FREEDOM ROCKS!
My Pussy Is Magic, Magic, Magic, Magical...!
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Seen on Mikedaisey.com:
Boing Boing: China unblocks Wikipedia, even though it won't censor:
China has unblocked Wikipedia. Wikipedia refused to censor itself to appease totalitarian Beijing, but China unblocked it anyway. China needs Wikipedia and Chinese net-users would access it using circumvention tools -- the block on Wikipedia made Chinese Wikipedia users into automatic dissidents.
If only Google, Microsoft and Yahoo had the same courage as Wikipedia, the same confidence that their search-engines were valuable enough to be indispensible.
AND...
My video has been removed once more.
Boing Boing: China unblocks Wikipedia, even though it won't censor:
China has unblocked Wikipedia. Wikipedia refused to censor itself to appease totalitarian Beijing, but China unblocked it anyway. China needs Wikipedia and Chinese net-users would access it using circumvention tools -- the block on Wikipedia made Chinese Wikipedia users into automatic dissidents.
If only Google, Microsoft and Yahoo had the same courage as Wikipedia, the same confidence that their search-engines were valuable enough to be indispensible.
AND...
My video has been removed once more.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
ha HA!
Damn the man!
My Pussy IS Magic. CLICK HERE TO SEE THE VIDEO
I wonder how long it will be before this one gets the ax? Interesting, I can google things much worse than magical pussies. Now that google owns youtube, prepare for youtube to start dumping all things funny and fun (relating to vaginas).
I'm going to be showing "My Pussy Is Magic" tonight at UCB on "The Rejection Show" at 8 PM. Come get me, youtube!
Damn the man!
My Pussy IS Magic. CLICK HERE TO SEE THE VIDEO
I wonder how long it will be before this one gets the ax? Interesting, I can google things much worse than magical pussies. Now that google owns youtube, prepare for youtube to start dumping all things funny and fun (relating to vaginas).
I'm going to be showing "My Pussy Is Magic" tonight at UCB on "The Rejection Show" at 8 PM. Come get me, youtube!
"MY PUSSY IS MAGIC" BANNED BY YOUTUBE!!!
This morning, "My Pussy Is Magic", the new dance hit video by me, Jessica Delfino, was removed from Youtube.com for being considered "inappropriate"! Inappropriate my ass! If anyone saw the video, they saw lots of vaginas. Since when are vaginas inappropriate? I came out of a vagina, and so did the makers of Youtube.
The video had reached 20,000 views, and then was removed this morning.
Youtube was bought by Google, and now my poor, rising video was crushed. Does Google censor art!? Write to them and ask!
I will find a place for "My Pussy Is Magic" to live - a place where facists can't touch it! Stay tuned.
And if I can't find a place for it, come and see it live in my show, "Jessica Delfino is Sorry To Disturb You" at Rififi / Cinema Classics, 332 E. 11th St. at 10 PM, every Tuesday in November. ($5)
This morning, "My Pussy Is Magic", the new dance hit video by me, Jessica Delfino, was removed from Youtube.com for being considered "inappropriate"! Inappropriate my ass! If anyone saw the video, they saw lots of vaginas. Since when are vaginas inappropriate? I came out of a vagina, and so did the makers of Youtube.
The video had reached 20,000 views, and then was removed this morning.
Youtube was bought by Google, and now my poor, rising video was crushed. Does Google censor art!? Write to them and ask!
I will find a place for "My Pussy Is Magic" to live - a place where facists can't touch it! Stay tuned.
And if I can't find a place for it, come and see it live in my show, "Jessica Delfino is Sorry To Disturb You" at Rififi / Cinema Classics, 332 E. 11th St. at 10 PM, every Tuesday in November. ($5)
Monday, October 9, 2006
Have you ever been to Williamsburg?
Well, I have. I ride my bike there over the Williamsburg Bridge, a bridge that leads directly into Williamsburg - a long, dangerous ride where someone could hold me up on my bike and be like, "Gimme your shit, bitch!" And I have no shit to give. So, then, maybe that special someone would take my tits. And I need those.
Every so often a kid rides up along side me on my bike and yells, "Yo! That's my bike!" But you know what? It's not his bike. I know it's not his bike. Because my dad stole it from a train station in Connecticut (the land where rich people don't lock their bikes) and gave it to me for my birthday.
Tonight, I brave that bridge again and ride like the wind to Williamsburg to perform in a show at 9 PM, which Ilana Manaster is putting together at a little spot called, "ROSE". "ROSE" is at 195 Grand St. near Havemeyer.
I must look a sight(!) or a fright(!) riding my bike across the bridge with a guitar strapped to my back. I probably look like a hump back who plays the guitar.
But I can joke like that, because I think that back humps are funny.
Well, I have. I ride my bike there over the Williamsburg Bridge, a bridge that leads directly into Williamsburg - a long, dangerous ride where someone could hold me up on my bike and be like, "Gimme your shit, bitch!" And I have no shit to give. So, then, maybe that special someone would take my tits. And I need those.
Every so often a kid rides up along side me on my bike and yells, "Yo! That's my bike!" But you know what? It's not his bike. I know it's not his bike. Because my dad stole it from a train station in Connecticut (the land where rich people don't lock their bikes) and gave it to me for my birthday.
Tonight, I brave that bridge again and ride like the wind to Williamsburg to perform in a show at 9 PM, which Ilana Manaster is putting together at a little spot called, "ROSE". "ROSE" is at 195 Grand St. near Havemeyer.
I must look a sight(!) or a fright(!) riding my bike across the bridge with a guitar strapped to my back. I probably look like a hump back who plays the guitar.
But I can joke like that, because I think that back humps are funny.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
Shows this Tuesday (tomorrow)
Hey, you've never seen me perform before, have you? Isn't it about time? I mean, Jesus, you live here - I live here. It's almost rude, really. We practically even know eachother or at least have mutual friends. My shows are usually free. I mean, I thought you were well-rounded.
Get this piece of Twilight Zone craziness: BOTH of my shows on Tuesday are at MO PITKINS! Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Inner Monologues presents: HEROES & VILLAINS! Upstairs at Mo's
FREE! at 7:30 PM
Radical Vaudeville at 10 PM - UPSTAIRS!
Hey, you've never seen me perform before, have you? Isn't it about time? I mean, Jesus, you live here - I live here. It's almost rude, really. We practically even know eachother or at least have mutual friends. My shows are usually free. I mean, I thought you were well-rounded.
Get this piece of Twilight Zone craziness: BOTH of my shows on Tuesday are at MO PITKINS! Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Inner Monologues presents: HEROES & VILLAINS! Upstairs at Mo's
FREE! at 7:30 PM
Radical Vaudeville at 10 PM - UPSTAIRS!
Friday, September 22, 2006
Back In The Stink Capital of The World
Hi There anyone who happens to be reading this collection of thoughts and words from my disassembled mind. It's disassembled because I am just returning from a month long tour / vacation and I almost feel like all is right with my world. Here's a tip to anyone who likes tips: If you live in NYC, leave NYC, often and regularly. The tour with the Trachtenburgs was unbelievably fun and weird, except for the bad parts, of which there were few. Look for a photo diatribe regarding the tour, coming soon to this very blog. I ended it all with a week + relax-a-thon in Los Angeles after my last show, which was at the Troubadour in LA. I even performed in LA at Eddie Peppitone's show, which I had a pretty lousy set at. Sorry about that, Eddie! It wasn't all my fault, and I bet he'd agree. But I should take at least 50 percent of the blame, and god dammit, I will.
Coming up I have a few shows in the next few weeks, mostly at Mo Pitkins. I'm also on their softball team - I should probably get a job there, too, for the love of Jesus and God. If anyone wants to see me hit the ball hard and far just for it to get caught by some dude who by the right of testosterone will always catch my damn ball somewhere over Center left field, the game is at 1 pm in the East River Park. I don't want to brag, but I will - I'm pretty good at soft ball. I was MVP of my team once apon a shit cake.
But the big news of this entry is that I have a solo show coming up. I'm pretty excited about it, because it's the first solo show I've done since my last solo show three years ago called "Subtle; Pussy" which was at UCB. I've come a long way, asshole - now the pussy ain't so damn subtle, is it? Eat it! Stick it in your mouth and eat it! (Not mine, someone's you love.)
Anyway, the details of the show are just below, so save the date, and please tell your friends and also tell any christians or people with kids you hate that it is a children's christian show and that they will just love it!
Hope the people who give a crap about me are doing well, and everyone else can eat some feces.
Love,
Jessica
'Jessica Delfino Is Sorry To Disturb You'
Tuesday Nights In November, at RIFIFI / Cinema Classics
10 PM
332 E. 11th St. (1st / 2nd Aves), NYC
$5
This show is an open "apology" for all of Jessica's dark, sometimes disturbing sense of humor. Described as "A cross between Redd Foxx and Jewel" by The Onion and called, "The Lower East Side's folkie queen of obscene" by The Village Voice, Jessica Delfino's style of comedy has offended, irritated, annoyed, bugged, boggled and even pissed off at least one person of every race, color and creed. So, Jessica decided it's high time she set things right with the world. Showing examples of her offenses, this show will feature her dirtiest ditties, her most vulgar stand-up and her most outrageous short films, as well as some surprises, all of which she will attempt to atone for. (Or not.) Come prepared to get all up in a tizzy.
What the press is saying about JESSICA DELFINO:
"Comedic Discovery of the Month" --Comedy Central
"High Times Unsigned Band of the Week" --High Times
" * * * 1/2 [out of 4]" --Jane Magazine
"Fetchingly filthy. . . . Some of the most nasty, offensive, degrading and genius comedy you'll see all year." --New York Blade
"Best Potty-Mouthed, Guitar-Slinging Comedian" -- Best Of 2005 , The Village Voice
"The Lower East Side's folkie queen of obscene" --The Village Voice
"[She] is a delightful young lady who likes to sing whimsical songs about her vag.
She's sassy!" [7 out of 10 - (That's a lot coming from them. They hate everything.)] -- VICE Magazine
"Let me be absolutely clear about this, without any exaggeration: If you had to pay one live human baby in exchange for a ticket to her show, it would be worth it. More than worth it. . . . The songs are written and performed by Jessica and are hilarious. They're so funny that no word exists to describe them." --The Triangle,
The Student Newspaper at Drexel University, Philadelphia
"We were immediately stuck to our seats stunned and smiling as Jessica Delfino engaged us in tune after tune referencing her, and others, vagina(s)...She is funny. And smart." -- Thurston Moore & Byron Coley, Arthur Magazine
"She's a brilliant writer." --Wil Wheaton, Wil Wheaton dot Net
"Jessica Delfino is a comedian-songwriter who can warble with the earnestness of a folksinger while elucidating the finer points of oral sex. A cross between Redd Foxx and Jewel, Delfino sincerely strums her guitar in time to funny, often dirty lyrics with a well-practiced deadpan." --The Onion A.V. Club
"Hilariously ribald." -- BackStage.com
"Legendary" --The L Magazine
Hi There anyone who happens to be reading this collection of thoughts and words from my disassembled mind. It's disassembled because I am just returning from a month long tour / vacation and I almost feel like all is right with my world. Here's a tip to anyone who likes tips: If you live in NYC, leave NYC, often and regularly. The tour with the Trachtenburgs was unbelievably fun and weird, except for the bad parts, of which there were few. Look for a photo diatribe regarding the tour, coming soon to this very blog. I ended it all with a week + relax-a-thon in Los Angeles after my last show, which was at the Troubadour in LA. I even performed in LA at Eddie Peppitone's show, which I had a pretty lousy set at. Sorry about that, Eddie! It wasn't all my fault, and I bet he'd agree. But I should take at least 50 percent of the blame, and god dammit, I will.
Coming up I have a few shows in the next few weeks, mostly at Mo Pitkins. I'm also on their softball team - I should probably get a job there, too, for the love of Jesus and God. If anyone wants to see me hit the ball hard and far just for it to get caught by some dude who by the right of testosterone will always catch my damn ball somewhere over Center left field, the game is at 1 pm in the East River Park. I don't want to brag, but I will - I'm pretty good at soft ball. I was MVP of my team once apon a shit cake.
But the big news of this entry is that I have a solo show coming up. I'm pretty excited about it, because it's the first solo show I've done since my last solo show three years ago called "Subtle; Pussy" which was at UCB. I've come a long way, asshole - now the pussy ain't so damn subtle, is it? Eat it! Stick it in your mouth and eat it! (Not mine, someone's you love.)
Anyway, the details of the show are just below, so save the date, and please tell your friends and also tell any christians or people with kids you hate that it is a children's christian show and that they will just love it!
Hope the people who give a crap about me are doing well, and everyone else can eat some feces.
Love,
Jessica
'Jessica Delfino Is Sorry To Disturb You'
Tuesday Nights In November, at RIFIFI / Cinema Classics
10 PM
332 E. 11th St. (1st / 2nd Aves), NYC
$5
This show is an open "apology" for all of Jessica's dark, sometimes disturbing sense of humor. Described as "A cross between Redd Foxx and Jewel" by The Onion and called, "The Lower East Side's folkie queen of obscene" by The Village Voice, Jessica Delfino's style of comedy has offended, irritated, annoyed, bugged, boggled and even pissed off at least one person of every race, color and creed. So, Jessica decided it's high time she set things right with the world. Showing examples of her offenses, this show will feature her dirtiest ditties, her most vulgar stand-up and her most outrageous short films, as well as some surprises, all of which she will attempt to atone for. (Or not.) Come prepared to get all up in a tizzy.
What the press is saying about JESSICA DELFINO:
"Comedic Discovery of the Month" --Comedy Central
"High Times Unsigned Band of the Week" --High Times
" * * * 1/2 [out of 4]" --Jane Magazine
"Fetchingly filthy. . . . Some of the most nasty, offensive, degrading and genius comedy you'll see all year." --New York Blade
"Best Potty-Mouthed, Guitar-Slinging Comedian" -- Best Of 2005 , The Village Voice
"The Lower East Side's folkie queen of obscene" --The Village Voice
"[She] is a delightful young lady who likes to sing whimsical songs about her vag.
She's sassy!" [7 out of 10 - (That's a lot coming from them. They hate everything.)] -- VICE Magazine
"Let me be absolutely clear about this, without any exaggeration: If you had to pay one live human baby in exchange for a ticket to her show, it would be worth it. More than worth it. . . . The songs are written and performed by Jessica and are hilarious. They're so funny that no word exists to describe them." --The Triangle,
The Student Newspaper at Drexel University, Philadelphia
"We were immediately stuck to our seats stunned and smiling as Jessica Delfino engaged us in tune after tune referencing her, and others, vagina(s)...She is funny. And smart." -- Thurston Moore & Byron Coley, Arthur Magazine
"She's a brilliant writer." --Wil Wheaton, Wil Wheaton dot Net
"Jessica Delfino is a comedian-songwriter who can warble with the earnestness of a folksinger while elucidating the finer points of oral sex. A cross between Redd Foxx and Jewel, Delfino sincerely strums her guitar in time to funny, often dirty lyrics with a well-practiced deadpan." --The Onion A.V. Club
"Hilariously ribald." -- BackStage.com
"Legendary" --The L Magazine
Tuesday, September 5, 2006
LIFE ON TOUR, continued...
I'm in LA for a week...I'm PERFORMING IN LA at The Fake Gallery on Melrose
8:30 PM - THIS THURSDAY, Sept. 7th on Eddie Peppitone's show...
**************
Life on tour has been a treat!
Watching passing landscape from a tour van seat.
We played in each city and then race the clock
to catch the next show where we'd be sure to rock
I sang songs of crotches, I sang dirty tunies
I sold my dark filth in the cities and boonies
I met some neat people, I told them blue tales
I put love in their spirits and raunch in their sails!
I folked out in Asheville, my favorite show yet
I hit Dallas and Austin and have not one regret
The tour for me ended in Los Angeles
I'm here now relaxing and enjoying some peace
I'm hanging with friends, reuniting with them
I'm resting, recouping and following a whim
I'll be in the hills, over looking this sprawl
taking my time getting back to it all
The Tburgs continue upward with at least one empty seat...
go out and see them, their show is a treat!
I'm in LA for a week...I'm PERFORMING IN LA at The Fake Gallery on Melrose
8:30 PM - THIS THURSDAY, Sept. 7th on Eddie Peppitone's show...
**************
Life on tour has been a treat!
Watching passing landscape from a tour van seat.
We played in each city and then race the clock
to catch the next show where we'd be sure to rock
I sang songs of crotches, I sang dirty tunies
I sold my dark filth in the cities and boonies
I met some neat people, I told them blue tales
I put love in their spirits and raunch in their sails!
I folked out in Asheville, my favorite show yet
I hit Dallas and Austin and have not one regret
The tour for me ended in Los Angeles
I'm here now relaxing and enjoying some peace
I'm hanging with friends, reuniting with them
I'm resting, recouping and following a whim
I'll be in the hills, over looking this sprawl
taking my time getting back to it all
The Tburgs continue upward with at least one empty seat...
go out and see them, their show is a treat!
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
LAST NIGHT WITH CORN MO
The tour has been going very great - the crowds have been amazing. It turns out kids love dirty folk songs! I've met some very nice and unique people, such as a freakish clown man traveling on the Barnum & Bailey Circus train (in Dallas), a couple in DC who fly to Atlantic City to gamble...on their "own" plane, Tina's parents (it was like she was immaculately conceived - I had no idea she had family!), a couple in Asheville, NC who are starting a cool tour bus with performances, another family art group, (parents wtih kids who put shows together), Mark from Negativland (!!!), and lots of friendly and generous strangers. I am having trouble getting pictures off my camera, but here is one that a nice couple Josh and Naina from DC sent to me.
The show tonight in Austin, TX was great. Sadly, it was Corn Mo's last night. He flies home tomorrow. The Trachtenburgs and I will continue up the west coast alone until we hit Seattle, then Baby Gramps and Ching Chong Song will join the tour and that is when I shall return home.
Back in NYC mid September. Mark your calendars! Who knows what might happen on that date what with Jessica Delfino back in town?
The tour has been going very great - the crowds have been amazing. It turns out kids love dirty folk songs! I've met some very nice and unique people, such as a freakish clown man traveling on the Barnum & Bailey Circus train (in Dallas), a couple in DC who fly to Atlantic City to gamble...on their "own" plane, Tina's parents (it was like she was immaculately conceived - I had no idea she had family!), a couple in Asheville, NC who are starting a cool tour bus with performances, another family art group, (parents wtih kids who put shows together), Mark from Negativland (!!!), and lots of friendly and generous strangers. I am having trouble getting pictures off my camera, but here is one that a nice couple Josh and Naina from DC sent to me.
The show tonight in Austin, TX was great. Sadly, it was Corn Mo's last night. He flies home tomorrow. The Trachtenburgs and I will continue up the west coast alone until we hit Seattle, then Baby Gramps and Ching Chong Song will join the tour and that is when I shall return home.
Back in NYC mid September. Mark your calendars! Who knows what might happen on that date what with Jessica Delfino back in town?
Monday, August 21, 2006
NOTES FROM THE ROAD (and out of Jessica Delfino's head)
I sit in a Starbucks in Baltimore (low end!) typing this on Corn Mo's laptop. The tour has been really excellent. It started in Philly with Ching Chong Song and Corn Mo. My first show was on Saturday night in Washington, DC, and it was a great show. I maimed the audience, then Corn Mo crippled the audience and Jason and the Tburgs came in to kick around the left overs, and that they did with aplomb, or perhaps many plombs, and not simply "a" plomb. Last night was equally as fun in Baltimore with Trixie Little and Evil Hate Monkey doing some very cool burlesque shit in between acts. Scott and Skizz was another opening act - they played many hits on ukelele and melodica. If you don't know what a melodica is, google that shit. It's pretty neat. It's like a mini recorder/piano blow thingy that makes noise. I think it's half toy, half instrument. But maybe the word, "toy" is a derrogatory name to an instrument or it's blower.
I am never sure if it's boring to read about what is going on during someone's tour or not, but it sure is fun to write it! And it makes me feel closer to the people in NYC who I miss and who miss me, of which I'm willing to bet there are at least a half a dozen of. You know who you are. Don't try to hide or pretend like you don't miss me. God knows. And there's no escaping that dude. He's everywhere.
In other news, I think I kind of screwed up. I had an audition the other day for an ESPN U commercial, a new channel for ESPN. I got it! The guy called and told me he'd let me know how much it paid, though I was told not to expect much money. It was a two day, 24 hour shoot, starting at 7 am Tue and Wed and going til 7 pm. I found out it paid $100 per day! That's McDonald's money! Who works for $12 per hour anymore? Even my two shitty part-time day jobs pay more than that! I make more than that collecting cans out of the garbage...what? I mean, doing what I actually do to make a living. When I found out that ESPN, a company worth many billions of bucks pays such peanuts for what is sure to be a long, exasperating two days of work, I backed out. I think that was a fair reaction. Especially since I am on tour, and my choices are: go on tour and continue to sell $100 per merchandise per show as I've been doing, plus getting paid to perform in every major city in the US to cheers and applause, or go home and shoot a two day commercial for ESPN, of which I also found out, I am only an extra in. Who auditions for extra roles? I've never had to do that before.
So, I think I made the right choice. Who's with me?
I'm actually sadder that I'm going to be missing Mo Pitkin's "Radical Vaudeville" show, featuring the O'Debras and Rosie Rebel as Mo's Ho's, the in-house sketch group. We had some really funny stuff planned. Now they will be doing the show without me, and I'm sad to miss it. So, please go and cheer them on if you ain't not doin' nothin' on Tuesday, August 29th at 10 PM.
Email me and say hi...I miss my friends. And come to see a show and see me and give me a warm hand shake or chocolate milk shake, which ever you prefer, this week if you are near any of these places on any of these dates:
Tues, 8/22 - Carrboro, NC - Cat's Cradle
Wed, 8/23 - Asheville, NC - Grey Eagle
Thurs, 8/24 - Athens, GA - 40 Watt Club
Fri, 8/25 - Atlanta, GA - The Earl
Sat, 8/26 - Little Rock, AR - Sticky Fingerz (that sounds like a comedy club!)
Mon, 8/28 - Dallas, TX - Gypsy Tea Room
Tue, 8/29 - Austin, TX - Cactus Cafe
Thurs, 9/31 - Santa Fe, NM - Brewing Company
Til the next time I'm near a Starbucks, which should be very soon...
PS - I didn't order anything! I swear! I'm just using the free wifi! I don't believe in supporting Starbucks. So take that, Mr. Bucks! Call me a hippy, or call me crazy, or call me whatever you call me. I don't like coffee anyway. It makes your breath smell like cow feet that have been dancing in cow shit. Try goji berries for energy, or try exercising, eating right and getting some sleep! Don't let the gov tell you what to drink! Coffee is everywhere, and it is free and cheap (except at Starbucks, where it's overpriced!) It's everywhere and cheap, because it boosts productivity. Don't let people trick you into working harder by giving you brown water. It's BROWN WATER! Don't be fooled!
Love and brown water,
Ms. Delfino
I sit in a Starbucks in Baltimore (low end!) typing this on Corn Mo's laptop. The tour has been really excellent. It started in Philly with Ching Chong Song and Corn Mo. My first show was on Saturday night in Washington, DC, and it was a great show. I maimed the audience, then Corn Mo crippled the audience and Jason and the Tburgs came in to kick around the left overs, and that they did with aplomb, or perhaps many plombs, and not simply "a" plomb. Last night was equally as fun in Baltimore with Trixie Little and Evil Hate Monkey doing some very cool burlesque shit in between acts. Scott and Skizz was another opening act - they played many hits on ukelele and melodica. If you don't know what a melodica is, google that shit. It's pretty neat. It's like a mini recorder/piano blow thingy that makes noise. I think it's half toy, half instrument. But maybe the word, "toy" is a derrogatory name to an instrument or it's blower.
I am never sure if it's boring to read about what is going on during someone's tour or not, but it sure is fun to write it! And it makes me feel closer to the people in NYC who I miss and who miss me, of which I'm willing to bet there are at least a half a dozen of. You know who you are. Don't try to hide or pretend like you don't miss me. God knows. And there's no escaping that dude. He's everywhere.
In other news, I think I kind of screwed up. I had an audition the other day for an ESPN U commercial, a new channel for ESPN. I got it! The guy called and told me he'd let me know how much it paid, though I was told not to expect much money. It was a two day, 24 hour shoot, starting at 7 am Tue and Wed and going til 7 pm. I found out it paid $100 per day! That's McDonald's money! Who works for $12 per hour anymore? Even my two shitty part-time day jobs pay more than that! I make more than that collecting cans out of the garbage...what? I mean, doing what I actually do to make a living. When I found out that ESPN, a company worth many billions of bucks pays such peanuts for what is sure to be a long, exasperating two days of work, I backed out. I think that was a fair reaction. Especially since I am on tour, and my choices are: go on tour and continue to sell $100 per merchandise per show as I've been doing, plus getting paid to perform in every major city in the US to cheers and applause, or go home and shoot a two day commercial for ESPN, of which I also found out, I am only an extra in. Who auditions for extra roles? I've never had to do that before.
So, I think I made the right choice. Who's with me?
I'm actually sadder that I'm going to be missing Mo Pitkin's "Radical Vaudeville" show, featuring the O'Debras and Rosie Rebel as Mo's Ho's, the in-house sketch group. We had some really funny stuff planned. Now they will be doing the show without me, and I'm sad to miss it. So, please go and cheer them on if you ain't not doin' nothin' on Tuesday, August 29th at 10 PM.
Email me and say hi...I miss my friends. And come to see a show and see me and give me a warm hand shake or chocolate milk shake, which ever you prefer, this week if you are near any of these places on any of these dates:
Tues, 8/22 - Carrboro, NC - Cat's Cradle
Wed, 8/23 - Asheville, NC - Grey Eagle
Thurs, 8/24 - Athens, GA - 40 Watt Club
Fri, 8/25 - Atlanta, GA - The Earl
Sat, 8/26 - Little Rock, AR - Sticky Fingerz (that sounds like a comedy club!)
Mon, 8/28 - Dallas, TX - Gypsy Tea Room
Tue, 8/29 - Austin, TX - Cactus Cafe
Thurs, 9/31 - Santa Fe, NM - Brewing Company
Til the next time I'm near a Starbucks, which should be very soon...
PS - I didn't order anything! I swear! I'm just using the free wifi! I don't believe in supporting Starbucks. So take that, Mr. Bucks! Call me a hippy, or call me crazy, or call me whatever you call me. I don't like coffee anyway. It makes your breath smell like cow feet that have been dancing in cow shit. Try goji berries for energy, or try exercising, eating right and getting some sleep! Don't let the gov tell you what to drink! Coffee is everywhere, and it is free and cheap (except at Starbucks, where it's overpriced!) It's everywhere and cheap, because it boosts productivity. Don't let people trick you into working harder by giving you brown water. It's BROWN WATER! Don't be fooled!
Love and brown water,
Ms. Delfino
Thursday, August 17, 2006
A THREE HOUR TOUR
I mean day. A three day tour. The Trachtenburgs are taking off on a multi-week tour and I am going them! For three days, anyway! We'll be hitting Philadelphia, Washington, DC and Baltimore, MD. So what if I'm only actually performing in Washington, DC? For all intents and purposes, I'M GOING ON TOUR!!!
If you want to see me perform LIVE and you live in the Washington, DC area, get your ass over to IOTA CAFE, 2832 Wilson Blvd., Arlington, VA. So, okay, it's not ACTUALLY Washington, DC, but it's damn close. The show starts at 9 PM, and consists of ME, CORN MO (a guy who reminds people of Meatloaf but plays the accordion and a foot cymbal and rocks the shit out of the world!) and then, of course, THE TRACHTENBURG FAMILY SLIDESHOW PLAYERS!!! (they're a real live family band featuring a dad on piano and keys, 12 year old adorable daughter Rachel on the drums, and mom on the slide projector, projecting vintage slides for all of your asses.
It is mandatory that you attend this show, and it will be the high light of your entire life. That's a promise in writing.
See you there!
I mean day. A three day tour. The Trachtenburgs are taking off on a multi-week tour and I am going them! For three days, anyway! We'll be hitting Philadelphia, Washington, DC and Baltimore, MD. So what if I'm only actually performing in Washington, DC? For all intents and purposes, I'M GOING ON TOUR!!!
If you want to see me perform LIVE and you live in the Washington, DC area, get your ass over to IOTA CAFE, 2832 Wilson Blvd., Arlington, VA. So, okay, it's not ACTUALLY Washington, DC, but it's damn close. The show starts at 9 PM, and consists of ME, CORN MO (a guy who reminds people of Meatloaf but plays the accordion and a foot cymbal and rocks the shit out of the world!) and then, of course, THE TRACHTENBURG FAMILY SLIDESHOW PLAYERS!!! (they're a real live family band featuring a dad on piano and keys, 12 year old adorable daughter Rachel on the drums, and mom on the slide projector, projecting vintage slides for all of your asses.
It is mandatory that you attend this show, and it will be the high light of your entire life. That's a promise in writing.
See you there!
Monday, July 31, 2006
COME TO THIS SHOW - or else!!
Will I be singing:
a) Joni Mitchell's "Carey"
b) Jermaine Jackson's "We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off (To Have A Good Time, Oh, No)"
c) Heart's "Magic Man"
d) Neil Young's "Old Man"
e) All of The Above
???
You'll just have to come and find out, but any way you dice, puree or liquefy it, it's gonna be tasty.
Will I be singing:
a) Joni Mitchell's "Carey"
b) Jermaine Jackson's "We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off (To Have A Good Time, Oh, No)"
c) Heart's "Magic Man"
d) Neil Young's "Old Man"
e) All of The Above
???
You'll just have to come and find out, but any way you dice, puree or liquefy it, it's gonna be tasty.
Friday, July 28, 2006
I'VE GOT A SHOW TONIGHT
SEXYTIME
Comedy with your hosts Brandy Crawford and Heather Fink
Friday July 28 at 11pm at
Mo Pitkin's new downstairs stage http://mopitkins.com/
34 Ave A near 3rd Street (East Village)
Free
Featuring:
Craig Baldo
http://www.craigbaldo.com/
As seen on Premium Blend, Late Night on Conan, Last Comic Standing
Seth Herzog, AKA the Zog
Host of the Lower East Side comedy staple "Sweet", Best Week Ever, The
Baxter, and most recently The Chappelle Show's lost episodes
Jessica Delfino
http://www.jessydelfino.blogspot.com/
Comedian and Dirty Folk Singer, bringin it!
and Pornstar Ben Andrews, Lucas Entertainment exclusive and biggest
cock in porn!!! He's such a sweety too ...
www.myspace.com/lebenandrews
It's f'ing Sexytime- only the most best special time that there is!!!
Featuring cute outfits n shit ... oh yeah, and we're bringin the "blue
material". Hardcore.
SEXYTIME
Comedy with your hosts Brandy Crawford and Heather Fink
Friday July 28 at 11pm at
Mo Pitkin's new downstairs stage http://mopitkins.com/
34 Ave A near 3rd Street (East Village)
Free
Featuring:
Craig Baldo
http://www.craigbaldo.com/
As seen on Premium Blend, Late Night on Conan, Last Comic Standing
Seth Herzog, AKA the Zog
Host of the Lower East Side comedy staple "Sweet", Best Week Ever, The
Baxter, and most recently The Chappelle Show's lost episodes
Jessica Delfino
http://www.jessydelfino.blogspot.com/
Comedian and Dirty Folk Singer, bringin it!
and Pornstar Ben Andrews, Lucas Entertainment exclusive and biggest
cock in porn!!! He's such a sweety too ...
www.myspace.com/lebenandrews
It's f'ing Sexytime- only the most best special time that there is!!!
Featuring cute outfits n shit ... oh yeah, and we're bringin the "blue
material". Hardcore.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Gay? N'Sync? YOU DON'T SAY...
I love when gay guys come out who you so knew were gay, like, since the day they were born (Their bulging forehead veins matched the shade of their swollen belly buttons). Here's a shocker!
NEW YORK (AP) -- Lance Bass, band member of 'N Sync, says he's gay and in a "very stable" relationship with a reality show star.
Bass, who formed 'N Sync with Justin Timberlake, JC Chasez, Joey Fatone and Chris Kirkpatrick, tells People magazine that he didn't earlier disclose his sexuality because he didn't want to affect the group's popularity.
"I knew that I was in this popular band and I had four other guys' careers in my hand, and I knew that if I ever acted on it or even said (that I was gay), it would overpower everything," he tells the magazine.
'N Sync is known for a string of hits including "Bye Bye Bye" and "It's Gonna Be Me." The band went on hiatus in 2002. Bass has also found headlines for undertaking astronaut training and failing to raise money for a trip into space.
Bass says he wondered if his coming out could prompt "the end of 'N Sync." He explains, "So I had that weight on me of like, 'Wow, if I ever let anyone know, it's bad.' So I just never did."
The singer says he's in a "very stable" relationship with 32-year-old actor Reichen Lehmkuhl, winner of season four of CBS' "Amazing Race."
Bass and Fatone, 29, are developing a sitcom pilot inspired by the screwball comedy "The Odd Couple," in which his character will be gay.
"The thing is, I'm not ashamed -- that's the one thing I want to say," Bass says. "I don't think it's wrong, I'm not devastated going through this. I'm more liberated and happy than I've been my whole life. I'm just happy."
And by gay, he means happy AND also gay
I love when gay guys come out who you so knew were gay, like, since the day they were born (Their bulging forehead veins matched the shade of their swollen belly buttons). Here's a shocker!
NEW YORK (AP) -- Lance Bass, band member of 'N Sync, says he's gay and in a "very stable" relationship with a reality show star.
Bass, who formed 'N Sync with Justin Timberlake, JC Chasez, Joey Fatone and Chris Kirkpatrick, tells People magazine that he didn't earlier disclose his sexuality because he didn't want to affect the group's popularity.
"I knew that I was in this popular band and I had four other guys' careers in my hand, and I knew that if I ever acted on it or even said (that I was gay), it would overpower everything," he tells the magazine.
'N Sync is known for a string of hits including "Bye Bye Bye" and "It's Gonna Be Me." The band went on hiatus in 2002. Bass has also found headlines for undertaking astronaut training and failing to raise money for a trip into space.
Bass says he wondered if his coming out could prompt "the end of 'N Sync." He explains, "So I had that weight on me of like, 'Wow, if I ever let anyone know, it's bad.' So I just never did."
The singer says he's in a "very stable" relationship with 32-year-old actor Reichen Lehmkuhl, winner of season four of CBS' "Amazing Race."
Bass and Fatone, 29, are developing a sitcom pilot inspired by the screwball comedy "The Odd Couple," in which his character will be gay.
"The thing is, I'm not ashamed -- that's the one thing I want to say," Bass says. "I don't think it's wrong, I'm not devastated going through this. I'm more liberated and happy than I've been my whole life. I'm just happy."
And by gay, he means happy AND also gay
Sunday, July 23, 2006
I Went To Canada, & All I Got Was Everything I Wanted & More
I'd like to start off by stating the obvious: I'm apparently very easy to please, as "everything & more" mostly just means a place to sleep and some dough.
As an unconventional person, I rarely do things conventionally, nor do opportunities or experiences present themselves to me in a "normal" manner. I sent a film to the Montreal "Just For Laughs" festival a few months ago and forgot about it. A few weeks ago, JFL contacted me and told me my film had been accepted into the Comedia film portion of the festival, and I was invited to come with full accreditation, (which is the fancy way of saying "you get a badge") and even perform some live songs at the showing of the film, if I liked. A badge is important, because it's the major difference between being an invited guest of the festival (totally respectable and even admirable) and a curious comedian who's "just there to hang out out" (so not cool).
Can I see your badge?
Unlike many festival comedians, I was not being flown in on a fancy jet plane, costs covered, or being put up by the festival in the regal Hotel Delta, comedy ground zero if you will, where all industry and talent converge in a vortex of hope, desire and disappointment, laden with excessive amounts of alcohol. No, I did it Delfino-style: I took the drive up to Burlington with my friends who happened to be going there anyway, and then hitch-hiked from Burlington to Montreal.
Hitch-hiking is something I've done since I hit my adventurous/dangerous teens. In Maine, where I grew up, as well as surrounding Vermont, New Hampshire and Canada, hitch-hiking isn't such a scary activity as it is in NYC, land of the psycho killer. As a matter of fact, in these hilly states and provinces where people's typically old beater cars tend to break down a lot and jobs aren't exactly springing up like the psychadelic mushrooms do in the plentiful cow plops that surround the terrain,
hitch-hiking is quite common. So, when I go home, if I don't have a ride and only have a short distance to go, that is my preferred way to get around. It's cheap, it's fun, and there is never a lack of interesting characters behind the wheel. Normal, boring people simply don't pick up hitch-hikers.
I was picked up by an elderly fellow in Burlington who took me to a small town about 20 miles north. He worked at a solar energy plant and would have been a hippy if it were 1962, but he'd grown up and all that shit. He insisted of taking a photo of me with all my gear and my sign.
Heels are the best hitch-hiking shoes
Next, I was picked up by Bruce, a dirty but kind gentleman who drove a drafty, tiny red sedan. Upon opening the back door to put my guitar in, I noticed a twelve pack of beer that was a few short. My kind of fellow. I hopped in and ignored his lecherous leers, chatting him up in my cheeriest voice, being sure to mention I was carrying a lethal knife, which I mostly used for arts and crafts, in the most delightful cadence I could muster. After a little while, he stopped giving me the creeps and started telling me about his past DWI, his two failed marriages, his two kids, and his future plans of a career in truck driving. He offered to drive me right up to the border, though he knew his DWI would prohibit him from entering Canada. I thanked him for the ride, but mostly for not raping me, as he dropped me off at the last exit before customs. He offered me $10 for the road before I jumped out of the car. The poorest, most downtrodden folks are, in my experience, always the most generous.
The next ride took awhile to land, as I was surrounded by trees and strange birds, but not much traffic. I went right out to the highway, though it is illegal to hitch-hike on the highway. I held up my sign and hoped for a VW Bus. After about 45 minutes, I saw a VW bus. And it stopped. Inside was a terrific gentleman named Sylvester who worked for the CBC, which is Canada's PBS. He was getting ready to take a trip to Antarctica to film a documentary. He was a handsome, old school super cool ex-hippy-like man, but he was way too sophisticated to be a hippy. He spoke to me in fluent english with a sexy french accent, and though he was surely in his 50s, I would have let him be my new boyfriend.
Handsome older hottie
We hit it off immediately, and chatted light-heartedly all the way to Montreal. We stopped only once, and that was when we got searched at the Canadian border because he told the border police he'd picked me up hitch-hiking. I was surprised he told them, but he said it's better to be honest about everything so you don't get caught lying, because then they get pissed. By the time he dropped me off, we'd exchanged information and made a plan to meet again someday.
I've arrived
I arrived in Montreal on Saturday afternoon around 3 PM. The plan was, I would stay at a friend of Nick Fox-Gieg's, the guy who did the animation half of the short film I was going to represent. Her name was Freida. I took the Metro to her apartment to meet her in the "Myland" section of Montreal. She was not home when I got there, and didn't come back for two hours. I sat on the park bench across the street, and waited until it started to rain. I left a note on her door where I'd be - at an amazing divey Mexican joint that made their own tortillas - the fat yummy ones that look like pancakes. I had a huge feast of beans, rice, salsa, salad and tortillas for $7. She came in and met me with her long purple dreds and friendly face. She was an artist. I took a breath of relief, as artists are generally superb people.
She'd just moved into a cool apartment, and not much was really unpacked or set up. She cleared a space in her painting studio, and I pitched my sleeping bag on the floor. I took a nap and then took the Metro into Montreal to my first show. The Metro is not air conditioned in Canada, as A/C is reserved for the rich! While I waited for my show to begin, I walked over to Club Soda for The Nasty Show, which sounded like my cup of tea. Of course it was. My friend Jay Oakerson was performing, along with one of my favorite filthy-mouthed assholes, Patrice O'Neal. I watched the show, which was terrific, and later accidentally met up with Patrice and Jay as they ate at a nearby restaurant. I told them my story of hitch-hiking and staying on Freida's floor. We talked for awhile and then I went back to my show. A little while later, Jay came over to my show and told me he had a double room - two huge beds in his hotel room - paid for by the festival - at Hotel Delta! He invited me to go and stay with him for the week, starting that night. I went back to the art studio, but in the morning, I went to investigate. I showed up at the hotel, and it was magnificent. It was like the scene in "The Wizard Of Oz" where Judy Garland goes from black and white into color. There was a pool, free internet, JFL welcome tables set up, goodie bags for performers, transport vans to take performers where they needed to go, comedians and familiar faces walking around, rich people everywhere, radio stations broadcasting live - it was a happening environment. Transport generously drove me to Freida's to pick up all my stuff. Freida seemed bummed that I jetted out so quickly, and I felt a little bad, but the offer was too good to pass up.
Once at the hotel, life was divine. Every day was pretty much the same. I swam and went in the hot tub and sauna every day. I sucked up more A/C than 50 rich people. I hung out with comedian pals Mike Britt, Jay Oakerson, Patrice ONeil (who is such a bad ass faker - though he pretends to be a cock, he is the one who told Jay to go get me and let me stay in his room!), Reggie Watts, Steve Byrne (who hosted the show I was in), Pete Dominick, Jordan Carlos and a bunch of others over the course of the trip. I'd walk around the city, go to my shows in the evening, go to parties that the festival set up, go see great comedy shows (I saw Demitri Martin's "These Are Jokes", Ray Romano's documentary "95 Miles To Go", The Nasty Show and many others, all free with my festival pass), meet and talk with industry people, chat with natives, practice my shoddy french, and enjoy how pleasant and nice Montreal and it's people were. They were too nice to be actual human beings. I have a theory that they are aliens.
In bed with Reggie Watts (that should be the name of his TV show)
Jay left on Thursday morning, and my last 2 shows were on Thursday night. I was wondering where I'd sleep after my shows. I called concierge and they told me that Jay's hotel room was paid for through Sunday. I considered just staying there alone, but feared the festival might get really pissed if they found out I did that. So, I just gathered all my things together, performed at my last two shows on Thursday night, went back to the hotel, did an interview with XM through a new comedy pal Laura Nikiforchuk and took off for Bus Central. I hopped on an 11:45 pm bus and was in NYC just in time for a massive, apocalyptic lightning storm.
Montreal is an amazing city. It's like mini-New York but without much of the bullshit. There are only about 3 million people there, so people are nice because they aren't cramped, and have room to walk without getting elbowed or stabbed in the head by some oblivious asshole's umbrella. They are 95% bi-lingual, english and french. All the signs are in french by a law that says the french sign has to be as big or bigger than the english sign. It's easy to get around, many people ride bikes. I had some great shows. The first was small, but they just kept getting bigger and better. I sold CDs, signed autographs, met lots of other filmmakers and talented weirdos, and just had a terrific time.
Montreal is way so super dope
Here's the icing on the cake: I didn't get paid for travel or board by JFL. I found out a lot of people actually don't get paid or put up. But yesterday, they called and said that they decided to pay me after all. They ended up paying me more for performing in five shows than many people make working a 40 hour work week.
So, this has been a story all about my trip to Montreal's Just For Laughs Festival.
Thank you for reading this long-ass diatribe. Stay tuned for other lengthy stories that are probably more interesting in my brain then they are on paper.
Special thank yous are owed to Andre for his kindness and Carolyn for being one of the coolest, friendliest people I met while I was there, Jay Oakerson, Mike Britt and Patrice O'Neil for looking out for a girl, and the Hotel Delta for all the free shampoo. I'd also like to thank my peeps, Lopi, Christopher and Norbert for the ride from NYC north in the mini-van, one of my favorite vehicles in which to travel.
I'd like to start off by stating the obvious: I'm apparently very easy to please, as "everything & more" mostly just means a place to sleep and some dough.
As an unconventional person, I rarely do things conventionally, nor do opportunities or experiences present themselves to me in a "normal" manner. I sent a film to the Montreal "Just For Laughs" festival a few months ago and forgot about it. A few weeks ago, JFL contacted me and told me my film had been accepted into the Comedia film portion of the festival, and I was invited to come with full accreditation, (which is the fancy way of saying "you get a badge") and even perform some live songs at the showing of the film, if I liked. A badge is important, because it's the major difference between being an invited guest of the festival (totally respectable and even admirable) and a curious comedian who's "just there to hang out out" (so not cool).
Can I see your badge?
Unlike many festival comedians, I was not being flown in on a fancy jet plane, costs covered, or being put up by the festival in the regal Hotel Delta, comedy ground zero if you will, where all industry and talent converge in a vortex of hope, desire and disappointment, laden with excessive amounts of alcohol. No, I did it Delfino-style: I took the drive up to Burlington with my friends who happened to be going there anyway, and then hitch-hiked from Burlington to Montreal.
Hitch-hiking is something I've done since I hit my adventurous/dangerous teens. In Maine, where I grew up, as well as surrounding Vermont, New Hampshire and Canada, hitch-hiking isn't such a scary activity as it is in NYC, land of the psycho killer. As a matter of fact, in these hilly states and provinces where people's typically old beater cars tend to break down a lot and jobs aren't exactly springing up like the psychadelic mushrooms do in the plentiful cow plops that surround the terrain,
hitch-hiking is quite common. So, when I go home, if I don't have a ride and only have a short distance to go, that is my preferred way to get around. It's cheap, it's fun, and there is never a lack of interesting characters behind the wheel. Normal, boring people simply don't pick up hitch-hikers.
I was picked up by an elderly fellow in Burlington who took me to a small town about 20 miles north. He worked at a solar energy plant and would have been a hippy if it were 1962, but he'd grown up and all that shit. He insisted of taking a photo of me with all my gear and my sign.
Heels are the best hitch-hiking shoes
Next, I was picked up by Bruce, a dirty but kind gentleman who drove a drafty, tiny red sedan. Upon opening the back door to put my guitar in, I noticed a twelve pack of beer that was a few short. My kind of fellow. I hopped in and ignored his lecherous leers, chatting him up in my cheeriest voice, being sure to mention I was carrying a lethal knife, which I mostly used for arts and crafts, in the most delightful cadence I could muster. After a little while, he stopped giving me the creeps and started telling me about his past DWI, his two failed marriages, his two kids, and his future plans of a career in truck driving. He offered to drive me right up to the border, though he knew his DWI would prohibit him from entering Canada. I thanked him for the ride, but mostly for not raping me, as he dropped me off at the last exit before customs. He offered me $10 for the road before I jumped out of the car. The poorest, most downtrodden folks are, in my experience, always the most generous.
The next ride took awhile to land, as I was surrounded by trees and strange birds, but not much traffic. I went right out to the highway, though it is illegal to hitch-hike on the highway. I held up my sign and hoped for a VW Bus. After about 45 minutes, I saw a VW bus. And it stopped. Inside was a terrific gentleman named Sylvester who worked for the CBC, which is Canada's PBS. He was getting ready to take a trip to Antarctica to film a documentary. He was a handsome, old school super cool ex-hippy-like man, but he was way too sophisticated to be a hippy. He spoke to me in fluent english with a sexy french accent, and though he was surely in his 50s, I would have let him be my new boyfriend.
Handsome older hottie
We hit it off immediately, and chatted light-heartedly all the way to Montreal. We stopped only once, and that was when we got searched at the Canadian border because he told the border police he'd picked me up hitch-hiking. I was surprised he told them, but he said it's better to be honest about everything so you don't get caught lying, because then they get pissed. By the time he dropped me off, we'd exchanged information and made a plan to meet again someday.
I've arrived
I arrived in Montreal on Saturday afternoon around 3 PM. The plan was, I would stay at a friend of Nick Fox-Gieg's, the guy who did the animation half of the short film I was going to represent. Her name was Freida. I took the Metro to her apartment to meet her in the "Myland" section of Montreal. She was not home when I got there, and didn't come back for two hours. I sat on the park bench across the street, and waited until it started to rain. I left a note on her door where I'd be - at an amazing divey Mexican joint that made their own tortillas - the fat yummy ones that look like pancakes. I had a huge feast of beans, rice, salsa, salad and tortillas for $7. She came in and met me with her long purple dreds and friendly face. She was an artist. I took a breath of relief, as artists are generally superb people.
She'd just moved into a cool apartment, and not much was really unpacked or set up. She cleared a space in her painting studio, and I pitched my sleeping bag on the floor. I took a nap and then took the Metro into Montreal to my first show. The Metro is not air conditioned in Canada, as A/C is reserved for the rich! While I waited for my show to begin, I walked over to Club Soda for The Nasty Show, which sounded like my cup of tea. Of course it was. My friend Jay Oakerson was performing, along with one of my favorite filthy-mouthed assholes, Patrice O'Neal. I watched the show, which was terrific, and later accidentally met up with Patrice and Jay as they ate at a nearby restaurant. I told them my story of hitch-hiking and staying on Freida's floor. We talked for awhile and then I went back to my show. A little while later, Jay came over to my show and told me he had a double room - two huge beds in his hotel room - paid for by the festival - at Hotel Delta! He invited me to go and stay with him for the week, starting that night. I went back to the art studio, but in the morning, I went to investigate. I showed up at the hotel, and it was magnificent. It was like the scene in "The Wizard Of Oz" where Judy Garland goes from black and white into color. There was a pool, free internet, JFL welcome tables set up, goodie bags for performers, transport vans to take performers where they needed to go, comedians and familiar faces walking around, rich people everywhere, radio stations broadcasting live - it was a happening environment. Transport generously drove me to Freida's to pick up all my stuff. Freida seemed bummed that I jetted out so quickly, and I felt a little bad, but the offer was too good to pass up.
Once at the hotel, life was divine. Every day was pretty much the same. I swam and went in the hot tub and sauna every day. I sucked up more A/C than 50 rich people. I hung out with comedian pals Mike Britt, Jay Oakerson, Patrice ONeil (who is such a bad ass faker - though he pretends to be a cock, he is the one who told Jay to go get me and let me stay in his room!), Reggie Watts, Steve Byrne (who hosted the show I was in), Pete Dominick, Jordan Carlos and a bunch of others over the course of the trip. I'd walk around the city, go to my shows in the evening, go to parties that the festival set up, go see great comedy shows (I saw Demitri Martin's "These Are Jokes", Ray Romano's documentary "95 Miles To Go", The Nasty Show and many others, all free with my festival pass), meet and talk with industry people, chat with natives, practice my shoddy french, and enjoy how pleasant and nice Montreal and it's people were. They were too nice to be actual human beings. I have a theory that they are aliens.
In bed with Reggie Watts (that should be the name of his TV show)
Jay left on Thursday morning, and my last 2 shows were on Thursday night. I was wondering where I'd sleep after my shows. I called concierge and they told me that Jay's hotel room was paid for through Sunday. I considered just staying there alone, but feared the festival might get really pissed if they found out I did that. So, I just gathered all my things together, performed at my last two shows on Thursday night, went back to the hotel, did an interview with XM through a new comedy pal Laura Nikiforchuk and took off for Bus Central. I hopped on an 11:45 pm bus and was in NYC just in time for a massive, apocalyptic lightning storm.
Montreal is an amazing city. It's like mini-New York but without much of the bullshit. There are only about 3 million people there, so people are nice because they aren't cramped, and have room to walk without getting elbowed or stabbed in the head by some oblivious asshole's umbrella. They are 95% bi-lingual, english and french. All the signs are in french by a law that says the french sign has to be as big or bigger than the english sign. It's easy to get around, many people ride bikes. I had some great shows. The first was small, but they just kept getting bigger and better. I sold CDs, signed autographs, met lots of other filmmakers and talented weirdos, and just had a terrific time.
Montreal is way so super dope
Here's the icing on the cake: I didn't get paid for travel or board by JFL. I found out a lot of people actually don't get paid or put up. But yesterday, they called and said that they decided to pay me after all. They ended up paying me more for performing in five shows than many people make working a 40 hour work week.
So, this has been a story all about my trip to Montreal's Just For Laughs Festival.
Thank you for reading this long-ass diatribe. Stay tuned for other lengthy stories that are probably more interesting in my brain then they are on paper.
Special thank yous are owed to Andre for his kindness and Carolyn for being one of the coolest, friendliest people I met while I was there, Jay Oakerson, Mike Britt and Patrice O'Neil for looking out for a girl, and the Hotel Delta for all the free shampoo. I'd also like to thank my peeps, Lopi, Christopher and Norbert for the ride from NYC north in the mini-van, one of my favorite vehicles in which to travel.
Friday, July 14, 2006
DELFINO TAKES MONTREAL
To your top right there is an adorable drawing of a strange little girl. That little girl is me, and it was drawn by Nick Fox-Gieg. He contacted me quite out of the blue and asked if he could animate my song, "I Wanna Be Famous." I said no. He offered to pay me $50,000. I quickly changed my mind. None of this is true. I immediately said yes, and then forgot about it. A few months later, he sent the finished product to me, which is linked above.
Wonders never cease, and this short, brilliant animation was accepted into the Montreal Comedy Festival. I'll be there all week, try the tofu. If you live in Montreal, come to one of the screenings. I'll also be performing at one or more of the screenings.
Here are the screening details:
Monument International
1182 St. Laurent Blvd
It will be shown there at the following times in the following shows:
100% Animation - Friday, July 14th @ 8 PM
Eat My Twisted Shorts - Saturday, July 15th at midnight
Eat My Twisted Shorts - Tuesday, July 18th @ 7 PM
100% Animation - Thursday, July 20th @ 7 PM
100% Animation - Thursday, July 20th @ 9:30 PM
It will be cool to see it on a big screen in front of a bunch of french people! Hope to see you there. I will be selling CDs and signing autographes, (that's the way they spell it with a french flair) along with kicking ass and taking names.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
JOKES TO SPICE UP YOUR BORING DAY
by Jessica Delfino
I painted my fingernails bright fluorescent day-glo green with glitter in them...to go with my bulimia!
Yes!
So, I went to CVS and bought some stickers, and the lady asked me if I wanted a bag, so I said, "No" but quietly added via my inner dialog, "I'll just stick them in my purse, like the lipstick and vitamins and candle holders and barretts and staples and the cute picture of the puppy covering it's face with it's paws and the female moustache bleach."
OK!! Here we go!
Any math whizzes in the audience? (Dead Silence) OK, great. Maybe one of you can help me solve this math problem. An F train leaves the Delancey Street station at 11:15 am going north about 27 mph. How long does it take for the next fucking god damn F train to get to Delancey Street Station, huh? Cause I don't have all fucking day!
Ta-da!
Thank you, I'll be here all week. Try the vegetarian turkey loaf.
Saturday, July 1, 2006
NEAT PERSON OF THE WEEK:
Annelies Middel, painter
Holland is known for lots of great things - wooden shoes, killer marijuana, spekjes (a crazy, squishy bacon-looking candy that tastes a lot like peeps) and now, Annelies Middel, a painter who I had the pleasure of meeting during her brief stay in NYC. Annalies put up her first gallery show in NYC today at New Century Gallery in Chelsea. I don't know the perfect fancy terminology of how to say that correctly, because I'm not a damn painter. But simply put, her paintings were hanging on walls and then people came and looked at them. And there was wine and carrots.
She has a very nice touch; she paints the faces of mysterious people (push "play" now on The Doors "People Are Strange" for backdrop atmosphere as you read remainder of this entry) on small canvases. She doesn't paint all the details, however. She leaves some misty spaces for our brains to fill in on our own. Yes, she makes us work for it! The results are intriguing, ghostly images that make me wish I had hundreds of dollars to shell out for the "snack-sized" paintings.
Her paintings will be hanging for your viewing pleasure until July 15th at New Century Artists, Inc., 530 W. 25th St., Suite 406 (btw. 10th - 11th Aves). And if you're the link following type, here's hers: www.anneliesmiddel.com The building itself is pretty keen. It's got lots of galleries all side by side in various shaped and sized rooms. It's like a grocery store where you can get all your art.
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