Wednesday, April 29, 2009


The Supreme Court ruled today that if a guest says a "fleeting expletives" on network TV means that the FCC can fine the networks exorbitant amounts of money. "Fleeting expletive" is, for example, when someone bursts out an excited or accidental cuss word. Already, saying naughty words with a sexual connotation is banned. So, saying, "Please fuck me, Regis!" is a no no. But saying, "Fuck, Regis, this is some good home made bread!" (if said accidentally or fleetingly) WAS OK. Until today. Supreme Court Justice Scalia said that "The F word" has a sexual history associated with it, so if it is uttered at all, that it has sexual implications.

What does Supreme Court Justice Scalia know about FUCK, besides the prostitutes he probably secretly pays exorbitant amounts of money to (like all republicans and religious phonies).

If parents are so concerned about their child's welfare and what their kids see and hear, why are they allowing their kids to watch TV AT ALL? About 99% of television programs are garbage, with or without those awful, horrible f bombs. And most children learn to swear -- surprise -- not from TV at all, but RIGHT AT HOME.

I believe in the ghosts -- most recently, that of my constitutional right to free speech. Last week my video, "My Pussy Is Magic" aired on cable access. Why is it OK to play dirty words on cable access? The people own the airwaves, not SOME people, not a FEW SELECT people. Midwesterners aren't THE CHOSEN ONES.

So in closing, FUCK THIS BULLSHIT!



In this recession, people will go to extremes to keep any job they have. Others, like this 52 year old woman, will go to extremes to put a little food on the table.

This story speaks of hardship, tragedy and triumph. I hope you're ready for this jelly.

Monday, April 27, 2009

NEW JESSICA'S CHEST ONLINE and other news items of grave importance

If you missed it's weekly TV airing at midnite in Brooklyn and 2 am in Manhattan, I guess you don't happen to be up watching cable access late nights on Mondays. But it's OK! Because the latest episode of Jessica's Chest of Treasures is HERE for YOU!

click here to see it

JESSICA'S CHEST OF TREASURES is part of Peter Bernard's 209 Show.

OTHER distantly related NEWS:

Steph Sabelli's weekly open mic has come to a CLOSE. The last show was last night. I flibber flabbered over after having myself a time and a half as a panelist in Ben Lerman's MATCH GAME LIVE but I was too intoxicated to sit still and enjoy the show so I excused myself to meet up with vegetarian sushi and then the two of us (veg sush and I) had a little party in my mouth.

(Some comedian somewhere's thought process: Vegetarian sushi? I mean, what is the deal with that? Isn't that an oxy moron?)

(My answer: ya know -- avocado roll, tempura sweet potato roll, seaweed salad, green tea ice cream. sushi. duh.)


Wed May 13 @ 10 PM
SKITS N TITS -- sketch comedy, stand up comedy, burlesque and rock n roll by local heroes of those genres.
308 Bowery, NYC. 5 smackers.
with Jessica Delfino, Diane O'Debra, Steph Sabelli, Seth Herzog, Kevin Allison (The State) and many more!!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009


Just click on this link HERE, scroll down to the bottom and click "Jessica Delfino" in the loooooonnnngggg
list of comedians.

VOTE FOR ME! Please! I would do it for you if you asked me to. Even if I didn't want to. I've got Catholic guilt. And a bad case of nice-itis.

For the Match Game LIVE in NYC!

THIS SUNDAY, April 26th @ 308 Bowery
8 PM -- $10

Do not miss this show -- it's SO MUCH FUN. Attend, compete, win prizes, drinks, even COLD HARD CASH. Featuring panelists Michael Musto, Keith & The Girl (from the very popular pod cast), Sara Benincasa and a bunch of other stellar droogies. You're gonna like it!

Mr. Musto wrote the show a nice mention on his VILLAGE VOICE blog. You MUSTO come!

Hosted by one Mr. Ben Lerman, my buddy and co-conspirator. Well, there he is now -- just below! Handsome little devil, in'he?
(Photo taken by Donnie Reider, mondo homo, very cute -- of course all the cute ones are gay)

In other news, Ben went to Chicago a few weeks ago, and while he was there he picked up a little part time jobby job scrubbing puppies. Here's the video -- funny!

So in closing, as you can see, Ben is funny, he puts on a great show and YOU SHOULD COME TO IT.
Jessica Delfino Appearance on The Tyra Banks Show

with commentary! Enjoy! Sorry it's soooo blurry -- I taped it off my friend's television set. (Special thanks to Ben Lerman!)

Tuesday, April 21, 2009


Gov. Patterson yuks it up.

My friend, a terrific artist named Mara Hazeltine will be exhibiting her
oyster sculpture in an art opening in the West Village. Please do attend!

I will be singing like a dead oyster, a la my old band Haunted Pussy.
For now, we'll call it "Haunted Oyster".

corner of 13th St. and 5th Ave.
(entrance on 13th St.)
West Village, NYC, USA
6:30 PM

Haunted Oyster performance at 7:15 PM

I helped her work on the sculpture too, as did Mike Amato
and lots of other people. I am so excited to see it!

Sunday, April 19, 2009


Thank you for your funny questions, Mr. Nick Gilmartin. One question he asked was, "Who was the first person I'd call if I woke up in a trunk beside my ex-boyfriend's deceased body?"

I wonder which ex-boyfriend he could have possibly been talking about? He only asked me to answer 6 and so the dead ex was not one that made the cut. But what a great question! I was stumped. I'll be trying to think of a killer answer ALL NIGHT. Does he know something I don't?

ha ha ha ha ahhahahaha


Thursday, April 16, 2009


Yep. They pretty much nailed it!

So far, a handful of friends told me they saw it and these are their comments.

Friend # 1: (let's call her "granny" because she's my bf's granny) You looked...embarrassed...

Friend # 2: You got a raw deal. They made you out to look like the "crazy" one and your
bf was the normal cool one who was "sick of you and how crazy your ass was" so the audience
sided with HIM and TYRA and not you. (I love that my friend said (made me out to look crazy...
ha ha, I love friends.)

Friend # 3: You looked great and did great. (Did they see the same show?)

Friend # 4: You should never go on the Tyra Banks show again, even if she invites you on to
do a private concert for her and all her celebrity Top Model friends.
(Oops, that last one was me, my friendiest friend of all.)

Oh, I could dish so much dirt about being on the Tyra Banks show, but I'll hold off for now because (a) it's boring, and because (b) but she's got more important problems to deal with. (And (c), so do I.) I will post the video soon, though, I'm supposed to potentially get it tomorrow.

A reciprocal favor to ask:

I got in really late in the game here but I figured I'd take a stab at it now. A comedy video of a set I did in Ireland is located at, or you can click HERE to see it.

If you like it, please vote for it at, or you can click HERE to vote. And thank you for doing that. In return, the next time you have some dumb contest and email me and ask me to vote I will. (Here's a little secret -- almost every time someone asks me to vote for them, I do, unless it's someone I just hate. So if I'm that someone to you, please vote for me anyway.

Friday is the deadline, I think. I know. It's a long shot.


UPCOMING on Jessica Delfino's calendar:


I'm performing at Jena Friedman's "Entertaining the Bartender" show at Pyramid on Ave A bet. 5th / 6th. at 7 PM. FREE. Come! It's fun! I'm going to try out a new song if I can get my shit together.


Japanese psychadelic rock band ACID MOTHERS TEMPLE is playing in NYC and I'm going to see them. The guitarist of this band has audible hallucinations and has since he was a child. His music is based on them. Though the most common explanations of someone hearing "unreal noises" are tinnitis, or schizophrenia, he thinks that it is something else.

"There are basically two types of sounds I hear in my head. The first is like absolutely pure tones from the universe. The aural hallucinations and ringing sounds I've heard since I was a kid, and the heavenly orchestras I've heard in my dreams fall into this category." Read more HERE.


I'm going to be getting rid of lots of awesome clothing, costumery and some other stuff, along with some other peeps, in a little street sale, priced to GO GO. Snacks and beverages, cheap-a-riffic. From 11 am - 3 pm. F to East Broadway, at the end of Ludlow St. It's along the same lines as a block party, but much smaller and lower key.


My cute and earth conscious sister (she is cool and smart, and is not a hippy, although she too grew up in Maine) sent me an email today that I'd like to share. I'm (usually) a vegetarian 7 days a week, though every so often I AM guilty of eating fish. Like when I go home to Maine and my dad, Lobster Hitler prepares a home style lobster bake. No human or animal could say no to that. Even other lobsters would dig in if they could. And for people who say that you don't get enough food as a vegetarian, well, come tell that to the adorable little extra fat roll on my tummy.

From my sis:

Earth day is next week. Please check out the Earth Day Veg-Pledge and consider giving up meat for at least ONE day or possibly a few days a week. It's not hard to do, and it makes a big difference for your health and the planet. You can still eat fauxsauge:)


It's beautiful outside! They're filming a movie near my home called "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" starring Nicholas Cage (dish, dish!) and they keep re-enacting Chinese New Year, blowing tons of confetti through a huge subway fan and having a big dragon walk around (it's a real dragon). They have been only shooting at night and it's lots of fun to come home to. It's like a party that never ends, but I don't mind because I know Nicholas Cage is there.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


I am so excited! "My Pussy Is Magic" was AIRED on public access TV last night at midnight
in Brooklyn and at 2 am in Manhattan on the 209 Show. How verrrry exciting!

I got many many phone calls in response to the video and some great feedback. There's only ONE TV show producer in the world who was brave enough to put my awesome video on his TV show. Thanks, Peter Bernard.

How long until the phone rings and it's one of the big stations, ready and eager to get me on the tele playing my irresistible songs and videos? A week? A month? 2 months?

I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

I'm a bit disappointed in HBO for taking this long to get in touch. But all good things will come in time. I am not kidding when I say to you (mark my words!) that one day, my song "Sudden Change" (Once a month for a week -- I bleed from myyyy vaginaaaaa) will be an Always commercial. Probably long after I'm dead and burned as an "effigy of myself" playing my guitar in my tight red pants. But it will happen! I PROMISE. The commercial AND the burial method I've chosen for myself.

Monday, April 13, 2009

And TYRA BANKS SHOW info BELOW! (airs THIS WED April 15th!)

I'm going to be on TV a LOT this week!

JESSICA'S CHEST OF TREASURES: Episode 7: Best Episode Ever!

See it HERE on Youtube!

Or just click PLAY below:

If you are sick of watching TV on the INTERNET, catch JCOT TONITE on the REAL LIFE BOOB TUBE!

The show is on tonight at midnight in Brooklyn on channel 56 or 69, and at 2 am in Manhattan on channel 67 or 85 -- there is some extra JCOT footage on the TV version so if you want to see the whole, unbridled JCOT, watch it TONITE on TV. (Hint -- I do a tarot reading on the TV version.) Plus phone calls! Same episode, both boroughs.

Show producer/director Peter Bernard claims that I look the best ever in this episode, and DAMN I look good, but not as good as I COULD look. Wanted: Experienced MAKE UP and HAIR designer for JCOT. Email me at


A photo of me, JESSICA DELFINO is the show bumper image for the Wed. April 15th SPRING CLEANING episode on the TYRA BANKS SHOW website! Yes, that is me in that purple get up standing beside the luscious Tyra Banks. My show in which she dumps my purse full of surprises out (including my beloved pink flying V ukulele) will air THIS WED.


I don't know if 5.2 is a channel, but WWOR 9 is a channel so if you have it, watch it at 5 PM!

In NYC 10002:

WNYWDT2 5.2 Wed, Apr 15
5:00 PM Simplify Your Life: Spring Cleaning New
Tyra helps audience members simplify their lives by getting rid of unnecessary clutter.

WWOR 9 Wed, Apr 15
5:00 PM Simplify Your Life: Spring Cleaning New
Tyra helps audience members simplify their lives by getting rid of unnecessary clutter.

To find what time and channel in YOUR neck of the woods, click THIS LINK which takes you to the "enter your zip code" section on the TV GUIDE website. Press go, pick your provider, click on "TV LISTINGS" on the row of tabs at the top (in between Photos and Episodes) and look below for details. My episode is "SIMPLIFY YOUR LIFE -- SPRING CLEANING".

A few notes about this show:

I was invited to be a "guest" on the show but they sat me in the AUDIENCE like some kind of commoner. (ha ha). Tyra "scoped the audience for someone with a big purse", "found me", brought me up onto the stage and then she dumped my purse out. I knew they were going to do that in advance, so I packed it with all kinds of ridiculous goodies, including my beautiful flying V uke and my keyboard and other stuff. I thought the segment looked really ridiculous but hopefully they'll "fix it in post" as they "say in the biz". (But seriously, they really did say that to me. I said, "Do you think this segment is going to come out okay? And Jessica, the segment producer, actually said, "Don't worry! They'll fix it in post!") (For those of you who know my circle of peeps, that doubles as a shout out to Jason Tburg who constantly dishes that old line!)

The funnest part of being on the show was not even actually being ON the show -- it was hanging out with the girls backstage in hair and make up. I'd like to give a shout out to, the hair website owned by the awesome Daria Wright who made my ridiculous unruly hair look like the hair of a glamourpuss when I went on Tyra's show. It's fun being a white girl with a super thick crazy mane. I'm probably the only white person in the world who black people constantly come up to and ask if they can "touch my hair". True story. Just the other day at Parkside Lounge it happened, and it happens ALL THE TIME. I love when it happens, it makes me feel so ethnic!

Someday I'll go to Harlem (where they know how to handle my hair) and get corn rows.

And while we're here, I might as well plug the awesome live show I'm doing this week:


@ Joe's Pub
featuring the fabulous Neal Medlyn, Kenny Mellman (from Kiki & Herb), Bridget Everett and a slew of other happy hilarious human beings that you know and love (below). We will all sing the top 40 hits. This show is going to be amazing. I'm SOOO excited. I won't tell you the top 40 song I'm singing but I will tell you this -- IT SUCKS!!!! But it was the best one I could find. (All the good ones, like Beyonce's All The Single Ladies were already TAKEN!)

9 PM

You can buy tickets on line and see more info at the website below:

April 15th's performers include: Jessica Delfino, Jenn Harris, Taylor Mac, Molly Pope, Lady Rizo, Adrienne Truscott, Varsity Interpretive Dance Squad, and more!

PS -- This show costs $20, but it's because it's a classy, awesome show at a fancy venue. If you have the money to splurge, COME SEE THIS SHOW! It's going to kick your ass crack horizontally into a smiley face. (above image seen pre-smiley face ass kicking)


Jessica's Chest Of Treasures on the front page of FUNNY OR DIE AGAIN!!! This is a live version of me singing my Catholic League song which show producer / director Peter Bernard posted on EASTER SUNDAY, that little devil.

Saturday, April 11, 2009


I'm glad to see the word is getting out there about what I do and who I am!

A few other New Yorkers on the bill for the Latitude Festival -- Stuckey & Murray and Jeffrey Lewis. Headliners Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds, Grace Jones and The Pet Shop Boys. Many other acts booked. It's gonna be a lotta fun and I can't wait!

This festival takes place in July and so if you're planning to be in England in mid July, go to the festival. It's a 3 day camp out with many stages in a small town north of London. Think a mini English Woodstock type thing. More information about the fest HERE.

Thursday, April 9, 2009


If you missed it, I am sooooo sorry for you. It was a great show chock fulla crazy, funny, boobs and awesome.
To mix things up, we had a christian rock / r&b abstinence girl group at our show last night --
They are called "Promiss Of Luv" and they rocked it! Check out video here:

Their names are Trinity, Divinity and Chastity and it is so strange, Trinity looks a lot like me! (but it's not me)...


Wednesday, April 8, 2009


Someone spotted my unicorn and sent a photo in to me! If you see my unicorn, please
call in any tips to the HOTLINE # below!!

GOD I miss Horsie.

An anonymous tipster saw her uptown by the GWB and took THIS photo:

If you see Horsie (she also sometimes responds to "Uni,"),
please call the Jessica's Chest of Treasures Hotline
(a normal toll call)

OR you can give me any tips tonite if you have any about WHERE MY UNICORN IS at 308 BOWERY, 10 PM at SKITS N TITS.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009


Where is Jessica Delfino performing tonite? Great question. Your answer is below -- thank you internet!

GREASED PALMS presented by Inbred Hybrid Collective and MIX NYC
A Book Club Burlesque inspired by "Please Send Money: A Financial Survival Guide For Young Adults On Their Own," written by Dara Duguay, and other personal financial advice books.

Get on the path to financial security April 7th, 2009, with a variety show featuring the bizarre, strange, and subversive at New York's Parkside Lounge! With useful and engaging chapters including "Credit: It's Not Your Money," and "Bankruptcy-Is There An Easy Way Out?" this book is a prime example of a style of book that has become ever more necessary: personal financial advice. With simple, timely advice, these books helped us through the 90s in managing our money and taking control of our debt. What more appropriate subject could we ask for as the first Book Club Burlesque of 2009? Pre-show by Jessica Delfino!! See bios of performers below.

April 7th, 2009
doors at 8pm, show at 8:30pm
$5.00 / 21+
Parkside Lounge --
317 E Houston St. NYC


Wham, Slam, Bam Variety Hour
"Nearly Naked Women and some funny funny freaks"
with your host: Princess Sunshine
9:30pm - 12:30 @ Identity, 511 E. 6th St. bt Aves A / B


Monday, April 6, 2009


Boring tech and number crunching minutia to some, exciting news to myself and perhaps others:

JCOT episode 6 is #1 TOP FAVORITED in the PETS & ANIMALS category on YOUTUBE!

Ms. Puss and I thank you YOUTUBE viewers -- viewers like you!

#1 - Top Favorited (Today) - Pets & Animals
#8 - Top Rated (Today) - Pets & Animals


DON'T FORGET to attend SKITS N TITS THIS WED, 308 Bowery at 10 PM!!! $5. Yay!

Jessica's Chest of Treasures EPISODE 1 is featured on the front page of Will Farrell's FUNNY OR DIE today! Peter Bernard and I thank you, intelligent video viewers of the world, on having a great sense of humor.


Please go, vote, tell your friends, etc.

And in other news: a BRAND NEW episode of Jessica's Chest of Treasures is on YOUTUBE. It's all about magic, featuring The Ladies' Oracle, fortune telling, a one woman band, responses to show callers and of course, Ms. Puss.

It's already gotten lots of honors and awards and it made the most-viewed chart in Israel!

#52 - Most Viewed (Today) - Pets & Animals - Israel
#91 - Most Viewed (Today) - Pets & Animals
#2 - Top Favorited (Today) - Pets & Animals
#25 - Top Favorited (This Week) - Travel & Events
#9 - Top Rated (Today) - Pets & Animals
#49 - Top Rated (This Week) - Pets & Animals

Thursday, April 2, 2009

LATE NIGHT NOTES, SHOW LISTING -- THE UZSHE (that's short for usual)

Delfino Gets Deep

I'm in the burbs for a coupla nights and I have to say, it's pretty nice to be outside of NYC even though I miss it already and I don't know what to do with myself out here besides watch TV and shop. I don't generally enjoy "shopping" but one thing that's so great about shopping in the burbz is that there are tons of vintage and thrift shops which are my cup of lemon zinger. There's one place I like to visit out here that's a huge barn full of musty dead people stuff and I just love to rummage through it, respectfully, of course. I like to think that someday people will be buying and trading and giving away and loving all my old dead stuff. I'd rather people use and enjoy it then it become precious or trash, though I know some of my things will become both. But I strive for something just between immortalization and annihilation. I wish I could be a ghost when I die and float around listening in on people's conversations forever. Please God let ghosts be real. I'd love to haunt a house. That's my death dream, if I can realize my life dream I will then focus on that one.

See? Deep!

Show Listing

I'm so excited to be working with Diane O'Debra and Steph Sabelli on our show SKITS N TITS. We have so much fun writing our sketches and booking the show and making videos every month, and it reminds me of that movie with that guy who I REALLY WANT to say was Kevin Bacon, but I KNOW it wasn't! It wasn't Kevin Bacon! But I don't know the guy's name because the movie was older, and off the timeline my brain cares for saving. But you know the one -- Field of Dreams. In it, the guy who is not Kevin Bacon's mantra is, "If you build it, they will come."

That's how I see our show.

This month, we have so much good stuff. New video, new sketches, new SONG! Matt McCarthy, Ekat from London the contortionist burlesque dancer who is SUPER HOT, Mike Albo, Alana Amram and the Rough Gems and MANY more great acts. Check TIME OUT NY's gay section to see our "critic's choice" listing. I heard the show is listed as "Jessica Delfino & The O'Debra Twins" but the truth is, *GOSSIP ALERT*, the O'Debra Twins broke up awhile ago and are working as solo agents these days. I'm sorry if I just broke your heart.

Come THIS WED at 10 PM to SKITS AND TITS ($5!) at 308 Bowery (at 1st St.) and I will fix it for you.

photo by Alex M. Smith