DO YOU HAVE A CAR? LET'S GO PARTY AT A MANSION TONIGHT!!!
By Jessica Delfino
My dad (Mark Delfino, the one who lived in LA my whole life) moved back to Connecticut a few weeks ago and we've been in touch a little bit, after only really spending probably six months of time together over the course of my entire life. He called and invited me to come to Trumbull, CT. today because there is a huge bash at a mansion on a giant estate. I think I'd like to go up and check it out but all the friends I've asked to drive up there (it's an hour and a half drive) already have other plans or are out of the city. So, I placed an ad on Craigslist looking for someone who has a car and would be into driving up to Connecticut TODAY to go party at this mansion. Within three minutes, a guy called me and said, "Wow, that sounds like fun. I wish I had a car..."
I am sending out a signal to anyone who happens to read this blog. If you live in Manhattan, have a car, are bored, right now, let's go to Connecticut and party at this estate. There will be tons of (free) food and drink, live entertainment, a pool, a posh experience, people you've never met, (maybe some of them will even be interesting!) and the ride up should be fun as well. (I've got ways of making car rides fun, and one of them smells suspiciously like marijuana.) It's an hour and a half ride, the party starts at 4 and goes until late. It is today, Saturday the 3rd.
So, let's go! Isn't there someone out there with a sense of adventure who will drive me to Connecticut? I looked into taking the train, but it's $25 round trip, and I'm taking Chris, so that's $50 round trip, and at that, I could just rent a car, which I still might do, if I can find one on Labor Day weekend, though I'd prefer not to rent a car, I'd prefer to have a little adventure / day trip. It's beautiful up there! It's lush and green, there are no terrorists, and the water is clean and chlorinated and pristine. (In the pool...)
Any one out there have a car and a little spirit? Wanna take a trip? Call me now -
917-450-4178. Operator is standing by.
WAIVER FOR FAMILY MEMBERS WHO MIGHT BE READING THIS: I know that my family thinks I'm insane, and this is exactly the kind of thing that a sister or mother might read and find themselves feeling pleased as lemonade with themselves over because it cements the idea that I am just crazy! Just simply insane! Since everyone thinks I'm crazy anyway, I might as well use that free pass to do whatever I want. If trying to rally a few souls together in search of a little adventure proves me crazy, well, then, mom, sis, I guess you've been right all along. Congrats on your keen observational senses!
If you are on the fence about taking the trip and need a few more good reasons why you should go, (besides the reasons of adventure, free food, drink and entertainment, a chance to meet new people, the opportunity to see a lovely estate in a part of the country you've probably never been to, a chance to get out of NYC, a pool) I've provided a few more for you to consider:
1. You should go because GOD wants you to go.
God loves all things that are good, and therefore, God loves parties. He also loves pot and getting drunk (but not so drunk you are late for work or abuse your spouse!)
2. You should go because my father is going to be there.
My father is a dude who got my mom pregnant when they were both about 18. He left moms when I was just a tater tot and never looked back. He moved to LA to become famous, which he never really did, and he also lived a very leisurely lifestyle among celebrities such as Paul Jabara (writer of tons of famous songs that you don't even know he wrote), Louis Anderson (that big fat comic who hosted Family Feud for a bit), and a variety of other gay stars. Anyway, he's an interesting character and he's funny and bizarre, and he'll probably make you laugh, ponder the meaning of life, or contemplate the question, "What is sanity, and how can it help me?"
3. You should go because the terrorists don't want you to.
Terrorists hate freedom and parties, just ask George Bush. What would the terrorists do? Not go to a party at a mansion. Not drive a stranger up to Connecticut. Not have fun at a vast, lush estate. The terrorists would blow up a party at a mansion. The terrorists would blow up a stranger, not drive them somewhere. The terrorists would blow up fun, not have it at a vast, lush estate. These are things to consider when considering reasons why you should go to this party.
4. You should go because rich people need us to eat their food and use their stuff.
People who are rich buy lots of stuff and then other people, like me, who are poorer than rich people have to help them out by eating and using that stuff because they often buy too much and either throw it out or pay someone else to throw it out. So, if you want to idly sit by and watch good food and stuff get thrown out, hey, pal, it's your life.
5. You should go because this party isn't going to celebrate itself.
It's up to us to help this party be a celebration. The party has been provided, now it is our duty to provide that party with us.