Tuesday, December 13, 2005


MOMMY, WHAT ARE BLOGS FOR?

This post is in retaliation for a rash of imbeciles who came from Metafilter. I never asked to be posted to Metafilter. I'm just a writin' fool who likes the idea of free, unfiltered thought.

Lest ye wonder what a blog is "for", Imma breakin' it down for you, below, old school style, what a blog means to ME.

1. A blog serves as a virtual toilet bowl wherein I might take my daily written mental crap. Sometimes it's a pretty crap and I can see rainbows and messages from God in it. Sometimes it's just lumpy and useless.
2. It's cheaper and more permanent than notebooks. It will never burn in a fire. That's not necessarily a plus.
3. Blogs serve as a place for me to think out loud without getting punched in the face, at least not immediately.
4. A blog is like an exercise bike for my writing. Anyone's writing gets better with practice.
5. A blog is a place for me to be able to get attention without having to look at random, sometimes annoying faces.
6. It gives me an opportunity to try to be honest without getting yelled at for it. (Well, it was, before the comment section feature was added.)
7. It's a place for me to procrastinate from having to do actual work.
8. It's a way to inflict self-abuse from various angry strangers, if you're into that sort of thing, and apparently, I am.
9. It's a way for me to connect with Wil Wheaton.
10. It's easier than writing html, paying for a server and domain name.
11. Blogs are good for me for writing discipline, something which I sometimes lack.
12. More reasons, as equally as interesting or uninteresting, depending on how much self-hatred you posess.

So stick that in your proverbial pipe and take a puff off it, nay sayers. I never said I was a virtuoso writer. Sometimes I kid and say how hot I am or how smart I am, but truth be told, I'm just like any of you loser jerks, and just like any of you nice apples - I'm insecure at times, and much like you all, my future is full of uncertainty. Several hundred thousand wasted minutes have gone into making this blog what it is - a slightly entertaining thought trough! And that's the way I like it!

I know this one thing for sure though - I'll never, ever again work a day job! And this blog is part of the reason why. That's right - none of the dollars I earn shall go to buy Mr. John P. Corporate Anus Licker a ninth mansion. However, unlike my anonymous haters, many of whom are surely managerial cock yankers, I'll continue to get paid $500 per day to write for TV shows and famous documentarians. I know that must eat you up inside, you haters. Go make someone a photo copy!

So, should you wonder what this is or why I do it, keep in mind - I'm just biding time til death, like any and everyone else, except I'm doing it in a somewhat constructive, sometimes boring, sometimes thought-provoking way.

So go fuck yourselves, you anonymous blog leeching weenies! Get your own fame!

And if you think MY blog sucks, check THIS ONE out!

3 comments:

Mark G. said...

Sing it!

Mark Daley said...

Can I get a t-shirt with a picture of you and that bird you're flippin', Jess? I'd pay top dollar, honest. Under the picture, you can put "Talk to the bird, cuz bird is the word."

I am so original it makes me tickle on the inside.

Jodi said...

I just fell in love with you! I have stars and hearts in my eyes now like former teen heartthrob Davy Jones of The Monkees did when he saw a pret-ty girl. Or Marcia Brady when she met Davy at her house, she kissed him, and he said, "How 'bout a flip side?"