Thursday, January 16, 2003

Important Public Service Announcement
by Jessica Delfino & Kurt Metzger

This was sent out as a Believe Chicken mass email, but is based on a story I heard on the news.

I was watching the news tonight when I saw a story that brought one tear to my two eyes, so each eye had half a tear. In a borough of NYC somewhere, far, far away from the safe part where we all live, an elderly woman was raped by a young man of 16 or 17.

This upset me very deeply, because the elderly should not be getting raped. I have particular interest in this case, because my grandmother is elderly – and at high risk for rape.

Why are young people raping our elderly? I believe it is because there are no programs that teach our children how gross it is to have sex with the elderly. I propose an after school program where our adolescents will be brow beaten with stories of how disgusting even consensual sex with old people is, and strongly encouraged to stop raping them.

Together, we are delivering a message: Adolescents need to keep their hands on their books, and out of the giant bloomers of the elderly. The elderly should be respected, not bent over their little Rascals by hooligans.

This week at Believe Chicken, we want to help. Bring all your pictures of the oldest people you know. These photos will be distributed by us to children who we think are at risk of raping the elderly. We will also be voting on an anti-rape campaign slogan. Some suggestions are:

Nye means Nye
Don’t rape the Elderly – When they were young, bread was a nickel
Old People – They’re bad at fucking

Thank you.

Now to the funny!

@ Nightingale, 13th St. & 2nd Ave.
Showtime – 7 pm
Cheap Drinks - Happy Hour from 6-8 pm
Awesome DJ from 6-7 and then after the show
$2 cover

Featuring your hosts Jessica Delfino & Liz Laufer
And a slew of comics:

Liam McEneaney
Andrea Rosen
Danny Cohen
Bernadette Pauley
Ray Field
Tom Daddario
Tom Padovano
Sasha Guilla
Sheldon Wickowitz

Also: starring special guests. It’s gonna be a great time, so make sure to come by, and don’t forget those photos.

Be There. Believe Chicken.

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