Dream Job
by Jessica Delfino
Last summer around this time I worked as a nanny on the upper east side. It was the craziest job I ever had with lots of neat perks. I got a free, albeit tiny apartment, a nice salary, and the kids I was supposed to be caring for were both at camp all summer. So I basically got paid to eat rich people food, jog in Central Park, walk the dog, which was one of those expensive trendy kinds, hang out in the Hamptons, and live in a castle of a home on Park Avenue.
The family who hired me was your typical rich Jewish family with lots of weird dilemmas. Working for them gave me all the knowledge I have of Jewish New York. Before them, I had really never known anything at all about Jewish culture or religion, either real or perceived, besides one or two stereotypes I totally still believe. I got some insight on a different brand of living that I might have never gotten to experience otherwise, and I value the time I spent there. However, paying no mind to race or religion, I should have known when the mom said "It would be an honor and a privilige to you should we hire you to work in our home" that things might get a little psychotic.
And they did. I got fired shortly after the children returned from camp when the teenager told her mother I was stealing her clothes and yelling at her all the time. That's not the real story, and I'm not even going to tell it, because it is so very petty and boring.
STILL, even having had this vanilla extract/vanilla syrup-y experience, I would do it again. I might change a few things, set the scenario up differently from the beginning, and make sure the lines of communication were wide open. If I were seeking a job like this today, this might be my posting, which leads us incidentally to another....
JOB SEARCH SELF-SABOTAGE
by Jessica Delfino
Wanted - crazy rich people to hire me to do their weird errands.
I will charge an exorbitant amount per the hour and possibly go
over the boundaries of 'hired help' but you will get a great assistant
who is smart, hot and willing and able to deal with rich person crap.
I'll play the part of sophisticated socialite youngster with a job to do,
and you be your loaded, generous, insane self. It'll be like a sitcom,
but without all the hilarity ensuing. Willing to do all kinds of ridiculous,
unimportant tasks, including care for your children and walk your fancy dog.
Job must include perks like going to the Hamptons with you, staying at
your big house and driving your kick-ass car. Also, I should get to attend
any big rich people parties you are putting on, because I'll have done most
of the work. PS I am seeking only crazies or eccentrics, no assholes,
please. Must be prepared to be lampooned on an internet journal if you fire me.
If you read this and are interested in hiring me or buying me a present,
you can contact me at jessicadelfino@aol.com.
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