Tuesday, January 6, 2004

A Joke out of the book, "1001 Unfunny Jesus Jokes" and more Music Reviews
by Jessica Delfino

(Note: For those of you who might not know, "1001 Unfunny Jesus Jokes" is a lesser known book in the bible which has been discontinued in most bibles and used to be located right next to Corinthains.)

Jesus walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. He says to the bartender, "I bet you $2000 you can't get my parrot to tell you it's name."

The bartender says, "Well, what's it's name?"

Jesus says, "Moses."

The bartender says, "I think you owe me $2000 dollars."

Jesus says, "The parrot didn't tell you it's name, I did."

The bartender says, "Oh. You got me. Would you like a drink?"

Jesus says, "Yes."

The bartender says, "What will you be having?"

Jesus says, "A Bloody Mary."

The bartender says, "Will that be a virgin bloody Mary?"

So Jesus says, "Are you calling my mother a whore?"

So the bartender says, "Jesus, no, Jesus."

So then Jesus says, "I am the son of God, God Dammit!"

Another Music Review: Isn't This Fun!!!!!!!???????

NOTE: You might find that in many of my music reviews I repeat myself. That is because everybody sounds the same! So, I have to write the same things over and over. I try to pick reviews that are a bit interesting or funny to read, unfortunately to you, the reader, it probably just seems like you're reading the same review over and over again. Think about how I feel listening to the same song over and over again!

This Song Sounds Like Type O Negative Fucking Led Zeppelin......

...sweating out Metallica scented body odor and perhaps shedding one INXS flavored tear. In other words, your influences are fairly clearly apparent, but I suggest you go out of your way to try not to mimic those you admire. Instead, you might try doing something different and interesting that if your predecessors/idols were to hear, they would say, "Shit - I wish we'd have thought of that!" Please go back to the drawing board and try again. Also - the arrangement is beautiful, but only because other bands did it before and I liked those bands. Finally, your lyrics are empty and bland and overall, this song is fairly boring.

Here's another -

Holy Shit -

Is that a jingle bell? I guess it's different-ish, so you get credit for that. I also like your dischordant sound. Nice overlap of vocals. Interesting so far...darkness will fill you up until you drown in it? Are you a goth band or are you just depressed? You are probably a talented artist who needs a little direction. Check out www.thetapedeck.com and click on brilliant lyrics for more details.
Not so bad. The musical intermission sounds like "Here Comes The Rain Again" by the Eurythmics. Do you like the Eurythmics? I don't know what you mean by asking me to comment on mix. The mood is sad and depressing, I have a feeling that is what you were going for, and the sound, albeit a bit derivitive, is somewhat different and interesting. The lyrics need help, though. Rhyming underrated and overstated is neither inventive or interesting.

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