My Struggle For Ink
by Jessica Delfino
I tried to get my listing in NY Press and they wouldn't run it because they don't like me and Jeff thinks my writing is bad and I'm not funny. So, I sent them this e-mail.
So.....would it have killed you to list my show (Christopher's pick) in NY Press? I could have used the help, it is my first ever solo show, it's at one of the better small/independent theaters in town (UCB doesn't generally put up shitty shows) and Christopher told me he wrote a really good pick for me. Plus, I e-mailed both of you myself.
You guys couldn't have mustered those few lousy lines? You guys screwed me with the rape story, and you screwed me with the old people story, and I've sent you over a dozen listings over the years and not one has ever been listed! This one was important, dammit! I am guessing maybe you didn't want to give CXB too much ink or something since you'd written his book review (which I thought was fabulous by the way, [the book review you wrote] except for the part about his brains being blown out - that was a little bit harsh and came off as sounding malicious, almost petty) but honestly, would it have really hurt you people to be kind to me ONE fucking time? The fact is, you've never been FAIR to me, so you might have tried to be KIND, instead, for once.
I can't help but feel like we got off on the wrong foot maybe, or you guys just don't like me for whatever reason, maybe it's because I'm friends with Christopher and he gives you shit, but every time we've had an interaction, you guys have done me wrong, and I did nothing to deserve your backhanded dealings. I know it's nothing to you, but a few lines in your paper could have helped me a fucking lot. I got evicted from my apartment yesterday and I found out my fiance fucked my best friend a few weeks ago, not because I didn't fuck him, either, because I did, often, and with skill. So, as you can read, my life fucking sucks. And your measly shitty fucking pick was one lousy thing that might have been a small glimmer of hope in a life of dick. Fuck you, asshole, and pass it on. I don't mean to be so harsh, and probably, honestly, you didn't even think the pick would matter so much, or maybe you did and purposely didn't print it, but either way, it did matter to me. So, in the future, please try to treat me with a little bit of human decency and respect from time to fucking time. We're on the same team, essentially.
Friend's Couch in Manhattan, NY
The next day, Jeff called me yelling into my voicemail that this was one of the rudest e-mails he ever recieved. Score one for Delfino! I doubt it, though, really. I think he hates me. Then, I called him and we had it out on the phone for a bit until we both got bored. But then, Christopher sent out this e-mail to him. Sometimes, I have to give Christopher credit for being sweet, even when it is essentially vicariously through his own ego.
Koyen Kills Support For Starving Artists!
Koyen Vs Delfino!
As per norm, Jeff Koyen chose to imitate a Clear Channel executive
rather than an honest, intelligent editor.
I don't submit many PICKS anymore because why bother when Jeff's
aethetic is to support the most obvious shit in town. (Hey, maybe he'll give a big
pick for the new Chuck Close exhibit! It's not enough in Koyen's mind that
Close's show will be written up in every conservative mainstream periodical
from the New Yorker and Newsweek to the Voice and Time OUt ---he thinks
NYPress has to jump on all bandwagons too. And yet AGAIN, he killed my
educational pick for one of the better performers in town, Jessica Delfino.
[I see a TON of shows and they're mostly shit.The kind of cliche-ridden
tripe Jeff loves.]
PROVE ME WRONG, JEFF, OR ELSE APOLOGIZE.
I said he supported middling indie rock and every single week since I
said this, he's printed PICKS for the most generic indie rock in town. (EX:
I've seen Les Savy Fav and they play faceless xerox-n-roll.)
That is of course when he's not busy promoting Dave Mathews and other
Climbing the ladder is Jeff's main agenda, and if kissing ass to the
powers that be is what it takes, Koyen's tough enough for the job!
JEFF SAID I SUBMITTED A PICK FOR JESSICA DELFINO'S SHOW AT UCB TOO
THEN, HE SAID HE WAS THE ONE WHO AXED THE PICK!
UM...IF IT WAS TOO LATE, THEN YOU WOULDN'T HAVE "AXED" IT B/C THE POINT
WOULD'VE BEEN MOOT. No?
And exactly as I predicted about Jeff last year, he is afraid to debate
anyone, and afraid to challenge his shallow predjudice.
EX: Delfino challenged him to come to her special show at UCB on MOnday
at UCB, b/c she KNEW she could make him eat his words when he said she
As always, Jeff choked.
Like all Right Wingers, his "opinions" are based on ignorance of the
facts. (EX: Vizzini slammed my music in NYPress WITHOUT HAVING EVER HEARD IT!
This shit should be illegal.)
HEY JEFF, LET'S YOU AND I DEBATE PUBLICLY---YOU CAN DONATE ALL THE
PROCEEDS TO CHARITY---[no, the RNC doesn't count]---and it will be great
publicity for your terrible paper.
You weren't afraid to take Stedman on, so why chicken out with CXB??
Bring it on, homo!
I wonder if they will have a battle of words?