Do You Guys Do This?
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I find that I change my "style" to fit specifically what I'm targeting, instead of "just being myself" all the time, aka, I'm living a bit of a chameleon lifestyle. Unfortunately, just being myself gets me in trouble and alienates people sometimes, and I don't really love getting into trouble and alienating people. Sure, it's impossible to please everybody, but I sure do try. I don't know why I have such a hard time with people disliking me or my work, and over the years it doesn't sting as much as it used to, but I would rather have friends than enemies, where it seems so many people I meet are ready to do battle first.
I like being playful and sassy and saying whatever crazy thing I want to say, but when I do that, people treat me like I'm some kind of social r*ta?d. I feel like I can't even really swear these days without someone getting p!$$3d off about it.
I mean, don't get me wrong - I can totally talk to people! I have friends! Or, at least I think I do. (Do the voices in my head count?) I can interact with people of the opposite sex in romantical ways (sometimes more than one at a time, even), and I like animals (often more than humans, is that bad?). I have compassion, and I can cook (spaghetti and toast) and I enjoy hosting parties (of 2-5 people max) and I can deal with crowds (10 people max) and the only real phobias I have are spiders and flying, (and home invasions). But still, something is clearly awry.
Just about the only places I've found where I feel really comfortable, where I feel like it is 100% ok to completely be myself are in the faraway sexually liberated land of the UK, or on stage, or around my family. In every work place, in every formal or semi-formal setting, around groups of people talking (especially when there's one funny unfunny a-hole making bad jokes, I mean besides me), every where else, I feel I have to "button up" a bit or else someone is going to take something I said in a very wrong way. I've read that this could be described as a social disorder, perhaps a light touch of Hamburger's Disease or whatever it's called, but I have been going to therapy for a long time, and I have asked several different therapists to pin point all the things that are wrong with me, and they all say that I appear to be normal.
But then, wait a minute -- is "being normal" feeling out of place in 80% of social situations? Do you guys do that?