Wednesday, September 29, 2010


That's right, I'm officially an official commercial actor now with not one but two legitimate, bona-fide commercials under my belt. Last week I appeared in an international Fiat commercial playing guitar and flashing a peace sign at the camera, and this week I am in a "Gear To Go Outfitters" commercial alongside Dan Allen, shot by my faves, Andy Stuckey and Jon Murray. It was a really fun day shoot and I think the finished product looks pretty good. Nice job to the team!

If you ever want to go hiking, get in touch with GTG, they make a mean woodsman pasta with fresh grated parmesan. I don't know if sex comes with the trip or not, the way this video might indicate, but the wine actually DOES.

I have a commercial agent through Ingber & Associates, so call them and hire me to do stuff. Bye!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010


Positively Awesome
with Soce the Elemental Wizard and
other special guests! (including me)
8 PM, @ 58 2nd Ave.
FREE admission

...and by the by...

I'm being followed by Atlanta Escorts, Atlanta's premiere
escort service. Top that.

I wondered why they would follow me, and then I remembered
tweeting the following tweet:

Politicians shut Craigslist sex ads section down.
Kinda shooting themselves in the foot, aren't they?

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Andy Kaufman Submission

I wasn't going to submit again this year, after being a finalist, performing in the awards 3 times and having great sets every year but not winning. But I keep getting accepted to perform in it, so I guess that's a good thing. This year, I'm trying something a little different. This submission is different than the pieces I have prepared for the show before, and all of them are new and a departure from what I normally do on stage, which is sing dirty songs and tell jokes.

In this one, I do a dance piece as a character who is a modern dance grad presenting a dance piece in which she talks a friend out of committing suicide.

Enjoy, ya raggamuffins. Share it with your dancer friends or anyone you know who is considering committing suicide. Maybe it will be just the thing they need to see to push them over the edge.

Update: The Japanese have gotten hold of this video and posted it on a Japanese website! Hurrah! I love the Japanese people. They get me. Unless I'm wrong and the website isn't Japanese at all, and is in fact, Chinese or something else. I hope I know my asian characters better than that. Here's the link. Can someone tell me?

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Vatooing Top 10 list on,
Show tonight, Fiat commercial,
a sweet mention in Sadie Magazine

I'm psyched to share this funny list with you. I helped! Reasons 1-5 were squeezed fresh from my melon. That was a euphemism for my brain. Top 10 Reasons Vatooing is better than Vajazzling on

TONITE, Tue Sept. 21, come see me rock out.

The Rover
41 Wooster St. 2nd FL
(btw Grand and Broome Sts)
NY, Ny 10013
8 PM, Tix are $10

JD in a Fiat Commercial

I'm wicked (Maine-style) excited (and kind of tripped out) to announce that I'm in an international Fiat car commercial playing my guitar in front of an NYC subway station. Awesome! If you see the commercial, (I'm in it for a few seconds, flashing a peace sign at the camera) drop me a line and let me know! And for those of you who are excited to see it - fret not! I'll post it as soon as I can. I'd also like to give a shout out to the terrific Heather Fink for her help.

Lastly, check out this awesome magazine that totally rocks and is so lady-riffic it's melting my ovaries. They, and by "they", I mean SADIE MAGAZINE mentioned me in the intro as an inspiration, for which, I'm super flattered and delighted. It's actually inspiring right back to be called someone's inspiration (among a list of other really terrific people, too) so thanks to them for that little ego massage and lots of luck to them. Encourage them, they look like they're doing awesome stuff.

Check back soon, new song up pronto! It's a really dirty one, too.

Monday, September 20, 2010


I got up "early" this morning and took a stroll through the lower east side, stopping at Whole Foods to grab some cat grub and then at the Christie Street whole sale beer joint to browse craft ales. Memo to marketing companies - I am not to proud to place your product / location here. It is a lovely day and the weather is nice, not quite cold, though you can feel fall nibbling at your heels ready to come in and assume it's rightful position as boss of the climate for the next few months.

Do you think it's going to be a cold winter? I ride my bike all winter long so it's always cold for me. I have a few pairs of those glove warmer thingies all ready.

This afternoon, I will shoot a video with friends at a nearby art gallery, then head uptown to rehearse for Refugee Girls Revue, which is getting really close. Just a few more rehearsals, then I will be able to return to the Monday Night Rendezvous comedy show I do with Shane Webb and Myka Fox at Bar on A, every Monday at 8, free. Stop in tonight and say hello. Ask them if you can have my free drink ticket since I won't be using it.

Later, I'll be at Bowery Poetry Club for Diane O'Debra and Victor Varnado's NYC Talent Show, where I'll try out a new song (very dirty) and hang with some pals I haven't seen in a bit. Come have a drink with me there, your treat, to make up for my free drink ticket you used at Bar on A.

Wanna make a video / project together? Email me. The fall brings out my collaborative spirit. I'm also looking to put together a band of sorts and find some new fun sounds.

Scrotums and scabies forever,

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Sweet Music, Sweet Revenge

Katy Perry got her revenge on her ex high school crush Shane Lopes who is all over the news today for it. Looks like he's getting his 15 minutes of fame now. Katy Perry dissed him at a show for not liking her when back when they were in high school. I wrote a song about that very thing called "Boner For Me" - in the song, I'm on stage and I see a guy I was crushed on who didn't give me the time of day. I go on to say that now he's surely got a 'boner for me'. But I didn't actually call the dude out for it, I just nick named him, "Super Cool" and am Facebook friends with him today. He's married and stuff, and surely happily so. And I'm living my dreams in NYC. So it was a win-win, really. And Katy is livin' it up with Mr. hot and hilarious himself, Russell Brand, so really, she should be sending Shane a thank you card for giving her the purported cold shoulder, or else she might be a chubby mid-western housewife singing Gospel songs at the local rec center.

If you don't want to buy the iTunes version of my song (linked above) you can hear it HERE for free. While you're at it, visit my main myspace page with all my friends and videos and stuff, too.

What am I doin' for the next 2 nights?

Lasers In The Jungle
9 PM
Luca Lounge
Ave A @ 12th-ish
(click link above for more info)
with Jon Mulaney, Carol Hartsell and more

No Drink Minimum
9 PM
Producer's Club
44th St. bt 8/9 (closer to 9th Ave)
with David Carl, Seth Herzog, Katina Corrao

And here's a photo of me with a shaved cat on my neck:

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Quik Notez

Hey friends, check out this awesome podcast called KEITH & THE GIRL which I was part of recently. People love it and if you don't know about it, you should, too. One of us! One of us!

Also, mark your calendars for next Monday at 7:30 PM for the Monday Rendezvous show. It's free with cheap drinks and hot, tight asses of comedy. You're gonna love it. Bar on A, Ave A @ 11th St. I won't be there but a lot of awesomes will be. And I'll be back in October, so buck up, ya goof ball.

Finally, don't forget, we have a date tonight at Parkside Lounge at 8 PM. I'll be late. I'll be wearing something super sexy to make up for it. I will not blow you.
2 exciting notices today
show tonight, play coming up

And by "exciting notices" I mean, ya know, kind of medium exciting, and really more exciting for me, probably, but who knows? Maybe you're totally psyched to hear about when and where I'm playing. I bet you are. I believe you are! Look! I'm believing in myself! Phew. That was exhausting.

TONIGHT, I'll be rockin' the stage with a new song at the Book Club Burlesque show. This month, we highlight "The Joy Of Cooking". Bring your aprons and oven mitts (and valium) and get ready for fun! More info can be found on waste book or RIGHT HERE or you can also just trust me and blindly come tonight to Parkside Lounge at 8 PM, that's at the intersection of Attorney @ E. Houston. (one block east of Clinton.) Tix are $5 or $8 or something like that but not more than $10. How's that for information central? It's a great show, there are boobs, and it can get pretty wild.

AND BY THE BY, if you haven't heard yet, I'm in a play every Saturday in October (that I'm missing my boyfriend's birthday party to be in, so I better see some asses in some seats). I know it's gonna be great. It was written by a good friend, Jena Friedman, and it is called REFUGEE GIRLS REVUE, based on American Girl dolls. It's funny, it's campy, there are gay boys pretending to be tween girls, we all sing a lot and it's ridiculous. Check out the website HERE and here's some more info while I'm at it. Note the stellar cast, including Ben Lerman, Dave Hill, Shawn Hollenback and more!
October 2 at 10:00 pm through October 30 at 10:00 pm

LocationTheatre 80
80 St. Marks Place and 1st Avenue, East Village
New York, NY

More InfoCheck out the cross-dressing revival of the 2008 New York Fringe Festival hit, THE REFUGEE GIRLS REVUE, a dark musical comedy inspired by the American Girl Dolls!!!

@ Theatre 80 (80 St. Marks and 1st Ave) in the East Village

Saturday, October 2 at 10 p.m.
Saturday, October 9 at 10 p.m.
Saturday, October 16 at 10 p.m.
Saturday, October 23 at 10 p.m.
Saturday, October 30 at 10 p.m.

"Nothing is safe or sacred in this deliciously wicked spoof" - Time Out New York

"A razor sharp satire" -

Written by Jena Friedman
Directed by Scott Illingworth
Music by Elia Einhorn


Monday, September 13, 2010

Kurt & Kristen's Hot Tub


Hey birds, tonight bring your dogs to the 1st Annual Puppy Hugging Parade and 9/11 Memorial at Kurt & Kristen's Hot Tub show. The show is always fun, without dogs, parades or 9/11. But tonight will be extra fun, because there will be dogs, a parade and 9/11. A lot of people have asked me if dogs will be let into the venue. I don't know. You may want to call Littlefield in advance to ask. (718) 855-3388. I'm going to be in the parade marching band, which will be a rag tag collection of lots of lovable music nerds. I will playing my Q-chord and it will be lots of fun!

Littlefield is located at 622 Degraw, Brooklyn, NY.
I'm told that's the Park Slope area.

Here's more info about tonight's show:

Friday, September 10, 2010


Rubulad is always a blast and is usually very hush hush. However, this is a fundraiser to make bring the party to the world by making it a reality / legal / etc. Please come to this and tell all your friends. If you have peeps in from out of town, bring them to this. You must attend this super NY centric amazing party! Deets below, see you there...

Rubulad and 3rd Ward Present:
Pre-Hysteria – a fund-raiser to help save Rubulad from extinction

At 3rd Ward – 195 Morgan Avenue at Stagg Street

live music by:

Les Sans Culottes
Lily and the Parlour Tricks
Thomas Francis Takes His Chances
The WoWz
With your dj/soundman Cody


The Vintage DJ
DJ Dirty Finger
and more…

in the yard:

Not Waving, but Drowning
Jessica Delfino
Bradford Reed and his Pencilina
with your DJ/soundman Greything

performances by:

Zero Boy
Experiment Presents: Shadow/Play
The Jared Whitham Show
Modern Dance Awareness Society
“Blow,” a performance by Vanessa and Yung


Aerialists curated by Anya Sapozhnikova
Dreams and Aspirations Vending Machine by Yung
G. Scopitronic’s
Non-Stop Film Fest
Light Circus Extraordinaire of Norm Francoeur
Delicious Barbecue
and a
cast of thousands who have generously donated their time and
talents to help S.O.S. – save our space!

“Pre-hysteria” refers to all things dinosaur-ish, stone age or of the
terminal, way-back past.

Please dress and comport yourselves accordingly.

Your $20 will help ensure the existence of Rubulad for 65 million more
years to come.

Directions: L Train to the Morgan Avenue stop and follow the address
numbers or to the Montrose Avenue stop, down Messerole and left on

10:00 pm doors, 11:00 pm show. 21+ w/ ID, really.

We are guests of 3rd Ward so no BYOB please.


Thursday, September 9, 2010

Lady Quotes

I -- stumbled upon, isn't quite right -- coherently accidentally arrived at "The Quote Garden" and thought some of the quotes were actually pretty bad ass. Some of them are dumb, too, but not every quote can be a winner. What connects them is that they are all about women. Pick your favorites! Rain one down on a lady friend today to win love and appreciation. Learning and growing is good for your brain, so read on...

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base. ~Dave Barry

Women like silent men. They think they're listening. ~Marcel Achard, Quote, 4 November 1956

Sure God created man before woman. But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece. ~Author Unknown

Some men know that a light touch of the tongue, running from a woman's toes to her ears, lingering in the softest way possible in various places in between, given often enough and sincerely enough, would add immeasurably to world peace. ~Marianne Williamson, "A Woman's Worth"

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. ~Bill Maher

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. ~Carrie Snow

You start out happy that you have no hips or boobs. All of a sudden you get them, and it feels sloppy. Then just when you start liking them, they start drooping. ~Cindy Crawford

Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away. ~Laurence J. Peter

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. ~Author Unknown

A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon. ~Arnold Haultain

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. ~Charlotte Whitton

Women are always beautiful. ~Ville Valo

The two women exchanged the kind of glance women use when no knife is handy. ~Ellery Queen

Curve: The loveliest distance between two points. ~Mae West

Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women. ~Nicole Hollander

Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. ~Author Unknown

Next to the wound, what women make best is the bandage. ~Jules Barbey d'Aurevilly

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. ~Chauncey Mitchell Depew

The rarest thing in the world is a woman who is pleased with photographs of herself. ~Elizabeth Metcalf

There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women. ~Madeleine K. Albright

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction. ~Oscar Wilde

There's something luxurious about having a girl light your cigarette. In fact, I got married once on account of that. ~Harold Robbins

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute. ~Author Unknown

Men get laid, but women get screwed. ~Quentin Crisp

The most popular image of the female despite the exigencies of the clothing trade is all boobs and buttocks, a hallucinating sequence of parabolae and bulges. ~Germaine Greer

Whether they give or refuse, it delights women just the same to have been asked. ~Ovid

Howiver, I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men. ~George Eliot, "The Harvest Supper," Adam Bede

Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one. ~W.C. Fields

Women really do rule the world. They just haven't figured it out yet. When they do, and they will, we're all in big big trouble. ~"Doctor Leon,"

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent. ~Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

I expect Woman will be the last thing civilized by Man. ~George Meredith

Men who don't like girls with brains don't like girls. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

Women keep a special corner of their hearts for sins they have never committed. ~Cornelia Otis Skinner

Lovely female shapes are terrible complicators of the difficulties and dangers of this earthly life, especially for their owners. ~George du Maurier

Every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right - instantly. ~Sam Slick (Thomas Chandler Haliburton)

The essence of life is the smile of round female bottoms, under the shadow of cosmic boredom. ~Guy de Maupassant

I have an idea that the phrase "weaker sex" was coined by some woman to disarm some man she was preparing to overwhelm. ~Ogden Nash

When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking. ~Gail Sheehy

The torment that so many young women know, bound hand and foot by love and motherhood, without having forgotten their former dreams. ~Simone de Beauvoir

They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken. ~Author Unknown

Be to her virtues very kind,
Be to her faults a little blind.
~Matthew Prior

They may talk of a comet, or a burning mountain, or some such bagatelle; but to me a modest woman, dressed out in all her finery, is the most tremendous object of the whole creation. ~Oliver Goldsmith

A highbrow is a man who has found something more interesting than women. ~Edgar Wallace

It upsets women to be, or not to be, stared at hungrily. ~Mignon McLaughlin,The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

You see, dear, it is not true that woman was made from man's rib; she was really made from his funny bone. ~J.M. Barrie, What Every Woman Knows

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. ~Aristotle Onassis

Men will always delight in a woman whose voice is lined with velvet. ~Brendan Francis

Men really prefer reasonably attractive women; they go after the sensational ones to impress other men. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

I married beneath me - all women do. ~Nancy Astor, speech, Oldham, England, 1951

Women dress alike all over the world: they dress to be annoying to other women. ~Elsa Schiaparelli

Women are never stronger than when they arm themselves with their weakness. ~Marie de Vichy-Chamrond, Marquise du Deffand, Letters to Voltaire

If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments. ~Art Buchwald, 1974

Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat. ~Oscar Wilde

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak. ~Woody Allen, Getting Even, 1973

It is only rarely that one can see in a little boy the promise of a man, but one can almost always see in a little girl the threat of a woman. ~Alexandre Dumas, fils

I'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four. ~Fred Allen

When a woman comes to her glass, she does not employ her time in making herself look more advantageously what she really is, but endeavours to be as much another creature as she possibly can. Whether this happens because they stay so long and attend their work so diligently that they forget the faces and persons which they first sat down with, or whatever it is, they seldom rise from the toilet the same woman they appeared when they began to dress. ~Joseph Addison

All women are basically in competition with each other for a handful of eligible men. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

A woman should soften but not weaken a man. ~Sigmund Freud

Women are in league with each other, a secret conspiracy of hearts and pheromones. ~Camille Paglia

When I glimpse the backs of women's knees I seem to hear the first movement of Beethoven's Pastoral Symphony. ~Author Unknown

A woman wears her tears like jewelry. ~Author Unknown

If a girl looks swell when she meets you, who gives a damn if she's late? Nobody. ~J.D. Salinger, Catcher in the Rye

No woman wants to see herself too clearly. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

I prefer the word homemaker, because housewife always implies that there may be a wife someplace else. ~Bella Abzug

The basic Female body comes with the following accessories: garter belt, panti-girdle, crinoline, camisole, bustle, brassiere, stomacher, chemise, virgin zone, spike heels, nose ring, veil, kid gloves, fishnet stockings, fichu, bandeau, Merry Widow, weepers, chokers, barrettes, bangles, beads, lorgnette, feather boa, basic black, compact, Lycra stretch one-piece with modesty panel, designer peignoir, flannel nightie, lace teddy, bed, head. ~Margaret Atwood

Women go to beauty parlors for the unmussed look men hate. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

Women polish the silver and water the plants and wait to be really needed. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

You have to have the kind of body that doesn't need a girdle in order to get to pose in one. ~Carolyn Kenmore

There are women who do not like to cause suffering to many men at a time, and who prefer to concentrate on one man: These are the faithful women. ~Alfred Capus

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap. ~Author Unknown

Physically, a man is a man for a much longer time than a woman is a woman. ~Honoré de Balzac, The Physiology of Marriage

The girls that are always easy on the eyes are never easy on the heart. ~Author Unknown

Men enjoy being thought of as hunters, but are generally too lazy to hunt. Women, on the other hand, love to hunt, but would rather nobody knew it. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

I've reached the age where competence is a turn-on. ~Billy Joel

A man gives many question marks, however, a woman is a whole mystery. ~Diana Stürm

In passing, also, I would like to say that the first time Adam had a chance he laid the blame on woman. ~Nancy Astor, My Two Countries

God did it on purpose so that we may love you men instead of laughing at you. ~Mrs Patrick Campbell, in reply to a male acquaintance who asked why women seem to have no sense of humor

Men at most differ as Heaven and Earth, but women, worst and best, as Heaven and Hell. ~Alfred Lord Tennyson

A woman asks little of love: only that she be able to feel like a heroine. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is. ~Helen Rowland

I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason. ~Stanley Baldwin

I should like to know what is the proper function of women, if it is not to make reasons for husbands to stay at home, and still stronger reasons for bachelors to go out. ~George Eliot, The Mill on the Floss

Men look at themselves in mirrors. Women look for themselves. ~Elissa Melamed

If your husband expects you to laugh, do so; if he expects you to cry, don't; if you don't know what he expects, what are you doing married? ~Mignon McLaughlin,The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

Women do not find it difficult nowadays to behave like men, but they often find it extremely difficult to behave like gentlemen. ~Compton Mackenzie,Literature in My Time, 1933

One is not born a woman, one becomes one. ~Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex, 1949

Let us leave the beautiful women to men with no imagination. ~Marcel Proust,Albertine disparue, 1925

Women deserve to have more than twelve years between the ages of twenty-eight and forty. ~James Thurber, Time, 15 August 1960

Dramatic art in her opinion is knowing how to fill a sweater. ~Bette Davis, about Jayne Mansfield

A woman's whole life is a history of the affections. ~Washington Irving

The man's desire is for the woman; but the woman's desire is rarely other than for the desire of the man. ~Samuel Taylor Coleridge

After about 20 years of marriage, I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of that one. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate. ~Mel Gibson, about what women want

Women who make men talk better than they are accustomed to are always popular. ~E.V. Lucas

I'm not against half naked girls - not as often as I'd like to be. ~Benny Hill

A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman is as bad as she dares. ~Elbert Hubbard

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. ~Dave Barry, "Things That It Took Me 50 Years to Learn"

The supply of good women far exceeds that of the men who deserve them. ~Robert Graves

What men desire is a virgin who is a whore. ~Edward Dahlbert

Women are afraid of mice and of murder, and of very little in between. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

A woman should be an illusion. ~Ian Fleming

There are three things men can do with women: love them, suffer for them, or turn them into literature. ~Stephen Stills

It is because of men that women dislike one another. ~Jean de La Bruyère,Characters, 1688

If you are ever in doubt as to whether to kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt. ~Thomas Carlyle

Women who feel naked without their lipstick are well over thirty. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

Women are like dogs really. They love like dogs, a little insistently. And they like to fetch and carry and come back wistfully after hard words, and learn rather easily to carry a basket. ~Mary Roberts Rinehart

It's the good girls who keep the diaries; the bad girls never have the time. ~Tallulah Bankhead

A husband only worries about a particular Other Man; a wife distrusts her whole species. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

A woman who cannot be ugly is not beautiful. ~Karl Kraus

A man chases a woman until she catches him. ~American Proverb

Variability is one of the virtues of a woman. It avoids the crude requirement of polygamy. So long as you have one good wife you are sure to have a spiritual harem. ~G.K. Chesterton, Alarms and Discursions, 1910

Beauty is the first present Nature gives to women, and the first it takes away. ~Méré

Brains are an asset, if you hide them. ~Mae West

With men, as with women, the main struggle is between vanity and comfort; but with men, comfort often wins. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

Once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her. ~John Vanbrugh, The Relapse, 1696

Is it too much to ask that women be spared the daily struggle for superhuman beauty in order to offer it to the caresses of a subhumanly ugly mate? ~Germaine Greer, The Female Eunuch, 1970

A woman can look both moral and exciting... if she also looks as if it was quite a struggle. ~Edna Ferber

Women have very little idea of how much men hate them. ~Germaine Greer

Do you not know I am a woman? when I think, I must speak. ~William Shakespeare, As You Like It

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football. ~Fran Lebowitz

You're booty-blinded. You know what that is? It's like being snow-blinded only it ain't no snow, it's a cute little piece of ass. ~From the movie I Spy

Women are never landlocked: they're always mere minutes away from the briny deep of tears. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

To get to a woman's heart, a man must first use his own. ~Mike Dobbertin, quoted in A 5th Portion of Chicken Soup for the Soul

Through sources, we have obtained the following alien assessment of the human species: The male wants to be valued for what he pretends to be. The female wants to be overvalued for what she truly is. ~Robert Brault,

Woman's virtue is man's greatest invention. ~Cornelia Otis Skinner, attributed

Nature has given women so much power that the law has very wisely given them little. ~Samuel Johnson

Women speak two languages - one of which is verbal. ~William Shakespeare

Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more. ~James Thurber

I hate women because they always know where things are. ~Voltaire

Good-looking girls break hearts, and goodhearted girls mend them. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

Fighting is essentially a masculine idea; a woman's weapon is her tongue. ~Hermione Gingold

The people I'm furious with are the women's liberationists. They keep getting up on soapboxes and proclaiming women are brighter than men. That's true, but it should be kept quiet or it ruins the whole racket. ~Anita Loos, New York Times, 10 February 1974

Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember. ~Author Unknown

No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not. ~H.L. Mencken

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

A Love Song To All Men

This song is a real tear jerker, and by that, I mean a song you can masturbate to using your own tears. It's also to make up for writing a song last month that joyously discusses enslaving the male species. Enjoy!

This song is part of my new song workshopping / fan club called "Song of the Month" where I try new songs out to friends / supporters / admirers / haters / frienemies / etc. The best ones (based on your feedback) will make it to my new album. I try them out every Monday at 308 Bowery at 10 PM, and you can watch live at for free. The ones I like / that get good feedback, I work on more, and post to my Youtube page for your enjoyment.

To become a member (free) of the Song of the Month club, which pays you with show discounts, special surprises and free music and my undying appreciation, email me at jessdelfino at yahoo dot com or LIKE my Facebook page. Thanks!!!

PS -- Bored tonight? Come to Skits'N'Tits, 308 Bowery @ Houston, 10 PM, $8 at the door. SOTM club members get a discount to tonights show! Tickets are $5 for SOTMers.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Fri, Sept. 3
10 PM
Philly Fringe Fest Late Night Cabaret
Jessica Delfino + Philadelphia = Philadelfino!

It's gonna be a butt kickin', bed bug stompin, rape whistle-riffic time, so pack your bags lightly with drugs and wear thick socks to prevent blisters from all the dancing and ass kickery this night is going to provide for you.

With Madi DiStefano (we met in Edinburgh a few years ago when she WON the friggin' thing) and a bunch others, including Martha Graham Cracker, Little Bunny Voodoo and Lenny Haas as Fifi Flaubert from NAKED COCKTAIL, and don't forget about me, little Miss Jessica Delfino. The show sounds great, doesn't it? Plus, it's FREE! Philadelphia Freedom, indeed. Tonight at the Ruba, 10 PM, 414 Green Street. I also heard something about there being an open stage after?

Wear your tropical storm downgrade trousers and don't be late!