Girl Scout Cookie Thoughts
by Jessica Delfino
A month or so ago when I first started working at Christies, a man came in and sold us all Girl Scout cookies. I guess his daughter was a girl scout, or maybe he was one. We bought tons of cookies and ever since then I have been licking my lips thinking about those delicious tender boxes of yummy morsels, smooshed together into cookie form. Today, I thought about the cookies again, as I have been for the past month. But today, unlike the other times I have been thinking about them, they actually came in. It was surreal.
I ordered two boxes myself - a box of what used to be called Samoas (now they're called Caramel deLights -lowercase d-e capital L lowercase i-g-h-t-s. I guess the Samoans got pissed about sharing too similar a name with sweet, terrific inexpensively made pastries.) I also ordered a box of cookies I hadn't seen until this year - Animal Treasures they are called. Animal treasures are shortbread cookies the size of a coaster, each having had one side dipped in delectable milk chocolate.
My boss ordered about 15 different boxes of them. She put two boxes out on the community table for us all to share, so I made sure to do my part and share them. They were the new and improved Thin Mints which I never really gave a crap about though everyone else seems to make such a big deal about them. They're like crunchy Peppermint Patties. Big deal. They're fine, they're good, they're just overrated. She also got a box of Peanut Butter Sandwiches which were pretty good but couldn't they have thought of a better name than Peanut Butter Sandwiches?
I ate two peanut butter sandwiches, I ate one thin mint (for principle's sake) and one animal treasure. Then, I opened the Caramel deLights and proceeded to eat nine, that's NINE of them. They were THAT good. Not to mention I hadn't eaten lunch and it just seemed so right. Too right to turn down. Each cookie, righter than the next. Tempting me. Calling to me. Whistling at me, cat calling dirty comments to my tastebuds. I am only a human. I just couldn't resist the tangy coconut and caramel tastes dancing naked together on that tender sphere of desire.
Now I feel sick. I do feel sick, I must be honest. There are different kinds of sick, you know? There's like that sick when you drank too much and then you close your eyes and the ceiling and the walls are spinning, spinning. There's that sick when your face is hot and you're like, "fuck, I'm getting the flu." There's that sick that's like, "it's Thanksgiving and I just ate 17 pounds of food." And the sick I had, which was like, "I am supposed to be getting skinny now that I'm single, and I'm doing pretty good at it, but now I'm going to get fat again because I just ate NINE Caramel deLights, not to mention the animal treasures and the peanut butter sandwiches and the thin mint.
I do think about food. I don't have an eating disorder but I'm only a few inches, about the length of one finger away from one. It's not that I enjoy puking or that I'm crazy, it's just that I do want to be skinny and I am too tempted by junkfood. I lost 13 pounds since my fiance and I broke up, so I feel like I can eat a cookie or NINE if I want to. Yum.
A strange side note: On the box of Caramel deLights there was a photo of a girl wearing a fireman's hat which really surprised me because I thought that look was out. It was really popular back in like 01 and even into 02, but now we're side winding Von Dutch hats and I think even that is out.