Monday, January 5, 2004


I'm posting a couple of my reviews on here because people are saying my link isn't working. So, here they are, friends. Enjoy. I should have saved some of the replies, they were pretty funny. One country musician who I reviewed unfavorably wrote back, "You suck farts out of your fat momma's asshole."

I guess that means I won?

BAND: Aberrance
SONG: Karma Kills
HOMETOWN: Minneapolis, MN

One word: Boring

The song opens nicely enough but then it gets all gay as soon as the guy starts singing. This 'hard rock' is more like soft, limp rock. You sound like everything else I've ever heard and never wanted to. And when he whispers, it goes from gay to holy lord, this is gay. The music is more rockin than the vocals, but that doesn't make it not boring.

BAND: I.V. (Inner Voices) - (*Note - I didn't make up that name.)
SONG: Raining Roses (*Note - I wish I'd made this song title up.)
HOMETOWN: LA, CA (Hopefully that explains something)


I know that you are putting your heart and soul into this music, but if your heart and soul are empty then you don't have much to put into it, do you? Are your heart and soul empty? Because by the sounds of this song, the answer is "yes." Try not to be so typical. I heard this song on the radio 15 times today. Did you say, "It's Raining Roses?" Sheesh.

BAND: Faceless Gray
SONG: Far From Perfect

Um, did you know that the beginning of your song was blatantly ripped off from another band? And your musical stylings, also ripped off? And your vocals? You get the picture. If I were you guys, I would try to do something that hasn't been done, instead of going out of your way to mimic others. Also, the singer's voice albeit slightly endearing, is boring. No need to strain yourself so much, just sing. What is this song about? Ho, hum. You guys will be on the radio within a year, but I don't know if I'd consider that a compliment or not.

Their Reply:

"Your a real asshole dude"

Here's another review (anonymous)

BAND: Unsure
SONG: Unsure

I'm sorry, but yet again....

....this song lacked any memorable hooks or instrument use or really much of anything interesting.
The beginning pounding was remiscent of Led Zeppelin, the beginning intro tone reminiscent of Jefferson Airplane and then the keyboards screamed, "Rush!" As a matter of fact, that keyboard piece belongs to them. The lead guitar was a rip off of something else, too.

Though I like all of your obvious influences, they did it first, they did it best, they did it better and I think you should try again. This time, try to do something different - try do something that would impress your predecessors not flatter them by how intensely you can imitate them. They do say that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery and that may be true, but you aren't trying to flatter old rock stars, hopefully, you should be trying to make interesting and unique music that will educate and inspire generations for years to come.

In all honesty, I kind of like this song, but it's only because I really love Rush. If you guys were trying to be a cover band, you'd be doing okay, but that's not what you're trying to be....or is it?

You might have noted that all my reviews up to this point have been negative and you might assume that I am a jerk or agree with the country singer guy or think I'm just being a dick. But here is actually ONE favorable review - the only one I've written yet. Again, unfortunately, this one was anonymous. I'm sad, too, because I'd like to hear more of their stuff.

BAND: Unsure
SONG: Unsure

OK, the lyrics immediately caught my attention

(FUCKING) FINALLY, a song that has both interesting lyrics and a catchy melody. The music was even salty and saucy, which was a nice change [from all the other horseshit I've heard on this site.]

Though there were some reminiscent flavors of perhaps CSNY and Johnny Cash, and Steely Dan undertones even, maybe, there was something very endearing about this song and I would like to hear more of this band's stuff. Really interesting and charming lyrics. I am going to guess you are probably intellectuals, perhaps you went to William and Mary? I wish there were more smart song writers.

Best of luck to you, I hope this song ends up on the radio someday, but I doubt it ever will. It's too good.

Here's the country singer's review I wrote (the one who said I suck farts outta his momma's asshole)

I Don't Generally Like Country Music......

....and one of the reasons why is because EVERY SINGLE COUNTRY SONG starts off just like yours did and sounds exactly like yours does. Try to do something different. Sing with a European accent or something. Are you really from the south or is that just how you're supposed to sing a country song? Try to DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Johnny Cash was interesting and unique. Why can't you be?

*NOTE: INTERESTINGLY - people can rate your reviews of their songs and I either get a 1 or a 5 for every review I write, making spotting the poor sports way too easy.

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