Jessy Delfino's Blog

MY BLOG FUCKING STINKS

I haven't written anything on here in like, four years, and I have pangs of guilt clinging to my insides, but not quite executing themselves into full blown guilt. Just when I swear there's no way my life could get harder, it has to go and prove itself to me that it can.

My bf who I won't mention by name got evicted from his apartment of 14 years by his slumlord landlord Paul Stallings, who the Village Voice called one of the ten worse landlords in NYC. I was living with him, but he didn't know that. I just kept my things there and slept there every night. I had another place to crash, too. But I loved living in the LES. Even with the high risk to white actresses in the neighborhood. Not that I'm a white actress, but I could be one with a little bit of fine tuning.

I've never seen a person with more boxes of shit than said boyfriend. We carried literally 100 or more boxes out of there, down five flights of stairs, not to mention about ten guitars, ten keyboards, and half his roommates clothing which she gave me when she left, as well as food and other crap. My boss kindly allowed Chris to stay with me at his place in the West Village where I was set up for living already. That was the home I never stayed at. But we can only stay here for a month together, then bf has to go.

So, we have been looking for a place in Manhattan to move into together, which is very exciting for me. Finally! My boyfriend and I are moving in together! How trite. And affordable. When NYC said they were going to make more affordable housing, I think they meant they were going to do more to arrange for couples to live together.

I think we found a place we like in Chinatown. It's pretty reasonable - a 2 bedroom convertible for $1300. To someone who isn't from NY or hasn't had to find a place to live for awhile, a convertible is a car. But here, it's an apartment with a living room that could be turned into a bedroom. Every 2 bedroom in NYC was a 1 bedroom at one time, it seems, and many studios are now 2 bedroom apartments thanks to capitalism.

Now, we have to convince the Asians that we are decent people and aren't going to try to hurt their apartment. If they knew us better, they'd realize the chances of us hurting the apartment versus hurting ourselves or someone else instead are very slim. We aren't door kicking, wall-smashing people - unless provoked by a really, really good provoker.

It's been fun though, going through all my old stuff in this move - I found some great junk that I forgot I had. I have a few old issues of STAR LORD which I'll be selling on E-bay, and I also found an old interview with Jim Norton from a while back. It was funny. I was thinking of putting it on this blog, but I decided I might try to sell it, instead.

I've been trying to be more money oriented lately. I asked my rich Jewish friend, "Can you please tell me the secret to why you and many other Jewish people and many other people who aren't Jewish are so rich?" He said, "It's easy, actually. You just have to make decisions about money with no emotion in them. Just look at which choice will make you more money, without thinking about who it will be hurting or who it will affect." Spoken like a true capitalist. I found it to be slightly inspiring, but mostly sad. I've been bringing more CDs around with me and trying to sell them at my shows, which I am pretty lazy about doing usually. Honestly, I'd rather the CDs were in stores so I didn't have to peddle them. But while I was on tour with the Trachtenburgs, I realized that you can make a living off the merch table. A living that doesn't involve cutting so and so in on the profits. A fat extra chunk of cash, every gig. So, I've been dragging the merch out with me and actually trying to peddle it. I feel like a hermit or something, but people have been buying the CD, it's only five damn bucks. They probably feel sorry for me.

Speaking of feeling sorry for me, please come to see my show at the Knitting Factory on Friday, April 1st - APRIL FOOL'S DAY. (I think they mean me.) It's a night of musical comedy in the Old Office, and starts at 7:30 pm. The show features ME as the opening act, Sharon Mama Spell, Stuckey & Murray, and my friends Tickle Dracula. I think their website is www.captainhilarious.com. Or there's at least more info about the show at that website. The show is $6. Cheap fun. And I do mean cheap - there will probably be tons of vagina jokes. Most of them made by me.

As usual, my weekly collection of rabblerousers is held every Sunday at Apocalypse Lounge from 7-9. It's an open mic, but I only take ten performers and the order is arranged by me. I also pick the line-up according to who I think would be the most interesting to watch. So, it's not one of those shows where there are ten brand new comics in a row trying out the worst, unfunniest material you ever heard. It's true pros trying out unfunny material. Ha ha.

I wish I had something interesting to write, but my life sucks too much for me to be good at things right now.

Check this shit out - my laptop - the new one I just got about five months ago or less - BROKEN, unusable. I hired a friend to come and fix it and he didn't fix it but now wants $100 for trying!!! What do I do? I mean, besides kill myself?

Bye...