Tuesday, April 15, 2003

Episode 1 - Blowing The Chauffer Job
by Jessica Delfino

Reply to: lavail@xxxyyy.com

Chauffeur wanted for occassinal driving, most often within Manhattan.
Hours will vary according to my schedule.
Excellent job for students, actors, etc.
Must have NYSDL and a good driving record. You will be using my Lexus.

Dear lavail;

How are you doing? I would like to drive your sweet ass car around. You seem
like a nice person with great taste. I bet you are rich, too.

I have special interest in this job, because your ad reminded me of the song
”Mercedes Boy” in which the artist sings, “Do you want to ride in my Mercedes, boy?”
And then after she goes, “Ri-yide!” I thought that was sort of like your situation,
Except I’m a girl, and I guess I’d be driving mostly, and you’d be doing more of the riding.
And your car is a Lexus, which isn’t quite as good as a Mercedes, but it’s no
Ford Focus, I’ll give you that.

Let’s help each other. I come from meager beginnings. I always wanted to
drive a Lexus. Unfortunately, in my family, it was Subaru, all the way. We
probably could have afforded a nice Lincoln Town Car or perhaps even a rock solid
Peugeot, but my dad wouldn’t have it. “Subaru!” he’d shout, sometimes unprovoked.

I have a grade A clean NYSDL (New York State Driver’s License, I bet you meant)
And a stellar driving record. I think you and I will really hit it off. As you can see,
I’ve got a great sense of humor, (knock knock, who’s there? Me? Me who? Me-OW!)
And I’m really just the peaches flesh. You’ll love me. I promise.

So hire me, and you won’t be upset. Lex(us) begin a beautiful work relationship in which
you pay me a ridiculous amount of money to do little to no work.

Thank you and god bless,

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