Monday, January 18, 2010

It was a 2 post-er weekend

If you're up on your J Delly blog, you know that I spent Saturday night watching Avatar in 3-D. But, what did I do on Sunday? I bet you're dying to know! And who am I to keep you from knowing the answer to that pressing question?

I had a terrificly adventurous Sunday, in fact, thanks for asking.


I woke up early on Sunday to audition to be a Lady Gaga back up singer in her tour. Yeah, I know what you're thinking -- "But Jessica, you're a star! You're not some mere back up singer." True, but try seeing things from MY perspective -- "Why the hell not?" That is (one of) my (several dozen) motto(s) in life and it has gotten me thus far.

It seemed to me an obvious, no-brainer. Lady Gaga and I are two fruits from the same tree. Look at Bilge Baron circa 2006 and Lady Gaga's image from her Fame Monster campaign. Bilge Baron bleeding from her eyes was a natural instinct for me, and actually represented the torture of witnessing the truths of life. Or some shit.

I arrived a few minutes late, due to having a little bit of trouble getting a cab dressed as a maniac. When I arrived in midtown at the audition, I was surrounded by dozens of slightly freakishly dressed models of the same age and size who were dressed nowhere near as freakish as I was. The receiving lady was wicked rude and patronizing, as to be expected, right on cue. I had my 10 second audition where I sung a snippet of my pop song of choice, Whitney's "Saving All My Love For You" dressed like an utter maniac. I did not get my instant call back, and left relieved.

Your faithful author as Haunted Pu55y's Bilge Baron for Lady Gaga's back up singer audition.


I hoofed it down 9th Ave and across town through Times Square to a green screen studio in the Flat Iron area to where my friend Derrick Beckles was filming a little video he invited me to be in. I arrived looking like a mess from hell, soaking wet. On my way to the studio, a few gentlemen hooted and hollared at me, one asking me if my blue drawn on tears were tattoos, tailing me for a block. When I finally said to him, "Don't follow me, please", he got so offended that I assumed he was following me that he said, "Damn! I wouldn't follow you anywhere!" Except for down the block, which he forgot to mention, but it was assumed on my part based on the evidence.

I shot my small but fun part in the video, also featuring Gavin McInnes who I appreciate deeply and fear slightly. I observed when shirtless, he has a 30s board walk beach man body. The bartender moustache also really helps seal the deal. He conceded, saying he loves that look.

I boogied outta there in time to have a late brunch (more like linner) with Greg Sistero and various assorted members of the Kong Magazine production party planned for later Sunday evening. It started hilariously late and once we finally all got situated, someone immediately knocked a glass of champagne over onto Greg's lap. I laughed for no less than 10 minutes at the sheer comedy of it all, and then quickly took to Greg who was sitting on my right, due to his irresistibly amicable nature and stunning good looks. It was like looking into a mirror.

After brunch, I ran off into the rainstorm and prepared for my Kong Party hosting duties scheduled to begin around 9 that night at Pianos. The show started a bit late but went off, all in all, pretty well. We were entertained by Anna Copacabanna, Saadi & Pajammers, comedians Jena Friedman, James Harris, David Cope and Sean Patton, gave away literally a dozen ridiculously sized and shaped sex toys, screened the amazing cult sensation film, "The Room"(starring Greg Sistero, who intro'd it and did a Q & A after) which was so hilariously bad you couldn't look away. Unfortunately, I had to look away, because I was running back and forth hosting the shows up and downstairs. I believe I heard that a second drink was also spilled on Greg. Now, that's a party.

I think Kong Magazine is going to start doing a monthly bash, so keep your ears tuned in for more info about that.

And THAT was my Sunday. Monday has been much more relaxed. Just me and the cat, staring down Ludlow Street with a dreamy look in our eyes.

NOTE: The seal on the window is broke so it's foggy. The dirt is on the OUTSIDE of the window. The fancy iPhone does not capture things as my eyes see them. And that concludes my notes.

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