Tuesday, October 14, 2003

Desparately Seeking Distractions

My boyfriend and I just broke up and I am looking for distractions. Yesterday was the first day that we broke up. He broke up with me. I was expecting him to call me and say, "Maybe I overreacted" or something like that, and he never did, so I guess that's that. I wouldn't take him back, but at least I wouldn't feel so victimized if he'd just call.

I spent a lot of the day floating around, asking myself questions like, "Is this real?" and "What am I going to do now?" I have been dating the same guy for five and a half years and we were engaged, actually, so he was my fiance, not just my boyfriend. We broke up over something so stupid I refuse to even acknowledge it but let me just say this: we broke up over a fight about a cellphone.

I went to work yesterday for a few hours but got let go early because there wasn't really any work to do. I walked over to my friend David's apartment and checked my e-mail. I ended up taking a two hour mid-afternoon nap which was nice and certainly distracting. At 7 pm I woke up and went to the Sidewalk Cafe at 5th and Ave A to try to get onstage. I got slotted for a very late spot so I decided to just try again another week. While there, I met a guy named Dr. Ray who travels and performs around the US. He seemed very nice and we ended up talking for awhile, singing some songs on the sidewalk and drinking beer together.

My friend Christopher came and met up with me around 10 pm and we went and broke into a kids playground by climbing over the fence and then we smoked weed on the jungle jim. That was very distracting and I thank god for weed at times like this.

Today was day two - my ex didn't call me today either. I didn't go into work this morning because there was nothing for me to do, so instead I had lunch with a few friends at Zen Palate. That was pretty fun and fairly distracting. Chelsea got bitched out by the waiter for bringing her Starbucks coffee into the restaurant. He made a lame analogy about wiping your muddy feet on the floor of someone's home and we laughed at him for the entirety of our meal. We said grace when we got our food which was something I haven't done in a forever. It was half jokey but it was also kind of nice. We said, "Thank you for this food." Instead of amen, we said, "AND - Thankyou."

I had to leave after that and run a boring errand which might have been distracting but I was running it alone and the fact that it was boring made my mind start to wander and you know where it went. Surprisingly, I don't feel awful about having been broken up with. I don't feel like I wish my ex and I will get back together. I feel sad that we tried to have a good relationship for five years and then after all that it still failed. I liken it to a business I guess that we started five years ago and then we just went out of business. Everything must go. Liquidation sale.

Now I am updating my blog which I haven't done for awhile. I have an improvisation class tonight which will partially distract me but there will be times when I will get off the path of focus away from distraction. After class I will go to B3 where I will try out some new jokes I wrote about failed relationships, being single, and distraction. I'll probably have a few shots of tequila, my drink of choice. That will be distracting.

I hate the idea of doing things to distract myself from being single and lonely because it seems like something that people do in movies and it always seems so pathetic and sad to me when I see people out, drinking shot after shot, or learning a foreign language under the guise that they are bettering themselves when they are actually just distracting themselves from lonliness. I hate being single. I usually always have a boyfriend because I like being in love and I like to have sex and I like the feeling that I'm with someone, and not alone. I won't be single for long, I'm sure, but in the meantime, I'll be seeking distractions of most any kind, no matter how desparate it seems.

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