Naughty Nautical Nite - 2012
*A World Under Water*
with your hosts Jessica Delfino and Dame Darcy
THIS THURSDAY, July 3rd
9 PM @ The Slipper Room
www.slipperroom.com

JOIN US AT OUR NEW MYSPACE PAGE:
myspace.com/naughtynauticalnite

Dress to impress in a nautical or end of the world themed costume and win a fabulous prize that will keep you preoccupied while the world is burning!

With The Fools, Adelaide Winsome and the Handsome Cabin Boy, 400 pounds of hilarity with Angry Bob and much, much more!

$5

WANNA HEAR SOME TUNES FROM MY NEW CD?

Well, now you can...free...HERE!

And if you live in the Portland, Maine area, be sure to check out the two shows I'm doing there this Saturday.

Newbury Comics
2-3 PM
220 Maine Mall Rd.
South Portland, Maine

and

St. Lawrence Arts Center
8:30 PM doors
9 PM show
76 Congress St.
Portland, Maine

The Portland Phoenix gave the show an editor's pick:

vhttp://thephoenix.com/Portland/Listings/Details.aspx?category=Listing&&listing=268343

See U There bitchez

CRAZY MOUSE IN THE HOUSE

I have to write about this for the sake of my humanity and well-being, and what better place to dump my emotional hand-baggage then in a public forum which is read by upwards of 30 people per day?

I'd like to apologize in advance for the graphicness of the post which you are about to read. You've been warned.

Last night after the Naughty Nautical Nite show, Darcy and I returned home with boyfriends and gear in tow. It'd been a long night in addition to being Darcy's birthday party, and we were all pretty pooped and a little bit drunk.

Darcy opened the apartment door to find a mouse on the floor, but not just any mouse -- a mouse doing flips, stunts and gymnastics which would have won him the gold medal in the mouse olympics. I've never seen any creature moving like that in my life. It was something so macabre and twisted, I couldn't even have dreamed it up.

It was lying on its' side, twirling around and around, as fast as it could. Just twirling and twirling, like it was rolling down a hill, but it wasn't really able to move anywhere else besides mostly in place. In addition to twirling really fast, it was hopping on its side, bouncing up into the air a good 6 inches or so, popping like a piece of pop corn.

When I saw the thing, my eyes did some popping of their own -- I was appalled like I've never been and that is saying a lot, as typically, I do the appalling.

Darcy was very calm but obviously upset, because her mid-western housewife Idaho accent came out a little bit. She very casually, if a bit irritatedly said, "Aw, jeez, one of you boys get this mouse out of here." The guys were standing behind us so they couldn't really see what was going on, but when we moved out of the way, they were as astounded as we were. We all kind of stood around the mouse like it was a little campfire, watching it snap and sizzle. None of us really knew what to do, because the thing was moving so fast and behaving so crazily I think we were all a bit startled and stunned.

As I said, it'd been a long day and I was pretty tired and a little drunk, and watching this mouse writhe and suffer before my eyes was just too much for me. I started tearing up and whimpering helplessly, beckoning to one of the guys to do something with it. It was beyond my ability to put it out of its misery or deal with it myself at that moment. I recommended someone pick it up and chuck it off the balcony. It seemed to me like a reasonable way to deal with a writhing mouse.

Then all of a sudden, something came over me. The absurdity of the way the mouse was behaving sent me into an uncontrollable fit of laughter paired with my tears. Darcy, in her Idaho-ian maternal manner, put her hand on my arm and said, "Aw, jeez, don't have a nervous breakdown, Delfino. Get that mouse out of here before Delfino has a nervous breakdown." I was laughing and crying at the same time and shaking so hard, I had to lean against the wall to keep from collapsing.

So here's a picture for you: 1 am, mouse convulsing and bouncing on the floor, four people gathered around it like they're having a seance, one of them (dressed like Alice In Wonderland) laughing hysterically and crying at the same time, one of them (also dressed like Alice In Wonderland) calmly giving orders, two of them (one dressed like a prince, the other dressed like a surfer) trying to catch a wiggling, dying mouse that is spinning cartwheels like it's on fire and is frantically stopping, dropping and rolling.

But the little critter still had some fight left in it, and it spun and popped its way deep beneath the couch and found someplace to hide. We had to move the couch and some things we had stored under there until we uncovered it, whence it began it's mouse-y gymnastics all over again.

Finally, my boyfriend grabbed a plastic bag, palmed the thing and tossed it off the patio, 8 stories down to its death.

I originally thought that it had been poisoned by the superintendent's mouse catching poison and was suffering, but we later deducted that when Darcy opened the apartment door, it was in the way and she'd hit it in the head or caught it under the door somehow, crippling it. I was pretty satisfied with that explanation until this morning when I spoke to my other roommate who said that he saw the mouse in the kitchen earlier in the night. He said that it had been doing the same thing, writing, spinning and popping, and that he was going to also pick it up and pitch it off the balcony but that when he saw the way it was moving, he froze because he, too was so unnerved by it's mannerisms. He said it'd rolled itself under the stove and that was the last he'd seen of it.

What would cause a mouse to move like that? Was it born without feet and had developed a special way of maneuvering around? Was it mouse-y-capped? Was it just extremely athletic? Whatever it was, I think we all learned a lesson last night, and that lesson is that things of any size that are different are scary and weird.

TONITE

Thurs, June 19th:

Naughty Nautical Nite #4
@
The Slipper Room
at Orchard and Stanton Sts.
doors at 8:30, show at 9

Alice In Wonderland Under The Sea
meets
Dame Darcy's Birthday Bash!

$5

Come in costume, win a fabulous prize!!

This is the lighthouse I grew up near, it's called Pemaquid Point Lighthouse and it is in Pemaquid, Maine, about a fifteen minute ride away from my family's house in Damariscotta, Maine. I spent many glorious summer afternoons running around on the rocks and picking up sea glass and shells near the light house, and many terrific summer evenings running around the parking lot with friends totally shit faced. I have a lot of sentimental love for that old light house.

My friend emailed the link below to me and I felt inspired to blog about it...it's for a light house contest (I know, I know, a light house contest?) and the prize is to restore the winning light house. So if you have a minute, please cast a vote for this national landmark, and what I think is one of the most beautiful places on earth.

And if that's not good enough, then maybe this will encourage you: Every summer a dozen or so people are wiped off the face of the earth by stupidly getting too close to the edge of the rocks (Wow! Look at the view, Harry! Let's just get a little closer! Harry, take my picture! Ahhhhhhh!!!!) and getting swished away by a big wave. Thank you Pemaquid Point for your natural selection assistance, and helping to clear oblivious dum-dums and poo-brains (and their genes) off the planet in one quick swoosh!

Click on the link below and vote for Pemaquid Lighthouse. It's in the middle row, all the way to the right.

http://www.jeld-wen.com/lighthouse/

JESSICA DELFINO HITS THE BIG TIMES

Woah...I don't even know who to thank for this one. It's the tiniest, smallest little mention and doesn't exactly rave (or reject) my talents, but that precious NY Times ink is like the blood of a unicorn orphan. It's practically priceless! Awwwwwesome!!

CHECK OUT MY FRIEND LOPI's PICTURE-FOLIO

http://www.artistswanted.org/lopilaroe

She takes lots of pretty pictures of garbage and people and stuff. Vote five stars for
her so she will win.

And don't forget to come to my CD release party tonite.

Cakeshop
154 Ludlow St.
8:30 PM - 11 PM
with Dame Darcy, Jonathon Roberts, John F. O'Donnell, Jordan Carlos
and other very special guests.

(I go on at 10 PM with Jessica Delfino & The Jessica Delfinos. The Jessica
Delfinos are Dave Treut on drums, Mike Iannantuonno on guitar and Rob Bose
on moog.)

JESSICA DELFINO in N.E.R.D. video?

Check me out at 52 seconds!

"I WANNA BE FAMOUS" featured in TIME OUT NY "Comedy" section

Time Out was the first publication to officially review / mention in print my new CD, "I Wanna Be Famous".

This is pretty exciting news for me. It is a landmark event in that the CD release party is the first show I've done in six or seven years in NYC that Time Out NY listed as a "pick" (with the red star beside it).

I guess that means they...uh..., like the CD, maybe.

I'm really proud of this ribald collection of some of my dirtiest gems and I can't wait to see and hear what others think of it.

It's in today's issue of Time Out, so pick up a copy and bring it to the CD release party and I'll autograph it for you so that when I actually AM famous, (after I 'kill someone...like...the guy who...runs...something...like the country or whatever' -- lyrics from "I Wanna Be Famous") you can sell that shit on Ebay, if they're still in operation, or whatever on-line selling website is popular then, that is, if the world doesn't end in 2012 (and I'm famous by then!!!)

And a PS -- John F. O'Donnell sings on my new CD on the track "I'm Going To Commit Suicide" (To The Song You Wrote About Me). He was listed in last week's Time Out NY in the comedy section, with the Joke Of The Week. He funny. He's scheduled to perform at the CD release party as well...

THE PROMISE OF NEW YORK

What were you doing in 2005? Do you even remember? I'll tell you what I was doing. I was managing Christopher X. Brodeur's mayoral campaign. It was a true American adventure. We were dating at the time and we decided to do the campaign together. It was a lot of work and it ran us both literally ragged. I got very sick and lost about 20 pounds. (For those of you who know me and my beloved posterior, you remember how skinny and gross I looked.) It tested every fiber of what we were made of and what we were capable of and it was an amazing learning experience. I strongly recommend that every single person either run for political office or work on a political campaign. Maybe they should even have that be a required class in high school, or maybe an elective instead of gym or something.

During the campaign, our friend Cassie Hohn's boyfriend Raul Alvarez decided that he was going to make a documentary about Christopher. He followed us all over the place with his camera and he captured footage of us doing just...about...everything. At some point he decided to expand the documentary and make it be about a few of the fringe NYC mayoral candidates instead of just about Christopher.

I got to see the finished product for the first time this past Sunday night and I cried.

It was so wild to see a year chunk of my life captured on video and then shown back to me, set to neat music. It was hard to watch in some parts. For example, there's a scene where detectives come to our apartment to arrest Christopher (for a misdemeanor harassment charge relating to Observer Journalist Ben Smith) and I lose my temper after hours of being holed up in my apartment, late for work, threatened with my own arrest for "obstruction of justice", and waiting for Christopher to surrender. Through the film you can see the bags under my eyes and how tired, exhausted and depressed I look. (God, I look hot now!) Christopher is a really interesting person. He's brilliant, funny and a terrific thinker. But I wouldn't date him again for all the pee in Chinatown.

I'm in a lot of the documentary. There are also appearances by Bob Powers, Liam McEneaney, Mike Amato, Village Voice journalist Jarret Murphy, The four "main" democratic candidates of the 2005 election (Gifford Miller, C.Virginia Fields, Anthony Weiner and Freddy Ferrer) The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players and others. It's a good film. It's well-done and I recommend it. It's funny, sad, enthralling and educational. Christopher is really great in it, too, and I say that even as a person who doesn't particularly like him.

If you'd like to see it, you have a chance this Friday, June 6th in the NJ International Film Festival. Here are the details:

http://www.njfilmfest.com/

And the documentary website:

http://www.thepromiseofnewyork.com