Saturday, January 30, 2010


Sunday, January 31

goth burlesque, goth dress, goth music,
goth drinks, goth acts, goth videos, goth raffle
dress to depress, win a prize

Burlesque by Miss Em & Gal Friday

Music & performances by Dame Darcy, Try Cry Try & Nick Gorman


Miss Jane S. Discofile hosts and stirs up some shit

CRAFTERMATH sells goth punk hand made gifts, 
just in time for Valentine's Day, 
everything under $10

Doors at 8
show at 8:30 - 11:30
goth-y drinks after

167 Orchard @ Stanton, NYC.

Friday, January 29, 2010


WHAT'S THE BOOZE / FOOD SITUATION: BYOB and BYO snacks. There will also be some beer / wine and snacks there to buy cheap.

WHERE / WHY: This is a huge beautiful 2 floor LMCC (Lower Manhattan Cultural Council) granted space in the South Street Seaport which is where the show, Flight 18, is showing through March. It's amazing to have so much space in the city to move and run / dance around, do cartwheels, roller skate, even, (bring 'em if ya got 'em) to a great mix of dance music. We have been having a lot of fun rehearsing there and decided to have a big dance party, so come one, come all, tell your friends, email this to whoever you like and hope to see you there!!

WHO IS INVITED: Everyone! Spread the word, pass it on!!

HOW MUCH: Free / by donation of any amount, but we really just want you there. 


is throwing our first 
Boogie Down Friday 
and you are invited!

We want to celebrate our pre-production getting off to such a terrific start and to thank all of the wonderful people who are helping us make this exciting ride happen! This party is open to everyone who wants to join in (friends, family, etc.) so please pass this e-mail around and let people know where to be this Friday ...

When: Friday, January 29th, 2010
Time: starting at 6:30 PM
Place: 210 Front Street at the South Street Seaport in Lower Manhattan 

(From the Fulton Street Station walk east on Fulton Street.  Make a left at the Bodies Exhibit, walk past the Gap, we’re on the left at the corner of Front Street and Beekman Street.  You’ll see the green @SEAPORT signs.)

There will be special performances and everything else you’re looking for.

Looking forward to seeing you there.

That's not enough blog entry for ya? OK, fine, then enjoy about 20 girls dressed in business attire, singing and doing a choreographed dance to the song 9 to 5. See if you can pick me out. Hint: I'm wearing a yellow polka dotted blazer. 

Thursday, January 28, 2010


Is it a shot from a 1972 issue of Playboy? No! It's a modern day portrait of the lovely house burlesque troup of Skits'N'Tits, The ChiChiones. Here, two are frolicking in the tub already, waiting for the third to get with the program and ditch the pesky party pooping robe. Things are getting misty in there -- or smoky? I can't tell. Either way, a hot time is being had in that photo. Does this photo make you salivate? Save your saliva! You can see them live at the next Skits'N'Tits, alongside Kristen Schaal, Dave Hill and others, on Wed, Feb 10 @ 10 PM, 308 Bowery.

This photo was taken by Alex M. Smith who has shot for the iconic Rolling Stone and other publications. You can see more of his work HERE. I love working with Alex. He doesn't charge a ton of money and has a super high quality level. On his site are photos of Miss Exotic World Julie Atlas Muz, comedians Fred Armisen and Michael Showalter and other peeps you may or may not recognize.

Last night I was in the big opening number of the show DREAM ROLE, starring Katina Corrao, Sara Jo Allocco and Glennis McMurray. In the show were Andrea Rosen, Ann Carr, Tom Shillue, Rob Gordon, Sean Crespo and many others. It was a terrific night, each performer re-enacting songs and scenes from their fave films, as is the premise of the show. Fabulous! If I am ever on the show, I shall re-create Tina Turner in "What's Love Got To Do With It" or Bette Midler in "Beaches". That last statement is all truth.

And I'll leave you with this:

PARIS HILTON WORDS OF WISDOM -- Paris lets you know how to find success. I actually appreciate this very much! Though it's hilarious to make fun of her and it's hard to completely sympathize with her, I truly am a fan of Paris, believe it or not. I have a few secret celeb creative crushes that you might not expect -- also including Shakira, Ke$ha, Lady Gaga and more.

Enjoy your Thursday, ya silly geese.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010



Click HERE for more info (Facebook invite)
@ 92Y Tribeca
Hudson just south of Canal
9 PM

I'm not doing a solo set, but I'm going to be part of a very special number!!

I've got more to say but I gotta run, so in the mean time, follow my blog so when I do get a minute to write that interesting thing I was going to write, you will be notified.

And then, enjoy this video of
posted by Liam McEneaney's TELL YOUR FRIENDS fundraiser

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Book Club Burlesque

Tonight, the show and acts are based on the book, THE CURIOUS SOFA by Odgren Weary (Edward Gorey)

Tuesday, January 26, 2010
8:00pm - 11:00pm
Parkside Lounge

317 East Houston Street

The premiere Book Club Burlesque of 2010 finds us back to familiar territory: the bizarre and surreal. This event will be another fantastic assortment of visual and performance works by very talented artists from the Lower East Side and beyond. 

For those who don't know, Book Club Burlesque is responsible for promoting sexy, literate fun through thematic choices. It is in every sense a Book Club, and in every sense a Burlesque party. It has been featured as a Voice Choice (Riverdale Sock-Hop) and features a revolving cast of eccentric contributors.

Postcard designed by Kat Millerick

Bios of contributors:
(shortened for quick read sake!)

Sabrina Chap's got classical piano skills, the ballad heartbreak of Tom Waits, the onstage antics of Phyllis Diller and the voice of a whiskey angel. Facebook fan her and check her out at or

Darlinda Just Darlinda has been working as a Burlesque Performer in New York since 2003. She coined the term “Polyester Performance”, an inspiring mixture of Burlesque, Modern Dance, Performance Art, Psychedelic Happening, Comedy Sketch, and Drag Queen Ballet. 
The Village Voice calls Darlinda a “Mastermind of Bizarre Extravaganza.” 

Agnes de Garron (aka Sister Hysterectoria) is a ballet/modern dancer/choreographer/actor who worked for 13 years as an improvisational performance artist/puppeteer with the Puppetears of Ecstasy.

Jessica Delfino is a satirical musician and multi-faceted performer who likes using strange instruments in her act, such as flying V ukuleles, rape whistles and stuff like that. She is wicked honored to have been publicly denounced by the US Catholic League for her work.Visit her at or google that ass and see what comes up.

Jena Friedman is a comedian, writer and actor living in New York. Jena has been compared to her childhood hero, Edward Gorey: “If an Edward Gorey line-drawing came to life, donned blue jeans and performed Stand-Up Comedy, it might resemble the Eerily Dry and Morbidly Quirky Jena Friedman (” For more info, check out

Nicholas Gorham is a graduate of The American Academy of Dramatic Arts and has been performing in New York since the early part of the century. Nicholas thanks all the magical geniuses in his life for their undying support in all spiritual, emotional and creative endeavors. 

Leslie Lowe
brief bio: "a veni, vidi, veci" ( I came, I saw, I conquered)

Alexis Pace NYC based Dyke, Artist and Designer. Her background in Industrial Design has inspired her to mix different materials and mediums as the inspiration dictates. Sculpture, photography, mixed media, and popsicle sticks. This is her first foray into performance.

Elizabeth Rabinovici was born in Brooklyn , Ny in 1984 and grew up in long island. She graduated with a B.F.A from the School of Visual Arts in 2008 . She currently has a studio in Bush Wick . Elizabeth Rabinovici creates sculptures, paintings , installation art and other artistic wonders

Lydia Iris Ransom is a molotov cocktail of wit and whimsy. She is the creative director of the Porcelain Babies Burlesque troupe. She was raised amidst glitter and feathers, and follows in Paula and Tanya's stiletto heeled steps. She is well educated in the etiquette of debauchery, and is newly arrived to the East.

Zombie Doll has been described by critics as "a little tea-pot, Dorothy, almost Puck-like in his sense of mischief, Holly Golightly, perky black tutu & nipple rings did the trick"- The New Lost Times.  



Last night I hosted Diane O'Debra's Talent Show show because Diane had somewhere she had to be. I really enjoyed myself despite one or two issues, and very much appreciated and enjoyed what everyone brought to the show. No poets showed up which was relieving, because the poetry at that show really kills the energy, most times. A few great musicians stopped by, including King Aswad who I love and lots of great comics I know came, such as Hannibal Burress, Jena Friedman, Joe Mande, Adam Lowitt, Carolyn Castiglia and Heather Fink, also Ali Wong opened the show. 

What was especially great for me was all the women who were there and my lady pals who came to work, perform, or just to hang out with me, support me and encourage me by being there, cracking jokes, making me laugh, and lookin' all good, making me look good by being around me. Sarah and her pal, Daniella, Heather, Jena, Carolyn, Steph, Diane and the rest of you, you know you rock the night and rule the school. 

And I'd like to give a shout out to Yaffa, Tom and Lisa -- 
It was great to meet you ladies and I wish you HAPPINESS and LUCK and LOVE and SUCCESS.
And nothing more and nothing less.

For a good time, go to Diane O'Debra's open mic every Monday night at 308 Bowery at 10 PM. $3.

Oh yeah, the writing contest was: WRITE AN AIDS JOKE

The winning entry: How many AIDS does it take to screw in an AIDS bulb? AIDy.

Monday, January 25, 2010


I will be the host of Diane O'Debra's esteemed variety open mic

@ 10 PM
Bowery Poetry Club, 308 Bowery
lottery sign up a little after 10
$3 to watch or perform or both

Another, more charitable option for this evening:

@ Lolita Bar, corner of Broome and Allen Sts.
8 PM on
TONS of celebs are coming together for this
Haiti fundraiser including Janeane Garofalo, Lewis Black
and many more.

You could potentially hit Liam's and then hop on over to
Talent Show, just a few delicious blocks away.

Hope to see you somewhere soon my little Monday honey buns.
***Make sure to FOLLOW this blog so you will be updated when I post a new entry.***
Thanks for reading and shit.

And a quick PS:


I have transformed the spare bedroom in my apartment into a full blown recording studio and I am workin workin day and night in here putting together my next album. I'm so excited to share my new project with you. Hopefully it won't suck. It is still months away, but I will be sure to update you here. For those of you who have joined the Jessica Delfino SONG OF THE MONTH club, thank you for your patience. I have a new song coming your way VERY SOON!

In the mean time, here is your new favorite video.

I don't know where this video is from or what the people in the video are saying, but they are clearly having the time of their life aboard what appears to be a cruise ship or casino boat. This video comes across as slightly sexist, and the singer of the video appears to be a dink, but there's something kind of irresistible about it anyway. Enjoy!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Sat Jan 23

Glorious Comedy @ Poco
Ave. B and 3rd Street
New York , NY

11 PM
Cost: Free

Glorious Comedy, hosted by Dan Enfield and Abigoliah Schamaun

I will play a few guitar songs and ONE NEW SONG inspired by a real life "event" that happened in my life today, if you can even call it an event, but the days are all blurring together so badly that even the stupidest things register as an event these days.

I spent the day working in my studio, giving guitar and vocal lessons, and writing. It was a great day of good, productive work, but I didn't really go outside at all, except to take my bike to the bike shop near my house (aptly named Da Shop) to get the rear wheel fixed where some nincompoop (yeah, I'm so mad I said it - nincompoop!) backed his (I'm going to assume it's a dude) truck (also an assumption) into my bike, mangling my precious and much used bike basket, somehow popping my rear tire, AND knocking a reflector off my back wheel, costing me luckily only $20 to repair. STILL, it's still $20 I shouldn't have had to spend if not for the stupid obliviousness and carelessness of some dumb shit for neck who hit and ran, crushing my poor, undeserving bike.

Another bone to pick with the universe re: my bike -- I'm getting really sick and tired of people using my bike basket as a garbage pail. Empty cups, cans, cigarette wrappers, plates, utensils, newspapers and more are waiting for me as my morning treats. Hey, Charlie, get your fucking crap out of my bike basket! Yeah, I said it, Charlie! Cause it's probably a guy. And he's probably Chinese. Because I live in Chinatown. And they don't care about me or my stinkin' bike.

Come see the show tonite! Hooray!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Delfino's Blog #29 in strange scientific / technological experimental comedian blog list?
**... also... **
An afternoon with Greg Sestero

How did I even find this article? Was it because I was googling myself? No. I actually found it checking stats on my blog -- someone had visited my blog due to that link. So, thank you Mo -- you'll find your retaliatory link both HERE and in my "PEEPS" section. Took me, jeez, almost 4 years to find the article! I wonder if my blog is still rated #29 of comedian blogs, etc, whatever. Read the story, here, which basically lists the 40 most popular blogs by and for comedians or some shit, according to Technorati / Mo Diggs semi-scientific / technological experiment. My blog was listed as 29 in this very specific study at one point.

So, how did YOU spend YOUR Wednesday? I had a lovely afternoon, giving a guided tour of my LES neighborhood to one Mister Greg "The Room" Sestero. We walked from Orchard and Broome around in a big circle, passing and visiting LES spots of note -- Moby's defunct(?) Teany, the store that used to be Paul's Boutique, Economy Candy...

...Welcome To The Johnson's, Sugar Sweet Sunshine cupcake joint, Spitzer's, Clemente Solo Vasquez, ABC No Rio, the 'jects, the Williamsburg Bridge, through E. TriBeCa (that's the Triangle Below Canal on the LOWER EAST SIDE, aka Lower East Chinatown), etc. We tried to visit the awesome Ale Et Ange but it wasn't open.

Ale Et Ange is a store that is in a basement space on Orchard which belongs to a fashion designer who will blow your mind. The space is so well done -- if you've never seen the place, drop by. The clothes are not for broke people, but they are really beautiful and worth every penny. When I get a cool bil, I'm going to have them make ALL my clothes.

We then we went to my local coffee shop, 88 Orchard, where Greg treated me to a cream cheese bagel (which we split) and a decaf coffee, and I thanked him by violently whipping his buns in a fierce game of afternoon Scrabble. I found Greg to be kinda brainy and clever, and he held his own at Scrabble. But I'm a super word whiz, and so I politely handed Greg his head.

Here, Greg looks slightly disheveled, having just been bludgeoned by my Scrabble wizardry and suffering from a bit of hat head which my faux cat hat has a tendency to do, but don't let his haggard look fool you -- in addition to being a star of The Room, Greg is actually a pro model. He happened to have his book with him so I took a peek through it and had literally ten minutes of fun coming up with captions to his multitude of sultry model pose looks. It's kind of fascinating to me how pro models are as freakish as a side show act in their own way -- rare, you can't look away, etc -- yet they're infinitely better paid and surrounded by men and women who want to be them, bang them, or both.

After coffee and Scrabs, I went down to the South Street Seaport for a show I'm working on which has a retardedly rigorous rehearsal schedule, running through Feb, March and into April. I'm not used to dedicating all of my time to one show and I'm hoping I'll be able to make all the rehearsals around comedy / music gigs. But this show seems really interesting and fun and unusual, and I'm very excited to see how it all pans out. And the other members of the cast are amazing. I will keep you posted as the details unravel.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

**GOTH AS FUCK with DAME DARCY comes to town**

**and other upcoming shows**

Last night I went to Seth Herzog's Sweet, which has become my regular Tuesday night hang as of late. All the proceeds were going to Haiti. He was also having an American Idol contest and so, of course, I had to get up there and sing my favorite song, "Savin' All My Love For You". Zach Galifianakis or however the fuck he spells his crazy name snapped on my singing with an insult about adding powder to purify my voice. Fuck you, famous guy! I guess that was the whole gag of the bit was to insult whoever got up, but even Simon concedes now and then.

Another kid got up and sang too. I think I won, but Seth never disclosed the winner.

On the show were Colin Quinn, Jeffrey Ross, Seth's mom and others. It was a great show as usual, and I got some really useful and interesting information out of a cute bartender about why bartenders give out free drinks and to whom.

Last night was an especially chatty night and I met several new friends, including this sweet gal Sarah who happened to have her ice skates draped over her shoulder like Tonya Harding or something. She got Colin to sign them using her handy travel sharpie she had on her person. What a lucky gal!

I also met this other lady Jeruschca I think her name was. She was dressed just like me, and had the same face of one of my child hood best friends. It was surreal.

My favorite gemini witch Dame Darcy is coming to town this week, like Santa Claus. Together, we're producing a Naughty Nautical Nite at The Slipper Room, this time with the theme GOTH AS FUCK, featuring goth music, goth dress, goth burlesque and acts, and goth, goth, and more goth. Bust out the vampire fangs, listen to emo music on your way out the door, dress in black, lace and / or like a dead sailor, prizes will be given away for best dressed. $5 at the door.


goth burlesque, goth dress, goth music,
goth drinks, goth acts, goth raffle
dress to depress, win a prize

Doors at 8
show at 8:30 - 11:30
goth-y drinks after

167 Orchard @ Stanton, NYC.

Also check out the other upcoming shows on the right hand side of my blog. Highlights include Skits'N'Tits Feb 10, I'm guest hosting Jena Friedman's Entertaining The Bartender and doing an out of town show in Boston, Mass, March 3. Also, a new SONG OF THE MONTH is coming out soon! If you haven't already, join the Jessy Delfino SONG OF THE MONTH club today!! It's free and easy.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


No clothing required!?

I auditioned today for a TV show on a major network, thanks to a friend's referral. They wanted me to play a ukulele song in the buff. I went in and auditioned for the part, playing the song totally clothed, this time around. I don't mean to dislocate my arm patting myself on the back, but, even though I barely knew the song and had only just learned it, and didn't have it memorized 100%, I sorta nailed the audition. The casting agent was very sweet and friendly, and I left feeling really good.

As I walked through midtown, the outfit I was wearing which was a cute 40s-esque looking get up with a yellow dress that fell to my knees, a pink hat with a feather in it, and fishnet tights attracted lurkers. I guess people see fishnets and they think there's free fish around.

A coupla creep-os tailed me down 8th Ave, so I went into a clothing store and pretended to be really absorbed by the 2 ugly tee shirt for the price of 1 sale. One grubbo even had the audacity to hang out on the other side of the plate glass window, watching me, so I instinctively gave him a stern "neck slicing" motion meaning, what? Cut it out? Don't make me slice you? I guess both. I followed that up with a harsh finger to the left movement and mouthed the words "Move on". He caught my drift, nodded, and scuffled on to the next poor girl who was unfortunate enough to decide to wear a dress that day.

Once I saw he had motivated onward, I left the store and headed quickly towards the subway. A few more hyenas tried to tag alongside me, but I was in no mood to play, so I tossed a few, "Screw off"'s and "Leave me alone"'s around, and the sharks seemed to instantly find better things to do. It was the first time I've felt nervous walking down the street in NYC in a long time.

I called a friend once off the subway and discussed the potential nude uke gig. Not that I'm even hired yet at all! But it crossed my mind that if chosen for this role, they are going to want me to deliver my nude bod and a ditty, and I'm going to have to follow through. For some reason, that didn't really click until after I'd left the audition. A gig is never really booked until the car is there to pick me up. So, what would it hurt to audition, get my name and face in front of a noted casting agent? The worst that could happen is that she might never call me for anything ever. No sweat off my beef curtains. We concocted a list of pros and cons:


* I get money
* I get LOTS of um, exposure
* I get to play my uke on a major TV show
* You get to see my ta tas (they're not too shabby if I do say so, myself)


* I'd be naked on TV -- my PARENTS might even be watching!
* I'd be naked on TV -- my GRAND PARENTS might even be watching!
* I'd be naked on TV -- my sisters, friends, enemies, the goobers who followed me down 8th Ave might be watching!
* I'd be remembered as "that naked ukelele girl", which has it's pros, too, sorta?
* Strangers would probably come up to me and be like, "Hey! You're that naked ukulele girl!" while I'm trying to eat a sandwich or ride the subway.
* I probably wouldn't get paid much more than enough to buy a large pizza.

I guess first I'll have to see if they even want me. And then, who knows? Maybe I could actually be talked into a shakin it naked. What do you think? Should I take it all off? Or should I keep it all on?

Leave a comment below with your feedback -- and be niiiice.

Monday, January 18, 2010

It was a 2 post-er weekend

If you're up on your J Delly blog, you know that I spent Saturday night watching Avatar in 3-D. But, what did I do on Sunday? I bet you're dying to know! And who am I to keep you from knowing the answer to that pressing question?

I had a terrificly adventurous Sunday, in fact, thanks for asking.


I woke up early on Sunday to audition to be a Lady Gaga back up singer in her tour. Yeah, I know what you're thinking -- "But Jessica, you're a star! You're not some mere back up singer." True, but try seeing things from MY perspective -- "Why the hell not?" That is (one of) my (several dozen) motto(s) in life and it has gotten me thus far.

It seemed to me an obvious, no-brainer. Lady Gaga and I are two fruits from the same tree. Look at Bilge Baron circa 2006 and Lady Gaga's image from her Fame Monster campaign. Bilge Baron bleeding from her eyes was a natural instinct for me, and actually represented the torture of witnessing the truths of life. Or some shit.

I arrived a few minutes late, due to having a little bit of trouble getting a cab dressed as a maniac. When I arrived in midtown at the audition, I was surrounded by dozens of slightly freakishly dressed models of the same age and size who were dressed nowhere near as freakish as I was. The receiving lady was wicked rude and patronizing, as to be expected, right on cue. I had my 10 second audition where I sung a snippet of my pop song of choice, Whitney's "Saving All My Love For You" dressed like an utter maniac. I did not get my instant call back, and left relieved.

Your faithful author as Haunted Pu55y's Bilge Baron for Lady Gaga's back up singer audition.


I hoofed it down 9th Ave and across town through Times Square to a green screen studio in the Flat Iron area to where my friend Derrick Beckles was filming a little video he invited me to be in. I arrived looking like a mess from hell, soaking wet. On my way to the studio, a few gentlemen hooted and hollared at me, one asking me if my blue drawn on tears were tattoos, tailing me for a block. When I finally said to him, "Don't follow me, please", he got so offended that I assumed he was following me that he said, "Damn! I wouldn't follow you anywhere!" Except for down the block, which he forgot to mention, but it was assumed on my part based on the evidence.

I shot my small but fun part in the video, also featuring Gavin McInnes who I appreciate deeply and fear slightly. I observed when shirtless, he has a 30s board walk beach man body. The bartender moustache also really helps seal the deal. He conceded, saying he loves that look.

I boogied outta there in time to have a late brunch (more like linner) with Greg Sistero and various assorted members of the Kong Magazine production party planned for later Sunday evening. It started hilariously late and once we finally all got situated, someone immediately knocked a glass of champagne over onto Greg's lap. I laughed for no less than 10 minutes at the sheer comedy of it all, and then quickly took to Greg who was sitting on my right, due to his irresistibly amicable nature and stunning good looks. It was like looking into a mirror.

After brunch, I ran off into the rainstorm and prepared for my Kong Party hosting duties scheduled to begin around 9 that night at Pianos. The show started a bit late but went off, all in all, pretty well. We were entertained by Anna Copacabanna, Saadi & Pajammers, comedians Jena Friedman, James Harris, David Cope and Sean Patton, gave away literally a dozen ridiculously sized and shaped sex toys, screened the amazing cult sensation film, "The Room"(starring Greg Sistero, who intro'd it and did a Q & A after) which was so hilariously bad you couldn't look away. Unfortunately, I had to look away, because I was running back and forth hosting the shows up and downstairs. I believe I heard that a second drink was also spilled on Greg. Now, that's a party.

I think Kong Magazine is going to start doing a monthly bash, so keep your ears tuned in for more info about that.

And THAT was my Sunday. Monday has been much more relaxed. Just me and the cat, staring down Ludlow Street with a dreamy look in our eyes.

NOTE: The seal on the window is broke so it's foggy. The dirt is on the OUTSIDE of the window. The fancy iPhone does not capture things as my eyes see them. And that concludes my notes.

Yeah, I saw it, in 3-D, even. My boyfriend (like many people's boyfriend) is a movie / tech nerd. Hey, I like a film as much as the next perverted ditty singer, but I would have been fine watching it like poor people at the regular $12.00 ticket price, versus the $25.00 3-D price. (From what I understand, the $25.00 ticket price covers the cost of collecting the 3-D glasses and sending them to some 3-D glasses cleaning place.)

I tried to talk my bf into seeing it in 2-D. "What's the big deal?" I said. "It's $25.00!" I complained. "Jeezum crow!" I elaborated. "I mean, ferchrissakes, is it really going to be that much better?" However, movie / tech nerd bf was holding out for the 3-D tickets. However, most of the 3-D theaters in Manhattan are totally soldzies outzies, some for weeks. Enter my lucky magic stubbornness. There's something you should know about me. This girl never pays retail. EVER. It's something I take pride in. I learned it from my mom. And, at this point, it's a system I've got down pretty well. Whatever I need, I can usually get for free or cheap. Someday I will write a book about it.

I got on the horn and called up an old friend who I knew was in charge of security at a theater in my neighborhood. He'd told me to call him anytime I wanted to catch a little flickage. I left him a message asking him to help a sister out.

Come through, did he ever!! He called me on Saturday night as I was getting ready to head to a party and he said, "I got 4 tickets here for you to the 3-D showing of Avatar." I ditched my party plans and found myself a new plan that involved 2 free 3-D tix to Avatar and one hour notice to give them away, on a Saturday night. I texted about a dozen friends, and 1 responded immediately that he was in. The other ticket went back to heaven, where it had come from.

At the theater, our security guard friend walked us up to the front of the line and handed us our glasses. "OK, you're in. Have a nice time," he said.

We got PERFECT seats -- 6th or 7th row from the top, dead center. I was very skeptical about what 3-D was going to do for the movie. When the previews started, I put on the glasses and almost got sick for a second during the Alice In Wonderland snippet. Watching in 3-D for me was like balancing on a boat in high heels. But I'm from Maine and spent a fair amount of time on the water, so I got used to it in no time. It was, in 3 words, totally psychedelic, man -- it brought back memories of black light posters and psilocybin, Led Zeppelin nights and memories I wasn't even sure were real or imagined. However, my sweet, movie / tech nerd bf, the one who'd busted my chops to see the film in 3-D for weeks, was a dizzy mess. He hated the 3-D effects and ended up watching the whole movie sans glasses. TOO BAD FOR HIM! He missed out on something awesome. Every so often, I'd look over at him and pat his hand. I'd notice he looked pissed and slightly green. Or was I tripping?

Again, I would like to state for the record that I did not go into this movie a) expecting to like it or b) understanding what 3-D would add to it. I came out of the movie a changed person with a new love and appreciation for 3-D.

I actually enjoyed the movie very much, psychedelics and large budget aside. But psychedelic doesn't just describe the 3-D viewing of the film. The story line is about a hippie alien race who are connected to their planet (Pandora) using metaphors I found to be slightly sexual & computer-y. For example, they connected their bodies to the animals by touching fleshy rods which grasped onto each other. Thus, they could feel what the animals were feeling, and vice versa. I saw parallels to what America did to Indians, and the Indians spiritual connection to the earth and all living things. I didn't like the heavy handedness of the film towards the bad attitude on behalf of the human government and soldiers, and I'm normally often anti-gov. I thought it was too aggressive and too fabricated. It made me take myself out of the story line and want to defend the gov in my head, and I'd rather have just been able to sit back and enjoy the movie fully. I just had a really hard time believing that they would destroy an entire race of people and their sacred lands, in this day and age, knowing what we know, after what we've already been through as a society, with joy and delight. Frankly, that decision in the script kind of pissed me off. I also hated the idiotic main character's (Sully) dufus-y personality and I don't think it even made any sense. What was the point? To show that morons have feelings, too? I just didn't get it.

I'm a film trouble shooter by nature. I go through it piece by piece like a detective, asking questions. Not out loud -- thankfully for you all. But in my head, I'm taking notes, like your elderly aunt. "Now, why would he do that? That doesn't seem reasonable," and "Well, wait a minute, but back there, they did that. That doesn't fit." Thus, going to the movies as me, with me, in my head, is kind of a pain in the ass. My stupid brain just won't shut up and let me watch the movie.

Anyway, all things considered, I really enjoyed the movie a lot, and I'm a real stickler who hates lots of things. I would give it an 87 / 100. What is that a B+? That's better than I did in school, most of the time.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

OMG this show is going to be so much fun. Tomorrow night, Sunday Jan. 17th, Kong Magazine release party. So, have any of you seen or heard of The Room? It's a cult hit starring a handsome gent named Greg Sistero, whom some of you may know of. The party is going to start at 9 PM with an upstairs screening of The Room, while downstairs Anna Copa Cabanna performs followed by Saadi and then later, her band Pajammers performs their single, "None A Your Shit". Oh, yeah, and by the way -- GREG SISTERO is going to be there!

Upstairs after The Room screening, comedians Ali Wong, James Harris, Sean Patton, David Cope, Jena Friedman and myself will perform at 10:30. We'll also screen the videos "Sexercise Episodes 1 & 2" by Skits'N'Tits. I will host this crazy festivity. Admission is free and free gift bags will be given away from The Pleasure Chest.

Tomorrow is going to be a crazy day for me with an audition in the am and a video shoot, followed by delicious this mess...ugghhh meets awesome! Be there.

Sunday, Jan 17
Piano's (corner of Rivington and Ludlow)
9 PM - The Room screening upstairs, live music downstairs
10:30 PM -- comedy upstairs

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

WED JAN 13 @ 10 PM

308 Bowery
10 PM
2-for-1 PBR specials (that means 2 beers for less than $5)
Burlesque, comedy, variety acts, musical comedy, sketches,
videos and more. THIS SHOW ROCKS!

Tell your buddies and come early (9:45) for a good seat or get stuck standing.

And a SPECIAL THANK YOU to all our sponsors!

In the meantime, enjoy a little vintage SKITS'N'TITS sketch-a-roonie.
See ya tonight!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

QUICK NOTE: Oh no! 92Y Tribeca Thurs Jan 21 How To Break In: TV Comedy Writer's Panel has been CANCELLED! I apologize for any inconvenience or disappointment this may cause, and to make up for it, may I suggest tomorrow night's SKITS'N'TITS at 10 PM, 308 Bowery, $5, which is going to be literally overflowing with comedy writers, 

AND / OR, the brilliant comedy writing of Miss Juliet Jeske, 
tonite, Tues Jan 12th in:


This week's show honors the Women of Rock-n-Roll, starring 
JULIET JESKE as  Courtney Love singing all songs live, plus:


special musical guestJESSICA DELFINO

STICKY RICKY as stage kitten

at the door.

Tickets are $8 or two for $15, and doors are at 8:00pm.

After the show, stick around for DJ CUB and MENACE spinning the best booty-shakin' electro, breaks, synthpop and more; a big dance floor just waiting for you to get down; and electro go-go by VERONICA VROOM! and RYNKA RYE.

We're also offering our usual $5 whiskey and PBR specials all night long, 
plus 2-for-1 well drinks from 10-11:00pm.

Admission to SUGAR is always free after the show 
(but you definitely won't want to miss this show!)