Thursday, April 17, 2003

by Jessica Delfino

Reply to:
Date: 2003-04-14, 1:37PM

Full time Super, Prefer mature couple. FREE apartment, FREE health insurance. Free phone, electric and cable TV. Must have knowledge of: repairs, electric, plumbing, painting, boiler and #4 oil burner. Minimum 5 years experience and good references. 40 apartments. Walk up building. Starting salary $750/month.

Dear Xellmanx

You have a very interesting name. Is that Yugoslavian? I bet it isn’t! Ha ha! I am writing about the job you put up on Craig’s List. I am the mature half of a mature couple. I have no knowledge of repairs, electric, plumbing, I can do some painting (I was an art major) I don’t know about boiler – what you meant by that, and #4 oil burner, I’m blank there, too.

However, I do have five years experience in many things, and good references I promise you are not fabricated. I am especially interested in the free apartment, health insurance, phone, electric and cable TV. I think those things would be great for me. I’m really good at not paying rent or utility bills. I do have to question the starting salary of $750 a month. How am I supposed to live on such meager earnings? How am I to purchase food, diapers for my fiancĂ©, make up products, pens when I run out of them, matches, laminating plastic, razor blades, cotton balls, facial exfoliant, denim pot holders, French to English translating software, tickets to see the play Cabaret!, a candelabra, rare baseball cards, a pink flamingo lawn ornament, extension cords, a vintage Mickey Mouse tee shirt with Mickey Mouse giving us all the finger, a patch for my diaphragm, patchouli, lemonade straws, a spitting cup, Lysol? You have given me much to consider. I hope I’ve given you something, too.

Is it too much to ask that you pay minimum wage? Just because you are Yugoslavian doesn’t mean that you can pay Yugoslavianan wages here in America.

I guess now that I think about this job, it doesn’t sound so hot. Walking up a building that has 40 floors seems a bit intense. Aren’t there laws against that kind of thing? It seems like you are advertising an illegal occupation here.

Thank you for your consideration, and have a great day,
Mrs. Balolowlochowskowi

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