Jessy Delfino's Blog

SHITTY POETRY, LONG LOST UPDATE and Birthday Stuff
by Jessica Delfino

Hey there. It's been a few days since my last blog entry...

There's a lot of shit going on in my life right now...

My birthday was a TON of fun...I had a great party on the roof of my boyfriend's apartment and it was terrific. A lot of people showed up, many who I didn't even know, quite honestly, and a lot of others who I hadn't personally invited but was really glad to see. I didn't want to invite a ton of people because it's a small space, but I assumed that my friends would know who they were and come to my party if they wanted to celebrate with me. I mentioned it at the Bowery Poetry Club on stage and hoped that the word would spread. I think about 60 people came, which was a good turn out for a Tuesday night, I suppose. Yuengling stopped by also and dropped off 5 free cases of beer, one of my favorite birthday presents.

Other gifts I received were THE hat I wore in my one woman show, "Subtle;Pussy" which I did at UCB last February. It was the beautiful red and black hat that was keeping me alive in the suicide monologue I did. The thing that is so special about that hat, is that the lady who gave it to me, Dana, proprietor of Cha Cha's House of Ill Repute, (her hat shop in the Lower East Side) MADE the hat by hand. Dana and her husband, Kevin have been good friends to me and I often perform at a small show they put together at their shop called Crabby Hour. Stop by and see Dana's hot, hot hats, if you're into hats. If you're not into hats, kindly go fuck yourself.

I also got a video camera from my friend David. It's kind of a funny story, but maybe not...I use the camera so much I have kept it at my apartment for the last six months. I guess he got sick of me just keeping it and said I might as well keep it. So, he wrapped a blank tape up and said, "I'm giving you my camera." Not a bad gift! Pretty awesome, actually. He also brought a huge pitcher of this insane punch to the party with tons of vodka in it, and midori, and pomegranate juice, and it was so rough I only drank two and did actually black out for the second half of my party. I wasn't feeling well anyway, and tried to drink my physical pain away. It worked.

I got a lovely book from my friend Stefonik and two books and some pot from my friend Joe. And all the gifts I received were so, so nice and thoughtful. But absolutely the best gifts I got of the evening were the shitty poems that everyone wrote to me. That was the kind of underlying theme of the party - everyone was supposed to write me a crappy poem addressing "Are you glad I was born?" or something like that. We set up a mic and Chris played mystical guitar while each person who wrote me a poem got up and read them out loud. Some people just gave me the poems because they didn't want to read them. Some of them were really beautiful, too good - others were mean, confusing and just plain shitty. Some were way too fucking long, but I loved every single one of them and put a few of them up below. I might even scan some in so as to embarrass those with shitty penmanship and bad spelling. There were so many, I don't think I'll put them all up, but if you don't see yours up, it doesn't mean I didn't truly love it, and make love to it.

After the party, I ended up puking, puking, and puking. It sucked, because my boyfriend was passed out and couldn't even hold my hair back for me. It was very sad. I also fell asleep with my forehead on the toilet seat for about two hours and when I woke up in the morning I had a huge bruise on my forehead. In addition, I scratched the FUCK out of my leg so badly and there is a huge bruise around the scratch. If anyone knows how I did that, please tell me. Finally, did anyone take any pictures at ALL? If you did, please email them to me. If I could do it all over again, I'd have changed a few things - I'd have video-taped the poetry readings and performances, and I would have asked someone to remove the cup from my hand and say to me, "I think you're drunk."

In the morning at around 8 am, Brode and I woke up early cause the alcohol wore off and snapped us both awake. Chris and I smoked some pot to try to subdue our hangovers and read the poems again, while cuddled up together in bed. It was very sweet. His poem and some others are missing. I will have to look in the garbage pails for them.

Thank you to everyone who I like who came to my party. It was a super fun blast and I'm glad you were there. To party crashers who I don't know or hate and mysterious unnamed teenagers who showed up uninvited, I hope I never hear of you having a party at your apartment because if I do, I'll be showing up to deliver a Maine Bathroom Sundae. That's when a person shits in your tub and sticks a fork in it. That's what we do to assholes who have parties in Maine. That's my plan, at least. But I can be a bit brash, and sometimes even outlandish. Maybe I'll be dead by the next time you have a party. So, I guess we'll all have to sit it out and see.

SHITTY POETRY
***NOTE: I'm not correcting any spelling errors or anything. Losers.

A Birthday Poem for Jessica Delfino:
Yogurt curved figure
Awake, and it is for naught

by Jeff and Kelly

***That one really was too good.

Bad Band Rehearsal
Inpure Thoughts
About Jessica Delfino
During bad Band Rehearsal
with touching you
Watching Me...

by Shawn

***I knew you were watching me, Shawn. You don't even try to pretend like you're not. Wanna fuck? Just kidding. But no, really. Wanna?

ONE MORE FOR NOW, and I'll put more up later:

Jesse Delfino
What do you meano
Tits and Sparklers
Tits and Sparklers
Tits and Sparklers
Leave me alone
Cunts and farts
Hold the mayo
Bitch!

by Warren

***This poem has it all - it's shitty, funny, and referential

END NOTE: My friend David's mp3 player reader man is a dick.

My friend David mentioned that on his text to speech program for his mp3 player (he listens to a lot of audio books and also puts my blog and other people's blogs on there so he can listen to them as he is walking to the store or what have you...they are read to him in a computerized male voice) the male actually says the word "BEEP" for the words fuck, shit, ass, asshole, cock, bitch, cum (but not spelled come) and even the word rape. He also mentions that listening to my blog, it says "BEEP" non-stop.

Also, come to see the show at PS122 on Sat night. It's at 10:30 pm, 1st ave and 9th St.
Jason Trachtenburg, Chelsea Peretti, Corn Mo, Touching You, Dan Fishback, more, more and more. See the calendar for more details. $7. We got a few nice write ups too, one in Time Out NY and one in The Onion. So come!!!