Thursday, October 10, 2002

I've been looking for an apartment and it's been so hard. It's too expensive to live alone and I make a really bad roommate for a lot of reasons. For starters, I'm too clean. I'm always straightening up, and never leaving messes anywhere. I'm also extremely generous, which can be VERY annoying. I'm always buying groceries, my roommate's favorite foods, and just leaving them in the refridgerator for them to eat. Sometimes, when it's a full moon or whatever, I prepare delicious meals, just out of the blue. RUDE!!! And I am a great listener, which is tough for people to get into. I'm always on time with bills too, early even. I totally suck. I have a self redeeming personality, though, so I'm working on all those things. Hopefully I'll be able to get it together before I get a roommate.

I found a surprise cheap apartment in Chinatown. It was only $700 for a one bedroom. It was a great building with so many perks. Like, for starters, it was on top of an all night fish market. So I could come home late at night, 3 am, and buy raw fish if I wanted to, and I'm sure I'd want to. Also, it was a seven story walk up. So I'd get a great work out every time I came home or forgot something. I'd save hundreds from not having to pay for a gym membership. And there was a sign that said the exterminator came two times a week, so I bet the place was totally bug free. And in the apartment on either side of me, lived a family of 10 and a family of 12. So there'd always be someone around. The floor was falling apart, but that just gave me an excuse to get a nice hardwood floor put in. And there was no fire escape but what are the chances of a fire happening in my apartment? I do smoke, sometimes when I'm sleeping, but I'm a very careful sleeping smoker. And as long as I bought a fire alarm and installed it at some point, there'd be no chance of me burning up in a fire in my apartment. Especially if I bought batteries to go in the alarm. And put them in the alarm. I'm a pretty heavy sleeper, I once slept through a 7.3 earthquake, but I had been up late, drinking tea.

I checked out the apartment during the day, so I figured it'd be best for me to come back at night and see what it was like under cover of dark. I just wanted to see if the neighborhood was dangerous. I set up a test - I planned to come back around 11 that night. I decided if I got raped, I was definitely NOT going to rent the place. If I didn't get raped, I figured the apartment was more or less safe. So I did, I went back and checked out the apartment that night, around 11. I didn't get raped, but I did get followed and some guy called me a lady of the night. So, the next morning, of course, I immediately went to put down a deposit. But it was too late. Someone had beat me to it.

So now I'm back to square one. Trying to find an apartment. I'm checking all the ads, Craig's List, The Voice, reading flyers on phone poles, eavesdropping on people's conversations in the park, at coffee shops, on the street. Harrassing people as they go into their foyers, "Are there any apartments for rent in your building? Are you sure? Are you moving out any time soon?"

I won't pay more than $1000, either for a one bedroom, or a studio, or to share someone's apartment. I mean, a one time sum of $1000. Is that unreasonable? Maybe so. But I'm making the rules in my apartment finding game. I thought about squatting somewhere. But I'm just going to have to stand back up eventually.

Any suggestions? Email me at I'll be waiting by the computer. At the 24 hour internet place. Drinking coffee.

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