I deejayed at East Village Radio today for almost two hours, then some mechanic had to come and shut off the power for something. I guess so he didn't die while he was fixing stuff. The station is a tiny storefront and so people can pass right by and see you in the window deejaying, so they poke their heads in and bug you, which is nice if the person bugging you happens to be cool or interesting or cute or what have you, but when the guy is a fat CD salesman with a missing front teeth row, I wonder if I should start taking bets on how long before I meet the loser of my dreams?
I left EVR and pretty much had to start getting ready to perform tonight. I was at the Laugh Lounge on Essex St. for a Carnival Cruise Comedy Contest. I stopped by the Laugh Lounge yesterday to drop something off and started chatting with Al, one of the people who put the contest together. He asked if I was a comic, I said yes, then he asked if I was auditioning. I said no, so he invited me to audition. I said OK, mostly because I thought it'd be fun to just do a set in the middle of the day and I only live right around the corner from Laugh Lounge. So, I got my guitar and sort of had to wait around a bit as is the way with most auditions. I watched the comics auditioning and I felt terrible watching them. Some of them were so incredibly bad that I winced in horrified disappointment at every punchline, if they even had a punchline, which most times they didn't. But, I think that sometimes and then I go up to perform and I eat a ball sandwich myself, so who am I to say? But I think I can tell a piece of shate when I smell one. And there were many a shate lien on the floor that dae.
Therefore, I can say I wasn't too surprised when I made the top ten cut. I went to the contest tonight, with the ten chosen from last night, and just creamed them all. Each comic did their set and then the judges would kind of American Idol them, criticising their outfits and their delivery and their writing. Some of the judges were really harsh to the comics, saying things like, "You need to write better jokes, your jokes weren't really funny," things that are very harsh to any person to hear, let alone a performer while they're standing in front of an audience on a stage. I was very happy to hear them being brutally honest to these mushy soft comics and part of the reason why is because I am a sad person inside and it brings me great joy to see others in pain. Not to say that I'm not a newish comic, but I can take criticism. I don't like it, and I wasn't looking forward to getting it from these cruise ship director guys. So, I mentally prepared to get abused by a row of stupid jerks, then they gushed over me, saying they thought I was so funny and they loved me. Except one judge, Eddie Brill. I know Eddie because we've performed on a show or so together and he has been a comic forever, he works at Letterman doing audience warm up I think, and also might book comics on it, I'm not really sure. He said that I'd never, ever work a cruise ship because my material was too dirty. I was actually relieved when he said that because I didn't mean to win the damn contest. I wasn't planning to go on any old people filled boats any time soon. He also said that I touched the microphone too much, and I should give the audience a chance to relax and get ready for the next song or something like that. He gave me a relatively kind review, even so, especially compared to what he said to some of the others.
Afterwards it was really nice. They called me up as the first place winner and I got to meet all the judges, who all gave me their cards and talked to me about the prize, which is a booking as a comic on a cruise ship, which pays quite well, I hear, and all the costs and accomodations are covered by them, also I get to perform at the Edinburgh Festival. I am so excited about that because I've never been to Scotland or anywhere, and I'd like to taste haggus, even if I am a vegetarian. Do you know what haggus is? It's this meat hotdog sausage shit that is huge and very beefy. And people eat it in Scotland.
I hope I don't come across as sounding like a huge asshole in this entry. But I think if that were the case I've done it anyway in every entry before this one. I have been doing comedy for about three years, and I've paid tons of dues. Three years isn't that long, but I ate SO SO SO much god damn shit at the stupid comedy clubs from peers and audiences alike, and Eddie Brill summed up my feelings to me as I went up to get my prize. I said, "Wow, I don't get to see this kind of reaction that much..." and Eddie replied, "It's adulation. Enjoy it."
If you are rich, you should come on the cruise I'm going to be on. It's on June 6th, so if you're not rich, you have time to start saving now. I think it's like $1000 bucks, and you get massages and there are pools.