Monday, February 27, 2012


Who cares? The only reason I watch the Oscars is so I can tweet snarky obnoxious comments out into the world with almost no repercussion. Normally if I were to say those things about people I knew in the real world, I'd get punched or shunned or both. Unfortch I think I was tweeting with a tag that no one cared about, #Oscars2012, while others were tweeting just a simple #oscars. Ah, well, there's always the rest of my life.

The Oscars were not interesting or fun to watch, for the most part, except that I watched and live tweeted them for blog at their HQ in the Lower East Side of NYC with a handful of snarky others. The dialog my associate viewers launched at the TV - via real life and twitter - was the real show.

Here are some of my tweets as well as some of my favorite Oscar tweets of other twitterheads, enjoy, and don't say them out loud to the people they are about if you know them, or you may get kicked in the groin or shin area. Also, if you are the celebrity I said them about, a heh, uh, hey, I was just kidding! ha ha heh hmm.

Some of my twingers:

Just realized my mom looks exactly like Robert DeNiro

Owen Wilson, I love you, is that too much too fast?

Nick Nolte doesn't look great, but he doesn't look as bad as Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler

What would make this back flip montage really spectacular is just one wrong move

Eugene Levy looks like Vincent Price now

Hey rich people, why not stand up for black people before they win awards?

I dont know about hottest guy in the room, but Oscar probably has the fewest stds of all the guys in the room

Twingers I Liked:

"Just realized that it's a harder job to watch Billy Crystal host the #Oscars than for him to do it" - Comedian Liam McEneaney

"I remember when I was a kid and me and my family would live talk the Oscars." – Comedian Nikki Glaser

"The only people who look in the mirror and think, `Perfect!' are murderers and Bradley Cooper." – Writer / Tweeter Kelly Oxford

"People throw around the word "hero" too much. Use it for what it's for: a millionaire actor playing a disabled person." - Comedian Rob Delaney

"I like this years theme "Death of the Film Industry" - Comedian Jena Friedman

Hollywood is all smoke and mirrors. And by that I mean pot and cocaine.
- Comedian Wendy Liebman

Friday, February 17, 2012

a scene from the secret pilot featuring Seth Herzog

My Very Own TV Pilot

Hey friends. So, some of you may already know this -- I have been working on creating and have filmed my very own TV pilot. I can't reveal a lot of the details, nor can I show it publicly right now for certain specific reasons, of which the details would bore you. But I will say this -- I'm pretty happy with it and rather excited about it. It's based on my alter ego, "Jennifer Belsino" and it involves my guitar.

Now here's the best part -- you can also be involved! Yes, you, the one elbow deep in that Pringles container! I need your help. I need you, reader, supporter, peer, creative stranger, sibling, college pal, high school buddy, distant relative, Uncle Jamie, ex-band member, rando millionaire, guy who fixed my computer once -- all of you -- to dig deep down into your -- nope, not your wallets -- dig deep down into your brain's chewy caramel nougat-y center and THINK. Who do you know who wants to see this pilot? Do you have a friend who works in programming at a TV station? Do you have an ex dog walker who's mom's best friend once owned HBO? Did your grandpa used to write for All In The Family? Do you think maybe you might possibly know someone, but you're not exactly sure? US? UK? LA? NYC? Atlanta? I don't care. Any and all of those will do.

Please email me for the secret link to the video and send it to your friend. If you want to see this series on TV, I'm gonna need your help. I don't have enough money or enough high falutin' family members to do it on my own. Email me at jess delfino at gmail dot com.

And most importantly, thanks!! Your support and encouragement over the years is what has kept me going in this dismal, catty, snobby, uptight, competitive, mean, rude business, where people don't return your calls and act like they're too busy for you and slam doors in your face with every turn. Sometimes I even wonder why I'm still doing this. And then I think of you -- the person reading this blog right now. You are really and truly the reason why. I have folders of supportive and encouraging letters saying you love my work -- I've saved them all -- and so, as long as you love it, I'll keep doing it.
Old People Rock

My Grandmother is 86 and I make sure to try to speak to her at least once a week. She keeps me in touch with a world I'll never know but wish I did. I have both of my Grandmothers, still, lucky me. My other Grandmother is 83, and she drives a BMW and often goes out to eat and shop on her own. It scares me that she drives, but I admire her gusto.

And let's not forget Bea Arthur, how cool was she? And Joan Rivers, who I share a birthday with. She's out of this world awesome, in my humble opine.

Yesterday, someone posted this website link to my Facebook page about the trendy and fashionable elderly, of which there are many in NYC.

Every time I feel judged or wary of my words, I look forward to the future, when I will be old and then it won't matter anymore. Just make it 80, I tell myself, and then I can do whatever I please. Like the woman in the terrifically inspiring poem "Warning", which begins, "When I am old, I shall wear purple." Well, I do that now. But when I am old, I shall wear purple flip flops as earrings.

And ain't no one gonna say sh!t about it.

Monday, February 13, 2012

RIP Whitney Houston
"Saving All My Love For You" on ukulele

For those of you who know me personally, you know that I loved loved loved Whitney Houston. She was one of my favorite vocalists. Before Christina, Mariah, Beyonce, Whitney tore up stages like they were made of wet toilet paper. I got my love of Whitney from my mother who adored her as well, and used to sing her songs as she cleaned our house, with her fluffy 80's hair, wearing her Balloons sneakers and "boyfriend jeans".

Some of you know that I teach music lessons (I have about 30 students currently) and several of my students texted me their condolences, because they knew how much I loved Whitney Houston. It was almost like losing a member of my family in that she was someone I admired and held in very high regard, and someone who inspired me tremendously. She didn't deserve the tragic fall from grace that she experienced. I really hope that there is a heaven, and that angels do exist, because if so, Whitney is surely leading the ethereal choir.

Here is my homage to Whitney: "Saving All My Love For You" on ukulele in the chord of G. I also posted the chords to this song in case you'd like to play and sing along with your ukulele.

I urge the world to remember -- we all have our demons -- please don't let Whitney's demons tarnish the memory of how talented a vocalist she was.