Last Night's Affairs

Mischeif Night, they call it. My father's birthday, it was also almost the last night of my life. I got invited to Paris Hilton's party (in my mind) but couldn't make it because I was playing at Rubulad. I was supposed to meet a lovely Irish comedian pal named Des Bishop at a bar in my neighborhood, but he was running a little late so I started walking to the Bowery Poetry Club where some other friends were waiting for me. I was carrying a guitar, a small keyboard and my Tyra show gift purse filled to the brim with my costumes and doo dads for the show, and after a few blocks I felt a little bogged down, so I hailed a taxi. I got in the taxi and did not buckle my safety belt. Odd, because I almost ALWAYS buckle up after a bad accident when I was 16 where a seatbelt truly saved my life.

A friend texted me and I was returning his text, when all of a sudden, I went flying into the divider between myself and the driver, and my huge purse full of knick knacks went flying off the seat, raining all over the cab. I hurt my back a few days ago yawning (true story) and I was already not feeling in physical tip top shape, but when I smashed into the divider, I wasn't feeling anything except adrenaline. I looked to my right and saw the eyes of the driver of an SUV who'd just ran a red light, inches from having crushed the side of the taxi cab, right where my fragile unbelted, dressed-up-like-a-pirate body would have been sitting. The driver pulled a bit forward, and started cussing in an ethnic language I'm not familiar with and beeping his horn. Traffic stopped all around us and people pulled up to see if we were OK. The SUV sped away.

I gathered up my things that were strewn all over the floor of the cab and took in how close I'd just come to being seriously permanently dead. If the driver hadn't been paying attention and hadn't swerved violently, I would have been the meat in a Ford sandwich.

He was truly freaked out for the rest of the ride, kind of hyperventilating and swearing, and yelling "Why! Why you run a red light!?" as if I had been the driver of the SUV and he was demanding I answer him why I'd done that. I tried to calm him down by going back and forth between purring, "It's OK, sir, we're OK" and sitting quietly, contemplating myself what had just happened.

As the cab slowed at my destination, I was out of that thing before it even stopped, like the family in Poltergeist as they sped away from their haunted house, wishing the nice fella a safe evening.

Inside, I was shaken but a glass of wine and my friends quickly knocked me back into the reality that I was safe and sound and continuing on with my night. As I type this I'm stopping a moment to give thanks to no one in particular, and everything around me.

Des pulled up in a sweet Mazda SUV (his parents!) and we all piled in and headed to BK to the party. The party was lots of fun, everyone in crazy super creative costume -- a ballerina who ate her own heart, Jena Friedman was a vampire who used nail polish as a blood drip down her mouth -- that's dedication to a costume!, others were just crazy looking, decked out in amazing artsy hand made or store bought gear. It was an impressive array. We partied til about 2 or so am, I did a set where I had 5 costumes and stripped each costume off to reveal another costume and do another song. I was a unicorn, a witch, a pirate, Whitney Houston and a goofy slut ball. Now that I think of it, I left my pirate hat there. Poo.


This photo is dark, but it's me on the left, Des in the middle (in my mask) and Jena on the right as a vampire. I tried to lighten it in Photoshop but it looked crappy so I just left it alone.

After the party, we picked up Reggie Watts and ran into Jen Dunlap on the street on our way to the Lucky Duck bar in Bkln. We all said hi and hugged, then followed Jen into The Levee, then were going to go on to Lucky Duck but changed our minds, got back into the car and drove to Veselka for a 4 am breakfast / cool down. Every four minutes someone came up to shake Reggie's hand. He has more friends than anyone you or I know.


Reggie Watts -- the coolest mofo in the world!

What an awesome night!

TYRA PUTS MODELS IN "BLACKFACE" AND EVERYONE GETS ALL UP IN A TIZZY

In the NY Daily News column which claims "The media cries fowl", they mean, a columnist at Huffington Post who didn't appreciate Tyra's fashion shoot. Now, granted, the Tyra show is full of moronic producers and it is an incredibly unorganized set up, and I would know, because I've seen it first hand, but seriously -- is it really that huge of a deal? It is to whoever came up with this hair-brained scheme, because he or she is surely about to get fired over this.

But let's get into it, for a minute. Back in the 30s and 40s and the Al Jolson times, there was a lot of racism and whitey hatred on blackie, and that was not cool. There's still whitey hatred on blackie, and blackie hatred on whitey, and mexicy hating on jewie and vice versa, and even hate combo platters that haven't even been thought of yet. Hatred is a part of the world. I wish it would go away, but Tyra's fashion show isn't making more hatred, and it's certainly not curing hatred. It's kind of more like dummies making art. So do we have to insist there's hate-filled motives there when there's clearly not? Models are too stupid to hate.

Was Tyra, her models, or her show's stupid producers really being racist? Most people would agree they were not.

Chappelle did "white face" on Chappelle's Show, and he was making straight fun of white people, and most white people would probably agree, it was hilarious. Derrick Beckles did "blacker" face (being a very light skinned black man) for Super Deluxe's "This Is Now" news cast and it was so funny, people on the set practically couldn't look at him, because he looked so hilarious, and not in a 'ha ha, anti-black jokes' kind of way, but in more of a 'you look ridiculous' kind of way.

I performed at London's Soho Theatre last year as "Whitney Houston in black face" and got a very mixed review for it. The fact is, I can't pretend to be black with white skin. If I'd come out as I am with a black wig on, I'd have looked like a white girl singing Whitney Houston. I LOVE Whitney Houston. However, all the journalists out there are putting her down every chance they get, and negatively depicting her and seriously, truly hating on Whitney, with their skin staying exactly in tact. I, however, did an homage performance to Whitney and all the blimeys got all limey.

I may perform Whitney in black face again, somewhere, someday. And I can promise you, it's got nothing to do with the 30s, hating black people or encouraging hate of any kind. It's a fun little piece I do, it's a bit comedic and a whole lot appreciatory towards a musician who I adore and admire and who I grew up with, and that's about all there is to it.

And as for anyone else who chooses to do a performance of some kind in black face, or any other color face (Blue Man Group?), well, as a society, we'll surely judge each piece on an act by act basis.

New Press!

Thanks Gerry Visco, NY Press, and Daniella LaBoca for putting me in the show.



Here is a video where I'm singing "The Catholic League" song in Galway, Ireland, wearing that "60s schoolgirl" outfit Gerry's talking about. If you listen closely, you can hear Diane O'Debra laughing here and there through out the video (because she was there!) Directions: 1. Enjoy! 2. Send to your parents.

TONITE:
Edinburgh: Best of the Fringe in NYC

This show looks like it's going to be fun and yummy, featuring several NYC performers who put on shows in last year's Edinburgh Fringe Festival presenting segments from their UK shows. Ben Lerman's "Size Matters", Stacy Meyer's "Funeralogues", my "I Wanna Be Famous" and more. The $15 ticket includes free wine and tasty hors devours after the show from Anwar's family's restaurant.

Anwar is Stacy's boyfriend who cooked amazing food for us while we were in Scotland. Based on the amazing 4 or 5 course breakfast he prepared for us, you are in for a very special treat. We are also all going to be giving away some of our collected Scotland treats and knick knacks.

Its like a little taste of the Fringe Festival, right here in NYC.

You can get tickets here:
$15 Advance Tickets
http://www.facebook.com/l/8c714;www.brownpapertickets.com/event/86972
http://www.facebook.com/l/8c714;www.edfringeNYC.com

And here's a word from Stacy and the rest of the details. See you tonight!!

Hey guys:

I am so excited that you are coming tonight to celebrate the truly great experience that is the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. I just wanted to remind you that show starts at 7:00pm and we'll be having appetizers and wine afterwards so please stop by anytime. Let me know if you ahve any questions. I'm looking forward to it.

-Stacy

EDINBURGH: the best of the fringe
Wednesday, October 28th at 7:00pm
The Green Room, 45 Bleecker St at Lafayette
6 to Bleecker

A Big Night Of Fun

Last night was a real hoot. First stop was Joe's Pub with all kinds of great performers -- Margaret Cho, who did a comedy song about how "You Don't Lick My Pussy Right", went on first. Next was Tom Shillue who told a funny story about how he almost became the new face for insurance with the character, "Justin Case" but was beat out by a talking duck that says "Aflac". Jon Friedman had the best set of the night, in my opinion, with his funny opening joke about being the "and more" part of the show and a hilarious video where he dressed up like a chicken and interacted with a company picnic in the park. Next was Rachel Dratch who told a story that she asked the audience not to repeat, sorry! In all fairness to you and her, it wasn't too crazy personal, but she obviously felt differently about that one, so just come to the show next time and get the goods for yourself. Finally was Mike Daisey with a really great and touching story about racial epitaphs and the trouble they can get you into when you put them on posters and hang them everywhere in the name of free speech. Kevin Allison produced and hosted the terrific show. I had a super VIP seat which allowed me to get some pretty sweet shots!





If only my fancy expensive Iphone had zoom or took better quality photos, you'd actually be able to see who is in those pics. Even my old Samsung junker from 3 years ago had a zoom on it. It's like we're devolving as a society in some ways. Maybe it's a fun game for you to just guess.

Tim & Ellis were the seemingly improvisational musical interlude between acts, but after the show they told me they got their set list in advance, so I guess they just make it look that effortless.

I met up with my pal Jena Friedman who missed the show but arrived in time to walk me to Union Square on her way to see Jenny Slate's show in Bkln. I wanted to go see it too, but I went my separate way towards the Saul Williams show at The Gramercy Theater (the old Blender Theater). I went there to meet my friend Cavasa who is playing bass in a metally punk band called Activator, which opened for Saul Williams as part of Afro Punk's CMJ showcase. I showed up just in time to see them take the stage and rock it.


Cavasa rockin' out!

After their set, I went downstairs to the VIP lounge but a very ugly bulldoggish man refused to let me enter the lounge. So I called out to my friend Chris Rock who was in there and said, hey! This guy won't let me in! He punched the guy in the face and told the paparazzi to get over there and take a photo of us together.



He said, "No one fucks with Jessica Delfino!" The ugly bulldoggish man apologized and then was fired. And that is where my made up story ends.

I strolled out of there like a princess, hopped onto my bike and rode over to a photo studio around the corner for a night time photo session. I turned my "camera" on the photographer for a change.



Oh, by the way, here's a new publicity shot -- no my breasts are not fake (someone asked).



You can see more of his awesome photos here.

Sometimes I kinda like my life.

LAST NIGHT AND TONITE

Last night I went out to dinner at a lovely little restaurant in Dumbo. A friend of mine took me there as a surprise.
He also had another surprise for me -- some very fancy whiskey in a plastic Poland Spring bottle. He whipped it
out of his jacket like a creepy scientist and began to pour it into our water glasses.

"Um, I don't think you're allowed to do that," I said, getting nervous for once at the concept of breaking the rules
instead of embracing them as I usually do. I hope that doesn't mean I'm an adult now. Shit.

He shrugged his shoulders and said in his classic downplay voice I've come to know and have mixed feelings about,
"Jess. It'll be fine. Cheers." He held up his glass, the size of a small juice cup, filled almost to the brim of this fancy
whiskey, and clinked glasses with mine. 'Maybe he knows something I don't,' I told myself. 'Maybe this place is a
BYOB. Most of these little restaurants are, aren't they?' I salu'd him and slugged away.

A few minutes later, a waiter came over and asked us if we wanted a drink, but noticed our glasses were already full.
He got very agitated, insisting it's illegal to bring your own liquor into a restaurant, not to mention, very rude.
I tried to cover for my pal saying, "Uh, isn't this place BYOB?" He said, "No, it's not," and stormed
off. For the next 15-20 mins we got a pretty vigorous silent treatment, and I was beginning to wonder if maybe we should
leave. I was actually starting to get kind of pissed, because we were about to drop about $100 on dinner (that's what
it would cost us to eat there) and they were being dicks about the $20 we weren't spending. But right before I finalized my decision to gather my coat and trot out of that popsicle stand, the waiter broke and started treating us like paying customers again.

I'm glad it worked out, because the food was amazing. It was one of the most delicious meals I've had at a restaurant
in NYC ever. And I don't even know the name of the place. However, I will be back and I will take friends. Next time,
I'll buy my booze there, I guess.

After that debacle, I left to go to the Ars Nova Ant Fest party. It was a lot of fun, with tons of food that I couldn't eat
because I was already too jammed full of yummy dinner and fancy whiskey. I hung out and chatted with a few pals
and met a couple of new ones, did a couple of interviews, one spontaneously instigated by another performer (he
asked me 20 questions about my life and for some reason, I answered them all) and then jetted out into the night, my hair all flowing all sexy behind me, playing over my black sequined dress like I was some kind of lame super star.

TONIGHT TUE:

Come to the Kong Magazine Launch Party in Williamsburg at Matchless Bar, 7-9 PM.
It's going to be awesome, and me and the skits gals are going to do our famed "Sexercise" sketch that all the kids know and love.

Matchless Bar, 557 Manhattan Ave
Williamsburg, BK, NY
7-9 PM
FREE
MORE INFO HERE



After that, both Steph and I will be performing in Katrin Heir's show at Comix's Ochi's Lounge. Be there or disappoint me.

FOLLOW UP OF SKITS'N'TITS, Alex's Bday Show, etc.
and 2 GREAT SHOWS TOMORROW

The show on Wed was a total blast! It was so much fun it's taken me about 5 days to get it together
and write an entry about it, because I'm still RECOVERING.

I wrote Alex a musical birthday card / song because I hate singing "Happy Birthday To You" to people,
I think it's a boring song, and when people sing it they sound sad, and when people are having it sung
to them, it makes them feel embarrassed because the song sucks.

So I just wrote him a cute little birthday song card ditty instead and sung it. That way it was more
embarrassing to ME.
You can see a video of it here, because someone recorded it for some reason!

After the song, we handed out about 50+ cupcakes (that I made!) to everyone in the audience
in celebration of Alex's birthday. Then Colin Quinn performed! I had been asking Colin for awhile to
perform because Alex loves his comedy (and so do we, the Skits'N'Tits gang) and he finally said
YES! So he came to the Bowery PC and knocked it out of the park. We love Colin!!

Later he texted me and said the other song I played on my uke, "A Stranger's Cock" should be nominated
for an American Music Award. My heart melted into an unrecognizable goo paste. (That is a really old version
of it, I think it's better now. I have to upload a newer version.)

In other news, I'm going to be performing tomorrow TUE in TWO great, *free* SHOWS:

The Kong Magazine Launch Party
(it's a magazine about sex+comedy created by Jessica Moats,
designer and art director of Playgirl and many other mags)
Matchless Bar, 557 Manhattan Ave
Williamsburg, BK, NY
7-9 PM
FREE
MORE INFO HERE
The Skits'N'Tits gang (Diane, Steph and I) will be doing Sexercise and I'll be playing a few songs.

and then...

Sister Katrin's Confessional
Ochi's Lounge @ Comix
353 W. 14th St. @ 9th Ave
9 PM on
FREE

Be there or else I will pretend like I didn't notice you weren't there.

I also have to keep plugging this because it's getting closer and I'm so excited about it!



Thurs Nov 12 @ 8 PM
Jessica Delfino's Dirty Folk Rock
Ars Nova ANT FEST!
511 W. 54th St.
With her lewd songs and unconventional instruments (rape whistle!), Jessica Delfino is a self-described brunette Britney Spears--with balls.
Tickets: $10
For more info: arsnovanyc.com
SPECIAL OFFER: If you buy a ticket online GET YOURS HERE NOW you get a free drink at the show (which nearly covers the cost of the ticket!)

THIS JUST IN: COLIN QUINN TO PERFORM AT SKITS'N'TITS TOMORROW!!

Remote Control, Saturday Night Live, Tough Crowd -- we're talkin' THE Mr. Colin Quinn. That's right, bitches. Does the Skits'N'Tits crew know how to throw a show? You betcha! Also starring The Chichiones, Elon Gold, Creamy Stevens, Jordan Carlos, a special drop in visit by London comedian Matt Kirshen (who was in Last Comic Standing UK), Mike Amato, a video by Dan Allen, a new sketch and a new video by Diane, Steph and Jess (starring Livia Scott, Milton Katz, Katrin Heir, Mike Amato) and so much more. Dr. Steam Whipple and Triage rock at midnite.

10 PM, $5, 308 Bowery. If you miss the show, one of the few acceptable reasons might be because you have several broken limbs.

We're super excited to have him on the show. If you've never seen him live, you are in for a treat.

Oh, and free cupcakes for my love Alex M. Smith's birthday. 10 PM, $5, 308 Bowery. Get your ass to the show!!!

THE MOST SUPER NUTSO OTHER DAY EVER

I had a super nutso day the other day. For starters, I had an audition that was exactly like
a snap shot from Central Casting. There was a "one of everything", like The Breakfast Club.
A nerdy dude, a model chick, a grungy crunchy hippy fella, a big muscly guy, a cute asian,
and me. I guess that makes me the freak.

Later I ran into Tekserve to run a quick errand and on my way out, I stopped to pin a couple
flyers to the bulletin board for my upcoming ARS NOVA show NOVEMBER 12th. (Shame-filled hint / plug -- get your ticket today, this show will sell out, sorta like myself, eventually)

So there I am, plugging my flyer onto the board when I look down and see a man hand dropping
a small handful of those "Dan Smith Will Teach You Guitar" flyers. I follow the man hand up to see
none other than Dan Smith!

This may not seem like such a huge deal to anyone else, but when I moved to NYC 8 years ago, one
of the first things I saw was the "Dan Smith Will Teach You Guitar" flyers. I've been continuing to
see them everywhere for the entire rest of the time I've been here, so when I actually saw THE Dan
Smith (I knew it was him because his picture is on the flyers) it was like a celebrity sighting. I
feel like I practically KNOW the guy.

I was like, "are you THE Dan Smith?" and he was like, "Yeah" and I was like, "Woah, crazy!" He shook
my hand and was really polite, just like the kind of interaction you'd like to have with a celebrity.

Maybe I should take guitar lessons. I really can't play anyway. I've just been pretending for the past 10 years.
A few people have noticed, but most just get hung up on my candy sweet voice and my fun lyrics, which is
fine with me.

And if you've never heard my candy sweet voice or fun lyrics, you have a few chances this week:

Tonight at 8 PM at Sage Theater, 711 7th Ave at 46th St., I'll be playing as part of the "Bunch of 5 Telling Stories" series. If you
want to hear some gripping, heart wrenching, funny, blind siding tales, come to this thing. Last time I
heard Joseph Limone and Brendan Connellan telling stories, and both were fun, funny, stirring and
intriguing. But specifically, Joseph's stories of almost dying had me on the edge of my seat, wondering,
"Does he live? Does he make it?" forgetting he's in front of me telling the story, so, like, yeah, dude.
He makes it.

And don't forget Skits'N'Tits THIS WED at 10 PM. Comedy+burlesque+rock'n'roll featuring Diane O'Debra, Steph Sabelli and myself, Shappy hosts, new videos, new sketches, boobies, stand up comedy, music at midnight from Dr. Steam Whipple and Triage and more. 308 Bowery at 1st St, NYC. Don't miss it!!

In other news, I performed at the Brick N Mortar Video Film Festival in Greenfield, MA a few days ago. It was a lovely festival that took place in several dilapidated-but-being-remodeled buildings. I wish I could have picked the whole festival up and brought it to NYC, but it is nice that such a cool thing was going on in this tiny, forgotten little Massachusetts town. And the foliage! Oh, the foliage. Special thanks to Polina Volfovich for her help in organizing my participation. She's also an amazing artist. I'll put some photos and more info up about the festival in a day or so. Too busy to do it now. Gotta run, I gotta a lot of work to do!

See ya later!

What's Goin On This Weekend, Delfino?

Good question! In the next few days I've got some fun shows and events coming up.



Tomorrow night, Thurs Oct. 7:
Entertaining the Bartender
with Jena Friedman and other guests
170 Ave A at 11th St
NY, NY
9 PM - 10:30, Free show



Saturday, Thurs Oct 9:
Brick + Mortar Intl Video Festival
Downtown Greenfield, MA
2pm – 12am
I am performing at 11 PM on Saturday night!
Greenfield, MA
http://greenfieldvideofest.org

I'm getting an early start on this one:



Thurs Nov 12 @ 8 PM
Jessica Delfino's Dirty Folk Rock
Ars Nova ANT FEST!
511 W. 54th St.
With her lewd songs and unconventional instruments (rape whistle!), Jessica Delfino is a self-described
brunette Britney Spears--with balls.
(Someone said yesterday that I'm more like a brunette Nellie McKay which I don't agree with, but I like!)
Tickets: $10
For tickets and other info: arsnovanyc.com
SPECIAL OFFER: If you buy a ticket online GET YOURS HERE NOW you get a free drink at the show (which nearly covers the cost of the ticket!)

And check out this fun little interview with me by dementedly funny UK writer, Nick Gilmartin.

And if you're lookin' for something fun to do tonight, check out Sacapuntas at 308 Bowery at 1st St. at 8 PM or O'Hanlon's comedy show at 14th bet 1st / 2nd at 7:30, both great shows with excellent line ups.

Whatcha doin tomorrow night?

My friends (including Brendan Connellan aka Legal Alien) are putting together a very cool story telling night at Sage Theater in midtown at 8 PM, tomorrow, Tue Oct 6. Tickets are $12, the show runs 75 mins long. There is
also a photo exhibit by Alexia Innis whose photos are fabulous. Sage Theater is in midtown on 711 Seventh Avenue, 2nd floor
New York, NY 10036. Between 47th & 48th St.

For more information, visit HERE or sagetheater.us.

This is the first show I'm doing since I've been back in NYC from Florida. Come say hi and have a beverage with me :)

Hi There!

Sorry I haven't written in a few days. I'm still struggling with this dag nab swine flu. For reals? I'm not sure if it's swiney or not, but it doesn't feel very nice. I'm coughing a lot and I'm glad to be in Florida right now in the warm heat. I went swimming in the ocean yesterday and the water was warm and smooth, like an enormous bath tub. I may have even gotten a little color, but I can't be sure because I'm all paley pale-kins from being ick-say.

But I'm not letting this cold get me down. I drove through North Carolina and visited my sister and brother-in-law and saw some beautiful water falls, parks, sights and farmer's markets. I have pictures, I'll put them up laterz.

I got some great news, too! I have just been selected to perform in the NY Comedy Festival in the Andy Kaufman Award show. Check out my submission video (below), which was filmed on the set of "The Other Guys" starring Will Farrell and Marky Mark Wahlberg (which was being taped outside my door, complete with fake dead body under a car!)



Here's the link -- share it with friends: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCbDRibcyVE

NEXT, I'm going to keep plugging away at this one: I'm doing a solo show at Ars Nova on Thurs, Nov. 12 at 8 PM. If you've never been to Ars Nova, it's a beautiful space in midtown and I'm honored to be part of the Ars Nova ANT Fest. If you'd like to come, get your ticket now, because this show will sell out. Tickets are $10 and if you buy one on-line, you get a free drink at the show! Not bad. It'd mean a ton to me to see lots of FCWs in the audience, so if you have never seen me perform, or if you have but have friends visiting, etc., please come and share my demented mindset. It will be old hits, new gems and all my best stuff, including my rape whistle song. I hope to see you there! You can buy your tickets here:
https://www.ovationtix.com/trs/pe/7567465

AND, don't miss Skits'N'Tits, Wed. Oct 14, the 2nd Wed of every month with comedy, burlesque n rock'n'roll, 10 PM, $5. This month we have new videos and sketches, comedy by FCW Jenny Rubin and others, including a special celebrity guest! Rock N Roll by the very handsome Dr. Steam Whipple and Triage at midnight. 308 Bowery at 1st St.

Are you on twitter? I am too! www.twitter.com/jessicadelfino

See you guys somewhere, sometime, soon!