Sunday, January 16, 2011

PLEASE MORE BLACK PEOPLE ADOPT WHITE CULTURE

I went to go buy some dumplings today at my local dollar dumperino and I saw a gaggle of black fellas hangin' out in the place, taking up nearly the whole joint all spread out around all the tables, not that there were too many in the shoebox sized establishment, if you want to call that hole in the wall where I get my food on a regular basis an "establishment".

At first the fur on my back got a little bunched up because I was raised in Maine, a place where there are no black people, and anti-racist or not, when I see a group of sexually active aged men together, really of any color, I get a little angsty, because if you are a woman and you have to step through a crowd of dudes ever, you know it can get ugly fast. However, I sighed a big fat breath of relief upon two seconds of entering, because all the black dudes were dressed in punky clothing and were holding skateboards.

Please more black people adopt white culture, or really any culture that makes me not afraid to walk by you.

Generally, whatever their nationality, skateboarders are pretty cool. To stereotype them, they are typically cute-ish, smart-ish or at least free thinking yet ballsy, independent yet often drug free / light or straight edge, generally slender, often from families or backgrounds with a little dough to burn yet not creepy rich, and they mind their own bees wax.

It was highly entertaining and even relaxing to hear the group of guys talking about ollies and skating. They were laughing and talking about falling on their asses and trying tricks out and being sponsored and they were clearly teenaged, yet they didn't seem to be plotting a robbery as it seems like so many of the teens wandering the streets of NYC are. You can see it in their eyes. Speaking of eyes, they weren't undressing me with theirs, at least not verbally, nor were they harassing the business owners, and I doubt they were packing anything besides probably relatively normal sized penises or perhaps a Leatherman.

I don't mean to come across as racist, or fuck it, maybe I do, but I hate walking around the city and feeling scared of the men here. Getting harassed on the street really sucks and it mostly only ever comes from average-ish looking black guys, creepy homeless-y looking white / questionable ethnicity guys or spanish delivery guys. Once a spanish delivery guy actually rode up behind me on his bike while I was riding my bike and pinched my ass. A man on a skateboard never did that. Good looking business men of any color don't ever "just gotta ax me a question" and neither do skateboarders, surfers, dudes who ride weird looking bikes and aren't delivering food, hipsters, graffiti artists or anyone else doing white people stuff.

Also, Chinese men never harass me. That's one of the reasons I love hanging out in Chinatown, because the Chinese guys never ever bother me on the street, ever, and even if they are cat calling me, which they're not, I have no idea what they're saying.

I LIKE to get bothered, mind you. I enjoy a handsome, clean, nerdy looking guy on the subway of any color, dressed sharply to look at me discreetly over a copy of a frayed David Sedaris novel and smile. Thank you, sir, may I please have another? I enjoy a
group of hipster-y looking boys to ignore me except to stare me down momentarily in a way that almost feels like I'm being judged. I probably am. Judge me with your eyes, successful men of the world. Everyone else, leave me and the rest of the female population alone. We wouldn't be in this mess if your dad hadn't just been like you. But if I may make a suggestion, perhaps instead of being yourself, try being someone else. Pick up skateboarding or get a pair of those nerdy square framed glasses and start working at the Williamsburg library and, well,...let's...just...see...what...happens.

I bet you stop bugging the shit out of me like *snap* that.

2 comments:

kantrell said...

some of ur fears sound founded. others like uv been brainwashed by the media.

Jessica Delfino said...

Thanks for commenting - I strive to not get brainwashed by anyone. I hope that all my thoughts and beliefs are based on experiencing life with my own brain, aka, brainwashing myself.