Tuesday, June 15, 2004

So....what's up with you guys?

I had a really fun weekend - Saturday night I hosted "A Night Of Dirty Songs" with the lovely, talented stand-up comic Chelsea Peretti and crazy go-to guy, the also funny Todd "Thaddeus" Montessi. There were a lot of great performers and a lot of terrific highlights, and the show was packed, which I owe to friends, curious perverts and the great little pieces of press the show received in The Onion and Time Out, who both gave us notable mentions.

The Onion called me, "Redd Foxx meets Jewel" which I guess is cool - it means whoever wrote that half thinks I'm a fucking awesome genius and half thinks I suck more than anything in the world, which I guess describes many or most performers.

There were some really special moments in the show, besides Chelsea and my banter back and forth, which for the most part was pretty fucking funny, (besides the fact that maybe on a few occasions it wasn't so funny, and ended up being kind of long-winded and not going anywhere). I'd like to take a moment to chastise the otherwise quite intelligent audience for not finding the humor in one exchange Chelsea and I had that went like this, (upon introducing performer "Mormon Surprise")

CHELSEA: Last time I had a Mormon Surprise, I woke up in a ditch with ten babies.
JESSICA: Last time I had a Mormon Surprise, I got kidnapped out of my bedroom by two freaks my parents had hired to fix our house, and kept in a hole in the woods for several weeks.
CHELSEA: That's a Smart reference.
JESSICA: Yes, yes.

That should have gotten a rousing audience response, but no. They did seem to both enjoy being and hearing the designated hecklers, though, which I thought was great. Chelsea and I also had little masks which we'd hold up to entertain eachother during the show. They were faces of us laughing hysterically at eachother's jokes (to parody the fact that we have a love/hate understanding and respect for eachother's senses of humor) but some people thought that we were mocking the performers, which was not the case. I truly enjoyed every act. Some more than others, but all of them were at the very worst, pretty damn good.

Todd said some really funny things in his typically absurd referential/ observational humor, too, which were not lost on the more intellectual audience members, and surely some of the less-brainy audience members as well.

Though everyone who performed was really very good, I got repeated notable mentions of the sets of Touching You, Dan Fishback and XAR!

Touching You did a twenty minute song that was mostly not a song at all as much as a list of all the song titles he'd have liked to perform but wouldn't be able to, including, "When Toys Disappear, It Means There's Lesbians Near" and "Lesbian Slayer" where he falls for and wins the heart of a lesbian after she catches a "flying abortion".

Dan Fishback told a story about a doctor examining his butt which the audience loved, and then played a song. He is very charming and adorable, and I was thrilled to have him in my show.

XAR! did a deadly silent and brief physical movement performance which some say channeled the energy of performer Walter Gambine, then sang the song, "Run Through The Wind With Your Hands On My Timmy Tim Tim" which I think is slang for a dink or cock. (Later he told me that our introduction of him, where I say, "Don't gaze to intently into his intense, intense eyes, and Chelsea whispers, "For you may never return!" was one of the best intros he ever received, which made my heart melt and my pussy's heart skip a beat).

At the end of the show, XAR! verbally attacked Touching You and accused him of being a woman beater, since he'd beaten up his last girlfriend Maryanne. According to Touching You, she deserved it. XAR! manipulated the audience into getting up and walking over to Touching You which reminded me of a scene in a european b-rated zombie flick, and then he announced that was just the way he begins the dick joke he was about to tell.

The show ran too long due to maybe a bit too much banter and a few sets running long and a lot of performers, but I think that everyone was pretty pleased with the show for the most part, and I'm thinking about making it a regular show somewhere.

Sunday we filmed "Dead Toddler Sluts on the Move" starring Johanna Buccola, Tonya O'Debra and Diane O'Debra. They looked great in diapers. Big Mike spit a green lunger on a sign and I almost vomited. I stopped into Lindsay Robertson's terrace party on the way back home, since she is a neighbor, and tasted some of the Sangria, which was so yummy.

That night, I had a show at Piano's. I was supposed to be performing with "The Whitest Kids You Know" but our messages got mixed and instead, I ended up performing after the entire audience was ushered out. We did have a small audience of about 20 people, half of whom were performers on the show, but none-the-less, the show was really superb. I hosted Hot Little Pieces of Ass who were great, Eurotrash who I always love, Touching You whose neurotic rant-rock is wholly entertaining, I did a set of songs, Chris Jurek told some jokes, Rick Shapiro whose brain I am truly in love with told some jokes, XAR! came and did a set, and I can't even put into words the joy it brought me - he was then joined on stage by Kavass on drums and Touching You on guitar; almost a reunion of the Tapedeck, but not quite. Haunted Pussy (myself and Mikie McQ) did a set which is rockin' opera with a back story that goes like this:


There was a young girl age 15 who lived on a vast estate in upstate NY with her filthy rich, self-indulgent parents who often would travel, leaving her alone with the servants and staff of the mansion. The maintenance men and other male employs would often rape her and mistreat her, knowing the parents didn't care about her and that they would suffer no repercussions for their misdeeds. One day, she met a ghost who said he promised to be her friend and help her. Then HE raped her. But he explained, he was impregnating her with a baby ghost, and if any of the men were to try to hurt her ever again, the baby pussy ghost would violate their dicks. So is the story of Haunted Pussy.

Now, imagine that in an opera, with rockin' guitar, outlandish outfits, lots of screaming and the sounds that you imagine a haunted pussy would make.

Finally, NARB did a set with the ridiculous antics of Nico, who is old and getting very moody. He spent most of our set complaining, refusing to take his place on stage, whining, yelling, and looking like an ass. I think at the end of the show, he quit the band or fired us all, or both.

After the show, we enjoyed free drinks thank you Pianos, and Touching You dropped a large heavy cymbal on his big toe, either breaking it or just really smashing the hell out of it. It turned blue/green and I didn't feel sorry for him because he was very drunk and had tried to catch it with his toe. What an idiot.

All in all, the weekend was tons of fun. I thank all of you who helped me to make this week so awesome, starting with my birthday and ending with the show at Piano's. It was too much excitement, really, but almost somehow, mysteriously, not enough.

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