Monday, May 24, 2004


Ass-scrubber - This job entails a lot of hard work and pays very little. The person who owns this job title can plan to be armed with a wire brush with which they would have to move said brush back and forth in a east/west direction, a horizontal manner, across the ass area. It is a very dirty job with many risks, including disease/death/dismemberment.

Dick-polisher - While very hard to find openings in this field, the dick-polisher, once hired, can generally expect to hold this position for life. In many instances, the dick-polisher is employed in the sex industry where they spend countless hours polishing dicks. This is usually done with a rag or cloth, covered in some kind of polish or saliva may also be used in some rare instances. Many employed in this industry have referred to this job as "...exhausting, but a lot of fun."

Fucker-boy - As a fucker-boy, said boy is responsible for fucking and/or being fucked. This position is closed to females, making it something of an illegal occupation according to fair employment laws recently passed within the last fifty or so years. Fucker boys can make a lot of money and are also sometimes paid in things, like popular books off the New York Times Bestseller list or VCR's. This is a great job to try to get if you have recently moved into a new apartment and need to decorate.

Ball bag tickler
- Being a ball bag tickler, despite the amusing, light hearted name, is hard work, to say the least. One is required to first locate the ball bag, which in some cases can be nearly impossible, and then at that time, they are required to tickle it. Tickling is something that is subject to style and manner by each particular tickler (that was poetry, just there) but once the style has been developed, the job is almost half way completed. TRUE FACT: Many politicians began their careers as ball bag ticklers.

Pussy fixer - Where do you go when your pussy is broken? To those of you who don't know, you go to the pussy fixer. (tm) The pussy fixer is similar to a gynecologist or "vagina" "doctor" but with less certification, education, and salary than a regular gynecologist or "vagina" "doctor." Being a pussy fixer is a very rewarding job, however, as each fixer gets the delight and pleasure of viewing literally millions of vaginas in his or her lifetime. The pussy fixer also gets use of many special tools, including the pussy fixing hammer, the pussy repairing saw, and a special screw driver that only works on pussies.

BIRTHDAY PARTY Jessica Delfino's 28th B-DAY!!!!!!!

I'm having a birthday party on June 8th (Tuesday) at 7 PM. It is going to be a theme party of sorts, the theme being: "Write me a crappy poem on the topic, 'Are you glad I was born?' People will then be able to perform the poems aloud and it should be lots of good fun. There will also be other performances and food. Bring your own booze, mostly. If you are my friend, you are invited. If you are not my friend, maybe you should come anyway, but only if you aren't a jerk. The party will be at 63 Pitt St. #5F, on the roof deck. (Between Rivington and Stanton) Pitt St. is Ave C south of Houston. Take the F to Delancey and walk east on Rivington about 4 blocks. It's in the lower east side.

Come on, fags!

Please RSVP if you plan to attend at Please invite friends, but also ask them to RSVP because I asked you nicely with a please with a capital "P".

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