Sunday, March 4, 2012

I'm Not Sorry

At least once a day, a woman will apologize to me for something that she didn't do wrong. "Whoops! Sorry," she'll say, as she drops a piece of paper on the floor, or asks me my name. "I'm sorry, what was your name?" Wait, let me get this straight. You're sorry because I have a name?

Ladies! It's not necessary for you to apologize to me -- or to any human -- for arbitrary non-issues. Where did women pick up this behavior? I'm guessing from their own mothers. I'm guilty of it, myself. When a homeless guy asks me for money and I don't have any, what do I say? "I'm sorry," and keep walking. When someone says something to me and I didn't hear them, I say, "Sorry?" Wait, I'm sorry because you mumble? What the shit is wrong with me?

More things that do not deserve apologies:

- Passing by someone (that gets an "excuse me" and doesn't need to be followed up with a "sorry")
- A precursor to a benign question, as in, "I'm sorry, do you know what time it is?"
- In the place where a "No" answer will do, as in, "No, we don't have any soy cheese tacos"
- If you make a mistake that really primarily only affects you (drop your own cellphone)

OK, so, women aren't the only ones guilty of this behavior. Willowy men and surely transvestites or hermaphrodites also engage in apologizing over nothing. I think it's a sign of low self esteem, and I think that low self esteem sucks so hard. It's one of the biggest societal problems of our planet, and it goes relatively unschooled, unfixed and unmentioned, causing serious problems, including war, genocide and good ol' fashioned run of the mill violence - ya know, beheadings by spouses and what not.

What do I want? Stronger humans. When do I want them? Centuries ago! What am I gonna do about it? Well --

Just as I've started to make a mental note to recognize every time I say "like" in an effort to STOP saying LIKE all the time, I've started to pay attention to how often I say "I'm sorry" for things that no one deserves an apology for. I've gotten better about saving my apologies for when I really owe them, like, for when I break an antique vase, or when I drop a door on an old lady's hand or when I ride my bicycle into a person because I was staring up at the sky instead of forward. Now I just have to work on not being so clumsy and silly-hearted.


Oh, wait -- I mean, no I'm not.


Anonymous said...

Grr, yes, I hate it when I hear women apologizing all the time. Jee ZUZ!

Tara Wilcox said...

Guys never seem to apologize, they just break hearts and destroy shit with no cares in the world, must be nice lol

Deeds said...

I'm sorry for apologizing so much!