Always the fool, never the fooler
I was trying to think of some good ways to spend April Fool's Day. Call my mom and tell her I'm getting married! To a man! But she'd just be relieved. I think she thinks I might be gay deep down somewhere. Pretend I'm gay for the day! But that'd probably just excite my boyfriend who probably hopes I might be gay deep down somewhere. Don't all guys hope that? Isn't that every man's shared dream? That their girlfriends are secretly gay, but not in a "I like lesbians now" kind of way, more in a, "I'm gay if by gay you mean I like to have threesomes with my boyfriend and another girl" way?
I tried to trick my bf with a lame April Fool's text. I warmed him up with a, "I have to tell you something" precursor, but he had me figured out and had retyped April Fool's! before I even finished typing, "I'm pregnant."
Halloween costumes, April Fool's Day gags and understanding society. Three things I suck at, which as a comedian, I should really be better at.
I'm gonna go drink a shamrock shake and read the news. April Fool's! I hate McDonalds. And reading. Anyway, shamrock shakes (green mint-flavored shakes that McD's just puts out for St. Patty's time) are gone by now.