THE PROMISS OF LUV CAN BE YOURS

These little ladies sure know how to say "no you don't" -- that is, unless you're willing
to say "I do".

Watch, vote, share, bla bla bla, but most of all, enjoy the sweet ass purity of these ladies of Christ.

I Need A Ring (If Ya Wanna Do That Thing) - watch more funny videos

THIS IS NEWS

This is a video I made with a few friends a while back. I had so much fun making this video.
Notice how only I get beeped...

SAY MY NAME

My friend looked up my name and wrote to me telling me what it means.

I've always thought my name was hebrew, of biblical origin and meant "wealthy" (which is funny because I'm certainly anything but, however, I am wealthy in that I know how to do lots of crafts and play about a dozen instruments, so, who's wealthy now, Jesus?).

JESSICA
Gender: Feminine
Usage: English
Pronounced: JES-i-kə [key]
This name was first used in this form by Shakespeare in his play 'The Merchant of Venice' (1596), where it belongs to the daughter of Shylock. Shakespeare probably based it on the biblical name ISCAH which would have been spelled Jesca in his time. It was not commonly used as a given name until the middle of the 20th century.

Additionally, people of any kind of latino origin generally call me "Yessica", and people of any other kind of origin generally pronounce my name "Jennifer".

There are lots of Jessicas out there, and interestingly, even lots of other Jessica Delfinos. I meet another Jessica about once a week, and I meet another Jessica Delfino (usually via Facebook or Myspace) about once a month or so. One just friended me yesterday, and she spelled her name "Jessika". They all vaguely look like me -- dark hair, slender, cute girls. It's puzzling that I've never met a very short blonde Jessica Delfino or an obese african american Jessica Delfino, though, who knows, perhaps they're out there somewhere.

I started meeting lots of other Jessica Delfinos after Wil Wheaton (Wesley Crusher, Star Trek: The Next Generation) posted my lyrics for my song "Lullabye" on his blog. They just started climbing out of the woodwork, from Italy and New Mexico and all over the place. I even MET one -- she came to NYC and emailed me that she wanted to get a drink. I thought that sounded reasonable, so I met her and a friend, and she was very nice. We had a fun time chatting and drinking, and marveling over how similar our basic features were.

But of all the Jessica Delfinos out there, there's only ONE who plays the guitar, flying V ukulele, electronic autoharp q-chord, autoharp, singing saw, keyboardlette, mini drumset, rape whistle and tells jokes and makes videos and illustrates and that Jessica Delfino is ME!

JESSICA DELFINO EXCITING NEWS!

Greetings, Earthlings. I am writing with good news and bad news.

The good news is, I have quit working on Jessica's Chest of Treasures to focus full time on finishing my shows, "More Dirty Folk Rock" and "I Wanna Be Famous" which will show across the UK this July and August. The bad news is that all of the past episodes have been removed from Youtube by a force that was out of my hands, so those episodes are now lost, which makes them even more precious.

Deleted from Youtube again! When will "the man" learn that ya can't keep Delfino down? Hopefully never, as it just makes me work harder and try harder, and get more of a "bad gal" reputation. I try to reject it, but it just keeps chasing me down!

ABOUT MY NEW SHOWS:
"More Dirty Folk Rock" is basically like "Dirty Folk Rock", but will feature some older gems and some new hits, as well as my amazing new instrument, the Q-chord! It is like a haunted circular piano from an old 70s television show about the future. I love it and can't wait to regale Europe with it.

"I Wanna Be Famous" is about my brushes with near fame. As one writer put it:

"In “I Wanna Be Famous”, Delfino discusses “un-fame”, an interesting nook of celebrity she finds herself subject to. Known by a vast and growing number of web folk and even considered a household name to many people, Delfino finds herself rubbing elbows with A-listers, yet feeling just one little break away from true success."

That show will feature some old hits, some new songs and jokes and also stories and monologues, using my hand-drawn comic book style stories to illustrate some of my favorite "fame-like" ordeals, such as getting kicked out of Canada. I'm glad to have the opportunity to draw in my shows, I like drawing and wish I had markers for fingers. I don't get to do it as much as I'd like to any more.

The bad news is that I'm ONLY doing 3 shows this week! ha ha!!!

SHOWS THIS WEEK:

Delfino is coming to UPTOWN MANHATTAN TONITE!

TUESDAY (tonight)
Alison Grillo's JOKES N GENDER @ Underground Lounge
107th and West End Ave
showtime 7:30 PM sharp
ABOUT THE SHOW: Comedians ruminate on gender issues!

and tomorrow DELFINO DOES A DOUBLE DIP DOWNTOWN with 2 VERY COOL SHOWS:

WED (tomorrow)
Nick Ferris's REGRETS @ a gallery in Tribeca just 1 block south of Canal on Broadway
6:30 - 10 with an after party at Madame X
ABOUT THE SHOW: A mixture of photographic, short films, poetry and sculptures on the theme of Regrets.
with comedian Lori Chase, live models, DJ -- very different from your standard gallery opening, and
it's to raise money for charity. Visit www.nickandrani.com for more info.

AND...AND...THE AWESOME MONTHLY BUR-IETY SHOW I CO-PRODUCE with STEPH SABELLI AND DIANE O'DEBRA:
SKITS'N'TITS! @ Bowery Poetry Club, 308 Bowery
10 PM, $5
ABOUT THE SHOW: This mad party is truly a whimsical delight! Comedians Murray Hill, Kevin Allison (The State), Seth Herzog and Mike Amato bemuse, hot burlesque dancers tantalize, and our sketch group "FFF" (or Funny Filthy Floozies) offers a new video and 2 new sketches, one about...dun-dun-dun...STAR TREK!

Don't miss ANY of these shows. Or you will get swine flu.

About My Grandfather

When I was just a little stinker, I spent a lot of time in my grandparents house in Tinton Falls, NJ. My grandfather was a sailor mouthed Italian man with a terrific sense of humor who spent his days humming old big band tunes and oil painting, re-creating the masters. My whole life I watched him paint Rembrandt's "The Night Watch" (which is a more popular name of Rembrandt's Company of Frans Banning Cocq and Willem van Ruytenburch in the Rijksmuseum). It was not finished when he passed away. I am trying to get my family to give it to me when it's time to find a new home for it, because I spent my whole life watching it get painted and I feel like it belongs to me, in a way.

My grandfather was the Salutatorian of his class, my grandmother was the Valedictorian of hers. They met in Ybor City, near Tampa, Florida during his Navy break, where all the soldiers are free to drink and chase skirts. According to the family legend, he fell in love immediately with my grandmother and didn't want to leave her after his break was over. He even actually literally "missed the boat" because he was spending time with my grandmother. The boat he was supposed to be on was attacked and everyone on board was killed. My great grandmother (who was well known in the family for her ribald personality and always telling dirty jokes) was actually notified by the Navy and told that my grandfather was lost at sea. But he was alive and well, frolicking with my grandmother on the boardwalk.

I have a beautiful photo of him in his sailor uniform, it is worn and faded and it's like he's marching off eternally. I liked my sailor mouthed, salty grandpa more than anyone else in the world.

MONDAY STUFF!

The coolest lady in the world is renting a room in her apartment. If you don't believe me, click HERE to check it out.

I'm performing at a fun MTV TRUE LIFE sexy party, taping tonight, Monday, in NYC at 8 PM.
For details about the party / show or to attend, you can email me at jessdelfino@yahoo.com.

Has anyone seen this adorable criminal? I was at a show the other night and the comedian on the stage said that she had been LIVING IN HIS APARTMENT! He called the authorities on her and they said there was nothing they could do about it. WTF???

ALSO going on tonight is TOM SHILLUE'S solo show. Knock their socks off, Tommy pants.

I went to see Colin Quinn's show the other night at Gotham Comedy Club with my pal Diane O'Debra. I'd like to review the show. Colin: Awesome. Laurie Kilmartin: Awesome. The end.

Has anyone seen this new place on East Broadway? It's called Broadway East. I have a story about the place. I walked over to the window to look at the menu and a super snooty looking hipster security guard door guy lunged in front of me and exclaimed, "You can't go in there! It's a private party!" I said, "I'm not going in, I'm just looking at the menu." So he said, "OK, but you can't go in." So I said, "I live in the neighborhood and am just checking it out." so he replied, "OK, but just to let you know, you can't go in." I was like, "I get it dude." Then I walked off embarrassed. But the place looks pretty fancy anyway. I MIGHT even go spend some money there. We'll see.

There's another very cute place that just opened on Essex just south of Delancey, a pretty fancy, cute little bar with a curved tin roof that serves no food except a cheese plate but lots and lotsa fancy booze. And there are two more bars opening in my neighborhood. Good World, sadly, just closed last month. That was my second favorite bar in this neighborhood. Now there's only one place I like to go around here, and that place is Bacaro.

And finally, you know what tonight is. It's the night that JESSICA'S CHEST OF TREASURES is on TV! Amazing. Jessica Delfino on TV in NYC. It's about time! See it LATE NIGHTS on the 209 Show every single stinkin' MONDAY.

TIMES / CHANNELS:

BROOKLYN: MIDNIGHT in Brooklyn on BCAT, Channels 56 or 69 (the dirty channel)
MANHATTAN: 2 am on Channels 67 or 85.

Set your TIVOS, VCRs, DVD machines or what have you if you are an early bed person.



AND TOMORROW you can see Jessica Delfino and others HERE:

The Meat Circus is a show unlike any you have seen before! Join sideshow performer, Jared Rydelek and a handful of incredible guests in a night of strange performances. It will be a night of contortion, dance, escape artistry, comedy, pain resisting, life-risking, and all things in between. Plus its completely FREE! For more information visit: www.viciousvaudeville.com/meatcircus.htm

May 5th 2009 @ 10pm Sharp

Parkside Lounge
317 E Houston St. (btwn ave B & C)
New York, NY
Admission: Free! (2 drink min)

THIS is going to be fun. FREE BEER! I will be playing SONGS about BEER. So do come and drink some free beer with me. ALSO, a special guest appearance and human petting zoo by CLUB ANIMALS YAY!