I was asked to submit information to someone who is writing a story about orgasms. So I wrote this up...it's a story about orgasms and me.
IF YOU ARE MY MOM: I can't be held responsible for the emotions you experience after reading this. I would recommend that you don't.
IF YOU ARE MY SISTERS: You can read this, but please don't give me any shit about it.
The Story of O
I'm Italian, and I don't know if that means anything, but my boyfriend told me that the only other girl who could have what he called "vaginal orgasms" (I'm sorry, but I don't know what other kinds there are) was also Italian (and crazy, as all women who he's ever dated have been according to him, including myself. But I'm only 10% crazy, he says...she was 60% crazy. Hey, we should celebrate our little achievements, no matter how small.)
So, perhaps being Italian (or being crazy) has something to do with having orgasms during regular sex. I've always considered the Italian people to be very passionate people, similar to the way Hispanic people tend to be viewed, but not quite as...Hispanic.
I lost my virginity at age 14 to a much older boy (19!) and I had an orgasm with him very accidentally. It was shocking at the time, and I commented to him that "something weird was happening." He said, "Are you having an orgasm?" I didn't know what that meant, so I just ignored the comment, and soon the weird thing ended.
Later, with another boyfriend in highschool, I again had an accidental orgasm. We were at a party and decided to go into the upstairs bathroom to smoke some pot, which escalated into spontaneous, hot, "bathroom floor" sex. Almost immediately, that weird feeling happened and I started to, I guess, moan, which apparently scared the shit out of him so he pushed me off of him very quickly, saying we had to stop because his mother told him to watch out for me, because she thought I wanted to get pregnant. (Which is ridiculous - who doesn't want to get pregnant? Everyone knows kids make great pets.)
That was the last orgasm I had for several years. I dated another guy for the rest of high school, and sex with him was something we'd do until we got tired. It was fun to watch his adorable face contort into silly expressions as he finished, but other than that, I didn't get much out of it.
At age 19, I moved to LA for a bit and dated a guy out there who always insisted I masturbate myself to orgasm. He was six years older than me, and would always encourage me to masturbate while he'd watch almost patronly, guiding me around my own vagina. By the time our relationship had ended (when I decided to finally flee that shithole LA), he had taught me how to have an orgasm, regularly, whenever I wanted to have one. Even though he was one of the most brief and least remarkable of boyfriends I've ever had, he certainly left me with the best parting gift.
To this day, I can orgasm almost every time I have sex, but not effortlessly. I have to think about it. It isn't something that just happens the way it did accidentally when I was 14. I have to clear my mind of the distracting thoughts of errands that need to be run, or work that needs to be done, and fantasize. I used to fantasize about boobs and that would initiate an orgasm almost immediately. Then, boobs escalated to NC-17 and then R rated sex scenes, until I began dating a porn addict who insisted on watching porn while he screwed me. Unfortunately, it has escalated now to pretty dyer fantasies. I sometimes have to fantasize about very dramatic, sometimes violent sexual encounters in order to orgasm. Not always, but pretty often. I fantasize about men forcing themselves onto somewhat unwilling women, or police abusing prisoners sexually (I'm almost embarrassed to write that), and sometimes worse. I'm usually not involved in the fantasies. But sometimes all it takes is an image of two pretty naked girls kissing. But I rarely ever orgasm to fantasies of having sex with my boyfriend. In any relationship I've ever had.
I also notice that I won't have an orgasm with a guy who I've just started being sexual with. It often takes months or longer of sex with a new boyfriend to be able to regularly orgasm. That has to do with my own comfort level with a person. I'm too nervous the first thirty times we have sex to be able to relax - I'm too concerned with looking sexy and impressing him with my ultra hot bod. (And not making dumb facial expressions.)
But I learned just this year that I can masturbate to orgasm in the shower with the water stream (which isn't even very strong) without barely any effort or thought at all.
I've never had multiple orgasms, but I have had two in one day. Never two in one session. It usually takes a few hours to reset, I've noticed, but then again, I've never had a boyfriend who was interested in really focusing and trying to make me have two orgasms in one sitting. I did date one guy who I thought maybe I had a multiple orgasm with, but now looking back on it, I think that I wanted to believe he had, but I was just having a prolonged tingling sensation from the first one. I don't even know if multiple orgasms exist. Some women and men really insist that they do, but I've never met someone who told me that they have multiple orgasms who wasn't insane. And I never believe men who tell me that they gave their past girlfriends multiple orgasms. I think either they are lying or their girlfriends were lying. But I could be wrong. But I'm probably not.
One thing I've learned about getting off is that there isn't much to it - I can get off through sex or masturbating or oral (if done right), but the basic truth of an orgasm (and I think that anyone who "can't orgasm" probably doesn't know this) is that the clit has to be stimulated steadily by mouth, tongue, pelvis, water stream, or otherwise, with some kind of lubrication, and it helps to go mentally to a sexy place.
I think that's the "secret" to having an orgasm - and it's even more important than genetics. I almost want to say that pulling the genetics card is a cop out for women who are simply too insecure or shy or nervous to let loose and enjoy the gift of fuck that god gave us.
So, yes, maybe there's even a little sociopathy involved in being able to orgasm.