Monday, May 30, 2011

Foodie At Heart

Which is probably why my heart is acting like an asshole, doing a random flutter thing whenever I drink alcohol or eat rich, scrumptious food or junk, including -- gasp -- chocolate. I've had it checked out a bunch of times and *supposedly* I'm OK. I also read (on the internet, googling symptoms, in my spare time hobby of being a hypochondriac) it was related to dehydration and a magnesium deficiency, oddly, no doctor ever suggested I drink more water or take magnesium.

So anyway, yes ma'am, I've pretty much had to give up fudge and booze, among other things. But I'm not going to sit around crying and lamenting complex carbohydrates and preservatives just yet. I've been doing some lengthy research instead, looking for delicious and healthy snacks to replace the sweets and junk I love so much.

My friend David suggested this great recipe involving frozen nanas and blueberries, a bit of non-dairy creamer, a cup of protein powder and a few drops of sucralose, garnish with sprinkles.

I have modified and added to David's recipe to make it more my own, and I call it:


Frozen Treat



* 1/2 frozen banana (for best results, buy ripe bananas, peel, break in half and immediately freeze in containers to have on hand as you need them)
* 1 c. strawberries OR blueberries OR pineapple (buy in bags in freezer section of grocery store)
* 2/3 serving cup vanilla soy protein powder
* 1/2 tsp Spirulina
* 1/2 tsp Raspberry flavored Natural Calm (magnesium supplement)
* 1/4 tsp cinnamon
* 1/4 cup Silk brand / soy dairy creamer

If it isn't sweet enough for you, add some agave. All these ingredients are available at your local food co-op or Whole Foods, etc.

Mix powders and creamer first, add fruit later. You should have a really rich and thick consistency frozen treat by the end which you can spoon into a cup, garnish with unsweetened coconut flakes and sprinkles. EN-joy.


I've been eating this treat after yoga. Yes, I admit, I gaily do yoga just about daily. Judge me. My ass is starting to look way hot and my core is rock hard, bitches. My thighs are starting to take on the shape of lean lincoln logs and my arms are starting to look like Madonna's. Frozen Treat TM is healthy, filling, naturally sweet and really satisfying, especially on a hot day. If I had known that eating healthy and working out was going to be so much fun, I would have been doing it with such zest and zeal all along, instead of stuffing my face with junk food like my kitchen is a 24 hour buffet restaurant.

Luckily, my metabolism has been OK, and even cramming my gullet full of whatever creepy ingredients I've felt like for most of my life hasn't made me fill out like the puffer fish I should be by now. If you don't believe me, check out my photo album below of the meals I've partaken in. Yes, I photograph all my meals, as if they're celebrities I'm proud to be standing next to.

White asparagus and wasabi greens, prepared by chef Kurt Gutenbrunner, of Wallze, et al. Even though to me, this meal looks way phallic and perhaps slightly homo-erotic, I ate the dickens out of it. Pun intended.

A Saturday night in, with Ms. Puss, a Yiddish book and a pile of rice and kale with tomato and nutritional yeast and a Modelo to wash it down. (before I stopped drinking)

Rachel Kramer Bussel joins me for tea and crepes, apple slices and almond butter. Yes, I know, I live in a fantasy world.

In the process of making vegan sugar cookies with Mother Theresa on them for an Easter party.

Here, I decorated them by painting food coloring on with a kitchen paint brush and dipping them in non-pareils. Go ahead, call me "the Van Gogh of the kitchen."

With love (and diabetes), from Jessica.

1 comment:

A.J.A. said...

I love your cookies! MMmmmm. I also love kale and nutritional yeast. You are making me hungry. And I do not do yoga daily, so I am becoming a puffer fish :( How does that frozen treat taste?