NEW SONG BY JESSICA DELFINO

This song is called, "Interracial Cop Friends" and was my entry for last week's
"MUSIC IS A JOKE" musical comedy competition at Stand Up NY.

I put in my all and my best. I also wore a nice striped jacket to show that I'm serious
about what I do for a living. And hey, it worked. I made it to the next round!
Next week's theme is HARRY POTTER. Stupid theme! Let's see what I can do with it.

In the meantime, please go to this website and VOTE FOR ME if you love me. You don't have
to watch the whole video, just scroll down to the bottom and vote for me, unless you want
to hear my new song about "Interracial Cop Friends" that I wrote on my flying V ukelele.

I hope ya like it, I wrote it with love in my heart as my contribution to race relations on planet Earth.

If you want to come see the show next Monday, it's at 8:30 at Stand Up NY, 78th and Broadway.
It's free to get in if you say you voted, but you still have to buy a coupla drinks which might run you
about 20 smackers. But I don't ask you for too much so maybe you will do it this one time.

And you'll see some other great comedians. I'm not kidding. The competition on this show is VERY
tough. I will be surprised if I make it to next week!!

VOTE HERE: www.standupny.com/musicisajoke

Love,
Jessica

Go, JEFF STARK!!!!

A hearty congrats to the awesome Jeff Stark on his super creative and fun play, "IRT: A Tragedy In Three Stations" which
I saw on opening night. The play features Art Star Michelle Carlo who plays a great MTA worker and other familiar faces and takes place on platforms and subway cars between Manhattan and Brooklyn.

I'd encourage you to go see it but it's SOLD OUT.

You can read all about it in today's NY Times HERE, though.

EPISODE 2 -- COMING VERY SOOOOOON

A CHILDREN'S SHOW FOR ADULTS??!!

That's right! It's a children's show for adults. How very exciting! Do join in the fun! Huzzah!

The Jessica Delfino Dirty Folk Rock Show
Episode 2: It's Important To Be Beautiful (2 shows)
Thursday, Feb. 12 @ 10 PM -- Slipper Room
Wednesday, Feb. 18 @ 8 PM -- Glasslands, Brooklyn, NY
$5

In this monthly children's show for adults, you will be info-tained, enter-mused, and be-twinkled by the cast of local celebrity guests, crafts, magical silliness, songs, videos, jokes and the sheer terrific-ness of it all. A totally new show every month! Like Mr. Roger's Neighborhood if he came back from Vietnam, had a sex change and decided to start playing the ukelele. In Episode 2: It's Important To Be Beautiful, we examine beauty in our society and mock, uhh, err, we mean, learn about its' roles through puppetry, dance explosions, comedy, crafts and cleavage. Featuring a stellar line up -- Carla Rhodes, Rosie Rebel, World Famous *BOB*, Victor Varnado, Diane O'Debra and more! Also featuring snappy commentary on the fashion industry by CNN's Angry Bob, and zesty movement from Faux Maux and other special guests. Warning: This show is for big kids only!! (21+)

And stay tuned for March's Episode 3: Mythical Creatures Can Teach You Things. More details to come...



IN OTHER SHOW NEWS:

SKITS N TITS
a great variety show starring comedy and burlesque rising stars
@ 308 Bowery, NYC
Wednesday, Feb. 11 @ 10 PM
with too many special guests to list
and sketch comedy by the FFF
(Diane O'Debra, Steph Sabelli, Jessica Delfino)

Click here to see a couple of our videos:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKpSZt__oKs

Here it is with a face lift:

http://blip.tv/file/1712983/...m

IT'S TIME AGAIN!!!

Yay!!!

Please vote for me, I haven't gotten kicked off yet...just scroll all the way down to the bottom
and click on Jessica Delfino.

www.standupny.com/musicisajoke

Last week's theme was DISNEY so I wrote a song about how "Disney SUCKS" with a special appearance
by CLUB ANIMAL's "FISHY".

This week's theme is "bad 80s action films". Come to see the show if you want to
see what I do with it.

Stand Up NY
Broadway and 78th St.
NYC
1 to 79th St.
8 PM
FREE if you VOTE!!!
(But be careful, drinks are not cheap as one of my guests last week learned the hard way...)

AWESOME, FUNNY, GROSS

Thanks Tom for sending this. Tell your friends who are planning to visit
NYC NOT to stay here!!!

SHOUT OUTS TO FRIENDS IN HIGH PLACES

SHOCKWAVE on ELECTRIC COMPANY -- COOL!!!!

http://www.sesameworkshop.org/newsandevents/sesamenews/electric_company

ANGRY BOB on CNN!! -- Go BOB!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzJt0UdvFKI

THE NEW SEXERCISE

The sexercise sketch was so much fun, we went into a fitness studio and recorded it
properly but quick. It came out lovely.

Tell me what you think, and if you like it, send the link to a friend.

SEXERCISE YOURSELF THIN

VOTE FOR ME -- MUSIC IS A JOKE COMPETITION

I'm competing tonite for $1000 in the Stand Up NY's "MUSIC IS A JOKE" competition, and I
could use your vote! So please go to this link
and just scroll to the bottom and vote for me if you love me.

If you want to watch all the videos, you can, some of them are very good, Nicky
Sunshine's is pretty interesting and silly and some of the other folks are very
good as well, but this isn't about who's better, it's about how much you love me.

So PLEASE VOTE FOR ME!!

And if you would like to come to the show tonite, it's at 8 PM at Stand Up NY,
at 78th and Broadway. You can take the 1 train right stinkin' there. It lets off
like, one block from the joint. So come! It'll be fun. EVERY WEEK we have to
write a new song and this week is no different. Our assignment was DISNEY and I
wrote a DOOS-NEY (this is what you have in store, folks) and I think you'll seriously
enjoy the hi-jinx I have planned for this evening because I try to never just do anything
like, you know, the normal, nice, easy way. That would be too normal, nice and easy.

NOT my style.

So come and see the trick I have up my sleeve. And if you can't come, just go to the
website and VOTE!!! You
like voting now. The whole world does. Remember? Obama? Yes. You. Can. Vote. For. Me.

Thank you America and the world.

Did someone ask if I have a delicious dessert recipe? Well, actually yes I do! I have been making homemade banana bread lately. It's really good, and so easy. The only bad thing about this bread is that it's so good it doesn't last. Makes a great pot luck contribution or gift for a friend who you secretly wish would get fat.

Ms. Delfino's Yummariffic Banana Bread

1 tablespoon butter very soft
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup chocolate chips
3 very ripe bananas
1 tsp baking powder
2 cups flour
1/4 cup milk (I recommend vanilla rice milk)
1 tbsp vanilla
1 tbsp cinnamon

Mush up sugar, butter, add milk, add bananas, chips, baking powder, vanilla, cinnamon, slowly add and work in flour as you go. Dump the goo into a small square bread loaf pan. Cook at 350 for about 45 mins, less if you like it very soft, longer if you like it firmer.

NOTES: Can substitute butter for margarine and exclude chips or use carob chips -- that will make it vegan if you use rice milk. Can add nuts, can use 1 cup brown sugar instead of 1/2 cup white sugar. Can use honey or agave to sweeten in place of sugar. Delish!! Banana bread bake off -- my place!

Voila! Low in fat, very freaking yummy!

THE FIRST FEW WORDS GOT CUT OFF...

"Sex. We all need it. We all want it."

Hope you like this video by me, Diane O'Debra and Steph Sabelli! Filmed live at the fabulous TITS n SKITS comedy burlesque show at 308 Bowery!!



If you like this video and my other videos, such as my new Conan Vs. The Bear video (animated by Nick Fox-Gieg who also animated I Wanna Be Famous) and my Magic video, subscribe to my videos at Youtube.com/jessdelfino and you will get them delivered to your email door on a regular basis.

Here's another cute video by my friend Rosie Rebel:

ON WATCHING THE INAUGURATION

After watching tons of political peeps promenade out in a never ending parade which included Bush Sr and Jr, Michelle Obama and the Obama girls, a collection of foddy dod senators and other old geezers, finally Obama strolled out to an overwhelming applause.

Aretha Franklin sang "My Country Tis Of Thee" and actually made the song sound like a cool hit instead of the stodgy old jam it normally is. Her hat was funny.

Biden was so excited. He very politely thanked the justice who swore him in at the end of taking his oath. What a nice fellow.

Obama slipped up on his oath -- he was probably a *little* nervous!!

His speech was however, poetic, 'articulate' and metaphorical. I took notes on the speech and I have some comments on it. Here are the pieces of his speech that I could type as he spoke:

"On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear...we remain a young nation but in the words of scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things...In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given; it must be earned...it has been the risk takers, the doers, the makers of things, some celebrated...for us, they packed up their few worldly possessions...endured the lash of the whip...for us, they fought and died...time and again, these men and women sacrificed and worked until their hands were raw...this is the journey we continue today. We remain the most powerful, prosperous nation on earth. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services, no less needed...our capacity remains undiminished...everywhere we look, there's work to be done...we will act, not only to create new jbs but to lay a new foundation for growth...we will restore science to it's rightful place...we will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories...all this we can do...all this we will do...now...there are some who question...for they have forgotten what this country has already done...those of us who manage the publics knowledge will be held in account...only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government...without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control...and so to all the other peoples and goverments of people who are watching today, know that America is a friend of each nation and every woman man and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity...and we are ready to lead once more...our power alone can not protect us, nor does it allow us to do as we please...we are the keepers of this legacy, guided by these principles once more...we will begin to responsibly lead...with all firends and former foes we'll work tirelessly...we will not apologize for our way of life...we say to you now that our spirit is stronger...you can not outlast us and we will defeat you...for we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength not a weakness...we are shaped by every language and culture...we can not help but believe that the old hatreds will someday pass...that our common humanity will reveal itself...to the muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect...know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you can destroy...know that you are on the wrong side of history but we will extend the hand if you are willing to unclench your fist. To those nations like ours who enjoy relative plenty, we can no longer endure suffering...for the world has changed nad we must change with it...at this moment, a moment that will define a generation, it is this spirit that must inhabit us all, for as much as government can do and must do...it is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke that finally decides our fate...our challenges may be new...but those values upon which our success depends, honesty and hardwork, courage and fairplay, loyalty and patriotism...these things are old...these things are true...they have been the quiet force of progress throuhg ut our history...what is demanded then is a return to these truths...a recognition on every part...firm in the knowledge that...this is the price and the promise of citizenship...this is the source of our confidence...this is the meaning of our liberty and our creed and why...[we] can join in celebration...America...in the face of our common dangers...let us remember these timeless words...with hope and virtue, let us endure what storms may come...when we were tested, we refused to let this journey end...with eyes fixed on the horizon...we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it to future generations...

He acknowledged "non-believers" in his speech...Awesome. I don't understand the non-separation of separation of church and state in all of this, but I do appreciate that Obama at least acknowledged the non-believers.

"I'm a leftie, get used to it" he said, as he signed the presidential papers.

"I was told not to swipe the pen" he quipped, seeming very nervous!

What is he signing? His life away?

Four of the last 10 presidents have been lefties, the newsies commented. They also said that Obama joked that "Hillary Clinton gave him most of his grey hairs..."

Also, that 882000 rode the DC metro which shattered all records, and of all the people who rode it today, only one pedestrian was hit but not killed. Not bad! A change has come!


Bye Bye Bushie Bye Bye

OK, that's it, the inauguration is pretty much over. Now there's a post inauguration luncheon. I wonder what's on the menu?

My answer has arrived: Seafood stew and apple cinnamon sponge cake with some kind of glaze...

I have a theory that the next big revelation in the world will be that animals will stop being used for food, and animal slaughter will be realized for the Cowschwitz that it truly is!

My favorite Obama speech moments were: his acknowledgement of non-believers, his offer to reach out a hand to those who are willing to unclench their fists and saying that we would harness the sun, winds and soil to run our cars and our factories. Awesome! We went from a warmonger-ing nation to a peacemonger-ing nation like (*snap*) that!

INAUGURATION DAY

I overheard a person say that Obama tricked America -- that "they" (whoever those sneaky "theys" are) wanted a Muslim in the white house so that "they" could do something awful to America.

I don't know who's making up that kind of flab dashery but what a rockin' bunch of horse shit. Are "they" really that smart? Are "they" really that dastardly? Who is this "they" anyway? The same "they" who killed JFK and blew up the towers? "They" are really a bunch of trouble makers!!

I was going to go up to Columbia University today (where Obama went to school) and watch his Inauguration on the big screen TV there but I decided instead to watch it at home on my own cozy flat screen.

Any they, I just wanted to rant about that for a second.

On a lighter note, here is a very cute new video featuring Reggie Watts and me, JD!!

It's a remix of Sudden Change, you know, that song about how "Once a month for a week...I bleed from my vagina...?" Imagine it with a remix beat and lots of hair. And after you watch it, Facebook friend me, send it to your mother, her friends at work and your entire old summer camp posse.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=649107129&ref=profile

happy NEW VIDEO DAY!!

Here's another video by the winning team of Jessica Delfino (song writer) and Nick Fox-Gieg (animator, also animated the famous "I Wanna Be Famous" video), featuring Mr. Michael Iannantuonno on guitar!! Please share if you care or dare...

PICTURES FROM NEW YEAR'S EVE AND A SHOUT OUT ON THE NY PRESS BLOG

These are Gerry Visco's photos from the show I played at on New Year's Eve.
This show is so much fun!

And here's a little write up about the show on the NY Press Blog. I hope
to see you all at my show tomorrow night, more info below!!!

Slipper Room, 167 Orchard St.
10 PM $5
Kids show for adults
A totally new show, totally new material!!!
A new show every month.

With Adira Amram, Mike Amato, Ben Lerman, Eric Kirchberger, The Theremin Brothers from Germany and Audrey Crabtree as Grabby McTakeItAll. Awesome show!!

This month's theme: WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT

A CHILDREN'S SHOW FOR ADULTS??!!

That's right! It's a children's show for adults. How very exciting! I've got lots of fun little tricks up my sleeveless dress
with this scripted monthly fandango. Check it out! Be there! Come one, come all! Attend! Do join in the fun! Huzzah!

The Jessica Delfino Dirty Folk Rock Show
Episode 1: We Are All Different
Thursday, Jan 8th, 2009
Slipper Room, 167 Orchard St. at Stanton
10 PM
$5

In this monthly children's show for adults, you will be info-tained, enter-mused, and be-twinkled by the cast of local celebrity guests, crafts, magical silliness, songs, videos, jokes and the sheer terrific-ness of it all. A totally new show every month! Like Mr. Roger's Neighborhood if he came back from Vietnam, had a sex change and decided to start playing the ukelele. In Episode 1: We Are All Different, we explore what makes us all unique through puppetry, comedy and cleavage. Featuring a stellar line up -- Mike Amato, Adira Amram, Ben Lerman, Eric Kirchberger and Audrey Crabtree. also featuring the vocal stylings of Simon Astor and Clell Tickle. Warning: This show is for big kids only!! (21+)

And stay tuned for February's Episode 2: Fashion Week's "It's Important To Be Beautiful!" Feb 12th (NYC) and 18th (BKLN). More details to come...

Tomorrow: Lerman Holiday at Comix!!

8 PM

Featuring Ben Lerman, myself and others! Come and see what all this holiday
craze is about. And in the meantime, watch me kick Santa's broke ass!



And also check out this other show I am in tomorrow night, as part of Whoop Dee Doo:

"WEIRD HOLIDAY," THE DEITCH PROJECTS HOLIDAY PARTY, AT SANTA'S PARTY HOUSE
Celebrate the holidays, Deitch-Projects-style with Whoop Dee Doo, "the strangest performance showcase since The Gong Show." A-Ron the Downtown Don and his merry band of crazies will be evaluating the gathered peformeres (SSION, Kembra Pfahler, the New York Ukelele Ensemble, and others) and will decide who will make it into the Deitch Deitch holiday fruitcake. Sounds tasty! Santa's Party House, 96 Lafayette St., (212) 343-8088. 8 p.m. Free.

A NEW JESSICA DELFINO VIDEO
Animated By Preston Spurlock

If you ever think that your girlfriend is "acting like a bitch" or if you are sick and tired of her antics every time her Aunt Flow comes to town, just remember the pure long and short of it -- once a MONTH for a WEEK she BLEEDS -- that is BLOOD POURS OUT -- of her vagina. Imagine if blood POURED out of your peckers once a month, DUDES. IMAGINE THAT! Let's think about it. You'd have to carry around a pack of PENIS PADS with you everywhere you went, or stick a dick-pon UP YOUR DICK HOLE. You know that long q-tip that doctors stick up your weiner when you get VD or whatever the hell other reason they might stick a q-tip up your cock eye? You don't like that, do you. It hurts, right? Now, imagine having to do that with some kind of dumb cotton rod the size of a cocktail wienie that is made of bleach and poisonous chemicals. Every day. Like, two or three times a day. Or imagine having to wrap up your weiner with tape and cotton like it's head was broken, just so you won't leave a huge red stain on your Gap khakis. Like three times a day. You can't ever go far from anywhere that there is a bathroom, because you might just need to run in there on a moment's notice to handle your blood leaking problem. So, just think about all this stuff the next time your girlfriend seems a little cranky. Rub her back or something. Make yourself useful. Watch this video.

The trailer for Victor Varnado's comedy movie featuring a bunch of very talented black comedians (Marina Franklin, Baron Vaughn, Hannibal Buress, Eric Andre and of course, Victor Varnado) looks great and showcases animation by a very talented assortment of artists, including me, Jessica Delfino. (Did you know I actually went to school for animation once upon a time? I graduated from the Art Institute of Philadelphia.) I animated Baron Vaughn's segment. Wow! It looks silly.

www.awkwardkings.com

TONITE! I am in an on going comedy music contest at Stand Up NY, where I'm competing for $1000!!!! Come and cheer me on. It's a FREE show and the competition is actually VERY STIFF. Every week there is a home work assignment. This week, the home work assignment was something to do with the holidays.

Come see what I did!!

7 PM. 78th and Broadway. If you love me, show up tonight at 7 and cheer me on!!

If you can't make it, it's OK. Also, at 10 PM, I will be at 308 Bowery, selling my crazy tampon ornaments at the Show N Tell Holiday Bizarre, also featuring work by a very creative group of gals. Come get unique gifts for the people you love, instead of buying them dumb plastic crap made at gunpoint in strange places you will never go. Or even better yet. make them something yourself!!

Also, have your photo taken with Pantsless Claus and his naughty elves for just $2!!

Featuring a live performance of the non-denominational holiday songs by Secular Voices Of Heaven's Horizon! As heard in the documentary directed by Morgan Spurlock, "What Would Jesus By?" 10:30 PM.

And sign up to perform in the most outrageous and silly open mic in NYC! Diane O'Debra's Show N Tell!!

All of this for only $3.
10 PM - 1 AM.
Sign up at 10 PM.
308 Bowery at 1st St.
Fun!!

MUSIC / COMEDY...holding hands...making all kinds of plans...

You guys, I am entering this contest, and I totally have a shot at winning this $1000. Come out and support my dirty musical stylings!

Monday, Dec. 8
Music Is A Joke - It's a musical comedy stand-off
like American Idol meets Last Comic Standing. Five
comedian musicians compete, one wins $1000.
@ Stand Up NY Comedy Club -- 78th and Broadway
1 train to 78th St. is one way to get there
7 PM -- FREE

*Come and find out how to audition for the next round

REINDEER POOPS SOLD AS ORNAMENTS!!

A zoo in Indiana is selling reindeer turds as pieces of these
actually quite lovely Christmas ornaments. For $5 smackers
a turd-laden treat, you can have your very own Shitmas.

This time of the year is always very special to me, as it reminds me of
the time a very nice gentleman made me thousands of new fans in
his awesome tirade via the Catholic League press release
he sent out starring...ME!

I am making my own very special ornaments this year
which I'll be selling at both La Superette and Diane O'Debra's
Show N Tell Holiday Bizarre.

They are made out of (unused) tampons and really put a
little holiday cheer where the sun don't shine.



Come visit me at La Superette (see their website for more details)
www.lasuperette.org
or Show N Tell on Dec. 15th, 10 PM, 308 Bowery.

PS -- Naughty Nautical Nite may be sunk for good, but I'm going
to be having my own naughty little nite. It's called just plain old
Naughty Nite. Come see the naughtiness I've got in store for you
on Thursday, Dec. 4th at 10 PM at The Slipper Room. $5. You
can also buy my tampon ornaments there...