Wednesday, January 31, 2007


Come see me dirty folk some shit up at Jonathan Ames' show in the east village.

Tonight, Wed., Jan 31st
Mo Pitkins
34 Ave A
11 PM
with Ms. Saturn, naked wrestling, Zero Boy, Ulla the Pain-Proof Rubber Girl, Mangina and other freaks and wild attractions...oh yes...and a potential visit by musician love MOBY...

And Jonathan Ames!

$15 (ouch!)
***But the show is really great***
(I was there last night and it was terrific!)

Sunday, January 28, 2007

See Mike Amato Dance (almost) Naked on the 1 TRAIN!

Holy balls!


He's competing for $5000. I hope he gets it so that he doesn't have to do anything like this again for awhile...

This is better than No Pants Day!

...and speaking of no pants, here's something nice. Melissa of Gynocult, (a crew of sassy, funny hot girls) made her own calendar. That takes time. And effort. And shit. It came out pretty nice, too. I'm pretty impressed by her pizazz. You can buy one here:
LITTLE BUILDING: Back By Popular Demand!

Come fall in love with a play about a building who falls in love with a man. Weird! Nice costumes! Good music! Cool! I'm in it! Look...I'm INSIDE a building. Just like in real life.

February 9, 10, 11, 16, 17, & 18. . .

Little Building:
a musical melodrama

directed by Nick Jones
with book and lyrics by Nick Jones
music by Benjamin Ickies

"breathtakingly ridiculous" -Nonsense NYC

"Finally, a modern love story which truly reflects the city in which we
live. . ." -Village Voice

"Brilliant. . . the songs rock, the jokes spark and you actually believe that these buildings are alive."

As featured in the NY Observer, Gawker and the NY Times!


Nick Jones, playwright, puppeteer, and licensed real estate agent, melds his
interests in this musical featuring singing real estate. Music provided by
Benjamin Ickies of the Ambitous Orchestra.

Ralph is a man trying to develop land in New York's hottest outlying
neighborhood - Alaska. He begins a metaphysical love affair with a talking
building, and together they attempt to create a Newer York City for the Arctic.
A bizarre and heartbreaking melodrama, in perfect proportion to the city we live in.

February 9, 10, 11, 16, 17, & 18. . .
@ 7:30pm
$15 (advance tickets strongly recommended)
Galapagos Art Space
70 North 6th Street Brooklyn, NY 11211

with Corey Sullivan
Tamar Schoenberg
Jessica Delfino
Katie McClenahan
Mark Sam Rosenthal
Peter J. Cook
Jarret Berenstein
& Jason Quarles
Costume design by Sarah Stansbury
Set design by Jane Parrott
Light design by Ku'uipo Curry
Sound design by Dan Kutcher
Choreography by Emily Reutlinger
Additional design by Annie Reichert

Originally performed as part of the EVOLVE theater series at Galapagos.

More about Nick:

Nick Jones is a playwright, director, puppet designer, and licensed real
estate agent. His work has been performed at chashama ("Canada's Mid-Riff")
the Bowery Poetry Club ("Sleepless Fishes" and "Crabquistador: Scavenger of
God") as well as the Portland Institute of Contemporary Art's TBA Festival,
the Dublin Fringe Festival (first runner up, "Most Entertaining"), Ars Nova,
the Brick Theater, The Kitchen, and P.S. 122. He is a founding member and
artistic director of Jollyship the Whiz-Bang, which is (alternately or
simultaneously) a puppet troupe, band, and theater production company. He
has been an artist-in-residence at Galapagos, the Bowery Poetry Club, and at
the Hoontown Puppet Festival in Bangkok, and is a member of the Ars Nova
Play Group. As a puppet designer, he has created work for the Allstars Youth
Project (2/05) The Castillo Theater (3/05), for the 2004 Dream Parade in
Taiwan. He was born and raised in Anchorage, Alaska and graduated in 2001
from Bard College.


Jollyship the Whiz-Bang recently was awarded a grant from the Jim Henson Foundation for development of their insect related puppet show "The Colonists!"

Jollyship the Whiz-Bang will team up with the Boston League of Women's Wrestlers for a Nautically Themed Wrestling Event at Galapagos on March 10th

Jollyship the Whiz-Bang will be restaging their rock opera "Crabquistador: Scavenger of God" at Ars Nova, starting March 13th and 20th.

Jollyship the Whiz-Bang's Nick Jones will be restaging his musical "Little Building" at Galapagos Art Space February 9,10,11, 16,17 & 18th.

New EP "Curse of the Ancient Legend" available now!!

Jollyship the Whiz-Bang
Pyrate Puppet Rock Opera Consortium

Saturday, January 27, 2007


Jessica Delfino stars in last week's Tanya O'Debra's Nerve Column. New advice every Thursday!

In this episode, we get sex advice from subway musicians, including Jessica Delfino, Jeff Dickinson, and Brer Brian and Stefan Zeniuk (both of the New York Howl).


POLL: How do you good people like the photo they used in that column? Hot or not? Please comment below!

From the desk of CXB:

CXB's PRISON SONGS LIVE + HauntedPussy VS. Jesus Christ! Saturday nite!

THIS saturday nite (jan 27)! MIDNITE sharp! (Short show!) (hour and half?)
all for $5! (sugg. donation!)...

CXB's PRISON SONGS! (actual songs from actual jail!)
HAUNTED PUSSY VS. JESUS CHRIST! (nobody tell William Donahue!)
EPSTEIN & HASSAN! (the Black & the Jew!)
JUGGERNUT! (electro-crash aggro-sex-pop!?)
THE MEGALOMANIAC! (pro-wrestler reads his violent poetry!)

bowery poetry club, 308 bowery (bleecker / houston)

as always, bring a recording device if you can!


Don't Forget: this Monday, Jan 29, is the next
til 10pm. $5 or Pay What You Want! 308 bowery.
w/ Reggie Watts, Mike Daisey, Neal Medlyn, The Purple Organ, Ambrose Martos, Kiddy Poole, Phoebe Kreutz, Christ's Abortion, Jessica Delfino, Juggernut, Christine (World's Worst Karaokeer), Touching You, Bohemaphilia, Corn Mo, and more!

here's one of my 300plus JAIL SONGS:


[this one's a children's singalong]

if you ever find yourself arrested
don't make the same mistake as most
even if you are feeling angry
when you see a camera strike a pleasant pose!

even if the po-lice brutalized you
and your broken body aches a lot
you must concentrate on the big picture
don't forget to smile for your mugshot!

smile for your mugshot 2X
even if you're distraught
smile for your mugshot!

someday the govt will use it
to make people think that you're a creep
don't fall into their tricky trap
remember to look friendly and look neat!

it may be seen on TV or in papers
even if you're merely caught with pot
there's a good chance it will be seen by your neighbors
so don't forget to smile for your mugshot!

[chorus variations]

DON'T FORGET: MIKE BLOOMBERG IS IN THE TOP 10 MOST CORRUPT POLS IN USA HISTORY. stop believing journalists! Sheesh! Ask for details or look at...


Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Dirty Britishisms!

baps: n. breasts (orig. NW England)

chebs: n. large breasts. (orig. Scotland) Possibly
originates from chest bollocks.

clunge: n. Sl. Vulg. Female genitalia esp. vagina

Now, go and put it all together here!

Monday, January 22, 2007

My Jokes Are In It!

In Maine, they (who are they?) used to sell big plastic bottles of these mixed drinks - Margaritas, Mudslides and what have you - under the brand name "The Liquor's In It", presumably so that if you're so drunk, if you can read, you can still find the liquor.

So it is with that old thought in mind that I call this entry, "My Jokes Are In It!" so that you know what entry to look for when you are looking for the book my jokes are in when you are so drunk.

The book, titled, "Filthy, Funny and Totally Offensive" was put together by Jeffrey Gurian. The book features lots of famous people, such as Drew Carey & Jason Alexander, and everyone's favorite comedians Scott Baio and Joan Rivers. And also, me. It was recently yapped about in NY Post's infamous Page 6...which only further proves the utter classiness of me and my jokes. Although I don't get any money from this book, you can still go ahead and buy it if you like.

You can buy the book HERE

Also, by the by, you can find out more about the man behind the book right here:

Saturday, January 20, 2007


Ever been to a suck ass reading and then said to yourself, "This shit is so boring! I'm never going to another reading again?" Well, I have. But then I moved to New York and then I went to Rachel Kramer Bussel's reading show called "In The Flesh" reading series. Once, I performed in it and told a story (with colorful illustrations) about the "time" I had "sex" on a "plane". Other times, I've gone back and reveled in the amazing line-up of great writists, delish cupcakettes and pretty New Yorky types, lookin' all around, eyein' up strangers (and sometimes even me) and hunting for a bed warmer / general good time out.

The show is the third Wednesday of the month at Happy Ending and it is free. However, warning, warning: The show is always so packed you can't get in if you don't get there early. You are literally standing out in the hallway wishing you were cool.

So don't be late, or you be a loser.

Here are some pictures that were taken by Brian Van Nieuwenhoven, the resident photographer at the "In The Flesh" reading series:

Get up in that mutha in Febrary! Learn more at:

Thursday, January 18, 2007

2006 Rehash

A lot of crazy shit has happened to Jessica Delfino in 2006.
Read all about it...if you dare or care.

1. Feb. 2006: Her boyfriend, activist and musician Christopher X. Brodeur was illegally sentenced to serve a year of his life at Riker's Island on February 15, 2006. That's not something that happens every year now, right? But she managed to get right on through it, now didn't she?

More information about Christopher is available at:
And at

2. July 2006: Jessica went, on invitation, to the Montreal Comedy Festival, aka "Just For Laughs" (or Just Pour Rire if you're french) and showed her animated video/cartoon, "I Wanna Be Famous", illustrated by Nick Fox-Gieg. You can see the video here, if you haven't yet:

She wrote a story about her trip here:

3. August 2006: Jessica was invited on a cross-country tour as the opening act for The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players and Mr. Corn Mo. During the tour, her boyfriend was released from jail (early for good behavior) 7 months into his stint, at which point he flew to Phoenix where they were happily reunited, in the midst of the tour.

4. Oct. 2006: Jessica's video for her dance hit, "My Pussy Is Magic" was completed after much anticipation by her and much hard work by former Mad TV director, Matt Davis (who is now currently working as a director for the new Human Giant sketch comedy show on MTV.) It was uploaded onto where in less than four days, it was linked to by Comedy Central's Insider website, Gawker, Fleshbot and other websites around the world. The day after Youtube sold their site to Google for $1.65 billion, the video was removed from Youtube. The name was changed the video was put it back up where it remained up from October onward, until just today, when it was noted it had been removed again.

5. December 2006: Jessica was getting ready to head out on her "Merry Shitmas" tour when a friend called the night before she left. He said, "William Donohue of the Catholic League denounced you and your magic pussy video in his press release!" Of course she was beside herself with delight upon hearing this confirmation that she was, in fact, "famous", as William Donohue only denounces people who he thinks are famous so he can get some attention himself. Others he has denounced include Marilyn Manson, George Bush and Joan Osbourne. Read all about it here:

See his original press release here:

In other news for 2007, Jessica is negotiating a 2-CD deal with record label "Loudmouth Records", and she is working on two books, and she is acting in a play called "Little Building", (now in its' 2nd run) written by Nick Jones of "Jolly Ship The Whizbang" fame. ( Nick and his play were praised in a recent New York Times article and she is delighted as slut-flavored punch to be involved.

Jessica Delfino is interviewed at the O'Debra Awards 2006, NYC, where she won an award for "Danielle Steele Award for Most Unbridled Passion"

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

T-Time with T-Top Trans Am - The time is NOW!

WHAT: T-Time with T-Top Trans Am
WHEN: Fri 01.19 @ 8 PM
WHERE: Jimmy's No. 43 / downstairs (43 E 7th St. btw. 2nd Ave. &
Bowery) - great little venue, full menu
$5 cover ($3 if you RSVP or ask for the art star discount)

Jessica Delfino has created a hilarious new character, T-Top Trans-Am, a Maine girl with big dreams who works as a clammer by day and as a stripper by night.

Together, Jessica Delfino & Ben Lerman put together a video of T-Top's last days in Maine before she left to become a big star in New York City. The video stars Diane O'Debra, Ben Lerman, Jessica Delfino, Michael I and Capt. Hilarious. Hilarious!

You'll see a number of videos and performances from Ben and talented folks:

--"T-Top" hosts and does a burlesque number (Jessica Delfino)
--Reggie Watts (Winner of this year's Andy Kaufman Award)
--Michael I (guitar)
--John Doe (The Serial Killer Stand-up comic)

Good times!

PS Due to popular demand, Ben will be performing his interpretive dance, "The Complete and Unabridged History of Native Americans." But this will be the last time, so come and get it.

**NOTE** - If you haven't seen Ben Lerman do his Native American burlesque dance, god dammit, get your ass over to this show and see it!

**ANOTHER NOTE** - Seeking future burlesque and character acts (ladies AND men) for future T-Time with T-Top shows and video episodes in NYC. email

**SPECIAL THANKS TO: Jiwon Li for those great earrings!**

Monday, January 15, 2007


Come see The Cocktail Hour with Darce & Dev.

These are their guests:

Brock Mahan & Elliott Kalan

Eric Zuckerman

Jessica Delfino

And what's more:

It's at The PIT. 154 W. 29th St. is the address.

8 PM is the time.

5 dollars is the cost.

Buy tickets online:

*I do hope to see you there. And you know who you are.*

Sunday, January 14, 2007

A new internet networking site? What is this madness you speak of?

Friendster. Myspace. Ivillage. Vegetarian Kitchen. Youtube. Artstars. Pop Bitch. Metafilter. Live Journal. Blogger. The list goes ON and ON.

And now, there is yet one more.

A friend sent me information about a site that he is working with and I checked it out, and well, it's kind of unique in my opinion. It's like a combination of Art Stars and Blogger. I dig it. In fact, I registered there and began a blog. The site is

Who knows if I'll keep up on it or not? I didn't mean to be so responsible with "Jessy Delfino's Blog." But somehow, I did it!

In my collection of blogs, I have my aforementioned blog, "Jessy Delfino's Blog", (this very blog which you are reading) which I started years ago, and I also have my "You Can Be A Better Boyfriend" blog, which is offers simple, practical, ridiculous advice to dudes on the topic of how to be a better boyfriend. Both of those blogs will live on, but as I mentioned above, I started a new blog at Oomph. It's called, "The Anti-Subservient Hour." The name is kind of a joke. But it's kind of not, too. So, if you register there, don't forget to read my first blog entry. And there is a poll about death.

My name on the site is MissMagic. It's kind of a gay-sounding handle in retrospect. It's based on my video. Maybe it'll work out - maybe I'll make friends with some witches, or some magicians. So, if you register, look me up by searching for MissMagic. Or click here to see my profile.

I'm trying to drag some pals over there so I'm not lonely. So, if you're a work a lot Johnny with too much computer time at the 10-6, or if you're a writer who researches blogs, or if you're a stay at home mom who has a little down time after the little whipper snapper has shitted his drawers and conked out for a precious fourty-five minutes of mom-is-a-human-too time, perhaps you'll consider this site as a viable outlet.

Sunday, January 7, 2007

MY MYSPACE ACCOUNT DELETED...then given to someone else???

What the fuck does this mean?

In an email dated November 2nd, I wrote:

***SPEAKING OF WHICH, Myspace Account DELETED!***

Jessica Delfino's account has been deleted by Myspace. No explanation, no reason, no notice. It was simply deleted. I wrote and asked why several times, and they never wrote back. My video was not on Myspace. No songs of mine were on Myspace. Gone. RIP friends on Myspace who I'll never see or talk to again. I put hours of work into that Myspace page. For shame!
I don't mean to go all conspiracy theory on your asses, but it sort of seems like someone is trying to keep me from sharing my art. First Youtube, then's certainly a bit of a head scratcher.

Go see for yourself:


If you used to click on the above link, it said: This account TERMINATED due to violations or some stupid crap.

If you go to that myspace account, you will see that SOMEONE NAMED AMANDA now has it...what the fucking fuck!!!???

I wrote an email to myspace asking them about why my account was deleted and they never wrote back. Now, some chick named Amanda has it? What the hell is going on? Why don't aliens just come and get me and take me away, for fuck's sake? This episode of Twilight Zone is too trippy for me. I stopped taking acid ten years ago.

Can anyone out there explain WHAT THE FUCK!!??

There was nothing offensive on my myspace page. I think maybe I wrote that I write songs about vaginas. OH SHIT!! I didn't even have any songs up on it.

But now I have a new myspace account, and everywhere the word "vagina" should appear, it instead says, "sandwich". I also made a music page at It only has Eye Patch, Ice Queen and Grand Piano, some of my tamest songs, to not piss off the censors at Myspace. But I won't be surprised if euphemisms aren't allowed either! You fucks! You rich fucking fuck heads! I'm struggling to pay my rent, I'm a poor, broke ass performer. My video has traveled around the world and back ten times. And do I have one penny from that? Guess what the right answer is? It's NO, mother fuckers! I have not ONE penny from that. So give me back my GOD DAMN myspace account or the nice lady of Jessy Delfino's Blog is gonna do this American style and take your khaki asses to court! What do I have to myspace page?

Saturday, January 6, 2007


It's only been 2007 for six days? It feels just like forever.

Not that everyone hasn't already asked and I haven't answered already, "It was great! How was yours?" But, one more Shitmas was...well...not such a Shitmas at all, really. I actually had a good holiday. Oh, fuck...does this mean I'm losing my edge?

I went to mom's and hung out with sister, sister, sister, sister, and sister. Also step dad and step dad's son. And sister's boyfriend, also sister's boyfriend and sister's boyfriend. Grandma and her sister were also there, and Aunt. And Aunt's boyfriend. Much alcohol was consumed. Only one family fight broke out, and it had not one thing to do with anything I had done or said! I was actually a mediator for once. Wierd.

Everyone gave each other home-made or small, important gifts. There wasn't tons of plastic or tons of paper, just tons of booze, in a loving, caring environment of booze consumption and happy togetherness. A vegetarian meal was prepared for the holiday, for the first time, ever. Amazing. I never, ever thought I'd live to see that happen in my Italian household. The whole experience was almost gross with sweetness, but that doesn't really ever happen in my family, because everyone is a sarcastic bitch, in a really good, funny way. If things got too mushy, mom would pour a few nips of whiskey out, crank up the Sting and start doing white lady dance. Sister would jab hard waxing intense wisecrackery. Sister would battle with other sister in a battle of wisecrackery and wit, where the first person to reduce the other one to tears wins. And the balance of the proper putrid to mush equation would be restored. But that didn't happen. And for the first time in a long, long time, I know I speak for everyone when I say, we actually had a really beautiful Christmas.

My mom has this huge chest of papers and crap that she's been saving since before any of us were born. It's a giant bin of old treasures that she won't let any of us near. For Christmas, she gave me a free pass into the massive dust cave and I was given a few childhood tokens as parting gifts. Most of my childhood photos are dark and I can't be made out too well. But you can still see the gleam of trouble in my eye, even back then.

From top to bottom: my foot, me age 4, dad age 18

Friday, January 5, 2007


Friday, Jan 5th @ midnight:
Radical Vaudeville
Mo Pitkins, 34 Ave A

hosted by Henry Faulkner (sharp stand-up comedian)
sketch interludes by in-house sketch group Mo's Hos (The O'Debra Twins, Jessica Delfino, Rosie Rebel & Steph Sabelli)

featuring performances by:
The Make-Out Party (a white girl/boy rap quad, funny!)
Sarabella (a hot jewish princess strips!)
Magic Brian (a saucy magician!)
Howling Vic (sexy, smart, funny burlesque!)
Ivan Lenin (a funny russian on guitar!)
Bunny Love (a sassy rapper chick!)
Jennifer Blowdryer (she writes like you wish you did!)
Zef Noise (this one's a surprise)
Does anyone think...

...that William Donohue will mention this in his next news release?

I love shit like this! It makes my eye balls tickle before I go to sleep at night. It makes my shoulders beam with justice. Then, I write a song about it.

Do ya...wanna hear it sometime?

Tuesday, January 2, 2007

Happy New Year from everyone over here at Jessy Delfino's Blog!

Let's celebrate with a very shoddily drawn cartoon starring myself, The O'Debra Twins, Rick Shapiro and others.

You will love this if you aren't a jerk!

If you are a jerk, DO NOT WATCH THIS!

Also do not watch this if you are a child, if you are at work, or if you are William Donohue.

This video was put up a few weeks ago on Youtube and was then immediately removed in under four hours. So, if you were hoping to see it, go visit quick! It will be removed again by some good time party ruiner. Oh, the filthy, filthy vagina! Oh, bad words!