Wednesday, November 26, 2003

Exchange Between Doctor and Patient

Hello, doctor.

Hello, patient.

How are you, doctor?

Oh, I'm okay. That's not entirely true. Things aren't going so well for me.

No? What's wrong?

Well, I've been getting these horrible headaches, and they have been so painful that it is messing up my ability to make logical decisions or properly diagnose patients.

Really? That sounds terrible.

It is.

Well, is there anything I can do?

Well - since you mentioned it, there is. I would love it if you would just massage my temples for a minute.

Well, I guess I could do that.

Then we'll get straight to me doing the doctor thing.

OK. (starts massaging doctor's head)

Wow, that's great, that really helps.

Why don't you take some time off?

What? I don't have time to take time off. I have lives to save, people's problems to fix, pain killers to prescribe, car payments to charge to my American Express, a wife to ignore, the list goes on and on.

I understand.

That's what I like about you, you seem to really be very understanding right this minute.

So, do you feel any better?

Yes, I do, thanks.

So, now what?

Well - how about a drink?

Um, I probably shouldn't.

Oh, I didn't mean you.

Oh. Um, well, you probably shouldn't, either.

Of course I shouldn't, that's not up for debate. I definitely should not. I think it might even be illegal.


I'm just thinking, it might help me to relax a bit.

Yeah, well, I'm sure it will.

Well, I guess it's settled then. (doctor takes a bottle out of his pocket and drinks it all)
Sorry I didn't offer you any. It's better that you don't.


(awkward silence)

Maybe I should come back another time, doctor.

What? No, no, no! Stay right there! Things are just about to start getting exciting.

Well, if you say so. After all, you are the doctor.

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