THE NEW SEXERCISE
The sexercise sketch was so much fun, we went into a fitness studio and recorded it
properly but quick. It came out lovely.
Tell me what you think, and if you like it, send the link to a friend.
SEXERCISE YOURSELF THIN
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
VOTE FOR ME -- MUSIC IS A JOKE COMPETITION
I'm competing tonite for $1000 in the Stand Up NY's "MUSIC IS A JOKE" competition, and I
could use your vote! So please go to this link
and just scroll to the bottom and vote for me if you love me.
If you want to watch all the videos, you can, some of them are very good, Nicky
Sunshine's is pretty interesting and silly and some of the other folks are very
good as well, but this isn't about who's better, it's about how much you love me.
So PLEASE VOTE FOR ME!!
And if you would like to come to the show tonite, it's at 8 PM at Stand Up NY,
at 78th and Broadway. You can take the 1 train right stinkin' there. It lets off
like, one block from the joint. So come! It'll be fun. EVERY WEEK we have to
write a new song and this week is no different. Our assignment was DISNEY and I
wrote a DOOS-NEY (this is what you have in store, folks) and I think you'll seriously
enjoy the hi-jinx I have planned for this evening because I try to never just do anything
like, you know, the normal, nice, easy way. That would be too normal, nice and easy.
NOT my style.
So come and see the trick I have up my sleeve. And if you can't come, just go to the
website and VOTE!!! You
like voting now. The whole world does. Remember? Obama? Yes. You. Can. Vote. For. Me.
Thank you America and the world.
I'm competing tonite for $1000 in the Stand Up NY's "MUSIC IS A JOKE" competition, and I
could use your vote! So please go to this link
and just scroll to the bottom and vote for me if you love me.
If you want to watch all the videos, you can, some of them are very good, Nicky
Sunshine's is pretty interesting and silly and some of the other folks are very
good as well, but this isn't about who's better, it's about how much you love me.
So PLEASE VOTE FOR ME!!
And if you would like to come to the show tonite, it's at 8 PM at Stand Up NY,
at 78th and Broadway. You can take the 1 train right stinkin' there. It lets off
like, one block from the joint. So come! It'll be fun. EVERY WEEK we have to
write a new song and this week is no different. Our assignment was DISNEY and I
wrote a DOOS-NEY (this is what you have in store, folks) and I think you'll seriously
enjoy the hi-jinx I have planned for this evening because I try to never just do anything
like, you know, the normal, nice, easy way. That would be too normal, nice and easy.
NOT my style.
So come and see the trick I have up my sleeve. And if you can't come, just go to the
website and VOTE!!! You
like voting now. The whole world does. Remember? Obama? Yes. You. Can. Vote. For. Me.
Thank you America and the world.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Did someone ask if I have a delicious dessert recipe? Well, actually yes I do! I have been making homemade banana bread lately. It's really good, and so easy. The only bad thing about this bread is that it's so good it doesn't last. Makes a great pot luck contribution or gift for a friend who you secretly wish would get fat.
Ms. Delfino's Yummariffic Banana Bread
1 tablespoon butter very soft
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup chocolate chips
3 very ripe bananas
1 tsp baking powder
2 cups flour
1/4 cup milk (I recommend vanilla rice milk)
1 tbsp vanilla
1 tbsp cinnamon
Mush up sugar, butter, add milk, add bananas, chips, baking powder, vanilla, cinnamon, slowly add and work in flour as you go. Dump the goo into a small square bread loaf pan. Cook at 350 for about 45 mins, less if you like it very soft, longer if you like it firmer.
NOTES: Can substitute butter for margarine and exclude chips or use carob chips -- that will make it vegan if you use rice milk. Can add nuts, can use 1 cup brown sugar instead of 1/2 cup white sugar. Can use honey or agave to sweeten in place of sugar. Delish!! Banana bread bake off -- my place!
Voila! Low in fat, very freaking yummy!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
THE FIRST FEW WORDS GOT CUT OFF...
"Sex. We all need it. We all want it."
Hope you like this video by me, Diane O'Debra and Steph Sabelli! Filmed live at the fabulous TITS n SKITS comedy burlesque show at 308 Bowery!!
If you like this video and my other videos, such as my new Conan Vs. The Bear video (animated by Nick Fox-Gieg who also animated I Wanna Be Famous) and my Magic video, subscribe to my videos at Youtube.com/jessdelfino and you will get them delivered to your email door on a regular basis.
Here's another cute video by my friend Rosie Rebel:
"Sex. We all need it. We all want it."
Hope you like this video by me, Diane O'Debra and Steph Sabelli! Filmed live at the fabulous TITS n SKITS comedy burlesque show at 308 Bowery!!
If you like this video and my other videos, such as my new Conan Vs. The Bear video (animated by Nick Fox-Gieg who also animated I Wanna Be Famous) and my Magic video, subscribe to my videos at Youtube.com/jessdelfino and you will get them delivered to your email door on a regular basis.
Here's another cute video by my friend Rosie Rebel:
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
ON WATCHING THE INAUGURATION
After watching tons of political peeps promenade out in a never ending parade which included Bush Sr and Jr, Michelle Obama and the Obama girls, a collection of foddy dod senators and other old geezers, finally Obama strolled out to an overwhelming applause.
Aretha Franklin sang "My Country Tis Of Thee" and actually made the song sound like a cool hit instead of the stodgy old jam it normally is. Her hat was funny.
Biden was so excited. He very politely thanked the justice who swore him in at the end of taking his oath. What a nice fellow.
Obama slipped up on his oath -- he was probably a *little* nervous!!
His speech was however, poetic, 'articulate' and metaphorical. I took notes on the speech and I have some comments on it. Here are the pieces of his speech that I could type as he spoke:
"On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear...we remain a young nation but in the words of scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things...In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given; it must be earned...it has been the risk takers, the doers, the makers of things, some celebrated...for us, they packed up their few worldly possessions...endured the lash of the whip...for us, they fought and died...time and again, these men and women sacrificed and worked until their hands were raw...this is the journey we continue today. We remain the most powerful, prosperous nation on earth. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services, no less needed...our capacity remains undiminished...everywhere we look, there's work to be done...we will act, not only to create new jbs but to lay a new foundation for growth...we will restore science to it's rightful place...we will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories...all this we can do...all this we will do...now...there are some who question...for they have forgotten what this country has already done...those of us who manage the publics knowledge will be held in account...only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government...without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control...and so to all the other peoples and goverments of people who are watching today, know that America is a friend of each nation and every woman man and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity...and we are ready to lead once more...our power alone can not protect us, nor does it allow us to do as we please...we are the keepers of this legacy, guided by these principles once more...we will begin to responsibly lead...with all firends and former foes we'll work tirelessly...we will not apologize for our way of life...we say to you now that our spirit is stronger...you can not outlast us and we will defeat you...for we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength not a weakness...we are shaped by every language and culture...we can not help but believe that the old hatreds will someday pass...that our common humanity will reveal itself...to the muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect...know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you can destroy...know that you are on the wrong side of history but we will extend the hand if you are willing to unclench your fist. To those nations like ours who enjoy relative plenty, we can no longer endure suffering...for the world has changed nad we must change with it...at this moment, a moment that will define a generation, it is this spirit that must inhabit us all, for as much as government can do and must do...it is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke that finally decides our fate...our challenges may be new...but those values upon which our success depends, honesty and hardwork, courage and fairplay, loyalty and patriotism...these things are old...these things are true...they have been the quiet force of progress throuhg ut our history...what is demanded then is a return to these truths...a recognition on every part...firm in the knowledge that...this is the price and the promise of citizenship...this is the source of our confidence...this is the meaning of our liberty and our creed and why...[we] can join in celebration...America...in the face of our common dangers...let us remember these timeless words...with hope and virtue, let us endure what storms may come...when we were tested, we refused to let this journey end...with eyes fixed on the horizon...we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it to future generations...
He acknowledged "non-believers" in his speech...Awesome. I don't understand the non-separation of separation of church and state in all of this, but I do appreciate that Obama at least acknowledged the non-believers.
"I'm a leftie, get used to it" he said, as he signed the presidential papers.
"I was told not to swipe the pen" he quipped, seeming very nervous!
What is he signing? His life away?
Four of the last 10 presidents have been lefties, the newsies commented. They also said that Obama joked that "Hillary Clinton gave him most of his grey hairs..."
Also, that 882000 rode the DC metro which shattered all records, and of all the people who rode it today, only one pedestrian was hit but not killed. Not bad! A change has come!
Bye Bye Bushie Bye Bye
OK, that's it, the inauguration is pretty much over. Now there's a post inauguration luncheon. I wonder what's on the menu?
My answer has arrived: Seafood stew and apple cinnamon sponge cake with some kind of glaze...
I have a theory that the next big revelation in the world will be that animals will stop being used for food, and animal slaughter will be realized for the Cowschwitz that it truly is!
My favorite Obama speech moments were: his acknowledgement of non-believers, his offer to reach out a hand to those who are willing to unclench their fists and saying that we would harness the sun, winds and soil to run our cars and our factories. Awesome! We went from a warmonger-ing nation to a peacemonger-ing nation like (*snap*) that!
INAUGURATION DAY
I overheard a person say that Obama tricked America -- that "they" (whoever those sneaky "theys" are) wanted a Muslim in the white house so that "they" could do something awful to America.
I don't know who's making up that kind of flab dashery but what a rockin' bunch of horse shit. Are "they" really that smart? Are "they" really that dastardly? Who is this "they" anyway? The same "they" who killed JFK and blew up the towers? "They" are really a bunch of trouble makers!!
I was going to go up to Columbia University today (where Obama went to school) and watch his Inauguration on the big screen TV there but I decided instead to watch it at home on my own cozy flat screen.
Any they, I just wanted to rant about that for a second.
On a lighter note, here is a very cute new video featuring Reggie Watts and me, JD!!
It's a remix of Sudden Change, you know, that song about how "Once a month for a week...I bleed from my vagina...?" Imagine it with a remix beat and lots of hair. And after you watch it, Facebook friend me, send it to your mother, her friends at work and your entire old summer camp posse.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=649107129&ref=profile
I overheard a person say that Obama tricked America -- that "they" (whoever those sneaky "theys" are) wanted a Muslim in the white house so that "they" could do something awful to America.
I don't know who's making up that kind of flab dashery but what a rockin' bunch of horse shit. Are "they" really that smart? Are "they" really that dastardly? Who is this "they" anyway? The same "they" who killed JFK and blew up the towers? "They" are really a bunch of trouble makers!!
I was going to go up to Columbia University today (where Obama went to school) and watch his Inauguration on the big screen TV there but I decided instead to watch it at home on my own cozy flat screen.
Any they, I just wanted to rant about that for a second.
On a lighter note, here is a very cute new video featuring Reggie Watts and me, JD!!
It's a remix of Sudden Change, you know, that song about how "Once a month for a week...I bleed from my vagina...?" Imagine it with a remix beat and lots of hair. And after you watch it, Facebook friend me, send it to your mother, her friends at work and your entire old summer camp posse.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=649107129&ref=profile
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
PICTURES FROM NEW YEAR'S EVE AND A SHOUT OUT ON THE NY PRESS BLOG
These are Gerry Visco's photos from the show I played at on New Year's Eve.
This show is so much fun!
And here's a little write up about the show on the NY Press Blog. I hope
to see you all at my show tomorrow night, more info below!!!
Slipper Room, 167 Orchard St.
10 PM $5
Kids show for adults
A totally new show, totally new material!!!
A new show every month.
With Adira Amram, Mike Amato, Ben Lerman, Eric Kirchberger, The Theremin Brothers from Germany and Audrey Crabtree as Grabby McTakeItAll. Awesome show!!
This month's theme: WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT
These are Gerry Visco's photos from the show I played at on New Year's Eve.
This show is so much fun!
And here's a little write up about the show on the NY Press Blog. I hope
to see you all at my show tomorrow night, more info below!!!
Slipper Room, 167 Orchard St.
10 PM $5
Kids show for adults
A totally new show, totally new material!!!
A new show every month.
With Adira Amram, Mike Amato, Ben Lerman, Eric Kirchberger, The Theremin Brothers from Germany and Audrey Crabtree as Grabby McTakeItAll. Awesome show!!
This month's theme: WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT
Friday, January 2, 2009
A CHILDREN'S SHOW FOR ADULTS??!!
That's right! It's a children's show for adults. How very exciting! I've got lots of fun little tricks up my sleeveless dress
with this scripted monthly fandango. Check it out! Be there! Come one, come all! Attend! Do join in the fun! Huzzah!
The Jessica Delfino Dirty Folk Rock Show
Episode 1: We Are All Different
Thursday, Jan 8th, 2009
Slipper Room, 167 Orchard St. at Stanton
10 PM
$5
In this monthly children's show for adults, you will be info-tained, enter-mused, and be-twinkled by the cast of local celebrity guests, crafts, magical silliness, songs, videos, jokes and the sheer terrific-ness of it all. A totally new show every month! Like Mr. Roger's Neighborhood if he came back from Vietnam, had a sex change and decided to start playing the ukelele. In Episode 1: We Are All Different, we explore what makes us all unique through puppetry, comedy and cleavage. Featuring a stellar line up -- Mike Amato, Adira Amram, Ben Lerman, Eric Kirchberger and Audrey Crabtree. also featuring the vocal stylings of Simon Astor and Clell Tickle. Warning: This show is for big kids only!! (21+)
And stay tuned for February's Episode 2: Fashion Week's "It's Important To Be Beautiful!" Feb 12th (NYC) and 18th (BKLN). More details to come...
That's right! It's a children's show for adults. How very exciting! I've got lots of fun little tricks up my sleeveless dress
with this scripted monthly fandango. Check it out! Be there! Come one, come all! Attend! Do join in the fun! Huzzah!
The Jessica Delfino Dirty Folk Rock Show
Episode 1: We Are All Different
Thursday, Jan 8th, 2009
Slipper Room, 167 Orchard St. at Stanton
10 PM
$5
In this monthly children's show for adults, you will be info-tained, enter-mused, and be-twinkled by the cast of local celebrity guests, crafts, magical silliness, songs, videos, jokes and the sheer terrific-ness of it all. A totally new show every month! Like Mr. Roger's Neighborhood if he came back from Vietnam, had a sex change and decided to start playing the ukelele. In Episode 1: We Are All Different, we explore what makes us all unique through puppetry, comedy and cleavage. Featuring a stellar line up -- Mike Amato, Adira Amram, Ben Lerman, Eric Kirchberger and Audrey Crabtree. also featuring the vocal stylings of Simon Astor and Clell Tickle. Warning: This show is for big kids only!! (21+)
And stay tuned for February's Episode 2: Fashion Week's "It's Important To Be Beautiful!" Feb 12th (NYC) and 18th (BKLN). More details to come...
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Tomorrow: Lerman Holiday at Comix!!
8 PM
Featuring Ben Lerman, myself and others! Come and see what all this holiday
craze is about. And in the meantime, watch me kick Santa's broke ass!
And also check out this other show I am in tomorrow night, as part of Whoop Dee Doo:
"WEIRD HOLIDAY," THE DEITCH PROJECTS HOLIDAY PARTY, AT SANTA'S PARTY HOUSE
Celebrate the holidays, Deitch-Projects-style with Whoop Dee Doo, "the strangest performance showcase since The Gong Show." A-Ron the Downtown Don and his merry band of crazies will be evaluating the gathered peformeres (SSION, Kembra Pfahler, the New York Ukelele Ensemble, and others) and will decide who will make it into the Deitch Deitch holiday fruitcake. Sounds tasty! Santa's Party House, 96 Lafayette St., (212) 343-8088. 8 p.m. Free.
8 PM
Featuring Ben Lerman, myself and others! Come and see what all this holiday
craze is about. And in the meantime, watch me kick Santa's broke ass!
And also check out this other show I am in tomorrow night, as part of Whoop Dee Doo:
"WEIRD HOLIDAY," THE DEITCH PROJECTS HOLIDAY PARTY, AT SANTA'S PARTY HOUSE
Celebrate the holidays, Deitch-Projects-style with Whoop Dee Doo, "the strangest performance showcase since The Gong Show." A-Ron the Downtown Don and his merry band of crazies will be evaluating the gathered peformeres (SSION, Kembra Pfahler, the New York Ukelele Ensemble, and others) and will decide who will make it into the Deitch Deitch holiday fruitcake. Sounds tasty! Santa's Party House, 96 Lafayette St., (212) 343-8088. 8 p.m. Free.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
A NEW JESSICA DELFINO VIDEO
Animated By Preston Spurlock
If you ever think that your girlfriend is "acting like a bitch" or if you are sick and tired of her antics every time her Aunt Flow comes to town, just remember the pure long and short of it -- once a MONTH for a WEEK she BLEEDS -- that is BLOOD POURS OUT -- of her vagina. Imagine if blood POURED out of your peckers once a month, DUDES. IMAGINE THAT! Let's think about it. You'd have to carry around a pack of PENIS PADS with you everywhere you went, or stick a dick-pon UP YOUR DICK HOLE. You know that long q-tip that doctors stick up your weiner when you get VD or whatever the hell other reason they might stick a q-tip up your cock eye? You don't like that, do you. It hurts, right? Now, imagine having to do that with some kind of dumb cotton rod the size of a cocktail wienie that is made of bleach and poisonous chemicals. Every day. Like, two or three times a day. Or imagine having to wrap up your weiner with tape and cotton like it's head was broken, just so you won't leave a huge red stain on your Gap khakis. Like three times a day. You can't ever go far from anywhere that there is a bathroom, because you might just need to run in there on a moment's notice to handle your blood leaking problem. So, just think about all this stuff the next time your girlfriend seems a little cranky. Rub her back or something. Make yourself useful. Watch this video.
Animated By Preston Spurlock
If you ever think that your girlfriend is "acting like a bitch" or if you are sick and tired of her antics every time her Aunt Flow comes to town, just remember the pure long and short of it -- once a MONTH for a WEEK she BLEEDS -- that is BLOOD POURS OUT -- of her vagina. Imagine if blood POURED out of your peckers once a month, DUDES. IMAGINE THAT! Let's think about it. You'd have to carry around a pack of PENIS PADS with you everywhere you went, or stick a dick-pon UP YOUR DICK HOLE. You know that long q-tip that doctors stick up your weiner when you get VD or whatever the hell other reason they might stick a q-tip up your cock eye? You don't like that, do you. It hurts, right? Now, imagine having to do that with some kind of dumb cotton rod the size of a cocktail wienie that is made of bleach and poisonous chemicals. Every day. Like, two or three times a day. Or imagine having to wrap up your weiner with tape and cotton like it's head was broken, just so you won't leave a huge red stain on your Gap khakis. Like three times a day. You can't ever go far from anywhere that there is a bathroom, because you might just need to run in there on a moment's notice to handle your blood leaking problem. So, just think about all this stuff the next time your girlfriend seems a little cranky. Rub her back or something. Make yourself useful. Watch this video.
Monday, December 15, 2008
The trailer for Victor Varnado's comedy movie featuring a bunch of very talented black comedians (Marina Franklin, Baron Vaughn, Hannibal Buress, Eric Andre and of course, Victor Varnado) looks great and showcases animation by a very talented assortment of artists, including me, Jessica Delfino. (Did you know I actually went to school for animation once upon a time? I graduated from the Art Institute of Philadelphia.) I animated Baron Vaughn's segment. Wow! It looks silly.
www.awkwardkings.com
TONITE! I am in an on going comedy music contest at Stand Up NY, where I'm competing for $1000!!!! Come and cheer me on. It's a FREE show and the competition is actually VERY STIFF. Every week there is a home work assignment. This week, the home work assignment was something to do with the holidays.
Come see what I did!!
7 PM. 78th and Broadway. If you love me, show up tonight at 7 and cheer me on!!
If you can't make it, it's OK. Also, at 10 PM, I will be at 308 Bowery, selling my crazy tampon ornaments at the Show N Tell Holiday Bizarre, also featuring work by a very creative group of gals. Come get unique gifts for the people you love, instead of buying them dumb plastic crap made at gunpoint in strange places you will never go. Or even better yet. make them something yourself!!
Also, have your photo taken with Pantsless Claus and his naughty elves for just $2!!
Featuring a live performance of the non-denominational holiday songs by Secular Voices Of Heaven's Horizon! As heard in the documentary directed by Morgan Spurlock, "What Would Jesus By?" 10:30 PM.
And sign up to perform in the most outrageous and silly open mic in NYC! Diane O'Debra's Show N Tell!!
All of this for only $3.
10 PM - 1 AM.
Sign up at 10 PM.
308 Bowery at 1st St.
Fun!!
www.awkwardkings.com
TONITE! I am in an on going comedy music contest at Stand Up NY, where I'm competing for $1000!!!! Come and cheer me on. It's a FREE show and the competition is actually VERY STIFF. Every week there is a home work assignment. This week, the home work assignment was something to do with the holidays.
Come see what I did!!
7 PM. 78th and Broadway. If you love me, show up tonight at 7 and cheer me on!!
If you can't make it, it's OK. Also, at 10 PM, I will be at 308 Bowery, selling my crazy tampon ornaments at the Show N Tell Holiday Bizarre, also featuring work by a very creative group of gals. Come get unique gifts for the people you love, instead of buying them dumb plastic crap made at gunpoint in strange places you will never go. Or even better yet. make them something yourself!!
Also, have your photo taken with Pantsless Claus and his naughty elves for just $2!!
Featuring a live performance of the non-denominational holiday songs by Secular Voices Of Heaven's Horizon! As heard in the documentary directed by Morgan Spurlock, "What Would Jesus By?" 10:30 PM.
And sign up to perform in the most outrageous and silly open mic in NYC! Diane O'Debra's Show N Tell!!
All of this for only $3.
10 PM - 1 AM.
Sign up at 10 PM.
308 Bowery at 1st St.
Fun!!
Monday, December 8, 2008
MUSIC / COMEDY...holding hands...making all kinds of plans...
You guys, I am entering this contest, and I totally have a shot at winning this $1000. Come out and support my dirty musical stylings!
Monday, Dec. 8
Music Is A Joke - It's a musical comedy stand-off
like American Idol meets Last Comic Standing. Five
comedian musicians compete, one wins $1000.
@ Stand Up NY Comedy Club -- 78th and Broadway
1 train to 78th St. is one way to get there
7 PM -- FREE
*Come and find out how to audition for the next round
You guys, I am entering this contest, and I totally have a shot at winning this $1000. Come out and support my dirty musical stylings!
Monday, Dec. 8
Music Is A Joke - It's a musical comedy stand-off
like American Idol meets Last Comic Standing. Five
comedian musicians compete, one wins $1000.
@ Stand Up NY Comedy Club -- 78th and Broadway
1 train to 78th St. is one way to get there
7 PM -- FREE
*Come and find out how to audition for the next round
Sunday, November 30, 2008
REINDEER POOPS SOLD AS ORNAMENTS!!
A zoo in Indiana is selling reindeer turds as pieces of these
actually quite lovely Christmas ornaments. For $5 smackers
a turd-laden treat, you can have your very own Shitmas.
This time of the year is always very special to me, as it reminds me of
the time a very nice gentleman made me thousands of new fans in
his awesome tirade via the Catholic League press release
he sent out starring...ME!
I am making my own very special ornaments this year
which I'll be selling at both La Superette and Diane O'Debra's
Show N Tell Holiday Bizarre.
They are made out of (unused) tampons and really put a
little holiday cheer where the sun don't shine.
Come visit me at La Superette (see their website for more details)
www.lasuperette.org
or Show N Tell on Dec. 15th, 10 PM, 308 Bowery.
PS -- Naughty Nautical Nite may be sunk for good, but I'm going
to be having my own naughty little nite. It's called just plain old
Naughty Nite. Come see the naughtiness I've got in store for you
on Thursday, Dec. 4th at 10 PM at The Slipper Room. $5. You
can also buy my tampon ornaments there...
A zoo in Indiana is selling reindeer turds as pieces of these
actually quite lovely Christmas ornaments. For $5 smackers
a turd-laden treat, you can have your very own Shitmas.
This time of the year is always very special to me, as it reminds me of
the time a very nice gentleman made me thousands of new fans in
his awesome tirade via the Catholic League press release
he sent out starring...ME!
I am making my own very special ornaments this year
which I'll be selling at both La Superette and Diane O'Debra's
Show N Tell Holiday Bizarre.
They are made out of (unused) tampons and really put a
little holiday cheer where the sun don't shine.
Come visit me at La Superette (see their website for more details)
www.lasuperette.org
or Show N Tell on Dec. 15th, 10 PM, 308 Bowery.
PS -- Naughty Nautical Nite may be sunk for good, but I'm going
to be having my own naughty little nite. It's called just plain old
Naughty Nite. Come see the naughtiness I've got in store for you
on Thursday, Dec. 4th at 10 PM at The Slipper Room. $5. You
can also buy my tampon ornaments there...
Monday, November 17, 2008
DELFINO’S DIATRIBE: IT’S THANKSGIVING, TURKEYS!
Welcome to my monthly newsletter brimming with news, show listings, the treasure trove (great shows, people and things I recommend), links, castings and other goodies. Send listings of interest or add yourself to the mailing list by emailing me at jessdelfino@yahoo.com.
IN THIS ISSUE:
• Whatcha Been Up To, Jessica? News & Tidbits
• In Politics: Arty Activism, Local and World News of Note
• What’s New, Next, Nigh: Upcoming Shows & Events
• The Treasure Trove – People, Places and Things I Love
• Apartment For Rent
*******************************************
WHATCHA BEEN UP TO, JESSICA?
• Holy Pajamas! Jessica Delfino was featured on Playboy.com this month! Sorry, no boob-age exposure.
• Not for mom’s eyes: I’m in Time Magazine talking about my “Mile high club” experience. I also have an illustrated booklet of the ordeal for sale. Buy one for anyone you know who is obsessed with mile high experiences, or for anyone who wants to have one but doesn’t know how to make it happen. BTW, the Mile high club isn’t “really” a club. It’s more a horny group of frisk-takers.
• My new CD, “I Wanna Be Famous” received a nice review on Hyreviews.com. For those of you who know Hy, he’s had some setbacks regarding his health, so email him at Hy@hybender.com and send him your best wishes. It will only take a moment and could provide some serious holiday cheer. Santa is coming, after all, and he knows if you’ve been naughty or nice. So if you want that GI Joe mansion to go with the GI Joe Corvette, you better get to typing.
• Vagina Festival went off without a hitch. My vagina was there. It had a great time. It wasn’t a group of lesbians listening to Ani Difranco. It was an all encompassing performance and art experience that any woman or man could gain something from. Visit www.vaginafestival.com for more about what you missed.
• As some of you may know, I grew up in Damariscotta, Maine. I was reading about ‘Scotty (that’s what the locals call Damariscotta) on Wiki and had a nice moment when I realized that someone listed me as a “notable resident” on Damariscotta, Maine’s Wiki page, along with Erasure / Depeche Mode’s Vincent Clark. Read more about Damariscotta HERE. It’s feels so good to be noted.
• Naughty Nautical Nite Update: The show is ending, forever, as Dame Darcy is moving to Portland, Oregon in two weeks. But a NEW show is coming out of the ashes of NNN, which I will tell you more about VERY SOON. So keep your earballs tuned IN.
*******************************************
IN POLITICS:
• Newsjam 2 is up now. For our Newsjam fans out there, Newsjam 3 will be up soon, so pay attention! You can also check www.youtube.com/newsjam at random and cross your greasy little fingies!!
• Barack Obama won, and so did this guy. Well, let’s just call him a guy until given further instruction.
• Ollie’s Place is a no-kill open-cage animal shelter on 26th St and 3rd Ave where you can adopt a sweet kitty. Upstairs is a room with 25 open cages where kitties roam free. It’s got to be seen to be believed. If you’re thinking of adopting a kitty cat, this is a great place to go. They are always hiring volunteers and run on donations so please give your $ & time to them. Unless you’re allergic. Then, just give your money.
*******************************************
WHAT’S NEXT, NEW, NIGH: Upcoming Shows
• 11/28: Foregoing traveling home to Arkansas for Thanksgiving? Have some local fun with comedy & burlesque. Get your babes, buns and beers at The Cup, 388 Van Duzer St., Staten Island. 8 PM - $8.
• 12/04: If “readings” are your cup instead, check out long running “Inner Monologues” with a bunch of sexy, funny ladies at the helm (with the help of a few dudes as well). Everyone knows that literate women are hot. Bar on A, 10th St. and Ave A. 7 PM – Free show.
• 12/07: Speaking of readings, how about a book release party of very silly poetry? It’s the Jabberfucky book release party. Jabberfucking is basically when you replace important words in a poem with the word “fuck” instead. Shakespeare is probably fucking over in his grave right now. 308 Bowery @ 1st St. 2:30 PM – Free show.
• 12/13 & 12/14: LaSuperette, a massive awesome craft fair full of independent weirdo artists and creative types is going to blow you away Sat Dec. 13 and Sun Dec. 14th. I will be there selling my home-made crafts, including Aunt Flo’s olde-tyme sanitary napkins and my Christmas ornaments made out of tampons. If you can’t make it to La Superette but would like to make a private appointment to see my home-made goodies, email me at jessdelfino@yahoo.com. Merry Christmas from Jessica Delfino & Tampax!
*******************************************
THE TREASURE TROVE: People, Places & Things I Love:
• NYC based photographer Alex M. Smith takes beautiful pictures, like the ones he took of me at my show in London. I’m honored to be on his site alongside the likes of Michael Showalter and Fred Armisen. Hire him to take YOUR pictures. You can see his work up close and in person at “Rebuilding New Orleans”, an upcoming photography fundraiser / silent auction, at:
The Union Gallery
62 Walker St., Tribeca.
Dec. 4th. 2008, 6:30 – 9 PM
Previews Dec. 2, 3 & 4 from 10 am – 6 pm
• THIS INVENTION could change the world. (Hint – it goes on your butt.)
• For those of you who have ever been to GRUB, a vegan/vegetarian community-building meal in Brooklyn, this video by Jeff Stark starring lots of familiar faces, should speak to you. Warning: If this video actually speaks to you, you might want to see a doctor.
Join Jeff Stark’s AWESOME EVENTS MAILING LIST today to find out about future GRUBs and other great underground NYC shows and art. If you like to do things.
• If you like sassy, funny, pretty girls doing comedy on roller skates, then Amy G is for you. She MUST BE SEEN. Here’s your chance. I’ll be there too, so look for me and say hi.
Amy G in ROUND SHE GOES
@ Joe’s Pub
Fri Nov. 21, 11:30 PM
Get your tickets here
• If you’re a fan of Meatcake Comics, then check out Dame Darcy’s new book, “GASOLINE”. It’s really beautiful, and of course, it’s an illustrated tale of witches during the apocalypse. And don’t forget to go to her art opening at Sloan Gallery, Rivington and Norfolk, THIS Wednesday, Nov. 19th at 7 PM. It’s sure to be very FANCY. And it’s FREE.
• If you are in England any time soon, I strongly suggest you check out Carnesky’s Ghost Train. It’s a massive, fully functional circus ride that features the ghosts of Eastern European women who have disappeared in one way or another. It’s spooky!
*******************************************
APARTMENT FOR RENT
• My friend’s large studio apartment is in one of those rare, beautiful buildings in NYC that has a semi-outdoor garden / courtyard in the middle of the building. It’s serene, gorgeous and secure. It’s listed at $2200 but make an offer and see what happens.
*******************************************
CASTING CALL
• Casting new FITNESS show! Dance your ass off! Is every weight-loss program just too boring for you to stick to? The Oxygen Network is currently seeking men and women who are at least the age of 21 and who want to accept the challenge in this dance competition series where your loss is the biggest gain. To apply, visit: www.DanceOffCasting.com
*******************************************
TIL NEXT TIME
o Happy Thanksgiving. Email me with tips, notes or to be removed at jessdelfino@yahoo.com.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
DELFINO’S DIATRIBE: IT’S THANKSGIVING, TURKEYS!
IN THIS ISSUE:
Whatcha Been Up To, Jessica? News & Tidbits
In Politics: Arty Activism, Local and World News of Note
What’s New, Next, Nigh: Upcoming Shows & Events
The Treasure Trove – People, Places and Things I Love
Apartment For Rent
*******************************************
WHATCHA BEEN UP TO, JESSICA?
Holy Pajamas! Jessica Delfino was featured on Playboy.com this month!
Not for mom’s eyes: I’m in Time Magazine talking about my “Mile high club” experience. I also have an illustrated booklet of the ordeal for sale. Buy one for anyone you know who is obsessed with mile high experiences, or for anyone who wants to have one but doesn’t know how to make it happen.
My new CD, “I Wanna Be Famous” received a nice review on Hyreviews.com. For those of you who know Hy, he’s had some setbacks regarding his health, so email him at Hy@hybender.com and send him your best wishes. It will only take a moment and could provide some serious holiday cheer.
Vagina Festival went off without a hitch. It was a great time and wasn’t a group of lesbians listening to Ani Difranco. It was an all encompassing performance and art experience that any woman or man could gain something from. Visit www.vaginafestival.com for more about what you missed
As some of you may know, I grew up in Damariscotta, Maine. I was reading about ‘Scotty on Wiki and had a nice moment when I realized that someone listed me as a “notable resident” on Damariscotta, Maine’s Wiki page, along with Erasure / Depeche Mode’s Vincent Clark. Read more about Damariscotta HERE.
Naughty Nautical Nite Update: The show is ending, forever, as Dame Darcy is moving to Portland, Oregon in two weeks. But a NEW show is coming out of the ashes of NNN, which I will tell you more about VERY SOON.
*******************************************
IN POLITICS:
Newsjam 2 is up now. For our Newsjam fans out there, Newsjam 3 will be up soon, so stay tuned! You can also check www.youtube.com/newsjam at random and cross your fingies!!
Barack Obama won, and so did this guy.
Ollie’s Place is a no-kill open-cage animal shelter on 26th St and 3rd Ave where you can adopt a sweet kitty. Upstairs is a room with 25 open cages where kitties can roam free. It’s got to be seen to be believed. If you’re thinking of adopting a kitty cat, this is a great place to go. They are always hiring volunteers and run on donations so please give your $ or time to them.
*******************************************
WHAT’S NEXT, NEW, NIGH:
LaSuperette, a massive awesome craft fair full of independent weirdo artists and creative types is going to blow you away Sat Dec. 13 and Sun Dec. 14th. I will be there selling my home-made crafts, including Aunt Flo’s olde-tyme sanitary napkins and my Christmas ornaments made out of tampons. If you can’t make it to La Superette but would like to make a private appointment to see my home-made goodies, email me at jessdelfino@yahoo.com. Merry Christmas from Jessica Delfino & Tampax!
*******************************************
THE TREASURE TROVE: People, Places & Things I Love:
NYC based photographer Alex M. Smith takes beautiful pictures, like the ones he took of me at my show in London. I’m honored to be on his site alongside the likes of Michael Showalter and Fred Armisen. Hire him to take YOUR pictures. You can see his work up close and in person at “Rebuilding New Orleans”, an upcoming photography fundraiser / silent auction, at:
The Union Gallery
62 Walker St., Tribeca.
Dec. 4th. 2008, 6:30 – 9 PM
Previews Dec. 2, 3 & 4 from 10 am – 6 pm
THIS INVENTION could change the world.
For those of you who have ever been to GRUB, a vegan/vegetarian community-building meal in Brooklyn, this video by Jeff Stark starring lots of familiar faces, should speak to you.
Join Jeff Stark’s AWESOME EVENTS MAILING LIST today to find out about future GRUBs and other great underground NYC shows and art.
If you like sassy, funny, pretty girls doing comedy on roller skates, then Amy G is for you. She MUST BE SEEN. Here’s your chance. I’ll be there too, so look for me and say hi.
Amy G in ROUND SHE GOES
@ Joe’s Pub
Fri Nov. 21, 11:30 PM
Get your tickets here
Check out Dame Darcy’s new book, “GASOLINE”. It’s really beautiful! And don’t forget to go to her art opening at Sloan Gallery, Rivington and Norfolk, Nov. 19th.
If you are in England any time soon, I strongly suggest you check out Carnesky’s Ghost Train. It’s a massive, fully functional circus ride that features the ghosts of Eastern European women who have disappeared in one way or another. It’s spooky!
*******************************************
APARTMENT FOR RENT
My friend’s large studio apartment is in one of those rare, beautiful buildings in NYC that has a semi-outdoor garden / courtyard in the middle of the building. It’s serene, gorgeous and secure. It’s listed at $2200 but make an offer and see what happens.
*******************************************
CASTING CALL
Casting new FITNESS show! Dance your ass off! Is every weight-loss program just too boring for you to stick to? The Oxygen Network is currently seeking men and women who are at least the age of 21 and who want to accept the challenge in this dance competition series where your loss is the biggest gain. To apply, visit: www.DanceOffCasting.com
IN THIS ISSUE:
Whatcha Been Up To, Jessica? News & Tidbits
In Politics: Arty Activism, Local and World News of Note
What’s New, Next, Nigh: Upcoming Shows & Events
The Treasure Trove – People, Places and Things I Love
Apartment For Rent
*******************************************
WHATCHA BEEN UP TO, JESSICA?
Holy Pajamas! Jessica Delfino was featured on Playboy.com this month!
Not for mom’s eyes: I’m in Time Magazine talking about my “Mile high club” experience. I also have an illustrated booklet of the ordeal for sale. Buy one for anyone you know who is obsessed with mile high experiences, or for anyone who wants to have one but doesn’t know how to make it happen.
My new CD, “I Wanna Be Famous” received a nice review on Hyreviews.com. For those of you who know Hy, he’s had some setbacks regarding his health, so email him at Hy@hybender.com and send him your best wishes. It will only take a moment and could provide some serious holiday cheer.
Vagina Festival went off without a hitch. It was a great time and wasn’t a group of lesbians listening to Ani Difranco. It was an all encompassing performance and art experience that any woman or man could gain something from. Visit www.vaginafestival.com for more about what you missed
As some of you may know, I grew up in Damariscotta, Maine. I was reading about ‘Scotty on Wiki and had a nice moment when I realized that someone listed me as a “notable resident” on Damariscotta, Maine’s Wiki page, along with Erasure / Depeche Mode’s Vincent Clark. Read more about Damariscotta HERE.
Naughty Nautical Nite Update: The show is ending, forever, as Dame Darcy is moving to Portland, Oregon in two weeks. But a NEW show is coming out of the ashes of NNN, which I will tell you more about VERY SOON.
*******************************************
IN POLITICS:
Newsjam 2 is up now. For our Newsjam fans out there, Newsjam 3 will be up soon, so stay tuned! You can also check www.youtube.com/newsjam at random and cross your fingies!!
Barack Obama won, and so did this guy.
Ollie’s Place is a no-kill open-cage animal shelter on 26th St and 3rd Ave where you can adopt a sweet kitty. Upstairs is a room with 25 open cages where kitties can roam free. It’s got to be seen to be believed. If you’re thinking of adopting a kitty cat, this is a great place to go. They are always hiring volunteers and run on donations so please give your $ or time to them.
*******************************************
WHAT’S NEXT, NEW, NIGH:
LaSuperette, a massive awesome craft fair full of independent weirdo artists and creative types is going to blow you away Sat Dec. 13 and Sun Dec. 14th. I will be there selling my home-made crafts, including Aunt Flo’s olde-tyme sanitary napkins and my Christmas ornaments made out of tampons. If you can’t make it to La Superette but would like to make a private appointment to see my home-made goodies, email me at jessdelfino@yahoo.com. Merry Christmas from Jessica Delfino & Tampax!
*******************************************
THE TREASURE TROVE: People, Places & Things I Love:
NYC based photographer Alex M. Smith takes beautiful pictures, like the ones he took of me at my show in London. I’m honored to be on his site alongside the likes of Michael Showalter and Fred Armisen. Hire him to take YOUR pictures. You can see his work up close and in person at “Rebuilding New Orleans”, an upcoming photography fundraiser / silent auction, at:
The Union Gallery
62 Walker St., Tribeca.
Dec. 4th. 2008, 6:30 – 9 PM
Previews Dec. 2, 3 & 4 from 10 am – 6 pm
THIS INVENTION could change the world.
For those of you who have ever been to GRUB, a vegan/vegetarian community-building meal in Brooklyn, this video by Jeff Stark starring lots of familiar faces, should speak to you.
Join Jeff Stark’s AWESOME EVENTS MAILING LIST today to find out about future GRUBs and other great underground NYC shows and art.
If you like sassy, funny, pretty girls doing comedy on roller skates, then Amy G is for you. She MUST BE SEEN. Here’s your chance. I’ll be there too, so look for me and say hi.
Amy G in ROUND SHE GOES
@ Joe’s Pub
Fri Nov. 21, 11:30 PM
Get your tickets here
Check out Dame Darcy’s new book, “GASOLINE”. It’s really beautiful! And don’t forget to go to her art opening at Sloan Gallery, Rivington and Norfolk, Nov. 19th.
If you are in England any time soon, I strongly suggest you check out Carnesky’s Ghost Train. It’s a massive, fully functional circus ride that features the ghosts of Eastern European women who have disappeared in one way or another. It’s spooky!
*******************************************
APARTMENT FOR RENT
My friend’s large studio apartment is in one of those rare, beautiful buildings in NYC that has a semi-outdoor garden / courtyard in the middle of the building. It’s serene, gorgeous and secure. It’s listed at $2200 but make an offer and see what happens.
*******************************************
CASTING CALL
Casting new FITNESS show! Dance your ass off! Is every weight-loss program just too boring for you to stick to? The Oxygen Network is currently seeking men and women who are at least the age of 21 and who want to accept the challenge in this dance competition series where your loss is the biggest gain. To apply, visit: www.DanceOffCasting.com
Sunday, November 2, 2008
A NOTE ON YOUR VOTE
Do you know where your polling place is and what time it is open until? You can find out by going here:
www.voteforchange.com
Tuesday is the big day. Put it in your palm pilot or just write it on your palm if that's all you've got.
On a side note, why is John McCain on SNL a few days before the election? Is SNL run by a bunch of republicans? Does putting him on the show so close to the election give him an advantage? Barack was on CNN on Halloween, and more people who vote are probably watching CNN than SNL. However, more people who are voting irresponsibly are probably watching SNL.
I'm going to vote for Barack. And not because I believe that Barack is going to save the world the way that everyone swears he is. But because I think of the two, that Barack Obama seems cooler, more level headed, in better shape, better poised, more organized, smarter, better educated and overall, the best candidate of the two we have. And, as it was so eloquently stated on The Great Schlep video, (I'm paraphrasing here) Obama might be our last chance at fixing the US's reputation as biggest assholes of the universe.
Do you know where your polling place is and what time it is open until? You can find out by going here:
www.voteforchange.com
Tuesday is the big day. Put it in your palm pilot or just write it on your palm if that's all you've got.
On a side note, why is John McCain on SNL a few days before the election? Is SNL run by a bunch of republicans? Does putting him on the show so close to the election give him an advantage? Barack was on CNN on Halloween, and more people who vote are probably watching CNN than SNL. However, more people who are voting irresponsibly are probably watching SNL.
I'm going to vote for Barack. And not because I believe that Barack is going to save the world the way that everyone swears he is. But because I think of the two, that Barack Obama seems cooler, more level headed, in better shape, better poised, more organized, smarter, better educated and overall, the best candidate of the two we have. And, as it was so eloquently stated on The Great Schlep video, (I'm paraphrasing here) Obama might be our last chance at fixing the US's reputation as biggest assholes of the universe.
Jessica Delfino's Bloggy Time Machine
Today, we will go back into time on Jessy Delfino's Blog to recount the time I hitch-hiked from Burlington, VT to Montreal, Quebec to perform in the Montreal Comedy Festival, Just For Laughs. The year was 2006. This is a very interesting little first hand account about what it was like for me to be in the festival.
Enjoy!
http://jessydelfino.blogspot.com/2006/07/i-went-to-canada-all-i-got-was.html
Today, we will go back into time on Jessy Delfino's Blog to recount the time I hitch-hiked from Burlington, VT to Montreal, Quebec to perform in the Montreal Comedy Festival, Just For Laughs. The year was 2006. This is a very interesting little first hand account about what it was like for me to be in the festival.
Enjoy!
http://jessydelfino.blogspot.com/2006/07/i-went-to-canada-all-i-got-was.html
Thursday, October 30, 2008
THERE AREN'T TOO MANY NAKED PICS OF ME FLOATING AROUND OUT THERE...
...for a reason. I used to be very liberated and sexually more open than I am now. During and after my last relationship, I closed up physically, visually, quite a bit, and I have mixed feelings about that.
However, this very nice boy named Alex came with me on tour to London. While we were there, he took beautiful photographs of me in my underpantaloons as well as in other intimate settings and show environs alike. He has managed to make me look very beautiful and I would like to share these photos with you.
Visit them here:
www.asisfoto.com
If you like any of these photos and you want to order any prints, I bet you can do so by emailing alex@asisfoto.com. I'm sure you can get them in 4x6 and 8x10, possibly larger as well. They are really gorgeous photos up close and for real.
I think that at some point I will do a totally nude spread, probably about a week before my boobies start drooping and my vagina hairs turn grey. Because I want to capture my beautiful body at the peak of it's hotness. That's probably not too too far away from now. But I still have a few good hot years left. And my mom is 50, and she's a milf. And my grandmother, who is 83, while not "hot" anymore, has aged into a beautiful woman unlike the likes of many elderly people I've seen in my life. She looks amazing. I think I've got genetics on my side regarding aging. So, like, if you are say, David LaChappelle or some other amazing famous weirdo photographer and you'd like to photograph me naked, give me a call in like, 4 years.
I bet the Catholic League would love that!
...for a reason. I used to be very liberated and sexually more open than I am now. During and after my last relationship, I closed up physically, visually, quite a bit, and I have mixed feelings about that.
However, this very nice boy named Alex came with me on tour to London. While we were there, he took beautiful photographs of me in my underpantaloons as well as in other intimate settings and show environs alike. He has managed to make me look very beautiful and I would like to share these photos with you.
Visit them here:
www.asisfoto.com
If you like any of these photos and you want to order any prints, I bet you can do so by emailing alex@asisfoto.com. I'm sure you can get them in 4x6 and 8x10, possibly larger as well. They are really gorgeous photos up close and for real.
I think that at some point I will do a totally nude spread, probably about a week before my boobies start drooping and my vagina hairs turn grey. Because I want to capture my beautiful body at the peak of it's hotness. That's probably not too too far away from now. But I still have a few good hot years left. And my mom is 50, and she's a milf. And my grandmother, who is 83, while not "hot" anymore, has aged into a beautiful woman unlike the likes of many elderly people I've seen in my life. She looks amazing. I think I've got genetics on my side regarding aging. So, like, if you are say, David LaChappelle or some other amazing famous weirdo photographer and you'd like to photograph me naked, give me a call in like, 4 years.
I bet the Catholic League would love that!
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