HAPPY STONED THANKSGIVING



I have a BRAND NEW SONG out and it's the first one in awhile. It's a mellow jam celebrating
the "high" holidays produced by Handcancel.com.
It's called "Happy Stoned Thanksgiving" and it is about, well, I think it's pretty clear what it's about.

You can hear it HERE as well as
at www.myspace.com/jessicadelfinotunes.
Also, it's up on this rather interesting website called Sound Cloud, and if you like it, you can buy it there. It takes you to my Digital-tunes.net's page to purchase the song at my page, http://www.digital-tunes.net/labels/dirty_folk_rock.

NOTE: For some reason there is a mix up and it keeps taking viewers to Dirty Habit's page instead of mine, but if you like the song, check back in a few days and it will be fixed and instead take you to: http://www.digital-tunes.net/labels/dirty_folk_rock. I'll also update this when it is fixed.

Thanks, I hope you enjoy it! Please share it if you like it, with stoners everywhere.

Turns out the horses in the horse drawn carriages are abused, beat, whipped, forced to work long hard hours carrying fat assholes around and withstand all kinds of other terrible torture. I'm a long-time vegetarian and animal lover, so I was delighted to offer my pervy song singing skills when comedian Fiona Walsh invited myself along with a gang of other comedians to perform at Broadway Comedy Club on Dec. 4th to benefit BANHDC.org (ban horse drawn carriages) and raise some money for a worthy cause.

Just a few reasons to ban horse drawn, or "hansom" carriages, from BANHDC.org:

"The average working life of a carriage horse on NYC streets is under four years compared to a police horse whose working life is about 14 years."

"Carriage horses are out of place in midtown’s congested streets and belong to another century when there were far fewer vehicles and pedestrians...Over the years, there have been many accidents where both horses and people have been seriously injured and some in which horses have died."

"Horses must work in hot humid temperatures and in the brutal cold – nine hours a day, seven days a week and go back to stuffy stable...It is not unusual to see urine and feces stains on the horses...many of the horses come into this industry with preexisting injuries or arthritis and are forced to pull carriages containing heavy tourists – upwards of 7-800 pounds. When these horses are no longer fit to work the demanding streets of NYC, they are “retired” – many go to auction where their fate is unknown. “Killer Buyers” often buy these horses by the pound for the slaughterhouse. Horsemeat is a delicacy in some European countries."

"The ASPCA has 21 agents but they are obligated to work on cruelty issues all over the city and sometimes the state of NY...There are 68 carriages, over 200 horses and 360 drivers. There would never be enough agents to ensure that the drivers are obeying the law"

"This form of “entertainment” is exploitative and is comparable to animal circuses and roadside zoos. In the United States, over the years other immoral institutions have ended regardless of the economic impact to the industries involved. These include the use of child labor and sweat shops."

"Besides the humane issue that compel many people to object to the carriage horse trade, there is also the pervasive smell of horse feces and urine that permeates Central Park South. Even when the horses are not on the hack line at CPS, the unpleasant smell is always there. In addition, the Sanitation Department has to clean the feces from the street. People who live on Central Park South have complained about this smell for years. Those who object cannot open their windows in nice weather. In one community close to the stable on 45th St., public school children complained of health problems."

"It is not correct to assume that every out-of-towner wants to take a carriage horse ride. Many do not and avoid the area of Central Park South because the site of the horses is so painful...NYC and Company is the official tourism web site of NYC. Yet there is no mention of the carriage horse trade as being a big tourist attraction on its web site. Instead it mentions, sports events, shopping, restaurants, museums and galleries, historical attractions; Broadway; nightlife and entertainment; sightseeing tours."

Here is some more information about the ills of Horse Drawn Carriages

Please come and support this show. If you can't attend, please purchase an animal lover or enthusiast a ticket to the show, or make a donation to banhdc.org. Many celebrities and people you know are avid animal lovers and hate to see this treatment of animals. Join the growing number of people who don't want to see torture any more to animals or humans during our or any one else's lifetime.

SHOW and TICKET INFO:

December 4th @ 6.30pm
Benefit for www.banhdc.org
Broadway Comedy Club
318 West 53rd Street
$22/2 drink minimum
You can buy tickets in advance by calling: 1.212.757.2323

Fun fact: James Brown's coffin was driven through Times Square in a horse drawn carriage. Weird!

Can anyone say, "SEMI-FINALIST?"



G, whiz! I'm so flattered! I entered the "Miss G Train" competition yesterday on a
whim, for fun (and because I'm a sucker for a contest of ANY kind)
and was notified early today that I have been chosen as a SEMI-FINALIST, based on the following "essay"
(sent with the photo of myself covered in crazy 2s) which if you haven't seen yet, you
can see it HERE) and I am being considered as a finalist for the pageant. I must have done something right in my life to have been bestowed with this awesome honor.

My semi-finalist ranking essay:

Hi!

I'm submitting for Miss G train with a success story. I used to have to take the G train to get home every day to Kingsland Ave in Greenpoint. But I worked hard, saved my money and moved OUT of Greenpoint! Now I'm living in the Lower East Side and I haven't even SEEN the G train much less ridden on it for at least 2 years. Sometimes I see that green G circle and I feel the slightest tinge of sadness for a time when I hung out on a roof with a bunch of dirty people from the midwest, smoking cigarettes and staring out at the Twin Towers, until they were disintigrated (sp?), but usually I just appreciate the fact that I can ride a bike anywhere I want to go now.

Here's a photo of myself covered in $2 bills, the OLD cost of riding the subway.

Thanks,
Jessica

(between you and me, I think it was the killer photo which sealed the deal :)

I hope I DON'T get selected as a finalist, because I have a show on Thursday night and that means I
might have to CHOOSE one or the other. Aw, cripes, I smell a show fight. Break it up, you two. There's plenty of Delfino to go around.

It's ECNY AWARDS time...

The ECNY, or "Emerging Comedians of New York" Awards is a fun time of the year
when a lot of comedians get together and some of them get awards.

I have won the best musical comedian award in the past. Would it be fun to win it
again? You betcha. So may I suggest, "Jessica Delfino" for best musical comedian.

Here is the nominee form

There are many other categories, the whole nomination form takes about 2 minutes to fill out, or less
depending on how fast you type. If you need help, just google comedy and NYC and be reminded of all
the great comedy that is out there.

IN OTHER NEWS:

My Ars Nova show went off without a hitch on Thursday night. It was so great to see the place full of
friendly faces and some faces I didn't recognize, as well. Thanks to everyone who made it out, and
for those of you who couldn't make it or who just have seen me perform a zillion times and chose
to skip this one, that's fine, too.

Now I am moving on to greener, not quite so dirty pastures and plan to retire this show unless HBO tells me they
want to film it for air. I'm working on a new album with a few friends and a new hour long show, and
I'm looking forward to new adventures. I'm also doing some acting for film and TV so do get in touch with your projects.

TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT we make history



And by we, I mean "I", and by history, I mean sweet, sweet music, on guitar, flying V ukulele, q-chord and of course, the whistle. And jokes. Please note: This show is fun for the whole family, except for the kids. Thanks. (In London a 10 year old came with his parents to see my show. Those people are so mature!)

I can't wait to see you there.

Thurs Nov 12 @ 8 PM
Jessica Delfino's Dirty Folk Rock
Ars Nova ANT FEST!
511 W. 54th St.
Tickets: $10
For tickets and other info: arsnovanyc.com

SPECIAL MONEY SAVING RECESSION-TYPE OFFER: If you buy a ticket online GET YOURS HERE NOW and register on the Ars Nova website linked above as a SUPER NOVA, you get a free drink at the show (which nearly covers the cost of the ticket)

SKITS AND TITS TONIGHT!

It's $5. It's truly an awesome spectacle. Just come.

308 Bowery, NY, NY
F to 2nd Ave, 6 to Bleecker
10 PM
starring Honi Harlowe, The Chichiones, Stormy Leather,
Dan Allen, Mike Amato and other special guests.

Need a little more encouragement? OK, well, watch the following videos to see how we roll.

I Need A Ring (If Ya Wanna Do That Thing) - watch more funny videos

WANT MORE SKITS'N'TITS?

CHECK US OUT ON FUNNY OR DIE

VISIT US ON FACEBOOK.COM/SKITSNTITS

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR VIDEOS ON YOUTUBE

And don't forget -- next month is our ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!! Save the date, Wed. Dec. 9 -- every second Wednesday, SKITS'N'TITS!!

SHOWS THIS WEEK

I have three shows this week, including my solo hour long show as part of Ars Nova's Ant Fest. This show will feature a 50 minute solo set of my "dirty folk rock" hits, and I am not too proud to beg you to attend what will be one of the last times I perform this collection of music in its' entirety. All my shows are all listed in the right hand column of this blog, where they are always listed. But allow me to re-iterate this week's offerings:

Tonight, I will be performing at:

Bunch of Fives Telling Stories (I'm the musical interlude)
Sage Theater
711 7th Ave at 46th St.
8 PM
$12

Wednesday, Nov 11th, I will be performing sketches and possibly a short musical set at:

Skits'N'Tits Comedy Burlesque Variety Show
308 Bowery @ Houston
10 PM
$5
(this show is great, and features burlesque, comedy, videos, sketches and the band Das Racist at midnight)

Thursday I will be performing my 50 minute long solo show, "Dirty Folk Rock" at:

Ars Nova
511 W. 54th St. @ 10th Ave
8 PM
$10
Here's a bonus: You can get a free drink at the show by buying a ticket online in advance HEREand then signing up for
the "Super Nova" shim sham (it's easy and free).

I hope to see you at ALL of these fabulous shows. But if I can only pick one, please come to ALL of them. My solo show will be great because it's all the hits. SkitsNTits is a great show because it's just awesome, a true variety show. Bunch of Fives is a great storytelling show. So it's up to you, ya know?

We Built This iPhone App...

...and by "we", I actually mean my friend David Mitchell, but I made the sounds for the game, the various boops and beeps, and that is part of the reason I am so excited to tell you about "Dave's Tiles". It's a fun iPhone app, the sliding tiles game, with Dave's little additions to it -- you can pick a photo from your iphone to assign to the tiles and other little treats. It's a great game to play waiting for the subway or before bed to relax your mind. I strongly encourage you to buy this game!

And now, a word from Dave:

"Hey everyone, my first iPhone App just got released! It's "Dave'sTiles", a fun and challenging variation of the classic sliding tiles puzzle. It's $1.99 on iTunes. Please check it out and write a review! Here's the game's website: http://www.dsmitchell.info/DavesTiles/. Also, I'm having a release party on Wednesday night (11/11) - I'll be at Metro Cafe & Wine Bar, 32 East 21st St in Manhattan, from 6-10 pm. Come join me for a drink and check out the game."

Halloween, ReW & Wh0? and Keith And The Girl!!

I've been busy promoting my upcoming Thursday show in very fun and interesting ways. A few days ago I was on
the ReW & Wh0? show in the Bronx with these two older school neato peeps who interview rockers and freaks on
their show. It was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed hanging out with my interviewees, ReW and Frank Wood, a lower
east side legend maniacal and cool fella. I also got to hang out with a couple of his pals, some old rockers and chat.
It was a priceless adventure. You can see me on the ReW & Wh0 show here:

http://www.youtube.com/user/AriZZmARadio#p/u/8/mjR2qtCzsUw

Last night I trucked me-self out to Queens with my pal Ben Lerman to perform on the Keith and the Girl podcast. Ben has been raving about the podcast for months, saying I've gotta get out there. Finally, we made it happen and Keith and the Girl very generously let me come on the show to promote my Ars Nova show. We had a blast, it was so much fun. Ben poured me a literal vat of whiskey and we drank, joked, laugh and sang a few numbers. You can check that out at www.katg.com.

Finally, here's a picture of me and my friend David on Halloween. Interestingly, we're both dressed in drag. We got maaaaddd photos that night!



T.T.Y.L.

What Did You Do On Thurs And Fri This Week?

I auditioned for a sweet gig hanging out at free bathrooms in Times Square. This holiday job pays $10,000 for 5 weeks. They're looking for people to entertain and hang out with people waiting in line to use the bathrooms. I hope I get the job! I don't think I'm going to get it though, because I accidentally blew a kiss to the judges at the end of the audition. But if they need an accidentally innocently awkward artist musician performer girl, I'm their lady.

I wrote an original song for my audition on my pink flying V ukulele. I arrived at 9 am yesterday in time to be #177. I went into the big conference room with hundreds of other hopefuls and waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, around 2 pm or so, I was brought up to audition. I sang my song and was invited for a call back today. This morning at 11 am, I made my way back to midtown for my second audition.

The room was full of people the second time! There were people taking notes, rolling cameras and really giving me a thorough interview to make sure that I would potentially be right as a bathroom attendant.

You can see the video here of the line and auditions hi-jinks, including a brief segment of my song.

MY CAT ROCKS

Yeah, I said it. My cat f'in rocks. I have the coolest cat in the world. She plays fetch with these little stuffed mice, she walks around on hind legs, she does freelance tricks off the doors and walls that'd make skaters jealous, she catches flies in the air and devours them with the cutest face I've ever seen on a heartless killer, she hangs out with me in my lap and puts her little paws on the desk while I type (like she's working too), she sleeps in the bend of my knee and keeps me warm, she talks to me with this little whirrrr? sound all the time. She's the coolest.

A lot of people hate cats, or get freaked out by people who love cats, especially if those people are women. And I understand. Worship of anything adorable can be disconcerting to witness. Seeing two couples rubbing noses, for instance? Vomitorious. And for awhile I've tried to pretend like I'm not cat-a-riffic, but it's too impossible when you have a cat as awesome as my Ms. Puss.

I was at Seth Herzog's Sweet show last night at Slipper Room, and Julian McCullough was on stage talking about his cat. He did about 5 or so minutes on his cat and it was hilarious shit. I've wanted to involve Ms. Puss in my stand up for a long time but I thought it'd come off as crazy cat lady-esque. But to have a penis and do cat material -- what a blessing. It was magical. It was some of the funniest stuff I've heard, and some of the best cat material ever. He talked about how animal shelters should be open at 4 am, when people can't wait to make poor life decisions, and so on. Ya gotta see it. He was also talking about how his cat is named Pop Tarts. Not Pop Tart. Here's a sample of his stand up:


Julian McCullough Performs Stand-up - For more funny videos, click here

I filmed a little video of me singing my song, "Let's Legalize Drugs" a few months ago when Ms. Puss was just a kitten and she was running around like a psychotic maniac while I was trying to film the video. I put her in my room but she was crying and freaking out and I didn't want to have the video be filled with the sad meows of what sounded like an abused and tortured cat in the other room, so I figured, screw it, I'll just let her go psychotic while I film the video and I'll pretend I have no idea. It turned out pretty funny. Here's that video:



She also used to make special guest appearances in my "Jessica's Chest of Treasures" videos.

So last night at Sweet, a lady with a very tiny, very adorable dog in a bag showed up and the comics were all fawning over it. Some of us were crying tears of cuteness over it and others were disgusted. One comic was like, "That's bullshit, get a leash". My POV was that it makes sense to carry a puppy purse, because having a dog in a bag was like a little sack of approval. I wish I could carry my cat around with me. It's not only instantaneous attention to have a cute animal in a mesh purse, but you're never lonely. It's like the baby I'm too afraid / too much of a failure to have. Also, because Ms. Puss is so cool, I want to take her everywhere with me.

I saw a dude in midtown with a cat he carried around on his shoulder, and then it'd go on his head and balance. It was a really cool cat. The guy was a dick though. I tried to take a picture and he got all homeless on me.

And that's my morning cat chat. Ah, cats!

ABOUT THE ANDY KAUFMAN AWARDS LAST NIGHT

The show was soo much fun. I arrived early. Ben Lerman and I traveled up together from the Lower East Side using a little method of transportation I like to call the "F" train. For one magic time in my life, that monster showed up right as I set foot on the platform. Ben and I hopped on and were whisked away like some kind of movie stars. I actually felt pretty good because I was all dolled up and I looked good and I knew it. After spending a lot of time thinking about the award and contemplating what to do, and even coming up with some half decent wackadoo ideas, I decided finally to just be myself. I decided, I'm not "like" Andy Kaufman in that I play pranks on the audience so much, but I am like Andy Kaufman in that I'm an unusual one, a weirdo in my own way, and I like to have fun with people, whether they're completely comprehensive of what is going on or not.

Walking in, I saw Michael Kaufman who I knew from years past. He gave me a big old hug, and it was really nice to see him, like seeing an old friend. I also met Al Parinello who I'd talked to on the phone, who was producing the show, and I could tell right away he had been some kind of performer before. He was funny, charismatic and quick witted. I was right! He owned a radio station once upon a time in Atlantic City, and he put Andy Kaufman on stage the first time Andy had ever performed.

There were 25 other contestants in the show, chosen out of 100+ contestants. I have been a semi-finalist in 2 other shows and a finalist in the one the year that Kristen Schaal won. I saw a lot of people there who I recognized, including Kristen Schaal, who was a celebrity judge. Ben Lerman and Mike Amato, my flat mates from this past summer were both competing, as well as Shane Webb, Matt McCarthy, Matt Higgins, Eric Davis and several others I know and love, as well as many I'd never seen and some I'd only vaguely heard of.

Of the ones I've never seen before, some I really enjoyed were Mary Van Note, Claire Titelman and Sasha & Noob. I really enjoyed almost every act I saw though, and the judges literally could have picked 6 names at random and all of them would have been pretty Kaufmanesque, and worthy of winning.

The ones who won are as follows: One of them was a friend of mine, Mike Amato. They also chose Sasha & Noob, Blaine Kneece, Robby Roadsteamer, Eric Davis and Harrison Greenbaum.

I felt really good about my set and my decision to just be myself, and to not try to be Kaufman-y, though I had some pretty good Kaufman-like ideas. The audience enjoyed my set a lot, and I left the stage feeling very confident. My friends and co-competitors were also very supportive and encouraging. And I made some new friends! The ones who won deserved to win, and I am thinking of going back tonight to watch the finals.

For anyone interested in seeing it, it's at 7 PM tonight at Carolines, at 50th and Broadway in NYC. Go!!! See some Kaufman"esque" comedy from these comedians while they're still young and crazy.