ALL ABOUT THANKSGIVING.
by Jessica Delfino
THE FOOD I PLAN TO EAT ON THANKSGIVING (a partial list):
400 lbs. stuffed mushrooms (stuffed with candy, lemonade and unicorns)
12 jelly donut turkey sandwiches (on homemade poisoned bread)
a hundred handfulls of marshmellows with orange colored somethings that resemble potatos or turnips dip
83 bread crumbs on top of gravy made of the knees of little boys and puppies
35 answers to questions that we will never be able to answer
29 smurf topped sunday salads
16 dashy doodles (a snack that they only make in Europe by doctor's prescription)
THE FILMS I PLAN TO WATCH ON THANKSGIVING (promise):
People On Mars Are Coming To Your House To Attack You!
The Revenge Of The Nerds On Thanksgiving, Part V
Monsters Live In A Scary Place And Want To Eat All Your Leftovers
Magic Dwarves & Flying Castle Places
I Love You, No I Don't!
and finally...
The Movie These Bad People Don't Want You To Ever, Ever See, The Movie!
THE PEOPLE I PLAN TO HUG AND KISS ON THANKSGIVING (in order):
Stranger man #5, saw him once somewhere twice
Chubby but pretty girl 14, hates me but on Thanksgiving (just for Thanksgiving) we will be friends
Boyfriend #9
Unrelated jack ass
Best friend, and best friend and other best friend, and bester friend
Someone I hate! I hate them! But it's Thanksgiving, like with chubby but pretty girl!
Xanax giving out person (but I don't want any Xanax! Just one!)
Comedy Club owning guy who shows up for some reason, I hate you! I hate you! But I will hug you to show thanks for all this delicious food!
Fake Turkey mound
THE PLACES I PLAN TO GO ON THANKSGIVING (and how many times I plan to go to them):
The bathroom, seventeen times
The hallway closet, 9 times
All of the finest dance clubs in town, 1 time each
Chinese Church, once only (to show thanks)
HOW I WILL SHOW MY THANKS:
With a sweater
Under a dark light
In a cup of tea
Without any problems caused by food allergies
By throwing a TV out of the balcony door and down, down onto the ground below my deck
By crying and then wiping all my tears away while looking upwards to God
WHAT I AM THANKFUL FOR:
Keys to jail
Herbal remedies
Cellphones
Penises
Computer programs
Stamps
Guitars
Sisters and Moms and Lovers and Love
Nice places full of people that love me and eachother and heaven
Cars (I wish they ran on kisses!)
Good Food
Soft smily skin
Sleeping through the news
Pens
Colors
Magical, mythical horses
No comments:
Post a Comment