Friday, October 13, 2006

photo by Gerry Visco

I Have My Own Line Of Maxi Pads

That's right, you read correctly. I have my own line of maxi pads. One of the times I was on tour with The Trachtenburgs, Tina suggested that I sell more "vagina" related merchandise, such as home-made maxi pads. I was tickled by the suggestion, but said, "Who'd wear a home-made maxi pad?" Tina said, "I wear them. I've been making my own for years." A few months later, Tina and I began our own little sweat-shop in her apartment. We'd crank up the Zeppelin or the ELO or the Cheap Trick (or the Nellie McKay or the Touching You) and set to work cutting out patters, sewing and chatting, while Rachel Trachtenburg scooped us bowls of ice cream, crocheted and made her dolls their own line of clothing.

Tina used vintage fabrics and bright florals, and I opted for soft and strange materials, such as velvets and shimmery sateens. We used towels as filler.

I suggested to Tina that we join together to come up with a good name for our pads. I came up with, "Aunt Florence's Old-Time Home-Made Poonani Rags", but we thought that might not be "commercial" enough for when "Always" brand offers us a billion bucks to buy us out. So, then Tina came up with "Planetary Napkins", and the catch phrase, "recycle your cycle". Awesome!

And I was using the catch phrase, "Treat your vagina like a princess".

I recently taught a little semintar at The Swap-O-Rama-Rama about making your own maxi pads. It was lots of fun! I made and gave away over 50 maxi pads. Lots of people timidly approached my menstruation station, somewhat bewildered by the idea of making their own maxi pads, yet left delighted, new home-made pad in hand and new attitude in head.

photo by Gerry Visco

I've learned lots about alternative methods of taking care of business "down there" since I began. I found out about "Glad Rags", a more elaborate, west-coast version of the mass-produced home-made maxi pad which pre-dates our Planetary Napkins. There is also "the keeper", which is like some kind of crotch cup that collects the blood. Then you dump it out. If you're super hard-core, you pour it into your plants.

If you have to have a crotch, which I do, at least I can put pretty things underneath it. And so can you!



Email me if you want to buy a custom, home-made maxi-pad. I can make them out of my pretty fabrics or out of yours. I sell them for $5 each...

4 comments:

The Town Criers said...

Just an idea--just throwing this out there--but I recently named MY period my Truman Capote or TC instead of Aunt Flo. So what if you renamed "Aunt Florence's Old-Time Home-Made Poonani Rags" something more like "Truman Capote's Old-Time Home-Made Poonani Rags." I know, I know, you've moved on from there. But just imagine how many hits you would get from people looking for reviews of Capote or where to buy In Cold Blood. Here is a link (http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/2006/08/tc-is-new-af.html) to where I renamed my period, and if you think I make a compelling argument, perhaps you'll rethink the name. Of the poonani rags.

Anonymous said...

I just want you and your readers to know, don't feed your blood to Aloe Plants -- they turn a rusty blood brown. Try explaining that to the Neo-Christian in-laws.

naughty drawdy said...

Thanks for looking out for our lady bits & those purty trees all at the same time. Well done, Naughty Folk Rockin' Diva turned Puss Plug Princess!

You do us proud down here in Ashe-Vegas!

Anonymous said...

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