! Today! I like this one a lot and I hope you enjoy it, too. To hear the Feb SONG OF THE MONTH, it is on myspace.com/jessicadelfinotunes. So please click that link and go there.

As an added bonus -- and I never do this -- you can download the song there, free. I just ask that if you like the song and listen to it a lot, feel free to drop a little paypal donation to me of one stinkin' buck, which you can do at jessdelfino@yahoo.com. Or buy a CD. You can buy a CD by paypalling me $10 smackers or you can buy CDs now at my REVERB NATION page. 

Often times, people email me or FB / Myspace message me and ask me to send them lyrics to my songs. That is one reason why, in my latest CD, "I Wanna Be Famous", I included all of the songs' lyrics. Below are the lyrics to my new song, "I Wanna Be A Unicorn." Enjoy!

********************

When I was a little girl, my parents said to me, GIRL!

You can be anything that you want to be.

So what ya gonna do? Doctor? Lawyer? Please, no porn!

I said, NO! I wanna be a unicorn!

I wanna be a unicorn, when I'm big

I'll trot around the fields like unicorns before me did

I'll be all white -- from head to toe

I'll shoot magic rays out of my horn at my foes

I'm gonna be a unicorn, when I'm big

I'll trot around the fields like unicorns before me did

I'll do a little dance, and I'll neigh at the moon

and I won't let regular horses near my unipoon.

(I'm gonna save that sh!t for a pegasus!) 

They said, well, you can't be a unicorn, and I said, HEY!

You said - I could be anything! Please don't stand in my way!

They said, You don't understand, it's not a good career move.

I said, don't tell me what to do! I want to be, I'm going to 

Be a unicorn when I'm done with school

I'll head straight to my magical kingdom to rule

I'll get a fancy comb and have a princess brush my hair

and I'll live my life all freely, without a care

I won't have to pay any unicorn bills

I won't have any rent because I'll live in the hills

I wont have any reason to take any pills

because, unicorns don't get no ills

Break it down, harp! (harp solo)

I wanna be a unicorn when I'm all mature

In unicorn land we ain't got no war

The unicorns are busy hanging out with the gnomes

uni-taxi-ing woodland creatures to their homes

Everyone is friends, it's a utopia

There's no politics or corporations to screw ya

So please mom and dad, won't ya save the scorn

I've made up my mind, I'm gonna be a unicorn!

If all this unicorn business is too much for ya, check out the slightly more serious item, below.

I've been going on and on about The Week magazine for years. If you've heard me before, you can just click the link above and listen to the unicorn song now. 

If you haven't, this magazine The Week is simply put, just great. First of all, I don't love to read (read: I don't have a lot of free time nor ride the subway often), but I like to be informed. The Week takes care of both issues, making me not have to read a lot -- most issues are about 20 pages long; and they compile news from hundreds of sources, giving you the headlines of the week and breaking down the hits of what all the different papers had to say about them. It's like reading a salad of major news sources in one sitting. 

Comedians enjoy the week because they can get lots of material for monologue jokes without having to read 14 different rags. 

Plus the writing has a sassy slant and sense of humor to it that I appreciate. 

In today's WEEK email blast, I got a little caught up in one particular item: A girl who lives far away from here is getting plastic surgery to look exactly like Jessica Alba so that her ex-boyfriend will take her back. It was actually what her friends recommended, according to the video, "This Is Genius" that accompanied it. Check this fascinating news item, and The Week out HERE.

Lotsa news today:

FunnyNotSlutty.com Interview, featured on Lower East Side blog LoDownNy.com, 
Kyle & Cleo show tonite in BK, Skits'N'Tits wrap up

I love FunnyNotSlutty.com -- they highlight smart funny women. So I was honored and excited to be interviewed by them. I talk about drugs, Maine, politics, getting publicly denounced by the Catholic League and more crapola. It's short and sweet. Check it out HERE. I'd also like to reiterate, I'm not a Maine hater. I just found it to be a very boring place to grow up as a child. I happen to love and appreciate Maine a lot now, and miss it, even. 

Big week for press -- In addition to being in Time Out NY's 50 Most Stylish article and FunnyNotSlutty.com, I'm also the featured Lower East Sider on this great Lower East Side blog called TheLoDownNy.com. The chick who runs it (Traven) is wicked cool and beautiful and a supporter of the indy art and entertainment world. And we have the same hair. My friends and I love the LoDown blog. Read my run down of favorite spots in the LES. I gave some shout outs to my favorite local businesses, such as Bacaro, Clandestino bar, The Tenement Museum, The Troll Museum, Liam McEneaney's "Tell Your Friends" show at Lolita Bar and more. 

Whatchoo doin tonite? I'm going to be performing at the Love, Sex & Kyle & Cleo Valentine's Times! show in BK with Carla Rhodes, Adira Amram and others. Now, when I write BK, I mean Brooklyn, and not Burger King, just so there's no confusion. For those of you on FB, here is the link to the FB invite. If you're not on Facebook, here's the info the old fashioned way: 

Thurs, Feb 11

Love, Sex & Kyle and Cleo!

211 N. 9th St.

Williamsburg, BK with Kyle Supley, Carla Rhodes, Adira Amram and more!

10 pm - 2 am

$5

Skits'N'Tits wrap up: 


Thank you guys SO MUCH for coming out to last night's Skits'N'Tits -- The Blizzard Edition. You're the most motivated, ambitious people in the world and you let us know that you really like our show -- or hate being cooped up. Either way, thanks so much for being there. 

We had a few great sponsors on hand and would like to share their information with you: 

The Toilet Paper: They write a funny newsletter that comes to your inbox for free. It's short and sweet. I like it very much. I took a screen shot of one and posted it here for you to look at. Or, you can click this link, sign up and get it yourself. If you don't like it, just unsubscribe. It's got smart and funny jokes, blurbs and factoids, on a theme. Try it, you'll like it!

www.thetoiletpaper.com

Keith and the Girl is an awesome podcast. So awesome, in fact, it's one of the MOST DOWNLOADED podcasts in the whole stinkin' world. It's funny, it's free, and it's good stuff. Information you can use. Facts you can stack. Tricks you can...ok...I'm gonna just stop there. Just go listen, OK? You will hear many friends of Skits'N'Tits on the show, including recent episodes featuring myself, Diane O'Debra, Ben Lerman and others. Plus, they have a new book coming out that his hilario-tabulous. And their email address is easy to remember. You must know these people if you don't already. 

www.katg.com

Pabst Blue Ribbon beer -- do they really even need mentioning? Who doesn't know about PBR? Keep drinking it! Learn yourself a little somethin' on their WIKI PAGE.

Guys, we really love you and thank you for making the show such a great time last night. Come back again real soon, ya hear? Next show is at 10 PM, 308 Bowery, Wed March 10. See ya there, and bring a friend, a stranger, or even a small dog. Why not. 

Please follow this blog to receive regular posting updates, and forward this blog link to a friend. Go, team!

SKITS'N'TITS! every second Wed of the month

NEXT SHOW: Wed March 10 @ 10 PM - late, 308 Bowery

New skits, tits, comedy, celebrity guests, raffles,

give aways, drink specials. TOO MUCH FUN.

Oh, yeah: if you haven't seen this yet, and by this, I mean, me in Time Out NY's 50 Most Stylish New Yorkers spread, click here to see it now (or scroll down to the next post).

MTA Update & Tips

For those of you bold enough to put mother nature in a head-lock and hustle onward to our little Skits'N'Tits show, we salute you. I grew up in Maine and we used to get days like this "off", and we would spend them scurrying around the yard, making snow angels and rolling down hills. We would play until we couldn't feel our feet any more; go inside and warm up for 10 minutes and then head back out to play until the early sunset took our light away. And then we'd keep playing until my mom yelled for us to get in that G * D house before she kicked our asses for us. 

It is looking pretty gnarly town outside as of right now. I see nary a car on the street, and about a handful of humans, standing around, staring at the ground and then the sky, in disbelief at this life halting white shit. Looking out my window, the snow turns NYC into a sepia tone photographs from the early 1900s. 

The MTA says that due to the crazy blizzard of twenty ten:

•  trains may run local for portions of their route.
•  service between Court Sq and 71-Continental Aves. will be suspended.
•  service in the Bronx may be local

For the most current information, click on the Service Status box on the MTA homepage at www.mta.info

The F train to 2nd ave comes one block away from Bowery (if you walk to the 2nd Ave exit under ground) and the 6 goes to Bleecker Street, just a short jaunt over to 308 Bowery. Our show is scheduled to start at 10 pm, and will usually start a little late, around 10:15 as it is wont to do, but you may want to leave a little early from your house, at about 9, to get there on time. 

TRIP TIPS: 

* put those crappy plastic grocery bags around your feet (on the outside of your socks) before you put them into your boots. this will keep your feet and socks DRY which you will LIKE.

* if bags on your feet is a no go, bring an extra pair of socks because your old ones will probs get wicked wet. while you're at it, bring an extra pair of shoes, too.

* layers! put your hot, sexy duds on which you plan to sport at the show, and then place a layer or two atop (say, a sweater or sweatshirt) and then your jacket. When you get to the show, you can take off the layers and still look all bangin'.

* GLOVES and a HAT and a SCARF. Even one of these things, like a pair of gloves can greatly increase your heat levels. hat head be damned, you can fix your hair in the bathroom mirror. bring a comb.

* umbrellers. believe it or not, they help defend you and your hair against the stinkin' snow. 

* invite your friend WITH A CAR to pick you up and drive you. offer to pay your driver's way into the show. Don't forget to buy his or her ticket in advance!

* get those little hand warmer packets and put them in your gloves. they probably sell them at the bodega or Home Depot near you.

* leave at 9 PM to get there on time.

* I will post a few other tips if I think of any. 

See ya tonight brave-y Joes and Janes!

SKITS'N'TITS tonite

and...Jessica Delfino one of NYC's most stylish in today's TIME OUT NY

Boob shot!

Even all this snow can't kill the joy buzz I've got going on right now. My favorite show that I've ever made, Skits'N'Tits, is tonight, snow be DAMNED!! Steph, Diane and I get together every month to bring you one of the greatest shows in NYC. It's more than fun, it's *a* *good* *show*. Top that, copy cats, (if there are any.) 

So you put on your little winter booties and then get your other booty up and out the door, ya scardie cats. You can take the F train or the 6 train to literally 1 block away from 308 Bowery, and we'll be there with $1 (really delicious) coffee and tea (and boobies) to warm you up or if you're already hot from trudging through all that snow, then we'll have two-for-$3 PBRs. 

IN OTHER NEWS, I was in this most recent issue of Time Out NY as one of NYC's most fashionable peeps in an article by Ashlea Halpern. CHECK OUT MY SPREAD HERE. They took 3 styles of shots, some close ups and asked me a bunch of Qs about my "personal style." It was a really fun piece and I'm alongside some verrrry fashionable peeps. If you get a copy of today's TIME OUT NY and bring it to Skits'N'Tits tonite, I'll sign it for you ;)

Just one more encouraging factor to get your butts up and out the door to Skits'N'Tits tonite!

A Note on Wicked Personal Blog Entries

A trip down memory lane

I used to write really personal stuff on my blog all the time; things about my current relationships, thoughts and ideas of a sexual or romantic nature and more. Don't believe me? Check the archives of 2005 and see for yourself. 

Here's a segment from an old, very dirty, very frank blog entry about orgasms, dated June 2005: 

I've never had multiple orgasms, but I have had two in one day. Never two in one session. It usually takes a few hours to reset, I've noticed, but then again, I've never had a boyfriend who was interested in really focusing and trying to make me have two orgasms in one sitting. I did date one guy who I thought maybe I had a multiple orgasm with, but now looking back on it, I think that I wanted to believe he had, but I was just having a prolonged tingling sensation from the first one. I don't even know if multiple orgasms exist. Some women and men really insist that they do, but I've never met someone who told me that they have multiple orgasms who wasn't insane. And I never believe men who tell me that they gave their past girlfriends multiple orgasms. I think either they are lying or their girlfriends were lying. But I could be wrong. But I'm probably not.

I'm almost embarrassed to know that I wrote that on my blog, once. It's amazing how much one's mentality and reality can change in 5 years. At least I began that entry with a warning to my family members to either stop reading there or not hold me accountable for the stuff they read after that warning.   I should go call my mom really quickly and apologize for putting her through what must have been upwards of 25 years of utter hell. 

Perhaps that type of entry is what drew a lot of my regular readers to my blog in the first place. I also used to write short, ridiculous fiction stories and comedic ramblings, too, so perhaps it was that. Or maybe a slice of each.

Here is a classic example of old Jessy Delfino's blog comedic ramblings.

Anyway, I don't write a ton of personal stuff on my blog any more. Now and then, maybe I'll drop a line or two that might make ya go, hey? but for the most part, this blog talks about upcoming shows and what's doing in Delfino land. 

I once wrote a blog entry about being irritated with a friend and mentioned said friend by name. They called me and said, "If you ever write anything about me on your blog again, I'm not going to be friends with you." I hope this blurb doesn't count since no names were mentioned this time. It made me think about how my entries were affecting my friendships, though. It wasn't worth it to me to lose that friend, or surely any others, over a corny old blog entry. 

I also used to write personal-ish stuff about my family, and I'm surprised they haven't disowned me yet. My mother said to me, "You better knock that stuff off," and I pretty much did. But I won't say it wasn't fun "airing my dirty laundry" back when I was a little younger, more careless (free?) and untethered by what people would think / do / say. 

I appreciate people's need for privacy and friend's and relatives need for my respect, but I used to like writing wicked crazy shit on my blog. Another friend and I were talking and she said, "It's cute to act crazy when you're young, and people excuse it. But when you get older and act crazy, then you're just crazy." So true!

I had a friend who was a creative but successful and motivated eccentric when I met him. Over the course of a few years, he mutated, and transformed into straight up crazy. The thing about craziness is, it gets worse with age. I was scared that when I got older, I'd morph from creative eccentric into totally insane, but luckily for me, I grew out of crazy for the most part (or changed that in myself) and now I'm a successful, employable, motivated creative eccentric, which I certainly prefer and am thankful for.

There was a time in my life when I would have celebrated my inner craziness. Now I cling to the last strands of it and replay the scenes that are still with me, whenever I miss my early to mid twenties (which is not often). And if and when it goes away completely, I'll be glad to see it go. And if and when it returns due to child birth or senility, I will re-welcome it with open arms. It's just that NYC apartments are small, too small to hold all my stuff and all my crazy. 

Tue Feb 9

7-9 PM

NEW TUESDAY

@ The Dressing Room

new Craftermath crafts

a new song by Jessica Delfino

new jokes by Jena Friedman

new things to share

new info: tarot readings by donation

ALSO: peruse the gorgeous racks of vintage clothing at the classy Dressing Room bar / boutique

FREE admission and cheap drinks

Even if you don't have any $ to spend on crafts, it's OK. Come have a drink, check out the new work we've been doing, meet some new people, give us feedback and learn something new this TUESDAY. 

After Craftermath, we will venture just a few blocks north where the party will continue to rage at SWEET, Seth Herzog's A+ comedy show. 

See you tomorrow!!

Love, 

Jessica, Daniella, Elisa, Jenny and the rest of the gang

PS: This is where I'm going to be tonight -- TELL YOUR FRIENDS terrific show at LOLITA BAR. Cheap fun, like most of the shows I'm part of :) - click on it for the Facebook Invite!

Lookin for a little Saturday fun?

Ray's Benefit at Sidewalk Cafe

Going on all day -- now! We're trying to raise awareness & money for ancient Ray and his East Village food shop that has been there since back when NYC was still really fu*%ing cool. 

See all the artists crawl out of every hole in all corners of the East Village and beyond to participate in and be part of the party. I hope to see you there!

Sidewalk Cafe

corner of Ave A and 6th St. 

ALL DAY SATURDAY

(I'm doing a set at 5 pm)

For more information: 

Save Ray's Facebook page

You're still not on Facebook yet? OK, try this one: 

CLICK HERE and then scroll down a little or search for "Ray's"

Bye bye!

TONITE: FREE SHOW

with Carolyn Castiglia & Jessica Delfino, among many others!!

http://splurgeathappyending.blogspot.com/

SPLURGE! at Happy Ending is a brand-new monthly comedy showcase featuring stand-up and musical comedy from New York's most exciting talent. Every month will bring the premiere of a new short comedic film, and each show will close with host Carolyn Castiglia's hilarious signature freestyle rap.

Featuring:

ROB CANTRELL (Marijuana-Logues, Last Comic Standing)

HARI KONDABOLU (Live at Gotham, Jimmy Kimmel Live)

ANDREA ROSEN (Michael and Michael Have Issues, Stella)

BARON VAUGHN (Live at Gotham, Black Dynamite)

LIZZ WINSTEAD (Creator of The Daily Show)

Musical Guest: JESSICA DELFINO (Montreal Just for Laughs Festival)

Plus the premiere of my newest music video S.A.D. with Tom McCaffrey (Premium Blend) and Mara Herron (Maury), shot by Anya Garrett (Comedy Central's "Honesty" web series).

AND: A SPECIAL OFFER FOR MY FRIENDS AND FANS!!!

Just Calm Down Spa is luxurious and fancy, and makes a great Valentine's Gift for that special someone in your life. To save 15% on the services below - James Bond themed facials, mani, pedi even a close shave! Just use the code: JESSICA DELFINO

just calm down spa's
Valentine’s Day James Bond Extravaganza.

just calm down - New York City's premier boutique spa is offering all friends of Jessica Delfino a very special offer - 15% off our unique James Bond themed services. To book call us today on 212 337 0032 and quote Jessica Delfino as your reference to get the discount off the award winning services below.

Shaken Not Stirred – OO7 Will Send You to Heaven Valentine's Day Massage
Olive and Let Dry with our dirty martini Valentine's Day Massage. Bond with your love while relaxing on heated waterbeds that will have your bodies toasting From Russia with Love. Our Drs. of No-How will knead your muscles melted while our Majesty's Secret Service Q's up the Bond movie music of your choice. Vodka infused heated towels will be sure to soothe The Living Daylights out of you. And just as Diamonds Are Forever, so too shall be this Valentine’s Day to remember--For what comes next is For Your Eyes Only. 

For Your Eyes Only - Facial
A facial revolution that will leave your skin so Bondishly beautiful that with bright GoldenEyes all a flutter you will feel that The World is Not Enough for you to conquer! 

Gold Finger and Feet--Bond Girl Mani and Pedi
Kick-off your heels and get behind the wheel of our sensationally stylish Aston Martini mani and pedi. Soak in a shimmering warm bath shaken to the brim with all of the OO7 dirty martini ingredients. Two parts vodka, one part olive and another part that's just our secret, will be sure to have you Raking the Moon. A Bond girl's dream like scrub and Goldfinger and toe massage will leave your stilletos with a surefire sexy love License to Kill. 

Shaven Not Stirred
Best pun you ever heard - So wax off that extra hair - To show your Valentine you really care!

Call us today on 212 337 0032 
just calm down is offering these unique James Bond themed services from Thursday, February 11 – Sunday, February 14, 2010. Midnight services are also available for a 25% premium. Any of our massage treatments can be single or couples. Double the pleasure. Double the fun! Book early to avoid disappointment. And Never Say Never Again! Prices vary on treatment.

*Please note 15% discount cannot be used in conjunction with any other offer and applies to above named services only.

THE MONTHLY VISITOR monthly newsletter

FEBRUARY

**THE BLOG EDITION**

Welcome to February's installment of "The Monthly Visitor". To be added to this mailing list, email jessdelfino@yahoo.com.

Q: What's the difference between DD & TMV?

A: Great Q! TMV is shorter, accepts (selective) advertising on a sliding scale, and features guest editors. 

QUICK NOTE: To receive The Monthly Visitor easily and painlessly, please mark jessdelfino@yahoo.com as NOT SPAM. Please do that anyway. Yahoo doesn't understand this is merely satirical sass and not an oil scam outfit or penis enlargement company.

                     *********************************

FEBRUARY NEWS: 

If you haven't done it yet, join the SONG OF THE MONTH CLUB and get a FREE NEW Jessica Delfino song every month in your inbox before it hits the streets, as the kids say. Other benefits include show discounts, a membership card and more. To join free, email jessdelfino@yahoo.com, subject: SONG OF THE MONTH".

Feb's SONG OF THE MONTH hasn't come out yet. Instead, please accept Jan's SONG OF THE MONTH, late. It's a partially illustrated video because no one wants to waste their art degree forever. And that no one is me. 

Jan's song is called "Touched By An Alien" and is about those probed peeps out there and this lady's perspective on it. Watch the video HERE (or you can scroll down to the next post and see it there) and don't forget to comment, rate the video and share with your friends, if they're your real friends, that is -- especially any Star Trek fans or space exploration lovers or NASA employed friends or people who believe they've had an encounter. All word donations graciously accepted, so please comment!

PS -- This video is NSFW because I drop the F bomb in it a few times and talk about butts. But it's not about vaginas, unless you consider butts to be vaginas. 

Lookin' for fun, sailor? Just check out the right hand side of this blog and scroll down to see all dirty folk rock related upcoming events. For example, this Friday, I'll be at Carolyn Castiglia's free SPLURGE show at Happy Ending (corner of Broome & Forsythe) @ 8 PM. Also coming up are Monday's Tell Your Friends, Love, Sex, Kyle & Cleo & more. And if you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to this blog to get notified when new entries are posted. 

Here are a few more tasty selections from this month's entertainment menu: 

TUE FEB 9: 

CRAFTERMATH presents NEW TUE

A night of new songs, new crafts, new jokes and new stuff. Just in time for Valentine's Day. Our crafts are unusual and hand made, all priced right and truly beautiful, including handmade leather necklaces, hand painted cards and more.

Plus, The Dressing Room is beautiful and sells great vintage clothing, so you can sip booze while you style yourself. 

THE DRESSING ROOM

75a Orchard St. 

7-9 PM

FREE

www.craftermathworld.blogspot.com

WED FEB 10:

SKITS'N'TITS!

New videos, new burlesque & comedy guests including Kristen Schaal, Dave Hill and more. 

Also a super secret special guest you won't believe! 

10 PM

$5 in advance, $8 at the door.

This month's sponsors: PBR which means 2-for-1 PBRs all night long ($3 for 2 beers?!) and THE TOILET PAPER comedy newsletter. Sign up and check it out free, HERE.

MORE SHOW INFO: bowerypoetry.com

COMING UP: Jessica Delfino graces the pages of Time Out NY as one of NYC's 50 Most Stylish Peeps, on newsstands Wed. Feb 11.

And -- Jessica Delfino does DIRTY FOLK ROCK in Massachusetts in March!

Wed March 3

Cape Ann Community Cinema presents: 

DIRTY FOLK ROCK

21 Main St. 

Gloucester, MA 01930

(978) 282-1988

Visit the Facebook & Twitter pages and if it's your thing, become a fan at the FB fan page: Jessica Delfino & Dirty Folk Rock.

Congrats to all my friends who were nominated for ECNY (Emerging Comedians NY) Awards. I won the ECNY musical comedy award in 2005 or some shit, and it was an honor, a nod from NYC, and a lot of fun. So, support the ECNY Awards. 

That's it for now, see ya soon my little avocados, and thanks for all your support and approval, presents, CDs, encouragement, love, handmade stuff and adoration. It gets me through the day.

Truly,

Jessica

Twisted Minstrel, unusual craftess, illustrator / artist 

(hey, it's more interesting than comedian / actor)

               ****************************

                          MINI PRESS KIT:

www.wikipedia.com/wiki/jessica_delfino

www.jessydelfino.blogspot.com

facebook.com/jessdelfino

twitter.com/jessicadelfino

"[A] comedy rock star. . . brilliant comedian/musician Jessy Delfino." --ComedyCentral.com

"Jessica Delfino has sang, danced, and comedianed her way to LES notoriety--some feat." --Time Out New York

"We were immediately stuck to our seats stunned and smiling as Jessica Delfino engaged us in tune after tune...She is funny. And smart." -- Thurston Moore & Byron Coley, Arthur Magazine

"Comedic Discovery of the Month" --Comedy Central

"High Times Unsigned Band of the Week" --High Times

"Best Guitar-Slinging Comedian" -- Best Of 2005 , The Village Voice

"The Lower East Side's folkie queen" --The Village Voice

"Jessica Delfino has one of the funniest bits I've ever heard...smart, socially aware comedy." --The Huffington Post

"Stellar" -- NY Times

"Witty...as subversive as it gets" -- Backstage

"Critics' Choice...Supremely witty...smart and edgy...we've been playing this quirky New York songsters album 'I Wanna Be Famous' all week and can't wait to see her live." -- Time Out London

"A stirring show of ribald folk songs. There's more to this seriously talented comic songwriter than jokes...a tough show to top" -- London METRO

SONG OF THE MONTH club -- JANUARY (it's late)

WARNING: This song is NSFW because I drop the F bomb a few times and there's some talk of anal probe-ation.

This month's song of the month is called, "Touched by an Alien" and it is about the people out there who have been probed by an extra terrestrial. Many folks complain about getting probed, and in all fairness, I can see why one might not want to get anally probed by an alien or anyone or thing else. But if it does happen, perhaps these people should consider themselves kind of special, lucky, the chosen butts, what have you. 

Basically -- I'm wondering why people don't say, "Hey world -- I was the one the alien chose to kinda fu*%! The alien didn't choose you, did it? No! It chose me!"

So I wrote a song about it and made a video to go with it. I even illustrated some lines, because I went to art school and I'm sick of wasting my degree. This one is in black and white, but the next one is in color. This one was kind of a test run. I look slightly butchy in this video and I blend into the black background. I dressed down in a regular old tee shirt for this song because I figured, hey, all the famous rock bands do it and everyone loves it, so maybe it will work for me. But after seeing the video, I think I should stick to my crazy fashions, even though the tee shirt I'm wearing is of my friends' funny "German" band "Die Roten Punkt". Speaking of my crazy fashions, on Feb 11th, I'll be in the Time Out NY "50 Most Stylish New Yorkers" issue sporting some of my bad ass dirty folk fashions, so be sure to check that out then. 

If you are not a member of the SONG OF THE MONTH club, you can join the free club by emailing me at jessdelfino@yahoo.com with the subject: SONG OF THE MONTH (or subscribe to my blog) and you will get a new song by me emailed to you free, every month. 

If you'd like to hear some of the songs from past months, check out the last two month's songs HERE. November's "Happy Stoned Thanksgiving" about when people smoke lotsa pot and get the munchies and eat so much food it's like Thanksgiving, and December's "Fight The Party" about how New York City is totally changing, and like, not necessarily in a good way. 

I'm not insisting these songs are greatest hits or my best work ever, but they're fun and I enjoy writing songs and I want to share them, so I hope you get a kick out of them. 

A Mellow Tuesday Afternoon at a Coffee Shop 
in the East Village, NYC,

Friend my mom on Facebook

It's about 3 in the afternoon on Tuesday and I'm listening to a little Phil Collins as I sit at this coffee shop in the East Village. Comedian friend Jena Friedman and I are hangin' out and talkin biz. If you are familiar with Jena, you know why this dark and twisted lady and I are friends. If you are not familiar with her, check out this dating video she put on her Youtube page: 

What a pip!

My mom is on Facebook now, thank goodness! I was hoping someone would write slightly 
embarrassing paragraph long facebook updates describing me as her child. Here's her most 
recent Facebook update:

Looking to do a small bathroom remodel. I believe the three stooges "country cousins" were just here to give a quote. They walked in circles and into one another. Scratched their heads. Slapped eachother's faces with wet mops...not really. Heavy southern drawls, cowboy hats and boots, one set of teeth between them, and one was missing all the fingers from both hands. That one flirted with me the whole time. Sweet.

She's funny! And smart, too. And apparently, according to her FB page, "single" I 
just found out! Friend my mom on Facebook here, or if you're a handsome, sane 
guy in the Northern Florida area, take her out on a date. She looks great and is 
young-spirited and fun. If you friend her, tell her you're a friend of mine in the message. Let's see how many new friends we can get my mom!

TODAY, LIVE on KEITH AND THE GIRL

This podcast featuring Keith Malley & Chemda is a really fun show with great, very funny guests. Keith and Chemda are also really entertaining and funny -- a real life couple, they talk about their lives and b.s. about current news topics and goings on with guests and each other.

They wrote a sex book which I read some of, it is really funny, well-written and frank. You can check out a FREE chapter of the book HERE. If you enjoy it, pre-order a copy. They're good, cool people and they wrote a good, funny book, so buy it. If you're one of those people who likes to read but hates books now, get one for your modern fancy eyeball tablet science-y assistant book-like machine.

You can listen to the podcast live, today, online at 4:30ish PM, at KATG.com. You can also listen online later around 6 or 7 PM if you miss it live. So do this! PS -- I will be debuting a new song today on the show on the theme of UFOs. See ya soon!

GOTH AS FU*% review, MONDAY'S HAPS

and a few additional musings

Goth as Fu*% was a great little show, too bad the audience that was supposed to be there pussied out because of the cold weather, or maybe they just weren't goth enough. But the ones who did make it were really enthusiastic and good looking. On the way to shoot a video yesterday, I discovered a large gold metallic cross in the garbage at a church and it became part of the night. It was truly a sight to behold. In case you missed that, I'm going to write it again -- I found a cross in the garbage in front of a church. The symbolism and meaning I could dig out of that one is a whole other blog entry. 

Try Cry Try were amazing, gothin' it up with their gothy rock which was somewhat reminiscent to me of Haunted Pussy.

Jena Friedman popped in with a dark little comedy set and saved the day after another performer had to cancel. 

Dame Darcy was amazing as always, with her creepy witch ritual and her red, red rose song. 

Miss Em

And the burlesquers were really terrific gothified beauties -- Miss Em on fire breathing and Gal Friday with cutting her mouth stitches open and bleeding into a bucket. It was really amazing!! 

Gal Friday

This morning I got up early-ish and went to go shoot a comedy sketch video with friends over in the East Village. It was so cold, I cried the whole way there. When I ride my bike, tears stream down my face because the wind gets all up in my eye ball holes and also because I think there might be something wrong with my tear ducts that makes me cry uncontrollably when I ride my bike and when I get my period and stuff. I rode my bike against the crisp ass air anyway, and got there, luckily, in one piece. As I locked my wheels up, I felt thankful for one more safe bike ride on the mean, mean streets of NYC.

The video shoot went well and if all goes right, I'll have something to post here for you in the next week or so. 

I also shot a video yesterday (Sunday) on Rivington Street with Joel Schlemowitz, it was a very strange little video about sitting in a parlor, listening to records on the Victrola and doing old timey fun things, like staring into a stereoscope or whatever they're called; back in the olden days people used to have these old "futuristic" eye-glass looking things wherein you could stick photo slates of two identical pictures, side by side, and the two of them viewed through the lens made it go 3-D. I'd never heard of or seen the thing before and was excited to get to experience this old timey modern futuristic-y 3-D device. It was basically like the first ever view-master. 

photo of Stereoscope, borrowed from someone's website

(thank you, stranger)

The video is showing this Thursday at an art show closing alongside other videos, Thursday Feb 4, 6 pm - 9 pm at 42 Rivington St. 

I'm going to be on Keith and the Girl podcast tomorrow. If you haven't heard of Keith and the Girl, uhhh, run, don't walk to your nearest computer and check that shit out.

GOTH AS FU*%

Sunday, January 31

goth burlesque, goth dress, goth music,

goth drinks, goth acts, goth videos, goth raffle

dress to depress, win a prize

Burlesque by Miss Em & Gal Friday

Music & performances by Dame Darcy, Try Cry Try & Nick Gorman

plus

Miss Jane S. Discofile hosts and stirs up some shit

CRAFTERMATH sells goth punk hand made gifts, 

just in time for Valentine's Day, 

everything under $10

Doors at 8

show at 8:30 - 11:30

goth-y drinks after

SLIPPER ROOM

167 Orchard @ Stanton, NYC.

$5 at the door

VISIT THE FACEBOOK INVITE HERE