Friday, December 12, 2003


So, what's up, you guys? It's been a long time since we've talked. I've been pretty busy, I've got lots of stuff going on because I'm so busy. I hate when people say that, it sounds so self-important. "I've been seewwww busy, you don't even know! God!" But it's true, and I have.

I have just finished my new CD which I am so happy with. It has 8 songs on it - a few new songs, a few polished up versions of some hits and a few nice surprises. I had a lot of help from Touching You, who is one of the most creatively talented people I've ever met, and then it all goes downhill from there. Just kidding, but I'm not, really.

For those of you who are interested in purchasing the CD, you may follow the same directions posted on my BUY A CD link. I am so proud of it and I think that you will like it, too, if you are into Dirty Folk Rock, and maybe even if you aren't into Dirty Folk Rock. It's also got a really nice insert with some beautiful photo art. And Christmas is coming and you can buy some for people as a cheap Christmas gift which is great and all, but I'd really rather you buy it for people because they deserve to experience and sample some of the great art, music and creative miscellanea that is being made in New York City right now, some of which was made by me and my friends.

I will be performing at Arlene's Grocery at 8 pm on January 13th too, so if you buy a CD and you love it, come and see the show. I will be opening up for a band called "Oh My God!" and I hear they are great.

Hmm....what else? I wrote a new song which isn't on the CD but it's a hit, it's called "Someone Who Loves Me" and it's about the female rape fantasy. Many women claim to have a rape fantasy but really they just want to be made passionate love to by someone who they are in love with. Most women are not loved properly by the men who they date and it manifests itself as a rape fantasy, where they desire to be ravished by the men who they are in love with. They don't really want to be raped the way rapists like to rape people. They don't want to be hit in a face by a shitty sweat smelly guy and dragged into an alley semi-unconscious. So, I wrote a song about it. It's me singing to my assailant, telling him yes, I admit, I do have a "rape" "fantasy", but I was saving that rape for someone who loves me, not him.

People have been responding to it fairly well, I guess more men than women, and several men have approached me and say that they really appreciate the song and it speaks to them on several personal levels, but I think that they were all just men who secretly want to rape me. And by rape, I mean make passionate love to.

What else? What else? The Comedy Kabob is back up and running, now at The Pussycat Lounge, which is a go-go bar downtown. I heard that there is actually going to be go-go dancing after the show. I don't know how that's going to be but generally the Kabob is great and I recommend everyone go check it out at least once. Tim Brennan runs the show and has lots of comics on the show who are both up and comers and down and outers and everything in between. Some of the jokes you'll hear are stinkers and some are keepers, but you will definitely have fun and see some great performers.

Um....I performed at Collective Unconscious last night in a Garage Opera. It was fronted by a guy named Nico with Mikey McCue as lead vocalist and Touching You on bass, Frank on drums and the other guy on guitar. I forgot his name. But they were all really great. I came in half way through and sang a few duets and some single stuff with Mikey and it was pretty bizarre. Thank god we got it on video tape. The name of the band is Born On Arrival and there is a story behind it - an old man falls in love with a young beautiful talentress. The girl is torn between being in love with the old guy and being young and stupid. Her sister (me) is trying to tell her to leave him behind. It's weird and interesting and chaotic and melodic and I recommend the next time Born On Arrival performs you should check it out. Nico used to front the band NARB and is a regular performer at Collective Unconscious. You might love BOA and you might hate it, but it is worth seeing one time.

I also saw a show at PS 122 last night - I'm not so into seeing dance but I saw Chris Elam and the Misnomer Dance Theater. I liked what they did, it was as close to clumsy as you can get and still be graceful. There was a lot of pulling and mushing and twisting and anti-dance elements. It was very child-like and sweet and there were moments that were also very erotic. I don't know much about dance so it is hard for me to elaborate or eloquently describe or explain what I saw or what it meant, so I'll just say I liked most of it and found it to be inspiring on some level. It made me want to dance. I briefly studied ballet and it made me feel like I should have stuck it out. The problem is that my body is so round and I'm so curvy and hippy that I felt ridiculous dancing as a ballerina. I felt like while everyone else was lean and long and slipping gently around the room, I was just flaunting my hot body everywhere. I was a much better go-go dancer. I learned a lot of pole tricks. I actually plan to use go-go dancing in an interpretive go-go dance at some point. I'll get around to it. One of my many projects that I need your quarters to be able to make happen.

Which reminds me - if you haven't sent a quarter, send one in. Call it a Christmas present, call it a phone call you won't be able to make, call it loose change, but call it mine and send it to me. I need your quarters to make lovely projects come to life such as more Dirty Folk Rock and interpretive go-go dancing and lots of other stuff I would be happy to discuss with you if you inquire to where your quarter is going. I'll even tell you which project your quarter is getting used in. Send all quarters to me at:

230 W. 55 St. #23D
NY, NY 10019

Unfortunately, due to the huge amount of quarters I have the potential of receiving, my friend and legal advisor has recommended that I reneg the offer to send a thank you letter to each individual person who sends me a quarter because it will cost more than I will make, and I'll be back to square one. That is why he is a lawyer and I am an artist. In an unrelated related comment, he is also jewish. So instead, I will send you an e-mail thanking you for the quarter, so make sure to include your e-mail address.

I guess that's it for now. I'm getting sued by my landlady and stuff, but that's not really interesting. I went to court yesterday and sat there for a few hours and wrote a bunch of dumb jokes about court and Christmas, such as this one:

ON COURT: The court room is a lot like church. There are wooden benches to sit on, a guy sits in the front of the room judging you and everyone is getting fucked.

ON CHRISTMAS: I'm not going to get a Christmas tree this year, it's too expensive and too much hassle. Instead, I'm going to decorate my pussy because it's cheap and easy.

Yay! Love you all and send in those quarters and order those CDs. Lots of X's and O's.

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