MOVING CAN BE FUN

Especially when you have a friend named Jessica Delfino who comes over to your house and takes your old clothes and practically forces you to pay for half of her lunch.

LIBRARIES CAN BE FUN

Especially when you find a book about dreams that really "speaks" to you, and then two adorable but poorly raised kids loudly sit at the table you're quietly reading at and demand you watch them color for the next fifteen minutes.

TACO BELL CAN BE FUN

Especially when you only have three dollars and they sell those god damn enormous half-pound bean burrito especiales (how the hell can you turn down a half-pound especiale anything?) for one dollar. At that price they must be making them in sweat shops in a foreign land. Either that, or it's not even real bean...it's actually beef, which is cheaper than bean.

HURRICANES CAN BE FUN

Especially when they happen somewhere far away from where you live, and you can watch them on tv without any fear of their mighty power.

RIDING YOQR BIKE IN THE RAIN CAN BE FUN

Especially when you haven't showered in awhile.

Your Music Lesson For The Day...and sadly, and obit.

Moogs are uber popular, but do you know what one is? A Moog is a crazy strange piano-sort-of looking instrument with knobs and levers and buttons which you can push and twist and tweak to create some of the oddest sounds imaginable. A lot of those mysterious synth sounds which we have heard in all the old 70s songs were made using Moogs. Yes, Pink Floyd, Manfred Mann, Led Zeppelin and many other superstars of the 70s and up to today all used Moogs. Rick Wakeman of Yes is still doing work with the Moog Foundation. (He's apparently an executive on the board...) Sadly, the father of the moog, Bob Moog, passed away. His obit and more information is below.

To learn more about moogs, google the word "moog".

From Maximumink.com...

BOB MOOG Dies at 71 of Terminal Brain Cancer

Bob died this afternoon at his home in Asheville, N.C. He was 71. Bob was diagnosed with brain cancer (glioblastoma multiforme or GBM) in late April 2005. He had received both radiation treatment and chemotherapy to help combat the disease. He is survived by his wife, Ileana, his five children, Laura Moog Lanier, Matthew Moog, Michelle Moog-Koussa, Renee Moog, and Miranda Richmond; and the mother of his children, Shirleigh Moog.

Bob was warm and outgoing. He enjoyed meeting people from all over the world. He especially appreciated what Ileana referred to as "the magical connection" between music-makers and their instruments.

A public Memorial Celebration is planned for The Orange Peel for noon, Wednesday, August 24th. Fans and friends can also direct their sympathies or remembrances to Caring Bridge

Bob's family has established The Bob Moog Foundation dedicated to the Advancement of Electronic Music in his memory. Many of his longtime collaborators including musicians, engineers and educators have agreed to sit on its executive board including David Borden, Wendy Carlos, Joel Chadabpe, John Eaton, David Mash, and Rick Wakeman. For more information about the foundation, contact Matthew Moog at mattmoog@yahoo.com.

THEIR Um, HEART WAS IN THE RIGHT PLACE....

So, NY Press put a big nice pic of me on page 31 in their MUSIC section, but here's where it goes wrong:

1. The caption says, "Where Sarah Silverman steals her material". Sarah Silverman is funnier than me. Why would she steal my material? So SHE can live in a hot, smelly chinatown shanty and go from getting paid and dating Jimmy Kimmel to NOT getting paid and dating CXB? If her desire is to be more like me, I encourage her to dive into the Delf mess.

2. I'm not performing on that show. I was supposed to, but had to cancel to perform for the weekend down near Baltimore. All Stars Comedy Cafe is the name of the place. It's in a mall. In a restaurant called Jillian's. Someplace called Arundel Mills. I'm actually pretty excited. I'm getting paid - fuck yeah! I'm white.

A JOKE ABOUT HORSES.

Horse: Hey horse, did you hear about that bad heroin that is going around? People are using it and then they die.
Other Horse: I wish that would happen to me.

Ooooh, also,

3. NY Press forgot to credit the photograher, who is my friend, Nico.

And finally, this is neat:

4. Diane O'Debra is on the right in the red dress in an ad for Jennifer Blowdryer's play, White Trash Debutante (which I saw and was really just simply put, very good. And Diane was particularly terrific.) (www.odebratwins.com)

Vegetarian Bucks The System
by Jessica Delfino

I have a doubly restricted diet - I'm a vegetarian, and I'm poor. So, where do the poor vegetarians of this city turn? How about Taco Bell?

The Taco Bell near my house sells lots of stuff for around a buck. You can get a yummy apple caramel dessert thingy for a buck, a drink for a buck, pintos n' rice for a buck, the old bean burritos are like, 79 cents, and now, they have this new 1/2 pound burrito that is massive and delicious. It's beans (mostly lard, I'm sure, but lard of the finest taste and quality I assure you) and melted cheese. And it's only a buck! If you're lucky, you may even have an exchange like the one I had there, free of charge:

I entered Taco Bell in my aqua colored skirt and orange tank top, looking as good as a two piece with a biscuit. A dread-headed black man who was not a hippy immediately began to devour me with his eyeballs. He started making sucking sounds, to indicate that I am probably delicious. I couldn't tell by his expression if he wanted to make love to me or murder me, so I just assumed it was both.

MAN: Hey, girl...you're looking fine today...
ME: Hello, sir. I thank you for your compliment.
MAN: You looking for a boyfriend?
ME: Well, no, actually, I came here to get a burrito.
A few people in line chuckled. I thought the man was going to get angry, but then he smiled to tell me a story in teeth.
MAN: You funny.
ME: Thanks.
MAN: What's your number?
ME: I guess I'm....fourth.
MAN: Ha, ha, you funny.
ME: Ha, ha, thanks.
MAN: I'll see you later.
ME: That sounds great!

Taco Bell's attached to KFC are good, too. Then, you can get corn for a buck, a side of cole slaw or mashed potatos for a buck, those yummy ass fries for a buck....

A lot of people want to know WHY I'm a vegetarian, and WHY I don't eat meat, and they want me to EXPLAIN my eating habits and principles, and simply put, how can one not be vegetarian when Taco Bell is so cheap? Burgers are like, $4! I can't afford to eat fatty, heart-unhealthy, anti-animal meat products. I only wish!

Hey guy who provides beef for people, go fuck yourself! I'll take my delicious, animal-friendly, vegetarian lard roll.

OTTTBLOLWSIFOL (Other Things To Type Besides LOL When Something Is Funny On Line)
by Jessica Delfino

I think it's a really good idea to stop using "LOL" unless you are trying to explain that after you wrote or read something in an email, you actually and truly LAUGHED OUT LOUD.

For example, I wrote something to someone in an email, and then wrote LQTM, which means LAUGHED QUIETLY TO MYSELF. Because that's what I did.

YOU MIGHT ALSO TRY:

sol - sort of laughing
nlao - not laughing at all
gaol - giggling annoyingly out loud
coapoc - choking on a piece of corn
lshism - laughing so hard i shit myself
slapbmpntmtwtgpwtl - snorting loudly and publicly because my parents never told me that was the grossest possible way to laugh
garme - groaning and rolling my eyes
atcsbmbaomatb - about to commit suicide because my bills are overwhelming my ability to breathe

...and so on.

Try it today!

JESSICA DELFINO LIFE NEWS

In this episode, I try to make my boring life seem interesting!

In the news today:
###HOTTER THAN HELL OUTSIDE
###CON ED IS WORKING ON THE STREET IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE
###I'M WEARING A JEAN SKIRT RIGHT NOW

HOTTER THAN HELL OUTSIDE

Have any of you ever been to hell before? It's fucking hot there. Satan runs the thermostat and he's a total jewish person* with the air conditioning. I've never been to hell, but I know everything there is to know about hell from reading comic books, the bible and thanks to various joke forwards and comedians' sets. Plus, I have a feeling I'll get to visit someday.

Anyway, JESUS - it's hotter than HELL outside today, according to the temperatures I've read that hell can reach. But luckily for me, I have a friend who spends a lot of money on being comfortable. He bought a big house and fitted it with one of those air conditioners that if used inappropriately could blow the walls out of your home and create a small tornado. It's so cold that it enables me to use my vagina as an ice machine. That's cold!

*NOTE: It's okay if I write that, because the person who's house I'm at is Jewish. There's actually some irony there in that the Jewish person who's house I'm at actually uses his A/C like a normal person. So, I'm round-about-ly complimenting Jewish people and Satan. I hate how I have to explain anything challenging on my blog or else everyone will get pissed off. Watch - by the end of the day I'll have received at least three angry emails from Jewish people and Satanists and several happy ones from racists and Jesus.

CON ED IS WORKING ON THE STREET IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE

For three days now, there have been several Con Ed utility vehicles, trucks, vans, cop cars, fire trucks and dudes with moustaches all around the area of Allen and Broome, near where I reside. All the manholes are open and people are climbing in and out of them, as if they're hanging out at some guy's house who lives underground. It's really hot out (as mentioned in above article) and I can't imagine how those dudes can be climbing in and out of those holes. I wonder if they are having any flash backs to birth or are making any jokes or references to wombs as they do this work.

Some guy got zapped yesterday, either on a manhole cover or by some wire. The story I heard from one of the men (I stopped and asked) was that they had some electrical problems and a lot of the electricity went out in my neighborhood. It didn't go out in my building. I live in a fancy building with marble walls and floors, and an elevator. I think that it's probably one of the fanciest buildings on the block. Secretly, I think the power didn't go off in my building because a gang leader lives there. I hope the people who have no power have something else they can use, like a generator or magic.

I'M WEARING A JEAN SKIRT RIGHT NOW

It's true. It's a cut-off jean skirt that is all frayed at the bottom. I think I either got it at a second hand store or found it in a bag of clothes in the hallway of my old apartment building. It's a little big for me, but I wear it anyway. I even wear it sometimes when I'm riding my bike. That's considered "inappropriate" by some, but I don't mind being inappropriate. I tie a jacket around my waist and the sleeves cover up the area where my special spots are.

Plus, didn't you read the first article? It's fucking hotter than hell outside today.
It's almost as if God invented summer to help propagate the species. I think perhaps we should ask the mayor to change the name from summer to fuck season, because I appreciate bluntness in conversation.

BOATING DELFINO

See, even people with chipped teeth can live a high life.