Thursday, December 21, 2006

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

NYC ARTIST RESPONDS TO CATHOLIC LEAGUE’S ATTACK

 

December 22, 2006—Jessica Delfino today called Catholic League President William Donohue “a hypocrite and a bigot” for what she described as “anti-Muslim statements” denouncing her act.

 

In a December 19th statement (See: http://www.catholicleague.org/06press_releases/quarter%204/061219_obscenities.htm), Catholic League President William Donohue publicly attacked New York City-based musician and performance artist Jessica Delfino, accusing her of providing “ammunition” to radical Muslims.

“Jessica Delfino is taking her ‘Merry S--tmas Tour’ on the road,” complained Donohue.  “Her performance includes the showing of an obscenely-titled video banned from YouTube that features her rapping about her vagina, complete with obscene pictures flashing in the background.  Rapping about her genitals, she sings, ‘it will become your true religion.’”  He said.

Donohue then went further with his accusation, claiming, “None of this is without malice.  And at a time when radical Muslims are accusing Americans of harboring a depraved understanding of liberty, it only provides ammunition to the enemy.”



Jessica Delfino minced no words in her response. 

 

“I was brought up Catholic, and I was also brought up to believe that it isn’t anti-Catholic to celebrate the life-giving and life-nurturing parts of a woman’s body,” said Delfino.  “I don’t know why William Donohue hates women’s bodies.  I don’t know why he is afraid of refocusing attention on humanity's true source of creation, the mysterious and magical womb.  But I do know that William Donohue is a hypocrite and a bigot, who has publicly made outrageous and highly-offensive anti-Semitic, and now anti-Muslim statements.  And that certainly doesn’t make him a better Catholic than I am,” she continued.  “William Donohue does not speak for all Catholics.  He doesn’t speak for me,” she concluded.


William Donohue infamously made a December 8, 2004 assertion on Scarborough Country that “Hollywood is controlled by secular Jews who hate Christianity in general and Catholicism in particular.  It’s not a secret, okay?  And I’m not afraid to say it.”  This statement was widely viewed as anti-Semitic.

Jessica Delfino is a critically acclaimed artist who has appeared on Good Morning America and Opie & Anthony, and whose work has been called, “Funny and smart” by Sonic Youth's Thurston Moore in Arthur Magazine and “some of the most nasty, offensive, degrading, and genius comedy you’ll see all year,” by the New York Blade.  Last year, she was named “Best Potty-Mouthed, Guitar-Slinging Comedian of 2005” by the Village Voice.   She has received similarly glowing reviews from Jane Magazine, High Times, The Onion A/V Club, Time Out New York, and numerous other local and national publications.  More information about her can be found at jessydelfino.blogspot.com.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

CATHOLIC LEAGUE PRESIDENT DENOUNCES JESSICA DELFINO

In a December 19th press release published on the Catholic League's Web site, Catholic League President William Donohue denounced New York City-based musician Jessica Delfino, accusing her of providing “ammunition” to radical Muslims.

“Jessica Delfino is taking her ‘Merry S—tmas Tour’ on the road,” complained Donohue. “Described as ‘rife with Christmas-themed debauchery,’ Delfino worked last night in New York City, appears in Washington, D.C. tomorrow and travels to Durham, North Carolina on Thursday. Her performance includes the showing of an obscenely-titled video banned from YouTube that features her rapping about her vagina, complete with obscene pictures flashing in the background. Rapping about her genitals, she sings, ‘it will become your true religion.’” He said.

Donohue then went further with his accusation, claiming, “None of this is without malice. And at a time when radical Muslims are accusing Americans of harboring a depraved understanding of liberty, it only provides ammunition to the enemy.”

William Donohue has previously gotten in hot water for some of his remarks, including a December 8, 2004 assertion on Scarborough Country that “Hollywood is controlled by secular Jews who hate Christianity in general and Catholicism in particular. It’s not a secret, okay? And I’m not afraid to say it.” This statement was widely viewed as anti-Semitic.

Jessica Delfino is a critically acclaimed artist who has appeared on Good Morning America and Opie & Anthony, and whose work has been called, “Funny and smart” by Sonic Youth's Thurston Moore in Arthur Magazine and “some of the most nasty, offensive, degrading, and genius comedy you’ll see all year,” by the New York Blade.” Recently, she was named “Best Potty-Mouthed, Guitar-Slinging Comedian of 2005” by the Village Voice. She has received similarly glowing reviews from Jane Magazine, High Times, The Onion, Time Out New York, and numerous other critics.

Ms. Delfino was stunned by Donohue’s accusations. “My act is anti-stupidity, and anti-complacency, not anti-Catholic or anti-Christian, and I have a pretty good feeling that it’s about to be a little bit anti-William Donohue. This is a guy who goes on TV in the middle of the day when kids are watching, and yells at America that ‘Hollywood likes anal sex.’ But now he doesn’t like vaginas either? He should take that one up with God. And the real question is why does William Donohue keep saying things that are anti-Semitic and anti-Muslim? He's so negative! He is the opposite of everything Christ stood for, and I agree with Jesus."

Jessica Delfino will be appearing at Warehouse Next Door in Washington, D.C. at 8:30 PM on Wednesday, December 20th, and at 305 South in Durham, North Carolina at 8 PM on Thursday, December 21st. More information about her, including a link to her YouTube-banned video can be found at jessydelfino.blogspot.com.

Jessica Delfino was raised as a Catholic.

See the video HERE

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Naked Slumber Party on line!

Who wants to see a bunch of teen sluts get fucked by a horse? This animated, quadruple xxxx-rated cartoon won't last long on censoriffic YouTube! This cartoon would be made into a movie by Troma Films if they knew what was good for them.

Warning: This shit is so vile, so crass, so hilarious - watch with care. This cartoon is not by any means for children.

Music & Animation by Touching You, written by Touching You and Jessica Delfino (though there are some parts I can't and won't take credit for!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om1XCS3aUKI

OR

Monday, December 18, 2006

This blog entry brought to you by an old story Jessica Delfino wrote (creator of tonight's):

JESSICA DELFINO'S MERRY SHITMAS SHOW!
TONITE!
7:30 PM SHARP
$5
at Jimmy's, 43 E. 7th St. (2nd Ave / Bowery)

featuring: Dr. Steam Whipple, Touching You's own line of Christmas Cards, The Secular Voices of Heaven's Horizon, Jessica Delfino's brand of Christmas Cheer, A Visit from a Relative bearing gifts, Jollyship The Whiz-Bang, a bizarre bazaar and a banned video shown on the big screen.

A very short show - one hour in length, chock full of holiday hurray!

A brief, cozy tour to follow promptly:

Wed. Dec. 20th:
The Warehouse Next Door
Washington, DC
9 PM
$7

Thursday, Dec. 21st
305 South Durham
Durham, NC
8 PM
$5

And now...back to our sponsor:

(How) I Got Off My Ass And Got On Drugs (Again)
by Jessica Delfino

I went through a very dark period of my life where I quit smoking
marijuana. I don't like to talk about it or really even think about it, but it was
my life. It happened to me.

Every day of not being stoned was like a different day over and over
again for me. There I'd be, just sitting, watching tv, eating a whole entire
bag of donuts with one hand and a whole entire bag of popcorn or peanuts
with the other, when I realized, you know what? I'm not stoned and I'm still
engaging in the munchies like I never stopped smoking pot. I've got all
the food and none of the buzz. I don't like this feeling. It made me feel
like I was truly on my way to being fat without any reason behind it. I didn't
want to be one of those fat people. I wanted to know exactly how it had
happened. I wanted to be able to blame it on marijuana.

What is the most important thing in my life, I asked myself, hypothetically,
not exactly expecting myself to answer out loud back to me. But strangely, I
did answer myself. And this is what I said. "Marijuana, and comedy.
Comedy is the most important thing to me. I love it. I like to make people
laugh. I like to make myself laugh at myself making people laugh. There are many
levels to it. It runs very deep. It's sort of interesting, and at the
same time not, really. Marijuana is the thing that makes comedy not feel so
depressing and also makes eating for four fun."

What I said really affected me. I was like, "Hey, wait a minute, me.
You've got some really good insight here. But here you are, sitting on the
couch, stuffing your face and not prioritizing. You know what is important to
you, yet you are not doing that thing."

And I had me. It was totally true. I should have been out doing comedy,
my lips fresh off a fat doobie. So I called up my friend who is always
quick to try to push a joint down my lungs. I said, "Hey. What are you doing?"
And he was like, "Nothing." And I was like, "I was wondering if you know any
spots tonight?" And he was like, "Why don't you come over and we'll smoke
this J, then we'll go do a spot?" And I was like, "I don't smoke weed." And he
was like, "It makes comedy fun and not depressing. Those are your words,
you know." And I was like, "I'll be right over."

I arrived with a bag of chips as an offering, because I don't know how
to pick wine out the right way. I gave him the chips. He was standing on a
ladder, packing a fourteen foot bong. He was scooping the marijuana out
of a cat litter bag with a pair of salad tongs. He looked at me like I'd
just walked in on him wacking his bag off. And in a way, I felt like I had.
I was like, "Um...I thought we were gonna smoke a J or whatever." He was
like, "Well, I have a lot of weed and you don't smoke, so I figured I'd just
make you help me smoke a lot of it." So, smoke is what we did. I climbed up
on top of that bong, and I huffed, and I puffed, and I fell over.

When I woke up, three days had passed. I was in a room in a house I'd
never been in before. There was a lady named Fannie who was yelling at some
dirty faced kids. There was also an older guy eating ice cream out of the
container with a fork. I knew I had made the right decision to start
smoking marijuana again. I think it was a Tuesday, because I had no idea what
day it was, and that is usually the day I come around in the week and say, oh,
yeah, it's a new week.

So, I hope you've all learned something here.

1) Smoking marijuana kills the pain of following your dreams.
2) Smoking marijuana gives you multiple excuses to be able to do things that seem to be stupid ideas to others who are more organized in life.
3) I can't not smoke weed because it's not fun to not be stoned.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Funny!

I'm pretty tickled by this video - It's a "reaction" video to some people watching my video for my song, "My Pussy Is Magic".

REACTION VIDEO

Was this a class assignment? And is the guy in the video related to Todd Montessi? This new art makes questions in me arise. Perhaps the answers I will never know.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Holiday Fun!



Tis the season for corporate Christmas parties! As far as work place parties go, I'd have to say that comedy venue holiday parties are as good as it gets when it comes to places that you work at that have parties.



Sure, all work place parties are pretty much the same - free food, free booze, upped opportunities to bang that person, who, any other time of the year, it'd be straight up not possible. Thank Jesus for crippling seasonal depression!



I went to a fun party this week at the fabulous mid-town venue, Ars Nova. What a sweet spot that place is! Besides the fact that they treat their performers the way performers (much less human beings) should be treated, (take a note all you shit hole comedy clubs!) the venue itself is beautiful.


Rebecca Drysdale duets with her tit

The party was a great time, with tons of free booze and hot, tasty food, a very bizarre show to watch while woofing down cupload after cupload of top shelf liquor, in the theme of a Winter Prom.



There were perfomers of all ilk; comedians, musicians, burlesquies, and Nellie McKay, whom I love, headlined with two of her hits. Also, I was surprised to see so many trannies. I fit right in, as I was dressed like a gay man, which is my preferred way to dress. I found my fashion soul mate in Kurt Braunohler.


Love lifted us up to where we belonged

A good time was had by all.

Monday, December 11, 2006

A BUTTLOAD OF NEWS in DELFINO LAND!

Dame Darcy, my favorite witch princess, has just finished up her bi-coastal tour with her absolutely awesome roth-electonic (rock + goth = roth) band, "Death By Doll". While she was in NYC, my side-project freak-out histrionic fear-metal quartet, "Haunted Pussy" played with Death By Doll, The Bellmer Dolls and Michael Portnoy at Tonic. Here is her review of the show, sent out in a mass-email:


The Dame

NEW YORK! NEW YORK! Ahhh where to begin! How much do I love thee let me
count the ways
1) Bellmer dolls , you are sooo sweet and it was so nice of you to let DXD
use your practice space.
always the hottest ever (in the male catigory) on the east coast!
2) Michael Portnoi weird and inspiring as usual!
3) And HAUNTED PUSSY!!! I wish I was the master off all the unicorn kingdom,
for if I was, I would give it all and throw the ice cream castle in too for
the lovley, magical, and talented Jessica Delfino! I know I am giving the
impression that this is what Haunted Pussy is about, but Oh to the
contrairy!It is about a young girl who gets locked in her haunted house and
abandoned by her parents where she continues to be raped by ghosts. However, this haunting tale is VERY interpretive, so you'll have to find more details about the mystery for yourself! Jessica's costumes are simply to die for, and that vocal range!
WOW!


Bilge Baron In The Haunted Pussy

You can read more about Dame Darcy and her new book, the illustrated Jane Eyre, at www.damedarcy.com


And you can read more about operatic tone-poem Haunted Pussy at www.hauntedpussy.com

Or visit us on Myspace at: www.myspace.com/hauntedpu55y
(we had to change the S's in "pussy" to 5's because Myspace hates women's bodies)

IN OTHER NOT-SO-SCARY NEWS:

LITTLE BUILDING, the play by Nick Jones that little old me, Jessica Delfino, played a mystical airport in, made the NY TIMES this past Sunday (yesterday). You can read the article HERE



LITTLE BUILDING is back at the end of January. Check back here for more details.

I'm gearing up for my mini Merry Shitmas tour, beginning with the kick-off show in NYC.

Merry Shitmas!
43 E. 7th St. (downstairs)
7:30 PM bizarre holiday bazaar featuring food and treats. This is a place to bag those neat little thingies to give to people that will really make your gift selections stand out. Give gifts that make people say, "oh...wow!" and "hmmmm!" and "where the hell did you get this?" I won't give away the surprises, you'll just have to come to see them. Price range $20 and less.

8 PM - 9 PM sharp - show featuring Christmassy delights The Secular Voices of Heaven's Horizon, Mormon Surprise is Mormon Delicious (Mike Amato) singing a holiday hymn, a visit from a relative bearing gifts for the audience, Jessica Delfino's brand of holiday cheer, and more. A swift, sassy show!

And then to DC, North Carolina and Florida...


A still shot from a secret project...ssshhhhh! More info to come!

Friday, December 8, 2006

La Superette

Come buy my hand-sewn reusable maxi pads and other artists great awesome home-made art in this eco-friendly bizarre holiday bazaar. Other events also, such as live music & video, performances with hand-made/hacked gear, food, drinks, workshops and fun, as part of Eyebeam's "holiday hackshop".

Saturday, December 9th
12 noon - 10 pm
@
Eyebeam
540 W. 21st St. bet. 10th and 11th Sts.
www.eyebeam.org
www.lasuperette.org

*If you can't make La Superette, I also sell my home-made maxi pads by appointment in the Lower East Side. Email jessdelfino@yahoo.com for more information.


My hand-made "planetary napkins" $5 each
Made with love (oh, and old tee-shirts)
TONIGHT:

Decembers with Delfino @

No Name Comedy Variety Show
7:30 PM
FREE

Mo Pitkins
34 Ave A bt. 2nd / 3rd Sts
(Upstairs in Sadie's Lounge)

with Claudia Gross, Carolann Valentino, Dan Fishback and others...

AND STARTING DEC. 18th - It's the Merry Shitmas Tour!

Wednesday, December 6, 2006

GETTING WHAT YOU WANT IN LIFE

A guy wrote me an email from Illinois. He said he was giving thought to coming to my show, and then decided not to come. He told me he lived out in the middle of Illinois. Well, what was he doing on my email list, I wondered? Did he see me perform in Illinois? Did he live in NYC and then move out? Who really gives a crap? Why do I waste my time wondering such stupid thoughts? I must be stupid. I must be a real ass faced hag. I've wasted my life with ass faced hag thoughts!

The correspondence between me and said stranger really opened a lot of thought capsules up in my mind. I realized - I am a woman with questions. And I want answers! No - I demand answers! But then I decided I really don't demand anything. Barely anything at all.

But there are a few things I'd like in this world. I'd like to understand what makes men ticks. Did I say ticks? I meant dicks. What makes men dicks. I'd also like a car that runs on candy or gum. Or air. I'd like a car that runs on air. I'd like my cellphone to not give me brain cancer. I feel the brain cancer growing. It calls me sometimes on my cellphone, just to mock me. I'd like to find that missing shoe that matches the other one that I have. Where is it? Where? I've looked everywhere. I've looked here and there, up and down, right and left. Where is left to look? Nope. I bet I already looked there.

I have a coat that keeps me warm, finally, so I can check that off the list.

But you don't get what you want in life by sitting around and waiting for it to come to you, now, do you? That's not what life is all about.

It's 12:01. I'd like some lunch. You know what? I'm gonna go out there and GET me some lunch! I'm gonna get it!



Above: A hot lunch, sits, ready to enter my ass face

Saturday, December 2, 2006

CH CH CH CH CHANGES...

Wow. Did you see that shit when I tried to sign into my account? I saw it. Blogger offers a new, updated version of Blogger, and not too incredibly obviously, I might add. From my experience, it almost seemed like it was trying to sneak me onto the new version. And interestingly, you have to have a Google account to get the new blog.

Google - you all know how I feel about Google. And if you don't know, I'll tell you again. Google's Myspace took "My Pussy Is Magic" off the internet. One day after Google bought Myspace.

Need I remind anyone that the makers of Google were also made by vaginas?

I have a bad feeling about this. If Google bought Blogger, you can all say good bye to Jessy Delfino's blog. You saw what they did to my video. The new, updated Blogger asks you to sign a new form, accepting an agreement that surely demands that slang words for "vagina" never be used again!

In other related observations, I have noticed that other parts of the world are getting less sensitive, and gaining maturity. Jay Leno's monologue is getting riskier and riskier, now with jokes about being raped by Shamu. Rape jokes on a late night talk show? Impressive! And the NY-based METRO newspaper recently talked about the Britney Spears incident, using the word, "cooch". Cooch? Advanced! In very recent past years, it would have been "private area" or "unmentionables" or some other vague description of what is, oh, only the most important part of all of life and humanity, creator and destroyer of all that is good and evil - that's right - the vagina!

Say it with me at home - va - gi (pronounced j-eye) - na.

The world is at once advancing, and slowing down; a see-saw of yin and yang; a metaphor, quicksand surrounded by rapids, poisonous Tylenol, dogs and cats, living together.

Google, Blogger, you bitches better catch up! Or you shall find yourselves in a pile of space dust. I will not wait for you!



Above: Google, Blogger, tied together, an eternal web of space dust, left behind by advancements in humanity. See you in hell, space fuckers!

Friday, December 1, 2006

TONITE

Friday, Dec. 1st @ 7:30 PM

No Name Comedy/Variety show presents:
"December with Delfino"

featuring: Mike Amato, Eric Vetter, Magic Brian
Sister Jan's home baked goodies and crappy door prizes
Hosted by me, Jessica Delfino

Mo Pitkins
34 Ave A

FREE!