Wednesday, May 16, 2007

OUTRAGEOUS NEWS TIDBITS

From a friend / fan in Tuscon, AZ:
Arkansas Woman Killed in Mistaken Rapture -- by Elroy Willis

HOAX ALERT: Damn! I was told that this is a hoax. I so wish it were true. I actually thought the press release read like it was written by an amateur...but it is a good story!

ARKANSAS CITY (EAP)

A Little Rock woman was killed yesterday after leaping through her moving car's sunroof during an incident best described as a "mistaken rapture" by dozens of eye-witnesses. Thirteen other people were injured after a twenty-car pile-up resulted from people trying to avoid hitting the woman, who was apparently convinced the rapture was occurring when she saw twelve people floating up into the air, and then passed a man on the side of the road who she believed was Jesus. "She started screaming `He´s back! He´s back!´ and climbed out through the sunroof and jumped off the roof of the car," said Everet Williams, husband of 28-year-old Georgann Williams who was pronounced dead at the scene. "I was slowing down but she wouldn´t wait till I stopped," Williams said. She thought the rapture was happening and was convinced that Jesus was gonna lift her up into the sky," he went on to say.

"This is the strangest thing I've seen since I've been on the force," said Paul Madison, first officer on the scene. Madison questioned the man who looked like Jesus and discovered that he was on his way to a toga costume party, when the tarp covering the bed of his pickup truck came loose and released twelve blow-up sex dolls filled with helium, which then floated up into the sky. Ernie Jenkins, 32, of Fort Smith , who's been told by several of his friends that he looks
like Jesus, pulled over and lifted his arms into the air in frustration and said "Come back," just as the Williams' car passed him, and Mrs. Williams was sure that it was Jesus lifting people up
into heaven as they drove by him.

"I think my wife loved Jesus more than she loved me," the widower said when asked why his wife would do such a thing. When asked for comments about the twelve sex dolls, Jenkins replied, "This is all just too weird for me. I never expected anything like this to happen.

From an email by Melissa of www.gynocult.com regarding her show Blackhole:

Seriously, you will not get shot at BlackHole. Comedian Donnell Rawlings from The Chappelle Show was shot at after doing a set at Jordan's Fish and SteakHouse in Jersey City. YOU WILL NOT GET SHOT AT BLACKHOLE. I wasn't lying when I said, "BlackHole is the only comedy show in Jersey City you won't get shot at." The next BlackHole is on May 30th. Check my blog, Fear and Dread, Guilt and Shame for things.

2 comments:

Secret Rapture said...

My inaugural address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have raptured out billions! The Secret Rapture soon, by my hand!
Read My Inaugural Address
My Site=http://www.angelfire.com/crazy/spaceman

Anonymous said...

This is from the opening of a Six Feet Under Episode, second to last season.